Surgery is scheduled for two weeks. I'm so scared it will be canceled but at the same time feel upset with myself to have to do this. I lost 150 on my own kept it off for a few years now have 50 put back on. I can't go back there I just can't seems to lose weight on my own anymore I do good for 2-3 weeks then just fall off the wagon. I think about food 24-7 and am deeply depressed about my weight. I know how to lose weight but I can't keep it off I can't starve forever I hope this surgery will help me

Look at it this way: you are two weeks away from a new birthday. The pre-op is worse than the post-op, once you get past the first couple of weeks. As you get the hang of this, it gets easier and besides that, you become an expert on bariatric nutrition.

Take a deep breath.

The surgery should be one tool in your toolbox of things to help you get healthier. You can't expect it to solve your problems because it just won't. The restriction will help you lose weight, but it won't keep the weight away. Only you can do that by making sure you do as much as you can to change your way of thinking and your lifestyle.

I am opening myself up to trying different things to help me. Therapy, support groups, books on the subject, working with a nutritionist, reading blogs and getting support and ideas here. In the future as the weight comes off I plan to add a few sessions with a personal trainer. I might decide to work with a lifestyle coach at some point or do my own blogging. There isn't much I won't try to commit to being healthier but I know FOR SURE this surgery isn't a "one and done" kind of thing were I can just believe it's going to take care of everything.

Maybe you can make a list of all the things you can do to improve your chances of success and look into implementing them one by one?

I felt like you. I got down to 150 and ran a half marathon. After a few years of starving just to maintain my weight, I eventually started gaining. Unlike you, I gained it all back and then some. I hated myself, felt weak, felt like I was a complete failure. I was ashamed that I turned to surgery (am getting ready to turn to surgery).

Then I decided that it's unproductive to keep punishing myself. Who cares how I am successful as long as I'm successful. I could hold out and try to show my strength by trying to do it without any tools like surgery or pills but likely I'll just stay fat so that's a dumb idea. I'm going to do whatever it takes to lose weight and keep it off and I'm not going to feel one bit bad about it. Everyone who goes through this works their tush off (literally) so it's not the easy way out. Stop wasting time on feeling bad about yourself and start thinking about how great it will feel to easily keep that weight off next time.

Take a deep breath.

The surgery should be one tool in your toolbox of things to help you get healthier. You can't expect it to solve your problems because it just won't. The restriction will help you lose weight, but it won't keep the weight away. Only you can do that by making sure you do as much as you can to change your way of thinking and your lifestyle.

I am opening myself up to trying different things to help me. Therapy, support groups, books on the subject, working with a nutritionist, reading blogs and getting support and ideas here. In the future as the weight comes off I plan to add a few sessions with a personal trainer. I might decide to work with a lifestyle coach at some point or do my own blogging. There isn't much I won't try to commit to being healthier but I know FOR SURE this surgery isn't a "one and done" kind of thing were I can just believe it's going to take care of everything.

Maybe you can make a list of all the things you can do to improve your chances of success and look into implementing them one by one?

I am thinking you are a very wise one!