Well i made it almost two years without ever eating the junk some folks talk about going down easy - maybe have had a few Cookies, a few small bags of chips but have really followed those old bandster rules pretty much to the letter -

yesterday had a meltdown/depression (too long to go into here) coupled with horrible pms (i started the day with a blob of ketchup with salt in it - soooo sad) and just a feeling of giving up - why the hell am i doing everything right and basically the only banded person in the world still fat and not losing -suffice it to say at an all time low

well i learned how to binge with the band and i wont share cuz i'm sure you can imagine - had more then my fill all day of sweets and salt and fell right back into my old pattern of eating to soothe myself.

i hope i can stop - i feel like i crossed some line of just giving up. i have been there before but always pull myself back up out of this band despair but it was always without that reminder of how much food helps me.

it also felt good to eat and eat - you see what i mean??? i feel broken and unfixable right now.

I am fine staying home, until my car is in the shop---then by golly I NEED to GO!!!!!

Kat

That is so stinkin' funny!!! True though. I'm the SAME way...I am insanely put-out when my car is in the shop!

Unfortunately my attitude carries over to food---if I am dieting and something is off limits, that is what I fixate on...and if I continue to deny myself, I too will binge! But the band is an awesome help in my case!!!

Kat

Mary... don't beat yourself up over what happened yesterday or the day before. It's in the past and it can not be changed.. HOWEVER... you can change the future. My fiance reminds me of this alot. I used to beat myself up alot...for example....

"I ate pizza and didn't go to the gym yesterday" :cry

Can I change what happened yesterday?

Nope.

Can I learn from it?

ABSOLUTELY!!

Thats when I say.. "I'm gonna have a better day today"...I drag my behind out of bed...make myself a Protein shake/fruit smoothie and get dressed for the gym. BEFORE I have a chance to talk myself out of it (which I'm also good at... "I have so much to do today" or "I'm too tired" or "Ohh.. lets see who's on The View today" haha).

Keep your head up!!!

hey melissa, You are so right about the future. It sounds like you have a 'keeper' of a fiance! Good luck with your upcoming banding - you are already ahead of the game with your attitude. And I DID have a pretty good day today - I ate a healthy breakfast (maybe a bite or two too much) and a healthy lunch and I'm not so hungry but have tofu (not sure that will work) set aside to make for a lite supper if I want it. I ate more then recently but i stayed fuller longer and felt better.

I think i am through the worst of this and as always my lap band buddies came to the rescue. I don't know where I would be without this site.

Take care, mary

...and tomorrow will be even better...

You know, Mary, there is no shame in talking to your doctor about depression. There are many options out there for treating it, there is no reason for anyone to have to live with depression. I was diagnosed with depression caused by anxiety, and was put on Paxil a few years back. After a few weeks, I began to realize that I hadn't felt "normal" in a very long time. Not just the few months I had originally thought. Now, I'm on a very very small dose, and I feel normal! Please don't beat yourself up!

You're a special person, and you deserve to feel good about yourself! No matter what the scale says, it's just a number, after all!

Atta girl, i'll be watching out for you. did you ever consider putting the scale away for alittle while. Say, one week to give yourself a break from that stress? I know it's hard to do, but just for alittle bit at a time? Good luck!

It's like an alcoholic binge, isn't it? Like an alcoholic who falls off the wagon, you just hope the binges will get shorter and less frequent.

I have read in other posts about people who aren't losing and who are helped tremendously by endochrinologists. I think you're on the right track. You might want to search here for those posts and get the details.

Marys, I was just wondering if you ever thought of your situation this way...If I wasn't banded and following the rules where would I be today, you said you would yoyo up and down 50 lbs....Before banded I yoyoed but mine was lose 20 gain 30, lose 30 gain 35...it kept up this way until I now I was headed for immobility and then the grave...so could your situation have been worse if not for your being banded? Can you look for the NSV you have now? I applaud your perserverance! Keep looking for a way to get going again it's out there but you can't give up. Your in my thoughts and prayers.

Deb

Highest lifetime wt 386 7 mos ago

1st visit to dr. 376

Surgery day 343

Today 315 just over 2 mos banded.

Edited February 25, 200917 yr by DebbieGail
Oops didn't read Page 2 post so my comments are redundate and I see you did say you were thankful that you aren't any bigger

I've scanned through the postings so I apologize if someone has already said this to you----but have you gone to individual or group counseling? Your stomach was banded, not your head or your heart. I'm pleased to see that you still care...that's the very first step. I ate a ton of crap tonight. Why? I'm not PMS'ing. I was overwhelmed at work....I will admit here that when I overeat, I often rinse it out with a big drink of Water...yes, and make myself vomit. Healthy? Absolutely not. It's not something I do regularly, but we all struggle.....we all have our demons. Having my stomach banded didn't make my perfectionism or issues disappear.

I'm thinking of you and hoping that with every hour you feel stronger. Delight in small term goals. Take each day, each hour as it comes. Do the best you can. But, know that you're not alone.....