Tonight I had a conversation with my friend (best friend for over 16 years). She was asking me about my weight loss and what I weighed now. As of this morning I am 267, down from 295.

She said, "Oh! Three more pounds and I'm going to hate you! I've always been at least 10 pounds lighter than you. If I weigh more than that, I'll hate myself!"

WTH?

I kind of laughed it off, since I really didn't know what to say. I love her, but that stung. I'm the fat one, right? Uggg.

Any one else have this issue with friends? Did the friendships last through the weight loss? Did it help overweight friends to focus on a weight loss plan/get surgery?

98% of the people I know, thin and overweight, have been supportive of my decision. My sister-in-law, who is much bigger than me, made a passing comment about it being the easy way out... now that peeved me because from what I've read here, it is not an easy way out, people have to work at it etc etc. I will be banded next week, 1 Nov, and I'm terrified... that alone does not make it the easy way out as far as I'm concerned !! Her husband, my brother, wants to do it and I think she's scared that she'll be left behind... I understand her fears but I'm thinking maybe many others, even the supportive ones, may think I am taking the "easy way out". I am doing this for my health and wellbeing and that alone is what is pushing me through my fears (and the support here of course). You have to do what you need to do to save your life and even though friendships are important, unsupportive ones are not. If they are not willing to stand by you, no doubt you will find new ones on your journey.

I know that in the future, I'll probably experience, "Why didn't you tell us?" questions and all I can come up with is, "I was afraid it would change our friendship." Maybe I am wrong for not saying anything, maybe my friends are different, and I'll ask for forgiveness.

You know - NONE of my co-workers or family know!! All of my friends know cause we used to all eat together. Lol. They would definitly have noticed sooner than my family or co-workers!

But as of right now, I have no intentions on telling anyone I work with or my family. I might end up telling my Mom, cause she is the hardest person for me to keep things from... but I'm worried that she'll be upset that I went through with surgery in June and didn't even consult her.:faint:

But, something I decided a long time ago - Sometimes it's better to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission!

No one knows how it feels to lose an excessive amount of weight. Even 50 pounds is difficult. Some here like me, want to lose MORE than 150.

Those whose scales have barely fluctuated believe that it's all diet and exercise. I know that something in me isn't normal BECAUSE diets should have worked. I have a thyroid problem, that keeps my weight from skyrocketing, but it doesn't keep me from gaining slowly.

Once Cushings Syndrome or Cushings Disease is ruled out, it is virutually impossible to get your metabolism to where a thin persons is. Something happened in all of us, a trauma, even a long car trip without stopping could mess up your metabolism, having children, getting married: who knows what, but it did happen.

Is our obesity our fault. No one wants to be fat. No one would with it. No child says "I want to be fat when I grow up".

I have to take responsibility for the food I put in my mouth and for how I ate whether it was right or wrong. I now have to take responsibility for what I have learned through my Nutritionist who I believe has my success as her goal also.

My Nutritionist is thin as a rail. Although she deals with large people, even she has no idea what it's like, but she tries. And that's all we'd like from our supporters... to try an imagine how hard life is, and that all we want is our health back... getting thinner, looking sexier, if and when that happens, is a bonus.

And if you want just a little devilish satisfaction, no one knows what those thin people will be like after they've had their first of third child. It took 5 years before my hypothyroidism was diagnosed - 5 years of gaining weight and eating they way I've always eaten. It took 10 more years of yo-yo-dieting to get me to my weight. Now, why would I want to weight over 300 pounds!

After I reach my goal, I want to stick around and be supportive to those just starting their journey. Like people who've gone through cancer treatments need others who've been on the same journey and come out the other side. That's why this forum is so important to me. There are many people here who've come out the other side.

But, something I decided a long time ago - Sometimes it's better to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission!

I know what you mean. I didn't tell my family prior to surgery, of course DH and the kids knew, but there's that fear of telling them. I let the cat out of the bag post-op while I was still on intense pain killers. My mother was surprisingly supportive but concerned that I ruined my body, LOL. It's not like I ruined it at all. My sister was insanely jealous and has made a point of it to completely pig out infront of me. Thankfully I could care less about it since I'm really not hungry much and get full so easily. She has expressed her opinion that she's very anti-surgery. She's probably about my size right now, works out but then eats more than she needs to inorder to actually loose weight (I don't even dare mention it). So for anyone esle out there as Nike says "Just Do It".

When I Started My Journey(i Was Banded On 10/15/07) I Had A Friend Tell Me That I Wont Know You If Your Thin You've Always Been Big, 340 Was My Biggest. Then Another One Told Me I Wont Be The Duff(designated Ugly Fat Friend) Anymore. I Think That You Have A Cetain Image And It Scares People That Your Going To Change And Maybe Not Need Them Anymore Or Not Just Be The Friend,but Might Be Compation. I Think About Those Comments When I Need Motivation To Keep Going And Do Whats Best For Me. That's All I Can, Or You Can, Worry About. Right Now It's About Me And What I Need To Do.

... Then Another One Told Me I Wont Be The Duff(designated Ugly Fat Friend) Anymore.

:omg: are you serious??? She actually said THAT???? :omg: Dang, with friends like that, who needs insult comics?

I've been reading this thread with interest. I guess I've been somewhat fortunate. DH has the band. A good friend of mine just got the band and a couple more friends are looking into the band. So, I've had many supportive friends and family.

I do have a couple of eating buddies that went a.w.o.l. for a while, but once they realized I can actually eat, I just eat less, they eat with me again.

I feel for you all :hugs:

My problem has been my aunt... I think she is very jealous b/c she is VERY overweight and too scared to do anything about it. She has been telling me since I wanted to do this that it is just lack of will-power... blah blah blah... Now she hasn't talked to me since the surgery.....

I wondered about this, myself. I asked in the "at goal" forum and didn't get much response. I guess I worded it wrong. LOL Anyhow - I worry that people who knew me when I lived in Utah will be kind of snobby about it. DH is my closest friend here, so that doesn't really matter here. He's fully supportive and plans to lose some weight along with me.

I don't plan on telling anybody in my family other than *maybe* my mother. My siblings I could see doing the tight-lipped disapproval. I'd rather not deal with it. My mother told me when I was in my teens that if I ever wanted to do plastic surgery, she supported me to do whatever it took for me to be happy with myself (no - she wasn't hinting, she just had seen people ostracized by their own families - she was very open about things like that).

I'm a pretty hardcore homebody, so I guess I don't have to worry too much about the people I hang out with rejecting me. It's more the people I grew up with that knew me chubbier than I will end up that I wonder how they'll react when they see me.