I finally received the call for surgery, tomorrow I arrive at the hospital 5:30am. I'm excited, and nervous.

It's been emotional for me. I had nearly no support from anyone, this was all me. My partner had enough on his own plate that he couldn't be concerned. My friends had left my side when I discovered my father had cancer. There was drama related stress as well. Anyone who has loved ones who have cancer, or has personally been afflicted with cancer knows what I'm talking about. Sometimes you learn who your friends are when put to the test. My mother, who I'm close to, has forgotten the surgery and I can't blame her -

Plus my period started, lol.

Good times!

I've had good cries in private, but I also suck it up.

I'm optimistic about starting this next chapter in my life. It's bitter sweet. I've been looking back at how I got this big to begin with, and I find myself riding emotional highs and lows when confronted with the situations, people, and personal actions that got me this way. And I know just when I realized I wouldn't be able to lose it anymore the old fashioned way. I knew when and how I had screwed up my metabolism, and will power.

This process took over a year, and that's long time.

I've decided to pack very light. Throat spray, one pair of pajamas, undies, pads, slippers (slides) and the clothes on my back. My C-pap. Nothing more. No need. Gas X doesn't help with the kind of gas they pump into you, walking will. I didn't want to make a huge production of it.

I'm also proud of myself for hitting my twenty pound weight loss goal today. Everything connected to this moment kind of moved at a snail's pace, but also fell into place.

I feel so fortunate and blessed to have this opportunity for a surgery that many would like to have but cannot afford. It's a privilege for me to have this surgery. The pre-op showed me what I'm capable of. 20 pounds in 23 days is, AMAZING.

See those of you sleeved the same day as me or close to, on the other side of this, and the rest of you too. I hate saying see you on the "losers bench" - it sounds so wrong somehow. I get what it means but... still.

Besides, I'm not a loser, but a winner. So are the people who undergo weight loss surgery ~

Wishing you all the best tomorrow!