I'm not really sure what is going on with me right now. As long as I can remember, I've wanted to be skinny, and now I am. I think I used food as a crutch before when things got rough. Now, I'm starting to drink every day. I sometimes feel like my husband is uncomfortable with how attractive others find me. Everything just feels off right now :/. My one year bandiversary was Oct 1st of this year, so I'm new to being a veteran. I'm just wondering if others have struggled with these same issues.

I'm not really sure what is going on with me right now. As long as I can remember, I've wanted to be skinny, and now I am. I think I used food as a crutch before when things got rough. Now, I'm starting to drink every day. I sometimes feel like my husband is uncomfortable with how attractive others find me. Everything just feels off right now :/. My one year bandiversary was Oct 1st of this year, so I'm new to being a veteran. I'm just wondering if others have struggled with these same issues.

You bet. I've been in therapy for over a year now because of unhappiness as I got smaller and smaller. Turns out there were many underlying issues...isn't there always? But even my bariatric surgeon felt this was a good thing for me as I am nothing like I was 150 lbs. ago. The weight loss is the outward change but the other changes in my life are just as radical.

Don't wait till you wind up with a serious drinking issue because you haven't explored the other issues the weight loss has brought to the surface.

Good luck and remember that you are not the only one dealing with these feelings. There are more than just the two of us for sure.

fellow Bandsters:

hesitate to comment here for concern of being misunderstood for my intent

I for one always prefer to seek the underlying cause of any such dark aspect of my own life and times....

I don't really understand 'depression' in any real way. In the various life roles I've played over the decades, my preference for attempting to understand 'depression' is to define it as perception of being unable to positively affect one's circumstance. In a bumper sticker observation, 'depression is anger turned inward'. Boredom & avoidance of conflict & fear of change all have a role, so I'm told.

The now antique notions of applying behavioral modification has always provided better results in my own life. Rather than pondering 'why' etc, action applied with intent to solve the problem, has always resulted in improved circumstance.

Presented with the reality of 'having become diabetic' 25 years ago, I was given the choice of continuing my drinking preferences OR saving my eyes and kidney function. Through what I can only attribute to 'divine intervention' after intense personal crises, overnight all desire for alcohol was somehow gone....after 30+ years of nursing such a habit.

We can become more of what we believe we *think* we should be, by following the example of the pioneers on the Oregon Trail.

Leaving their old life and attempting to carry away the entire household, new demands on the trail meant dumping the old cast Iron cook stove along the way. Crossing the new rivers & streams meant leaving the dressers & fancy furniture sitting along the trail. Scaling the high passes on the way to "Oregon Territory" meant leaving the Memorial Anvil Collection of irrelevant unneeded baubles of the Old Life behind.

We can ALL move ourselves in ANY direction we choose. Trying to carry/drag/tug the albatross of Old Life along soaks up energy we need for the journey.

The butterfly becomes what it is by leaving the old worm casing behind. Destructive drinking and depression are symptoms that CHANGES are due, IMHO.

Edited January 6, 201511 yr by Jack

Hi Nikki,

I agree whole heartily with GoWalking. I urge you to be strong and seek out help before this becomes and out of control problem. Please do not trade in one addiction for another. You've clearly worked hard to get to this place and as you've learned already there is no shame in asking for help when you need it. But you have to take the first step.

As for your husband...have you spoken with him to confirm what you're thinking or are you just speculating? You could have a problem drummed up in your head that doesn't even exist. I think the important part right now is that you both sit down and communicate and be open about it. Group therapy doesn't hurt either. It gives you both a place to safely sit down and talk and speak freely.

I know you didn't ask for the advice but rather whether or not anyone else had similar experiences. Please know I am just concerned for you.

As for my own issues I wouldn't say it is depression but when I look in the mirror I still see a very big man even though I know I am not. Clearly I have some self image issues. I would probably be fine once I have skin removal surgery. I have at times pondered talking to someone about it but honestly it is not impacting my life that much. I am definitely in a better, healthy situation in life at this point.

Wish you the best of luck!!