Tonight is the night, the night I fall asleep only to wake up and drive to the hospital. I am not scared of the surgery, more amazed that I am here, in this moment finally fasting and waiting for my life to change.

The change is the scary part. I like me and I worked hard to get to where I can say that. I realize that I am doing this for my health, but in the same breath I am throwing away a me that I have come to love, and understand.

Me and my body have been through a lot. We have been through love, and pain, we have fought for a balance, I have bruised, and battered this body. I have stuffed, waxed, plucked, binded and bandaged this body. I have broken this body. I have found pleasure with this body. I have loved with this body, I have danced, and played, and laughed in this body.

How do I wake up and say good bye to this body....?

How do I begin to trust this new body that will begin to invade my comfortable self. What will this new body bring to me? What challenges will this new body and I face?

This is what scares me, not the surgery, not the will I wake up, not even the pain. Saying good bye to an old friend. I never was good at saying good bye.

By the time most of you read this it will be done, this new me will have invaded, and discovering the new me will begin....I have always loved a challenge!

(I crossed posted this here as well as my blog... I keep trying to convey this, and never did it as well until way after midnight the night before surgery, Does any one else feel like this?)

What a wonderful writer you are...and you are beautiful!

I hope your surgery went off without a hitch and with minimal pain like mine did.

I can only relate to some of your post, though, because I hate my body. I truly despise it. While it is frightening to imagine what the future holds, I only have one thing to say to my 330 pound body...."Goodbye and good riddance!"

Oops, I just saw that you were banded already and this is a late post. Sorry for the belated good wishes!

Thanks, I appreciate your well wishes, I suppose that I could have been more clear about it being something written a few weeks ago.

Great post!! and I could totally relate. A part of me will miss my fat self... the one that could eat a cheeseburger and fries and 3 rolls of sushi and all that fun stuff.... I'll miss it a LOT. Going out to eat defined me and I did it a LOT. Since being banded I've only been out twice... both times I got soup and it felt weird.. and I looked at all the other tables at people's food and sort of envied them.. then I was like, "god, that's a lot of food".