*sigh* I awoke this morning and trudged barefoot into the bathroom... dragged the scale out... thought skinny thoughts... held my breath... and stepped on. It's been a week of indulgence... unfilled and no stomach pain... what a combo. I haven't been eating like I used to eat pre-banding... but still... much more than I should. It showed... a pound and a half UP. OMIGOD... I wondered how I would feel if the scale ever went UP again... and now I know. It sucks quite frankly.

So... I hope I can be kind to myself this week... make better choices... and behave!

GAWD... I am telling myself it is not that big of a deal... but honestly... it was devastating to see the numbers go up.

Darcy

Darcy,

It's not unusual for me to see the scale go up instead of down. I cannot weigh myself every day or it will drive me insane. I can easily become obsessed with the scale.

I attribute a lot of my 1-3 pound weight gain episodes on excess Water retention. I bet the same has happened to you.

Hang in there, I know how frustrating it is to see the scale go up instead of down. But you'll go back down again soon.

I must have missed reading why you had your fill removed?

Darcy,

I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling

But you know this unfill is only temperorary so try not to get too discouraged OK once you get your fill back you will be on the losing side. Just try as hard as it is to follow the bandster rules as much as possible during this unfill stage. You can do this Darcy! Better choices, more exercise and Drink your water!!! If you need a little verbal encouragement you can call me anytime. I will talk you out of it

Hang in there Darcy

(((Hugs to you)))

Darcy, you see how my sig says "ish"? That's because on any given day my weight will be within five pounds of that, up or down. Weight is a range, not a spot, and it all depends on a million different factors we can't control. You know there's no point in agonizing over 24 ounces! Hell, I'll bet you drink 32 ozs of Water in ten minutes--well, lady, that's TWO POUNDS.

Relax...

THanks guys... I am trying not to fret. I think the reason it is such a bummer is that I had half convinced myself that I could do this even in an unfilled status. I am scared to get filled again... scared that the stomach pain I was having will return if I get filled. I so wanted to think that I had learned to control myself... that I had learned a different way of eating. The harsh reality is that I still love food... still love shoving as much as will fit in... and finally... I still need restriction to lose weight. My brain knows the the stomach problems were not due to the fill... it was due to iritation of the stomach lining for whatever reason.... still... the thought of being filled again nearly throws me into a panic attack. Part of it is knowing that my port is difficult to access... I guess it is somewhat at an angle.

I wasn't even going to get on the scale this morning because I knew it was going to show a gain... it probably should have been more of a gain quite honestly. I am going to try to get back to those bandster eating guidelines until my appointment next week... going to stick with the exercise... and going to remember that I can't undo 3 and a half months of losses in a 3 week period of time.

What the heck would I do without you guys... yikes... hope I never find out!

Darcy

Hello Darcy,

I was banded around the same time as you 6/17/04. I also fell off track for a little while. I went on vacation the end of August and drank & ate way too much. For the following three weeks I did not exercise and continued to make really poor food choices . I could not seem to snap out of it and get back on track. Needless to say I got myself into a bad depression. I thought this time would be different and I am acting the same ol' way I have in the past with continued failure. My poor husband took the brunt of my anger. I abused the crap out of him and when I finally snapped out of it I really owed him an apology.

One day I just dusted myself off and said OK you screwed up now cut the shit and get back on track. I fasted for a few days and started eating small portions and most important I got on the friggen dreadmill and sweat my but off. Well, this past Friday I went to the doc for my weigh in and lost 10 1/2 pounds. It really gave me the boost I truly needed.

Do not be so hard on yourself, you lost 44 pounds already! Just have a "do over" and move on. This site is great and always there even when you do not feel like talking sometime just reading the conversations help.

Take care and be well. You will be fine, you are already a success.

Gina

"We cannot change the past but we can start a new beginning and change the ending"

Darcy, when will you find out if your tummy is healing? This is just a small bump in the road. You've done so fantastic! Your band is there waiting for you when you are able to use it again.

Gina, Very Inspiring! Nice to hear from you and meet you, Teresa

Darcy,

Hugs to you girlfriend, been there, done that. Being un-filled is absolutely terrifying for me. The first day they un-filled me all sort of images of cheeseburgers and fries went through my head, then I just said to myself. "Stop!" I have not spent the past year trying to lose weight only to dive right back into all the foods that brought me here head first. So, what I tried to focus on was to just try to continue eating AS IF I still had my restriction. I did pretty good at that, even lost a few additional pounds while un-filled, then, on the day before I had to have surgery (in your case, being filled again) I did take myself to my local fav hamburger joint and I ordered myself the kiddie size burger, fries etc that I had coveted on the first day of being un-filled. I enjoyed it, but it was my reward for NOT having done it in the beginning and everyday in between. Now, don't get me wrong. I eat 'wrong' all the time, but the one thing I have done is to cut out all bread products, rice and Pasta.

Another thing, I know it's disappointing to gain back a few lbs. I've been dealing with 5lbs since Labor Day. But, the cool part is that we still have the band. On any given day, we can begin again. This is progress, not perfection. You'll get better, then you'll just begin again. I think that's pretty awesome! So don't beat yourself up. I think it's normal to test the waters, for all of us. You're gonna do just fine!

Hang in there, Darcy. Can you find some activity, like a class or project that will occupy you for the next 3 weeks? I wish I could do that myself. You just might be holding Water from increasing your intake, not really gaining. Keep good thoughts so you don't get depressed.

I know what you mean about being afraid to get a fill. I feel the same way. Don't worry too much until it is time to do it.

As I sit here remembering the bowl of icecream I had for lunch... WHAT the HEDOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS is the matter with me?????? It's funny... from the beginning... I have felt fear everytime I started to get dressed... fear that suddenly my clothes would be too tight again. If I don't stop myself... they will be too tight again! Okay ladies... I am going to get on the treadmill and walk until I drop... do you think that will erase a huge bowl of rocky road icecream... with whipped cream? :nervous

I know what you're thinking... Darcy... why do you have ice-cream and whipped cream in the house????? Well... my hubby was a partner in crime last week when we went to the store and bought M&M's... Snickers Bars and the dreaded Ice Cream. He said this morning... "Well... I had to do something... you're almost down to what I weight!" *sigh* He thinks I should be mad at him... but I'm not... I was his partner in crime.

So... tonight... whatever ice cream they don't eat is going in the trash... I already sent the candy with my hubby (he threw it away once and dug it out of the trash later...lol)

Thank you again ladies... I'm gonna be good... I promise...

Darcy

Sorry that you are having a rough time of it, Darcy. But I am glad that you are not hurting anymore. You couldn't eat anything for so long you probably feel like you deserve a treat! Don't beat yourself up over it, tomorrow you can start anew. Good luck to ya!