Hi everyone [emoji1480]. I'm in the beginning stages of my wls journey as I was recently accepted into a Bariatric program and have my first meeting with a surgeon next week! I'm planning to move forward with the sleeve. I have been doing a lot of research and preparing myself mentally for the changes that lay ahead.

One thing that is really bothering me is not wanting to be the poster child for wls! I'm a private person and the idea of having to tell people (outside my immediate family) I had this surgery is driving me nuts. I also don't want to lie to anyone who asks how I'm losing all this weight! "Oh I'm just exercising and eating right blah blah..." I'm not ashamed so I don't feel the need to lie, and I also don't want to miss out on an opportunity to encourage or inspire someone who may be thinking about surgery. And I don't want to contribute to the stigma of this surgery. However, opening up about the procedure invites more questions, scrutiny, etc and at this point, I just don't think I will want to share those private things about me... just doesn't feel right.

I'm not really sure what my question is, but what are others thoughts about this? Should I just suck it up and accept that I will be known for this and prepare to answer people's questions? Or is there really a way to do this privately? Lying to people is not an option I'm considering because I think it will be damaging to my self image. Thanks in advance for any insights!

You've just perfectly summed up my thoughts and concerns about this perfectly. I'm having the same dilema! I'm having my sleeve op next month.

My family have been amazingly supportive, and I've told a few close friends who've also been great. I'm not ashamed and I don't want to lie, but what do you say when you don't want to discuss it? I wondered about trying to brush it off with a 'oh I just needed to get a grip of myself' then move on. But some people will keep pushing for an answer I guess, so I'm still working out a plan to deal with that. So basically, I'm not much help to you with advice but am in the same boat.

Good luck with your journey!

I'm pre-op as well and I haven't wrestled with this at all: I share my belief that losing over 100lbs on my own is not realistic for me. I tell them about the pain in my lower back/knees/feet and how excited I am about being pain-free for the first time in a long time. And then I tell them I thank God I have this option.

This is the same way I've lived my life for 55 years

Once I have the surgery and start losing weight I'll handle the questions the same way.

If the topic turns negative I have the option of not engaging with anyone who is negative about my choice.

And then I'll keep losing weight and frolicking through the tulips with less pain.

The End.

????? ??

I had gastric bypass a year ago and I can share my experience as someone who was very open about it. I didn’t shout it from the rooftops but I did tell close family, a few friends and colleagues before the surgery. After, as I noticeably started to lose weight a lot of curious people asked "how are you doing it?" , "what's your secret?". I've always been honest and said I had weight loss surgery. 95% of people respond with "good for you", no more questions asked. The other 5% want to know more, what you can eat, what it feels like to lose that much weight. They're generally curious and 2 ppl I know have since had the surgery. At this point if you know me you know I've had WLS.

I don't feel like a poster child nor do I feel like im spilling all of my personal details everyday. I've been super lucky to never encounter any negativity from anyone.

Not saying you should share with everyone and you should only do what makes you feel comfortable. Just wanted to give the perspective of someone who has been through it and has decided to be open.

I do not think that anyone is the poster child for WLS.

I tend to not mind talking to people about it because I feel like just letting people know my story and where I am heading, will allow them to truly understand my decision. I also do not care what people think about it as well. When they start saying it is an easy way out, I hit them with this:

"Oh, so having to learn how to eat protein first, then vegetables and then carbs sound easy. Better yet, being pain and having to heal your body sounds easy. Changing your mindset on how you view food sounds easy. Making mistakes of eating something too spicy, too sweet or just does not agree and having dumping syndrome sound easy? You would not tell a drug addict that it is easy to stop using, yet you will tell me that it is easy to take this path?"

Sorry, sometimes I go hardcore. This is a godsend to people like us that have tried everything in our power. From the failed fad diets to the large sums of money spent, this is the last option.

I believe that you can choose who you want to inspire and who you don't. To me, not everyone needs to know your business and whats going on in your life. I use this forum mostly, as people will be able to understand me more.

I could just be rambling at this point as well.

Edited March 17, 20179 yr by Thejeweledsleeve

Hi and welcome @lovely_tai!

I totally get how you feel. I'm currently at the "waiting for insurance approval" stage, so I have been neck deep in all of this for a few months.

When I began, I was 100% in your shoes. This isn't anyone else's business, it is a private matter, I won't share unless asked point blank.

As I've gone along this process though, I've found myself revisiting that attitude. I'm excited about this now. I went into it ashamed, as though getting the surgery was accepting failure. Now I realize that I'm accepting help and a tool.

I've told my closest friends and one coworker (who will be covering for me). Aside from one person who is young and doesn't understand my struggle, everyone else has been overwhelmingly supportive. I'm SO glad I told. I had been nervous that they wouldn't get it.

I still have no intention of telling random people. If they ask point blank if I had surgery, I'd say yes. If someone asked me my secret though, I'd just say that I finally found something that works for me. Technically it isn't lying!

Let me begin by saying that I have been completely open about my entire weight loss journey , including the surgery, with anyone and everyone since I made the decision to do this and began my six month pre-op diet program almost a year ago.

At 5.5 months out, I have now lost 180 pounds. And, trust me, people notice, and it always is a topic of conversation. How could it not be? And you know what, the surgery is probably less than 10% of those conversations. People are more mesmerized at the transformation and the hard work it took to make these changes in my life. Not one single person has said one negative thing about the surgery because, surgery or not, losing 180 pounds is an incredible accomplishment.

Everyone has the right to privacy, and, in this case, the right to tell people or to not tell people, but it has been my experience that the surgery part of the equation is not the most prominent.

Am I a poster boy for WLS? No. But, to these people, am I a poster boy for weight loss and changing my life for the better? Yes, I am. And again, how could I not be? You don't come across people who lose this kind of weight every day.

To each his or her own on this one...

@loveley_tai

I didn't tell people besides my close friends because I didn't want to be stuck with the WLS label forever. 1.5 years later I know I made the right choice. After the one year mark I felt pretty regular and not like a weight loss surgery patient at all.

I used to work with a lady that had RNY. 5 years later, at work, people would still comment about her surgery, gossip about what she ate and comment she was still, well a large lady.

3.5 years from now I don't want to be stuck with the WLS patient label, especially when I will be doing all the work at that point. Your sleeve stops doing the work for you at 6 months. The rest of it after that is your will power, and ability to make life changes and learn good lessons from the first 6 months.

Since most people think diet and exercise work, if people see you changing your eating habits and working hard, they will assume that is why you are losing weight. And if you read around here from all the cry baby posts, people are not dropping 50 pounds a month like some episode of Supernatural. You lose 8-12 pounds a month on a good month, the only thing is it just keeps happening with no back tracking. You don't lose weight fast enough that people are alarmed and most of the time by the time people have noticed your loss, you are down 50 pounds.

It is an easy "secret" to keep. This is a hard enough journey without having other people put their pressure and opinions on you. Keep it to yourself. You can always change your mind later, but you can never untell once you tell.

I told everyone at work and all my acquaintances that I was having surgery. That being said, I don't see why if people question you about the surgery you can't just tell them it was a personal choice and you don't wish to discuss it. Really at the end of the day, who cares what other people think anyway, you are doing it for your health, not their approval.

I had gastric bypass a year ago and I can share my experience as someone who was very open about it. I didn’t shout it from the rooftops but I did tell close family, a few friends and colleagues before the surgery. After, as I noticeably started to lose weight a lot of curious people asked "how are you doing it?" , "what's your secret?". I've always been honest and said I had weight loss surgery. 95% of people respond with "good for you", no more questions asked. The other 5% want to know more, what you can eat, what it feels like to lose that much weight. They're generally curious and 2 ppl I know have since had the surgery. At this point if you know me you know I've had WLS.

I don't feel like a poster child nor do I feel like im spilling all of my personal details everyday. I've been super lucky to never encounter any negativity from anyone.

Not saying you should share with everyone and you should only do what makes you feel comfortable. Just wanted to give the perspective of someone who has been through it and has decided to be open.

Thanks for sharing your perspective. You sound really grounded in your way of handling this aspect of the journey and I only hope to be that much at peace with my decision when the time comes. I'm going to continue to let all of this sink in and give it more thought.

Let me begin by saying that I have been completely open about my entire weight loss journey , including the surgery, with anyone and everyone since I made the decision to do this and began my six month pre-op diet program almost a year ago.
At 5.5 months out, I have now lost 180 pounds. And, trust me, people notice, and it always is a topic of conversation. How could it not be? And you know what, the surgery is probably less than 10% of those conversations. People are more mesmerized at the transformation and the hard work it took to make these changes in my life. Not one single person has said one negative thing about the surgery because, surgery or not, losing 180 pounds is an incredible accomplishment.
Everyone has the right to privacy, and, in this case, the right to tell people or to not tell people, but it has been my experience that the surgery part of the equation is not the most prominent.
Am I a poster boy for WLS? No. But, to these people, am I a poster boy for weight loss and changing my life for the better? Yes, I am. And again, how could I not be? You don't come across people who lose this kind of weight every day.
To each his or her own on this one...

This is an interesting perspective. The changes people make along this journey are pretty amazing! I clearly need to do more thinking about this, but I appreciate you mentioning what those conversations have been like for you. I might be ok with being a poster child for changing my life for the better, or being a living breathing example that truly anything is possible. In fact, I can even imagine getting to the point where the joy of that outweighs whatever anxiety I feel about the other stuff. Hmmmmm.... I have a lot of thinking to do. Thanks for pushing me.

From the moment I made the decision to have the sleeve, I was open about it and so if the support of my inner circle alone. This included my mother, my sister who had already had the surgery, and my closest friends.

I was afraid, and my body is my own business, and I didn't want other peoples opinions, thoughts and feelings to disturb the process I needed to experience to claim a better life with better health. That is, I kept it close to my chest until I stopped feeling raw about it.

Now I'm a year and a half out of surgery, down 150 pounds, and lower then the goal weight I chose for myself. I speak about having had weight-loss surgery openly infrequently. But only because I'm truly OK with it.

Bodies are very personal. Health is very personal. When it feel safe, and you are inspired to, then speak about it. Until then, consider allowing yourself to feel how you feel and be as private as you want.

This forum is the best way to have your privacy especially during the rough and good times. I say good for you for wanting keep your business to yourself. We all have been accustomed to sharing things we don't need to under pressure. Life is stressful enough with work, family and every day living. This is your therapy no judgement. God bless you! And I'm so thankful @Alex Brecher created this site to help all that want to remain private and those who want to show.

I think that whether to tell or not is a very personal decision with no wrong or right answer. You should do what you are comfortable with.

When I first started seriously considering WLS, I didn't want anyone to know. I had one friend who was also interested in doing it, and we decided to be each others support and keep it to ourselves. I was embarrassed about it in the beginning. Five years ago I had lost 90 lbs by doing Weight Watchers, doing cross fit and running mud races, but over the past couple years after a back injury I have put 50 lbs back on. I felt like a failure, and I was very hard on myself about it. It was like admitting defeat, which doesn't come easy for me.

Now, as I have worked through this journey, I have become more educated about obesity and more comfortable with my choice. Once I made the decision on what surgery I wanted and completed the pre-op requirements it became more real for me and I started telling some people I'm close with. For the most part the responses were positive, my mom is the only one who is driving me crazy about it, lol. I wasn't going to tell her until it was done, but she found out I had an EGD and wanted to know why, so I wasn't going to lie about it.

Now that it's getting closer to approval (I hope!) I'm telling more people, I don't have the same reservations about discussing it. I've told my co-workers and a few other friends and family.

Do what you feel is best for you. Your feelings might change as you progress on your journey, or maybe not, but you will know whether it is right for you to tell others. Best wishes on your journey!

I had the sleeve surgery 5/29/16. I am a very social person and very open. I was open with my friends and some of my family and some coworkers about the process I was going through and that I would be having the surgery. Since starting this process I have lost 250 pounds. That is a pretty noticeable difference!

In my experience people are curious how you've achieved such great results and when they ask I just tell then I had weight loss surgery and I just watch what I eat and exercise. Most of the time they just accept that answer and say okay! Some people ask how it was and I tell them that I had issues in the beginning but it has saved my life. I tell them about my small portions and the focus on protein.

Ultimately it's up to you how much you share. You owe them nothing. If they ask you how you are doing it just tell them you are eating healthier and trying to be active...WHICH IS TRUE. You don't need to divulge your whole story.

For myself I tell anyone and everyone. I'm EXTREMELY proud of my weight loss. For example, I was just at the lab to get bloodwork and was so excited to fit in the chair with the arm down I couldn't contain my story and told her how I used to not be able to put the arm down and I had lost 250 pounds. That's me though. I'm very open about my experiences and I like people to know how hard I've worked. When I am able to fit somewhere I couldn't before or do something I couldn't I am SOOO surprised still. My mentality is still in the 540 pound woman who can hardly walk and can't fit most places. I think part of me telling people is that I'm still overweight and want people to know I am working on it and have already come a long way and won't be like this forever. That is my own insecurity though.

In conclusion...just do what you want. Share what your feel comfortable sharing. You will be surprised at how little people judge you for it. At least that has been the case in my experiences.