Hi, its a lonnnnggggg story, 26 years to be exact but I'm still here. Well, I was banded 2 1/2 weeks ago, making a decision that I hope will give me back a little confidence and self esteem that has long been dwindling. I'm staying in marriage that has always been turbulent but the past couple months has been a living hell. I have no support from my husband, he actually said he hoped I died on the operating table, the night before I left to drive myself 10 hours to have my surgery.

I'm strong, learned to have wide shoulders, but all this is taking a toll on my healing process. I know everyone is going to say "get out" but I just can't get past the fear of going it alone. Three years ago we went down the divorce path and I went back, thinking that he'd had enough time to think about things and would change. I just don't have the positive mindset to concentrate on every small detail of this journey. I have no restriction yet and almost feel like I'm never going to get where I want.

Encouragement needed please!

Hi Beau,

I wanted to share a book that I found helpful in my preparation for life after banding. The book is "Feeding the Hungry Heart" by Geneen Roth. It is an older book that I believe is out of print so you will have to find it used (try amazon, barnes and noble or half price books online). I found the reading and implementation of many of the lessons to be a great booster to learning to love myself. Doing the head work has been one of my biggest challenges and one of my greatest successes. I had to answer the question, "Why am I fat?". It started in my childhood and getting back to it and facing it was instrumental in my ability to manage my improved life.

Please, please get your infection looked at (if you haven't already). You have made a wonderful step in the right direction to become a more fit and healthy person so do not delay it any longer by avoiding care for the infection (antibiotics anyone).

If you have a local in person support group for bandsters, get involved. I like the face-to-face meetings as an additional support.

When the doctor releases you for it, get exercising. This has made a huge difference for me. Don't fear the exercise, it really helps me in stressful situations. My band tightens when I get stressed (this is good because I can no longer use food to deal with stress) so I had to find other ways of dealing with stress and exercising is one of them. Cardio and resistance rock.

You have support for your band here! You keep your head up and get yourself through this time of healing and the time before you have restriction.

You are worthy of happiness and you have taken a step toward that happiness with getting banded.

Happy banding,

MMT

After being in a mentally abusive relation myself for 13 years I do understand what your going through. And the fears that keep you there.

I put off leaving because I am disabled and have 3 kids. Now the only regret I have is not leaving sooner.

But you've made a step in resolving something in your life that is troubling.

GRATZ for that.!!:clap2: :whoo:

Sometimes in life just a tiny step can lead to many more. But others have said it. Its your life and you have to make the decisions for yourself. As much as we can sympathise (sp?) and relate to what your going through. Its your choice.

I agree though that counciling would be a smart move for you right now. As you get rid of the weight your self esteem will change. A good councilor can help you with your weight loss and your home problems.

And you are right. Now is for healing. Hope the infection can be handled easily. Even though its 10 hours away can't you call them about it? Or maybe have your surgeon coordinate with your your family doctor?

let us know what the doctor says?

Thank you for you're thoughts and suggestions. I probably could do some on line or phone council but I'm ok just venting here for now. As for the port incision, I saw my nurse practioner two days ago, she advised me to let her know in a day or two and if it is still red, she will put me on meds. I am seeing some discharge now, so I will contact her today.

You know that are many women that are in the same boat as me and afraid to even voice their situation here for fear of being told what they aready know. I have read the "Cycle of Abuse" given to me at a womans shelter three years ago. I understand the concept of control, his low self-esteem issues, power.........my goal is to help him understand and if I can't........someone smarter than me. We were making headway with a councilor. She spoke to me in private once and let me know that HE needed at least six months before she could even touch base on our marital issues. He is repeating his childhood. Honestly, I just want to be happy, I wish it could be with him, never the less I am trying to do whatever makes me feel somewhat whole. I am thinking on going to an Al-anon meeting..........cause yes, he's an alcoholic and drug user. He realizes that his outbursts are generally worse when he's under the influence, but do you think he'll actually stop? He's spiralling out of control and by controlling me he thinks he's got a grasp on life. I'm no shrink but I think after nearly 30 years I've got him figured out.

Anyway, thanks again, I hate to talk to my friends and family about my situation all the time, cause I never do what they suggest either, I just stay.

Beau,

I really commend you on the honesty and being able to talk about your problems...we are not here to judge you. I hope you know that and continue on your journey successfully.

We all have issues and problems we have to deal with every day. I hope you find the answers you are looking for.

YOu took the right first step in taking care of yourself and getting the band. Baby steps!

Just stick with this board. The people are great!

Counseling never works unless he really wants to change. The amount of men that actually want to change and actually do are so slim...you have a better chance of winning the lottery. Life is short girl. Why are u wasting it away?

It sounds like you know exactly what is going on..but yet you still let it continue. I sure hope one day you get the strength you need to take back your life..it's soo empowering! The feeling is amazing..I can't even tell you what it feels like to have complete control over your life. Now of course..there are some lonely nights..but hell..its peaceful!! NOBODY puts me down anymore..nobody makes me feel like im 2 inches tall...nobody makes me worry about my childs health anymore..nobody makes me wonder if my pets are being abused. You too can have this! I think its fabulous btw that your going to go to some Al-anon meetings. There are also meetings for domestic violence victims too that you might want to think about. One step at a time though. I know I had to loose the weight to feel strong enought to deal with it all. I'm so hoping that is the magic charm for you too. Thank GOD for the band! Take care girl..and keep on posting! We are here for ya

Di

Lots of people choose to stay with the "devil they know" vs the unknown.

I think you do have everything all figured out and in time will act on it. I hope for you it's sooner rather than later. Time is precious and you cannot get it back. Life is way too short to live in the situation you're living in. I understand that "thinking" strong and "being" strong are two different things, and that starting over is scary....but you really have no choice. Not only are you dealing with him but alcohol and drugs too. That's not fair....and the chances of his recovery are slim to none. I think you need to do the same thing with your husband that you are doing with the weight---lose them both and regain YOUR life!!!

Good luck. I hope everything works out for you.