This has been an issue off and on again for many of us...and I thought this rant was on point, so I am reposting it. HELP THOSE WHO WANT IT – OTHERWISE WHY WASTE YOUR TIME?

BY: DAN KENNEDY ON: DECEMBER 10TH, 2015 8 COMMENTS

My good friend James Tolleson once said,

“Only when a person wants, needs and most of all, will appreciate your help, can you help them.”

We sure waste a lot of time, energy and money in our society trying to help people who are simply not ready to be helped.

Lyndon Johnson is largely responsible for implementing this very bad idea on such a grand scale that it has sucked up so much of our economic resources that our citizenry and industry are grossly overtaxed, highway and bridge infrastructure is collapsing and our national bank account is overdrawn.

Just as it’s bad public policy, it is bad private policy to try helping somebody close-minded to it or does not demonstrate any initiative seeking it.

Just for example, as soon as I discern somebody asks for my advice but then does nothing different as a result of it, I stop giving it; I may need that breath later.

Successful entrepreneurs fall into this trap dozens of different ways: employing lazy, indolent family members and trying to turn them into something is one very common miss-step.

Sales managers frequently invest 80% of their energy trying to help the 20% worst salespeople they’ve got, who, in truth, are doing nothing to help themselves, when they should be helping their top 20% peak performers do even better.

I’m frequently asked for help with business or marketing problems, but when I start telling the person what they need to do to solve their problems, it becomes apparent they do not want a list of things for them to do nor do they want to work to get better at needed skills; they want me to solve it for them.

Embroiling yourself in attempting to help those who will not actively partner in the process is neurotic behavior, to be avoided.

If you WANT help…

If you NEED help…

If you WILL take action…

@@OKCPirate I agree.

This is one of my biggest peeves. Both my husband and I are firm beleivers in "If it ain't working, CHANGE IT".

My daughter is good about taking matters into her own hands and doing something pro active in a sh*tty situation. My son? The consummate victim. Drives me crazy! I always tell him, "We can't help you if you're not willing to help yourself".

Ugh.

I have a friend like that he's constantly depressed and lonely but refuses to take psych meds to help with the depression. Refuses to see a doctor about his weight even though he's pushing 500 pounds and it would solve so many of his problems. Honestly I just smile and nod at this point

@

VERY similar situation with my son. But through therapy I'm learning he's a grown man and I can't force him to seek therapy or lose weight. It's still very hard to see someone you love go through it though, isn't it?

This mama has to learn to let go sometimes.

@@Babbs it is very hard because you feel like if they would just try just once the thing you suggest then maybe it might help. I understand the family aspect of it also my brother has a drug problem and honestly until he's ready to get sober I have to keep my distance

I'll forgo this marvelous opportunity @@OKCPirate has introduced to detail the gargantuan costs to all citizens of the federal and state tax support for corporate welfare.

Instead, I'll stick to the info and support needs we see on our little message board here and acknowledge that my criteria for responding to questions and posts at Bariatric Pal include:

1) Is it a fun topic?

2) Do I like and admire the people who are already responding?

3) Does the OP / questioner sound like they've got enough of the necessary attributes (guts, smarts, humor) to be successful long-term?

4) Do they sound like they are generally positive and resilient about the situation they're in (no matter how awful it might be)?

5) Is the thread about clothes, underwear, or sex?

6) Might there be a chance somewhere in this thread to make fun of Donald Trump?

@@VSGAnn2014

I vote #6!

@@VSGAnn2014 - you expressed my sentiments in such a humorous manner - thank you!

As someone who stuck my head in the sand for a long time, I can vouch that until I was ready to do something about it, anything anyone said fell on deaf ears. Maybe not totally deaf - maybe just partially deaf since some of what I heard had time to circulate round my brain for a while until I was ready to take action.

It also annoys me when people complain and complain and never take action to change their situation. Now, I like to complain too, but I also like to take action.

For example, let me tell you about my underwear problem. My bras are just too big now - they make bra extenders, why not bra shrinkers? I have the cutest hot pink bra that just started fitting in the cup a few weeks after surgery and now the band is too big and it's soooo annoying.

But my husband sure likes it when I take it off....

@@Megdelyn, @@Babbs, @@VSGAnn2014 , @

Thanks for your comments. All I can say is ... Yep.

Thank you for this read! Once again I needed to read and reflect and glad that shared. I thought people wanted and needed help gain better quality of, so I did it; WLS. Thinking that leading by example... it worked for me but not them.... resentful = yes they are. Too bad, dang. I learned so much a long way way and ready to share it all. But as they say; "you can lead a horse to Water but you cannot make them drink it." I shut my mouth and only if they ask... it works better for me and I just deal with it... more these days since pre op just ate things away. Not anymore!

Sometimes, the universe whispers in your ear, "save your breath." I try to listen when it does that.