Okay, I need to vent and to get your opinion.

As some of you know I took a two week vacation after Christmas. We were undecided on taking the time off until the last minute. So the week of Christmas, my boss' 92 yr old dad passed away. She had to travel to Ohio for the funeral. When she left, I told her I still didn't know if I was going on vacation but I would leave her a message if I went ahead. Well, we went. I called her cell and couldn't get a hold of her, so I left a message telling her we were going and that I would be gone for my two week vacation. I also left word with the two other girls that share office space with us. Well, I went off, had a great time, enjoyed myself, blah, blah. On my way back, several friends (that work in the same building) told me my boss was pissed that I had gone and that I had never let her know I was going, that she had no clue when I was thinking of coming back.. WTF?? She Knew ahead of time, I left 2 messages and two weeks, means two weeks.. Well, after I returned, several board members approached me and made comments to me. Like - - oh, there's the MIA, or so you decided to come back from the missing?? And others told me about my boss being pissed because she didn't know where I was or when I was coming back... I should tell you that the board really likes me and I think my boss gets jelouse, example I've gotten extra bonuses out of the blue, larger raises than her, and my work doesn't go unnoticed. I plan events, do fundriasers and always get praised for doing a fantastic job. And she always complains that no one appreciates her, blah.. blah... Some told me just to ignore my boss' comments and to remember what she just went through and other's just laughed when I explained myself.

Well, I approached my boss and told her I've been told you were upset about me going and not knowing when I would come back, she said Oh, It wasn't you it was my whole situation and I've been sick. So I said okay. Well, yesterday she left a message on the machine for me: The play you were going to attend on Friday is sold out, (she's acting in a play she wants me to come watch) would you rather go Thursday, if so, call and change the reservation. So I did. Well, she was at a meeting and my bf overheard her tell some people that I never returned her call and that who knows if I had even listened to messages or bothered showing up for work. WTF?? I knew she would be in a class/meeting all day so why call, right?

I'm very upset. She is still pissed at me?? Why?? What is she trying to do, make me look bad?? Should I confront her with this?? Or just blow it off. Yesterday I called the Chairman who I'm friends with and I complained to him, well, he said that other board members had approached him regarding my boss' comments regarding me being gone. Should I say something to her along the lines of, I have been approached by several board members that are concerned that I didn't give you notice regarding my vacation, should I apologize to the board at the next meeting?? I want to see what kind of response she gives me. Or should I just let it go and not make it a big deal.

She is such a drama queen and it is getting to me. She says she is swamped with work, not enough hours in the day for her to get it all done. She came in and worked on MLK day, when we had the day off. And I work here, I know it is slow. There is nothing going on. She sits on her computer and plays solitaire all day long and I sit on my computer and log on to this site. But at least I don't bullcrap and say I'm busy and swamped.

Well just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks. Sorry this is so long.

can you e-mail people and just say you want to clera the air and say

your vacation was approved.....

Has she always behaved like this or could her behaviour be due to her father's death? Perhaps her father's death has badly unhinged her. Do you feel that you could take her aside, maybe take her out for a meal, and talk honestly with her? You might wish to open the discussion by explaining how sorry you are for her loss and asking if there is anyway in which you can be of help to her. Allow her to talk about herself for awhile.

Then you could explain that you are sure that she must have forgotten due to her grief that you had advised her of your vacation plans by leaving a message on her cell after you had tried but been unable to speak to her directly. Tell her that you are very sorry that this resulted in a foul-up. Advise her that a similar misunderstanding appears to have arisen over her play. Then explain to her that because you do not want to be a troublesome employee, and you certainly do not wish to disappoint her, you would like her advice as to handle these issues in the future. Re-iterate your wish to help her during this painful time of loss.

Of course, this means that you will have to take a submissive position with her but bosses often appreciate that.... I suspect that she is not firing on all cylinders at the moment, that she is unable to concentrate on anything, and that is the real reason why she thinks that you are screwing up. She gets those messages and then forgets them. The fact that she is playing solitaire instead of working would seem to indicate this.

This is a real bummer for you. Good luck.

My advice is about the same as Green's. I think you have to approach it, because seeds like this can grow into nasty situations if they are ignored, but approach it from the angle of her being in pain, not of her purposely try to attack you, you know?

Your advice is great Green but I don't think her father's death affected her in that way. He had been on his death bed for a while asking to see her and she said she wasn't waisting her time going all the way up there then turn around and go back for his funeral. Can you believe that? I would have run to his side immediately no matter what. She used the too much work excuse with other people to justify herself. I'm going to give myself some time to cool off and then if things don't get better going to work on your angle. I'm mad about it right now and know that I'm bound to lose my cool. I spoke with the Chairman today and he said to let it go, so I'm following his advice for now. But it does stress me out that she is being this way.