Hello, didnt know who else to talk to since I have kept my band a secret from the ones who I knew whould not be supportive which is most of my family . My parents are wonderful and fully support me and my husband has also been good which is why this really hurt my feelings.

I chose not to tell my father in law because he is very suffisticated and higher class remarried to a skinny woman who pokes fun of over weight people. I asked my hubby no to tell his father just say that I had a female surgery ( knowing that stops most from asking more ) Well my father in law has been asking me how I was feeling and I of course told him it was a female surgery on my overies to remove cysts because he did ask. Well it has been three weeks since my surgery and my father in law calls today and says how are you feeling ? I said better and he totally blew me away by saying " so are you eating less now " and dont you have to get that thing tightened ? my heart sunk I was shocked for two reasons I was very embarassed that obviously I was caught lieing to him and another I asked my husband not to say anything I said Please. I even asked him the other day " Ok what did you tell your dad so I dont look like I am lieing to him" and he said female surgery. Anyway long story short I nicely confornted my hubby asking him why he told him , I said that I understood that he may of needed someone to talke to but it was my privacy( my best friend doesnt even know ) I was floored at his response he said sarcastically ( we'll call him John ) " Bad John , Bad John, dont worry I will eat my supper and get out of your hair I said I wanted to trust him with my private business so bad but now I felt hurt and he said " well dont tell me anything else then " I was speechless I expecxted he might say he was sorry and have an explination, he also said in not a nice way " Well its hard when I am asked questions what am I suppose to say ?" Now he acts mad a me, What is he thinking/ He has always become very defensive and twists things when he is caught with any kind of lie. To me my band is very private because i know the knives are being thrown behind my back with his family knowing, they are not nice caring people. I have been married for 14 yrs and my husband has been so wonderful about my band until I caught him with explaining my private business. I just had tears in my eyes , I am not a person who likes confrentation I was so nice when confronting him. How would you feel ? Thanks so much for listinng I appreciate it so much.

PS I asked my father in law not to tell anyone , I said I would like it to be kept private I even falttered him saying that I trusted him and didnt mind that he knew ( Ya right ! But what else could I say ?) Now I have to face them all and I know their attitude I dred it !

Kim

Just wanted to jump in here. Don't feel bad about ANY weight you've lost....CELEBRATE!! You may have to educate your inlaws on the band. Remember the average weightloss with the band is only around 1/2 lb.- a couple pounds a week overall. So, it's a safer, slower way to go. Some lose faster and more at a time, but that isn't what this tool promises. Don't compare yourself to others (this is something we must remember) and many people think of the gastric bypass weightloss surgery where people drop 60 lbs. in the first month or so. They don't understand the band!! So educate them and just keep living the band lifestyle. YOU WILL SUCCEED!!! Best Wishes to you!!

I understand how you feel. I too have been outed though not by a family member yet the outing was to an old friend. Sadly at my WLS group I bumped into a friend of a friend who needless to say felt the need to tell other friend they saw me. I was very disapointed and calmly explained to both of them that my life is my buisness and who and how I share my buisness with is no ones buisness but my own. So ok the friend is a little sore but I told her I was more sore that she was friends with such a gossip.

Granted none of this helps you with your situation. For your situation I say screw them. Ignore any faces or remarks they have prepare yourself for when you see them to be able to be the better person if they say somthing rude call them on it without being confrontational and kill them with kindness. Example: oh can you eat that? Why yes I belive so. My doctor has given me implicet instructions on what I can and cannot eat. Thank you so much for your concern over my wellbeing. How is that ___ (fill in the blank with something you know bugs them) Ive been worried for you to.

Ok so its mean but heck you can always call them on it if your willing to deal with confrontation and let them oggle you as you get thinner and healthier that in the end will be your best revenge.

As for your husband he needs a talking to perhaps your father in law can be your alli in that. If you think he genuinely cares explain to him how you wanted to keep things private and were sadly disapointed in his sons lack of respect for your wishes. If hes man enough he will confront his son if not I guess you have to swallow it and look at the rest of your relationship for good stuff.

Good luck

Sorry about spelling really didnt want to dl spell checker and hate to proof read

Well, I have found in my life that there is no such thing as a secret unless you are the only one who knows it because someone somewhere....and I don't care how much you trust them....will inadvertently spill the beans. And then also....a lie perpetuates a lie and it can get very convoluted and messy until the lie and the fallout from it takes over your life. That's why I am up front about everything having to do with the band. If they cannot take it and have a bad attitude about it, it is up front and in my face and I will deal with it and that's that. Your husband was wrong but you just learned a lesson about trust and secrets, unfortunately. Best thing you can do now is go on with your head high and ignore everyone, husband included. Do not give them any power over you by worrying needlessly about their reaction or judgdments.

You are giving them power by your thinking....they may think they are superior to me being in their upper class group...and what does that entail? They're in a higher tax bracket? They drive a Benz? They wear Prada shoes? Excuse me but BFD (expletive deleted). That means nothing. The measure of a man is his heart and nothing else.

Thankfully, my DH is having lapband too (hopefully in August). BUT, when I read your original post, I saw red!!! Not so much that he told his dad, but that he didn't TELL you he told his dad...that he was callous and sarcastic...sounds like he's actually a lot like his dad. It's a shame, because he and his family have you thinking you have to put on a happy face and be nice in the face of their insults and bigotry. I think MANY people have us fat people thinking we need to be "nice" or else they'll attack our weak spot, our weight! I used to try my best to be "sweet" when being mistreated, because I was so afraid of being insulted and hurt by superficial, heartless people. Then I realized...."NO ONE knows better than me just how fat I am...ONLY I can give them the power to hurt me by pointing out the obvious." Believe me, when this finally sunk in to my brain, I did NOT let anyone walk all over me again. I stand up for myself. I don't ever deliberately make waves...but when faced with being mistreated...you betcha, I stand up for myself.

I really hope you find your self confidence Kim. Being nice to keep just to keep the peace, is in a way, dishonesty. Think about it...if you let people walk all over you and let them believe that it's just fine with you, then you're lying to them and yourself. Be true to you and stand up for yourself lady...you're worth it!

Kimmom-- I can relate to your situation. I have been very private about my own banding. My parents and siblings know, but not my inlaws. I know how you feel. Chris NJ is obviously very comfortable with his situation, which I commend greatly. I wish I could be that way. Yes it is true that it is obvious to everyone that I am overweight, yet I am an EXTREMELY private person and does not want everyone knowing my business. I feel that this is a long road that I want to travel alone with only my closest VERY SUPPORTING family and husband. I didn't want to deal with all the questions of what can you eat how much have you lost, etc. It does make me feel really good when people notice that I have lost weight, and when they ask how I tell them fitness center and cutting back on what I eat. Which is the truth. As far as what your husband did, I don't blame you for being upset. Because he told something that was very sacred and private that you asked him not to. As to why he did no one but he knows. He may feel pressured by his FIL to knoww all of your business and didn't feel he would stop until he knew. As far as your FIL goes next time he asks tell him you appreciate his concern but for now you would prefer to not discuss it with everyone. P.S. My best friend doesn't know either.

I think the big thing here is that he agreed not to tell, and then he did. If he wasn't willing to lie about it to keep it from his parents, he should have been up front about that fact in the beginning, especially if, like you said, he's lied to them about other things in the past HE didn't want them to know.

I think you should revisit this with him. Obviously the main part is over, he already told his dad, but he needs to explain to you why he agreed to something and then went back on it, I think