okay, so many of you may be wondering where on earth Ive been, and what Ive been doing? Well it has been a bumpy road to tell you the truth...I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which I am still trying to find a cheap therapist to really evaluate me again because I really really dont think that I am. I moved back to my hometown due to excessive partying, overspending, and lack of school work. I have to pay for my own college now, which is not a result of losing the money this year, we really could not afford another year at a 4-year university. I am going to finish out my Associates at the community college I attended in High School, I only have a year left, then I can take that degree and hopefully get a job that can help me pay for my Bachelors. I havent given up on my education whatsoever. I moved back to my hometown also to get my life straight, and to chill out with the party scene. I only go out on the weekends, which I only include Friday and Saturday night. Im doing really well with my drinking as far as not doing it as often as I used to, Im very happy for that, I was on the road to alcoholism.

Now for the bad...Im very depressed since I moved back, I am trying to get a good job here in hopes of getting back to Corpus Christi ASAP! No real good bites so far but Im trying. Recently I was diagnosed with having multiple, large Ovarian Cysts which I will have checked again in June as well as a cancer test, just to be sure. Im a little scared because I am displaying MANY symptoms of the known cancer symptoms, however that doesnt necessarily mean I have it. I am infertile, but its only temporary, for about 2-3 years, which Im too young to have children right now anyway. Recently, I had the worst weekend in a LONG time, and I just cant help to think it wouldnt have happened had I been in CC. It started Friday night.......

Friday night I called and had my friend (Mando) buy me and my friend some beer...Ive known him for about 7 years! And when he got back he charged me an extra 6 dollars for getting it for me, which is ridiculous because he was already at the beer store buying for other ppl, BUT not to be the Bitch, I just paid it. My friend and I went to use the restroom, came back and EVERY SINGLE BEER was GONE, disappeared from the fridge! My best friend's BF and his friend let me have their beer so I was cool, but I figured out Mando took our beer, which is ridiculous! So we are all boozing, having fun, and all that left at that party are the two guys that live there, their friend, my friend and her man, and Mando and I. Im a little tipsy, and when Im that way I dont get mad at anything or anyone, I love the world, so Mando and I are talking or whatever and he's like lets go to my house and grab another CD, I trust him because Ive known him FOREVER, never would have touched me when I was bigger...he made a pass at me and I shot him down. Then next thing I know he gets me in the car and drives off too fast for me to jump out...he took me to someones house and raped me...I fought back best I could without causing too big a scene....last thing I need is the Mafia after me for ratting him out....I cant really do anything about it....ofcourse you all are going to say I shouldve reported it, but gangs here are scary, hes not in one, BUT they would back him because he is mexican and Im white...I have to live here another year, I dont need my life to be miserable, or worse, ended. Then Saturday night, no body knows what happened Friday, nor will they ever, mind you Im still upset about the previous night, the only reason I went out is because I knew he wouldnt be there, someone starts running their head asking me what did mando and I do the previous night....I got pissed off and just said, "absolutely nothing." Then some other guys made some lude comments about women, which pissed me off....I went to another party with other friends and get a phone call that all my old neighbors (whom I lent a lot of money and other items too, they used me til I had nothing left), stole some decorations and stuff off my door in CC....I got pissed off, got into with all of them, BUT it felt so good to let it all out. My Saturday night was mostly ruined.....THEN Sunday I got a phone call from a lawyer in Corpus and they wanted to hire me onto their firm starting at secretary, then moving up to Paralegal! Had they called 2 weeks ago, I would still be in CC and none of this would have happened.

Also, I called Dr. Spiegel's office this morning, and Ive got to tell you, they have the worse customer service EVER! I havent been in town, and I need a fill BADLY! Im gaining weight. Im going to be in the area on Thursday, but they couldnt do it, so I was like well, I can wait as long as the 20th of May......they couldnt get me in til June 11! Thats too late, thats a 2 hour drive for me and gas is almost $3 a gallon! I cant afford a trip JUST to get a fill, I had other things to do in the area before the 20th, now I have to make 2 freakin trips! They used to would be be able to get me in within a week or week and a half! Im so pissed and upset about the situation!

So there's my life for the past little while, if youve read my previous posts youre probably wondering what about the boys? WELL........I got rid of the bartender, the breakup issue was actually my fault, lol, however it was funny! The stripper and I still talk every now and then, but its strictly that, I had started seeing the bartender's friend (which probably wasnt the best of ideas lol) but had to end it when I left, however he still calls me and checks on me whenever he has time.....AND through the magic of MySpace, a waiter that had flirted with me at a restuarant a little, but I didnt pick up on it, found me and without being creepy told me that he thought I was gorgeous the first time he saw me, and thats why he picked up the table! It wasnt even in his section! AWWWWW! lol He's actually a good guy! I wish I was back in CC, he knows Im not there and he wants me to come back so badly! I want to too. Hes super cute, in the Navy, and so far a gentleman, however they all are at first lol!

So there it is..........sorri so long

I gotta say my 2 cents. I think we need to be careful about recommending things. Regarding dumping toxic Mom, I'm assuming none of us know Jodie or her Mom in real life. Parents are a mixed blessing in this situation, and while it may be that Jodie needs to split, it may also be that Jodie would benefit from staying where she is and getting some help before she goes back out on her own. We can support, but jumping to conclusions that can powerfully impact a life we hardly know seems a bit much.

I also want to address a concern Jodie had awhile back, that threads she starts for support always end up as a "Jodie's crazy" thread. I imagine that gets pretty frustrating.

I think the reason that happens is that the stuff you put in this and your other threads is way out there, and I'm not sure how much you recognize that. The responses about getting help are just that....responding to someone whose life is chaotic and sounds painful. Please consider the way people respond to you as a mirror others hold up so you can see your own reflection and decide what to do about it. It's not feedback toward you that's coming out of the blue. It's about the things you say that lead us all to hope you will get help and stick with it. If you're lost in the woods and have no idea how to get out, you don't rely on yourself to lead the way...you ask someone who isn't lost.

Hey Jodie, if it does turn out that one of the problems is Bipolar...get ready. One of the first challenges will be that if the meds work, you'll feel fine and want to get off them. Seems to be hard for folks to remember that you'll be feel better because you're on the meds. It's a common challenge. The other one that happens a lot is feeling like life is a bit boring when the meds help settle life down.

check out my new update everyone!

Okay, so this is an update on me in a nutshell…

I had taken a short break from college, but now I am going back.

I had moved back to Corpus for about 3 months with a sorority sister, but she ended up being a, well, a bitch and because my name wasn’t on the lease, and I stuck to my responsibilities instead of partying all the time, she kicked me out the day after I paid rent on grounds that were completely false, however I don’t have a leg to stand on in them. I have a boyfriend that Ive been dating for about 2 months that I have had hell with, however he and I are both working on our lives right now. I am back in my hometown trying to get a full-time job and goto school as well as get back in the Theatre. He is in rehab for alcoholism. I asked him to go. He is a great guy, but I cant be with someone that I cant trust with money. Atleast if he bought crap we would have something to show for it. I love him so much, and he is freakishly in love with me, but unless he straightens up his act, I can not be with him. Im diagnosed as pre-bipolar or bipolarish and Im taking trazadone and abilify to help manage that. Im not happy about being home, but its better than being homeless in <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /><st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Corpus Christi</st1:place></st1:City>. I actually have a positive outlook right now, which is rare as many of you may know. Im in debt up to my ears, but with the right job I can fix that in a few months. I need a new car and new cellphone, but since I lived a homeless life in Corpus (thanks to my wonderful roomie), and lived very poor because my boyfriend was a bartender/busboy and I was a hostess at a restaurant, we couldn’t afford much after helping our friend that we were staying with out with rent. Ive never lived that way before, it really opened my eyes. Ive almost completely quit drinking myself btw. I finally saw how much money I was wasting just tipping the bartender for free drinks! I still enjoy a couple of drinks every now and then, but as for the every night party I would rather not. As for events coming up……..Im going to school to get my paralegal certificate and Im going to Substitute teach at the schools here until I get a fulltime job. Well that’s my update……….Im open to questions, I know it is kind of brief for my writing lol!

I already posted this as a seperate thread but if you are still subscribed to this one, I wanted you to read it

I'm glad that things are looking up for you. I'm glad you are in school. But do you think that teaching is a good career option right now? Children are VERY difficult to work with and create a very high level of stress. It is also a huge responsibility. A teacher made one flippant comment to me one time in 1st grade. I'm sure it meant nothing to her, but I still remember it to this day.

Just something to think about.