Over the last 2 months since being referred to RNY by my PCP, I've slowly changed from being a food consumer addict to a food controlling addict. Or weight loss addict. Awesome [emoji52] I've been so obsessed with a self made goal before surgery. I've lost 36 pounds in 2 months by sticking to my dr monitored diet + exercising and hate the idea of not losing a total of 60 before surgery. I didn't have a weight loss goal by my surgeon so this is all self induced. Lol. My fear is - an addict has mental punishments for themselves that will make it easy to get so down over one mistake that you give up and take the easy road. For me, being a food consumer addict is a heck of a lot easier than food control/weight loss addict. I journal a lot to try to sort through my own brain. I just fear I will fail in some way that I will turn back to food. It's like I can't just be normal. I have to be in control of something.

Anyone else go through this concern?

My back story if you're interested:

My sister and I were raised by a drug/alcohol addict and a control/cleanly addict. We both knew what the signs of addiction were and we both chose to monitor our food addictions closely, though not perfectly. The recognition of being an addict lead to extreme measures to not turn into "them"... which meant we ended up becoming more like an addict haha. I became an anorexic in high school because I guess weighing 158 pounds was super obese in my eyes (if I only knew what obesity really was). Then when I was found out, I transitioned to a binge and purger. When I moved out of my parents home and half way across the US with my fiancé - away from anyone we knew. I could only afford junk like ramen and rice. Mac and cheese and bread. I got pregnant and married within 2 months and that was the end of my body as we knew it.

Anyway, after a move across states again and 2nd pregnancy, I ended up being diagnosed with severe Health complications and was put on a dr monitored diet in 2012. From 2012 - 2014 I went from weighing 287 to 225. In 2014 I became pregnant again (through 2 forms of birth control so yes it was truly a surprise) and my dr told me to eat what I felt I wanted because I was so high risk, he only wanted me listening to my body. I took that too literally and let my cravings for meat and mayo get the better of me.

My baby was born in 2015 and my high pregnancy weight was 320. I got down to 298 when I delivered and then quickly rose to 328 and stayed there.

2 years later I'm on another dr monitored diet, exercising regularly, and have weekly weight loss goals for myself. I've lost 36 pounds and have a goal of 24 more before surgery. I think about food/weight all day and know that can't be healthy but I'm just not sure how else to make certain I don't give up or fail.

HW: 328 (02/22/17)

SW: TBD

CW: 292

Over the last 2 months since being referred to RNY by my PCP, I've slowly changed from being a food consumer addict to a food controlling addict. Or weight loss addict. Awesome [emoji52] I've been so obsessed with a self made goal before surgery. I've lost 36 pounds in 2 months by sticking to my dr monitored diet + exercising and hate the idea of not losing a total of 60 before surgery. I didn't have a weight loss goal by my surgeon so this is all self induced. Lol. My fear is - an addict has mental punishments for themselves that will make it easy to get so down over one mistake that you give up and take the easy road. For me, being a food consumer addict is a heck of a lot easier than food control/weight loss addict. I journal a lot to try to sort through my own brain. I just fear I will fail in some way that I will turn back to food. It's like I can't just be normal. I have to be in control of something.
Anyone else go through this concern?
My back story if you're interested:
My sister and I were raised by a drug/alcohol addict and a control/cleanly addict. We both knew what the signs of addiction were and we both chose to monitor our food addictions closely, though not perfectly. The recognition of being an addict lead to extreme measures to not turn into "them"... which meant we ended up becoming more like an addict haha. I became an anorexic in high school because I guess weighing 158 pounds was super obese in my eyes (if I only knew what obesity really was). Then when I was found out, I transitioned to a binge and purger. When I moved out of my parents home and half way across the US with my fiancé - away from anyone we knew. I could only afford junk like ramen and rice. Mac and cheese and bread. I got pregnant and married within 2 months and that was the end of my body as we knew it.
Anyway, after a move across states again and 2nd pregnancy, I ended up being diagnosed with severe Health complications and was put on a dr monitored diet in 2012. From 2012 - 2014 I went from weighing 287 to 225. In 2014 I became pregnant again (through 2 forms of birth control so yes it was truly a surprise) and my dr told me to eat what I felt I wanted because I was so high risk, he only wanted me listening to my body. I took that too literally and let my cravings for meat and mayo get the better of me.
My baby was born in 2015 and my high pregnancy weight was 320. I got down to 298 when I delivered and then quickly rose to 328 and stayed there.
2 years later I'm on another dr monitored diet, exercising regularly, and have weekly weight loss goals for myself. I've lost 36 pounds and have a goal of 24 more before surgery. I think about food/weight all day and know that can't be healthy but I'm just not sure how else to make certain I don't give up or fail.
HW: 328 (02/22/17)
SW: TBD
CW: 292

Make sure that for your supervised weight loss that you have them incorporate the mental health aspect of it as well, because if you go into surgery with a fixation that strong you can over do it!

While I don't experience the same difficulties as you are facing getting a mental health plan established before and soon after support groups will really help.

I am also 36 and had my share of bad things happen in my life that led me down the weight gain rabbit hole feel free to pm me anytime if need be you're welcome to my cell number!

Make sure that for your supervised weight loss that you have them incorporate the mental health aspect of it as well, because if you go into surgery with a fixation that strong you can over do it!

While I don't experience the same difficulties as you are facing getting a mental health plan established before and soon after support groups will really help.

I am also 36 and had my share of bad things happen in my life that led me down the weight gain rabbit hole feel free to pm me anytime if need be you're welcome to my cell number!

Thanks! Will do. I went through years of therapy for my underlying reasons why I chose to let my weight go crazy in the first place. I had my psych eval and passed. All of that said, I agree that having mental help through it will be the best idea. I've looked for bariatric support groups for in person support but they don't seem to have those around here. Maybe I'll look for food addict support groups instead. [emoji3]


HW: 328 (02/22/17)
SW: TBD
CW: 292

I agree with the previous poster to have some mental health help will be very beneficial after surgery to keep what you're talking about in check.

My surgeon and nutritionist talk extensively about patients that replace food addictions/food control issues with other addictions/issues after surgery (drinking too much, being too restrictive with food, over exercising; etc.) so I've been very aware of it. Not saying that will happen with you, of course, but some extra support might help you feel better.

My mother is an alcoholic and I've been worried about becoming one my whole life, so I understand where you're coming from.

Also - in my opinion, you'd want to make sure that you aren't disappointed with the results you're getting from all the HARD work you're doing and the changes you'll be making come surgery time. You're doing awesome, and you should feel proud of that already! It would be terrible to lose a ton of weight and be so much healthier, but then not feel like you've accomplished much because you were too hard on yourself.

Best of luck in your journey!!