When I embarked on my wls journey, I truly expected to become an evangelist who would spread the word to my obese friends.

I recall people in my support group urging secrecy, but I argued on behalf of "sharing the good news".

I did tell a few close family members and all were supportive, but my 93 year old mother got problematic almost immediately. She was full of misinformation based on 50 year old hearsay. She also kept talking about it to people I'd never dream of sharing with.

Within a few weeks we decided to go dark and not tell anyone. I spoke to my mother (rather sternly) and told her to not tell anyone about it. My wife called the people my mother spoke too and asked them to honor my privacy.

That was 7 months ago and so far so good. The problem is that I lost a lot of weight pretty quickly (95 lbs in 7 months). We are very social with hundreds of friends, most of whom are overweight, and all want to know "how I did it".

I have honed a story that's close to the truth (minus the surgery part), but I'm sick of lying to so many of my friends.

If I had it to do over again, I would have been open from the start, but my wife disagrees. She's been 100% supportive and thus I respect her wishes, but I'm so sick of the lying!

Edited April 13, 201610 yr by Cape Crooner

I don't tell people any more than:

Low carb, high fat/high Protein diet (true)
Exercise (true)
Portion control (true)

I'm not lying. At almost THREE years out, no one has ever asked or called me on it. It's been a "non-event" for me, too.

As far as doing fellow fatties a disservice? I didn't realize that my surgery negated my right to privacy.

It's not my job to educate, evangelize, preach, teach, or recommend such a personal choice. If I meet someone I want to discuss it with, I will, but it's certainly not my job.

Sorry, that whole train of thought p*sses me off. I am NOT ashamed, I *DID* do this by myself. I worked hard and I lost the weight utilizing a tool that I researched. I am no one special. If I can figure it out, anyone can.

I spent 4yrs denying WLS--even to myself. Well, no more. No more half truths. No more lying through omission. No more selective memory. No more trying to remember "what did I tell to whom?

I HAD WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY! I HAD WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY!! I HAD WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY!!!!!!

Gee that was painless and ya know what? The sky didn't fall down either...

Now, if I can only find someone to steal my identity...

I spent 4yrs denying WLS--even to myself. Well, no more. No more half truths. No more lying through omission. No more selective memory. No more trying to remember "what did I tell to whom?

I HAD WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY! I HAD WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY!! I HAD WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY!!!!!!

Gee that was painless and ya know what? The sky didn't fall down either...

Now, if I can only find someone to steal my identity...

Nope. Never denied it to myself. No half truths here. No lying by omission. No stories to keep straight because the only people that know won't tell.

I had weight loss surgery, too, and I am successful three years out. My sky hasn't fallen nor will it.

I love myself. No identity theft desired.

Was anyone posting to YOU? I feel that unfortunately you have a HUGE chip on your shoulder or what????I hope you will find whatever help you need. l send up prayers for you..

What in hell are you talking about??? And just to whom do you think you're talking to?, I don't need the negativity in my life.

I need support and good wishes. Your post is neither.

Live and let live, and please speak to me only when I have spoken to you. Thank you in advance for your compliance.

God bless.

Was anyone posting to YOU? I feel that unfortunately you have a HUGE chip on your shoulder or what????I hope you will find whatever help you need. l send up prayers for you..

What in hell are you talking about??? And just to whom do you think you're talking to?, I don't need the negativity in my life.

I need support and good wishes. Your post is neither.

Live and let live, and please speak to me only when I have spoken to you. Thank you in advance for your compliance.

God bless.

I replied to your post because it's in a public forum and I can. If we always only replied to people who spoke directly to us, this wouldn't be much of a DISCUSSION forum would it? There are very few initial posts that are speaking DIRECTLY TO someone yet replies are expected/appreciated but by your logic...

Sounds like you are the one with your panties in a twist and that's on you, not me. Feel free to block me if you care to, but telling me not to reply to anyone I choose to reply to is really not going to get you far.

People ask me how much money I make at my business all the time and I dodge that question so hard, not answering about WLS seems like the least of my secrets to keep. Rude questions deserve a nasty nice response, smile and change the subject.

I really wonder how so many people have people that are curious. I admit I am a bit of an anomaly since I don't have co-workers to ask questions.

My closest friends with one exception all know. They don't care, they are seriously not even interested beyond my happiness and health. They are all thin/normal weight.

The few people I interact with that have noticed my weight loss, just give me compliments and don't ask questions. They know how I eat and that I am very active. There is no reason to ask how when they see me working hard at it.

The only person to ask how I lost weight was a sales girl at Torrid. I was in there to get a bra, and I didn't want to have an extended conversation about weight loss. I opened the door to the conversation by saying I had lost a lot of weight and was still losing so didn't want to buy multiple bras (she was trying to push the sale). I'm not going to tell a total stranger when it is a rude question and none of her business to begin with. That was my fault and I learned my lesson.

I really don't know many obese people personally, and the few I do know aren't interested in losing weight. If I ever get seriously asked by someone that needs immediate intervention, I will cross that bridge when I get to it.

Still the fact that some people have to tell so many people just amazes me. Maybe my work from home isolation has gone too far.

Was anyone posting to YOU? I feel that unfortunately you have a HUGE chip on your shoulder or what????I hope you will find whatever help you need. l send up prayers for you..

What in hell are you talking about??? And just to whom do you think you're talking to?, I don't need the negativity in my life.

I need support and good wishes. Your post is neither.

Live and let live, and please speak to me only when I have spoken to you. Thank you in advance for your compliance.

God bless.

Valentina, are you okay?

Sent from my SM-G930T using the BariatricPal App

Was anyone posting to YOU? I feel that unfortunately you have a HUGE chip on your shoulder or what????I hope you will find whatever help you need. l send up prayers for you..

What in hell are you talking about??? And just to whom do you think you're talking to?, I don't need the negativity in my life.

I need support and good wishes. Your post is neither.

Live and let live, and please speak to me only when I have spoken to you. Thank you in advance for your compliance.

God bless.

Valentina, are you okay?

Sent from my SM-G930T using the BariatricPal App

Thank you so much for your concern. I just don't know why some people have to be so negative and aggressive to the point of being hurtful?--just for a laugh--at some one's expense and hurt? --just to puff their chest out and say, "I sure dusted her, didn't I" I just don't frigg'n get it....

I came "home" here because I remembered the support and comradery that I felt before John's suicide.

Now, I find too many spiteful narcissists who consider every post an attack upon them.

Everyday now until June 6th it seems there is a reminder of just how much John wanted to keep my surgery a secret from his diamond distributors on47th Street. I HATE secrecy. John couldn't bear the thought that I was having WLS to the point that he swallowed 122 Vicodins. That's how much I hate secrecy.

That been said, I ABSOLUTELY refuse to be ridiculed nor belittled about a post that was meant to be uplifting and supportive. It has taken me 4 yrs of therapy to accept that John's suicide was not my fault and to go public with my WLS.

I've just had it with "The Haters" on this site--even if the one they really hate is themselves.

Sorry for my rant.

Prayers going up for---all of us.

Was anyone posting to YOU? I feel that unfortunately you have a HUGE chip on your shoulder or what????I hope you will find whatever help you need. l send up prayers for you..

What in hell are you talking about??? And just to whom do you think you're talking to?, I don't need the negativity in my life.

I need support and good wishes. Your post is neither.

Live and let live, and please speak to me only when I have spoken to you. Thank you in advance for your compliance.

God bless.

Valentina, are you okay?

Sent from my SM-G930T using the BariatricPal App

Thank you so much for your concern. I just don't know why some people have to be so negative and aggressive to the point of being hurtful?--just for a laugh--at some one's expense and hurt? --just to puff their chest out and say, "I sure dusted her, didn't I" I just don't frigg'n get it....

I came "home" here because I remembered the support and comradery that I felt before John's suicide.

Now, I find too many spiteful narcissists who consider every post an attack upon them.

Everyday now until June 6th it seems there is a reminder of just how much John wanted to keep my surgery a secret from his diamond distributors on47th Street. I HATE secrecy. John couldn't bear the thought that I was having WLS to the point that he swallowed 122 Vicodins. That's how much I hate secrecy.

That been said, I ABSOLUTELY refuse to be ridiculed nor belittled about a post that was meant to be uplifting and supportive. It has taken me 4 yrs of therapy to accept that John's suicide was not my fault and to go public with my WLS.

I've just had it with "The Haters" on this site--even if the one they really hate is themselves.

Sorry for my rant.

Prayers going up for---all of us.

Oh dear gawd. You are reading far too much into my post and that's a shame.

I hope your tomorrow is better. Sincerely.

Jeez. This thread went sideways.

Anyway, @@Cape Crooner, I hope your anxiety is allayed as time goes along.

I just returned from a conference of 1500 people who all know me or know who I am.

I'm now 15 pounds lighter than last year's conference. And this year's reaction to my final 15 pound annual loss was considerably more subdued than last year's.

Now I'm just one of the skinny chicks. End of story.

@@Crochet Queen, I'm not sure that embarrassment is the main reason, although it certainly could be for some and could be part of the reason for many. I have shared with a very small circle of people (doctors, family, boss, HR director and 1 friend). I do this because I am an extremely private person and don't wish for people to have a lot of insight into my personal health issues. I generally didn't share the fact that I had high blood pressure with people either.

Part of the reason that I am so private is that I don't like being the center of attention or concern. I don't like the interrogations that often come with people knowing. I also am not interested, in any way in their opinions. The few people that do know are already driving me crazy. How are you doing? How are you feeling? How's the weight loss coming? How is your eating? Are you able to exercise? Whew! I tire quickly of answering these questions. And these people are genuinely interested and supportive.

I have honestly only had one negative experience with anyone who knows, and ironically, that came from the nurse at my PCP. My PCP herself has been amazingly supportive and encouraging, but her nurse decided she should share with me that everyone she knows that has done this has failed and regained the weight, that people just need to change their behaviors, and then went on to tell me she had read about a new procedure where they inflate a baloon in your stomach, and added "maybe that one will actually work". Keep in mind, this was all said to me AFTER I had the surgery. I sort of wanted to punch her in the throat. Not because it impacts me personally, as I'm confident in my decision, but just because it was unnecessary and mean spirited.

Once I am through the majority of the weight loss and am in maintenance, I may share more. Largely because at that point, people hopefully will not find the need to check on my progress continually. As others have said, I am much more likely to share with other obese people. I do not want to mislead anyone and give them false hope. Also, if (when) I am able to achieve success, perhaps it will encourage them to at least explore their options.

This is similar to how I have handled other medical issues in the past. If someone came to me and was upset that they had just been diagnosed with High Blood Pressure, I was likely to share with them that I had been medicated for years and it was controllable.

Anyway, that's my perspective. It has nothing to do with embarrassment or shame for me. This is literally the only chance I have to control my weight. After decades of dieting I know that. It would be embarrassing to not do everything in my power to regain my health.

THIS! Are you and I the same person?

Telling people you have WLS is suddenly an invitation for people to ask inappropriate questions and make demands on your private health information. I don't fancy feeling like a pinata for every weird question people want to swing my way, and I also intensely dislike being the center of attention.

Plus, if I had a dollar for every "WLS failed so and so" anecdote, I could retire to the Hamptons by now.

Is not everyone's business!!!You don't have to broadcast it to the world!!!

The one thing I can't stand is stupidity and people asking dumb questions and just saying some incredibly stupid comments and sharing their unwanted opinions...WLS is not a magic bullet ....it is just a tool...you have to diet ...it involves cutting calories and a change of lifestyle ...end of story...that's the story .They don't need to know you had WLS....and the inner details.That is too much information....really.

Hmm, Cape Crooner, I think you have a couple good things going for you to continue to just go along as you have been. I get why you feel it's "lying," but a few things to consider:

Most people are pretty self-absorbed and don't pay nearly as much attention as we think they do. Yes, you've lost a large amount of weight, but most men I've seen, when they dive into any diet, (Atkins, WW, etc.,) tend to lose HUGE amounts quickly -- and keep losing.

I'd just keep saying the truth; you've changed your lifestyle to protect your health and have wonderful results doing it.

I keep reading from vets that 1-2 years out, once the weight loss has stabilized and people get used to the new you, it's a nonissue. I think, once you have a snowbird rotation this year and next year, it's going to be commented on, "Wow, you look great!" -- and then a quick, "how'd you do it?"

"Exercise and not eating out of control."

Done.

Women want the nitty-gritty, but men (IMO) are just like, "great job," and move on from there.

Also, we are all yo-yo dieters. Many may not comment waiting for your eventual regain.

It may not be as big a deal as you think. Take the compliments and turn the conversation back to the speaker.

"Thank you so much! I'm working hard. How are the kids?"

Good luck. You're not a bad person at all for not divulging 150% of your life. I'm an oversharer, but I'm being selective who I tell and when -- and I still was surprised by one friend who is kinda ankle-biting about it. Her issue, not mine.

Enjoy the praise! You worked hard for it!

This is always a topic that gets people riled up. Honestly when I was right out of surgery and losing weight like crazy I had no problem sharing my story with those that were truly interested. In fact I thought I would help others understand that WLS and obesity are not very well understood.

As time has gone on I have learned that telling everyone really brings with it nosey people who simply choose to debate whether or not I made a good decision. Or the gossip monger so who are simply waiting to see when I fail and gain it all back. Or the skinny people who have never had to deal with dieting and clearly don't look at obesity as a disease.

I am more choosy now about who I share with and this is mostly to not have to deal with the bs that comes along with sharing with the wrong people. People can be cruel and honestly I have in fact been treated poorly by my obese so called friends. You really do find out who your friends really are when you share such personal information.

I get riled up when someone says that choosing not to share means you are embarrassed. I am not embarrassed by having WLS at all. This usually comes from people who have yet to experience what it's like to live post weight loss. I have no problem telling people exactly what I think and can deal with whatever comes my way but when people really are not interested in the truth and want to hang on to every crappy story out there about WLS you are not going to change their opinions. They have to be ready to want to change.

Lastly I would say to share or not share is 100% a personal choice. It is none of anyone's business what I do with my body. If I choose to tell someone it is just that, my choice. It does NOT mean I am embarrassed by my decision to cure this disease.