New... Spouses reactions post op

[Just4nise 24]

Good evening,

After many years of self reflexion, I have decided that surgery is something I am ready to seriously persue. I recently started researching the different surgeries, side effects, and have started the initial process with one of the local wls programs available in my area. One of the things I'm am finding little information on is how the surgery has affected the significant others/spouses of those who have had the surgery. Has the experience been a positive change for them as well as the patient or not?

[orionburn 1,023]

I don't want to scare you, but truth is there is a significant divorce rate for those that have WLS. I'd like to say it's all sunshine and roses on the other side but there can be issues. Personally I think there are usually other underlying issues that the WLS exacerbates in a relationship. It isn’t uncommon for the other person to get jealous at your weight loss, or they may not be happy with the changes that will be coming in your diet and the foods to have in the house.

We had some challenges early on. There were some events we had to miss because I wasn’t up to it yet (was still struggling with food and healing) or couldn’t do, like an annual craft beer festival we used to go to. I remember the first real “fight” we had was frustration over the time it took me to eat. Mainly it’s because the other person feels like they’re a pig because they’re eating an entire plate of food in a few minutes and you’re taking 30 minutes to get ½ cup of food down. It can also make going out difficult. When you’re trying to have a date night and you can’t have a drink, an appetizer, dinner, and dessert it may not feel the same. It doesn’t mean an end to going out. It just takes some adjustment.

On the other side of the coin our relationship may have been worse off if I hadn't had the surgery. My main reason for surgery was because of so many back issues I was having (had terrible sciatica). That was causing a lot of problems because I could only walk for a few minutes at time without being in terrible pain. It also had in impact in our love life. I was miserable all the time because of the pain so I wasn't a joy to be around. I've been able to do more in the past year since surgery than I had the previous 3 years combined. From that standpoint I think WLS helped my marriage, so it can go both ways.

Getting your significant other involved is important. The more you can plan together on what to expect on the other side will help.