My 5 week update!
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Hello to everyone,
Hope this finds everyone doing well!
Well I am just about to hit the 5 week mark and thought I would update everyone on my progress.
It has been a journey, full of ups and downs, and boy it has been more of a roller coaster ride than I would have ever thought it would be. I definately don't want to discourage anybody from having this done, but I want to let people know my journey. Weight-loss wise it has been extremely successful and I am very very happy with the results.
The surgery itself went really well, no complications at all. My recovery was a bit harder that I had anticipated but in hindsight it was easy and well worth it. I had quite a bit of gas/wind problems, but it soon stopped.
Since surgery I have had 1 fill and have 5ml in Lola (yes I named my band! lol). So far I have lost just under 20kg (or 44lb for my friends in the USA!), and I am feeling lots better. Most of my clothes are falling down and I will soon be replacing most of them!
Now to the roller coaster, and I will try to explain it the best I can. I have always been fat, I don't remember any part of my 29 years where I wasn't fat. I have always been a determined and headstrong person and I thought I could do anything. Having said that being big stopped me from physically doing a lot, but I worked through it the best I could. Now that I am losing the weight (I have lost a lot in a short amount of time), and becuase mentally I know that because of the band it won't go back on - I am having a lot of trouble dealing with daily life and tolerating things like I did pre-op.
The best way I can think to explain (and I am sure that anyone who is big is going to understand) is that being big I have built up walls, resiliences and/or defences to block out or help deal with certain things. This could be anything from dealing with a cranky customer at work or having a disagreement with your partner. Anyway now I find that subconsciously all these walls and defences are slowly coming down and I don't know how to deal with things anymore. I for some unexplainable reason am not willing to tolerate or settle for things that I did before I had this operation. This to me is so strange, because you would think finally losing weight would be the most wonderful and fantastic thing in your life - but for me it felt like my life was falling apart.
Anyway after coming very close to walking out on my job, my wife and my entire life my boss called me and insisted that I seek some professional help, to which I agreed because I could see what I stood to lose. I have done this and had my first session with my psychologist yesterday and I feel so much better already. I now know that I am going to get through this, and I have my wife, my family, my workmates and most importantly my boss to thank for making me see what I was doing.
As I said I AM NOT TRYING TO DISCOURAGE PEOPLE FROM GETTING THIS DONE. I just wanted to share my story and my feelings in the hope I can stop it happening to others.
If I can say one thing, it is see a councellor or a psychologist BEFORE and AFTER your surgery. I wish I had, it would have saved me from risking what I did. Having said this, if you had asked me 3 months ago if I was going to see a councellor or psychologist before or after surgery I would have said "no way I won't need that".
I have learnt so much about myself in the last 5 weeks it is mind boggling! I know I am going to be a happy, strong and confident person and to top it all off I am going to be skinny!
I also have some people to thank for their love, support and best wishes. First is my wife Tracey whom I love with all my heart - she has been my rock, my focus and she has been and always will be my life. Also right up there is my parents - my dad has had this done aswell with fairly good success - we are now going to support each other to get even better results. Next is my friends both here and on LBT - particularly Alicia - you have been my best friend throughout this. Last but not least my workmates - especially Chris - I have been difficult and hard to deal with lately, but you have never thought less of me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone.
Well thank you so much for reading this, I am sorry if I have ranted a bit, but I wanted to get it off my chest. Life's great and I am thoroughly looking forward to enjoying the rest of my life!
Take care,
Josh.