I have to what do people mean when they say get ready to lose friends? I don't get it. Thanks for your response in advance.

I have to what do people mean when they say get ready to lose friends? I don't get it. Thanks for your response in advance.

You are already beautiful from what I can make out of your picture. So think of it this way, as your weight comes off your friends, or some of them, will look at you as competition, they will become jealous, they'll be envious, and the list of issues can go on. Even some husbands can become stupid, because they think you are losing for another man, remember they love you as you were. They become scared, but will they admit that probably not. Just remember if happens to you, then they weren't your friends.

You are already beautiful from what I can make out of your picture. So think of it this way' date=' as your weight comes off your friends, or some of them, will look at you as competition, they will become jealous, they'll be envious, and the list of issues can go on. Even some husbands can become stupid, because they think you are losing for another man, remember they love you as you were. They become scared, but will they admit that probably not. Just remember if happens to you, then they weren't your friends.[/quote']

Thank you and wow I never looked at it like that. The husband part that's what I am afraid of but at the same time I have to do this to live not for me but my son. I am just trying to gather as much information as possible and prepare myself for this new life I want. Thank you again for answering my question.

You are already beautiful from what I can make out of your picture. So think of it this way' date=' as your weight comes off your friends, or some of them, will look at you as competition, they will become jealous, they'll be envious, and the list of issues can go on. Even some husbands can become stupid, because they think you are losing for another man, remember they love you as you were. They become scared, but will they admit that probably not. Just remember if happens to you, then they weren't your friends.[/quote']

You are so on point.... I'm going through this right now.

~Leticia **HW: 259**PreOp: 216**SURG: 3/21/13 **Discharged @: 221**9 weeks post op. CW: 182.6 lbs. ---ONE-DERLAND ---

You are so on point.... I'm going through this right now.

~Leticia **HW: 259**PreOp: 216**SURG: 3/21/13 **Discharged @: 221**9 weeks post op. CW: 182.6 lbs. ---ONE-DERLAND ---

With the friends?

I am a year post op and I will say this is a journey that takes you on a wild ride. I have grown so much as a person. I learned so much about myself. Although the core of myself has not changed my outlook on life and beliefs have changed. Dreams that I never thought I could reach are suddenly within my grasp. Some people can not handle those changes. I have not lost any friends, but my interactions with people are different. You will begin to notice that people treat you differently when you lose your weight. I have a coworker I have issues with now and I do believe it is because of the weight loss. She is overweight herself, and every chance she gets she tells me I am too skinny. At first this really got to me, but now I realize it is her way of dealing with her own issues. She has said many times that she is happy to be fat, and figures if she is going to die she might as well go out with a cheese burger fries and a candy bar.

I have also realized that we as overweight people fit a role in people's lives. We are the fat ones of the group, and when you change that outward appearance we can no longer fit into that role. You are no longer the fat one, now you are the one who has confidence and love life and are going for your goals. Sometimes that is hard for people to understand and accept.

Now husbands are different. My marriage has strengthened from this experience and after reading many posts I realize I am lucky. Before my surgery my husband and I had long talks about it and all the changes that were to come. I was open and honest with him about everything. I told him that always felt he would sabotage my weight loss efforts by buying junk food and telling me to just ignore it and have will power. As many of us know that is tough to do. About 1 month post op my husband bought a chocolate cream pie. He came home and said he bought something for me. He proudly said I knew it would be soft and you would enjoy it. Now typically I would get mad but keep it to myself. I went to the bedroom and thought about it - came to the conclusion he needed to understand. I told him this is not what I needed and I felt like he wanted to keep me fat. Well at the end of the talk he confessed he bought the pie for himself, but did not want to admit it. He said he wanted sweets at night. We compromised by him buying things that would not tempt me - he bought coconut pies instead.

I know I have said a lot, but my bottom line is this talk to your loved ones at length and be open and honest with them. This is a life changing surgery - both mentally and physically.

First I am glad that your marriage is/was strong enough to make it through the whole change. So far this process has open my eyes to the way people really feel and view over weight people. I understand what your saying, but I am taken back because I never looked at things from this point of view. Like I said before this is for me to live and watch my son grow up. I do think I need to understand some people will go and that's fine because they didn't mean me any good any way. Since it's been a year for you congrats and are you getting the cosmetic surgery done for the extra skin or is there a way to avoid that?

I'm going through something similar as well with my best friend. We've been friends for 16 years and literally have done everything together high school, college, vacations. Even our birthdays are the same day. However what we usually do is hang out at each others houses have a few beers and eat. Now I'm not going to be either of those things. I need to find out if there is any more substance to our relationship besides these things. We've been doing the same thing for years and to have one of us change is a huge deal. Not only and I'm going to change but she will need to give a little as well. We new to find things to do that don't involve those activities. I don't want to lose my friend by doing this surgery but I do realize our relationship has to change or I will fail.

Actually I take that last line back. I WILL NOT fail but my relationship with her will end.

Actually I take that last line back. I WILL NOT fail but my relationship with her will end.

Oh no can't yall comprise? Finding good true friends is very hard. How about yall find new things and still do the beer. I know you can't drink it but have something to replace it. I hope your friendship survives. I lost a best friend years ago and sometimes I wish we were still friends. Good luck. How long has it been for your surgery?

That's what I hoping too. We just need to find other stuff to do besides drink. I'm actually having my surgery on Wednesday. My first appt with the surgeon was march 19. So it's been pretty quick. I very excited but a little nervous too. Lol

First I am glad that your marriage is/was strong enough to make it through the whole change. So far this process has open my eyes to the way people really feel and view over weight people. I understand what your saying' date=' but I am taken back because I never looked at things from this point of view. Like I said before this is for me to live and watch my son grow up. I do think I need to understand some people will go and that's fine because they didn't mean me any good any way. Since it's been a year for you congrats and are you getting the cosmetic surgery done for the extra skin or is there a way to avoid that?[/quote']

The reason I posted what I did was so that you would think about everything. I think the worst thing to do is go through the surgery unprepared. Of course things will come up, and everyone is different. I firmly believe that being open an honest with friends and loved ones is the best policy.

That's what I hoping too. We just need to find other stuff to do besides drink. I'm actually having my surgery on Wednesday. My first appt with the surgeon was march 19. So it's been pretty quick. I very excited but a little nervous too. Lol

I hope so too. Congrats and that was fast 2 months. Well if you ever want to talk I am here. Please keep me updated on everything I wanna know how things go for you. I know it's going to go well ne I want details lol also what are you getting done?

The reason I posted what I did was so that you would think about everything. I think the worst thing to do is go through the surgery unprepared. Of course things will come up' date=' and everyone is different. I firmly believe that being open an honest with friends and loved ones is the best policy.[/quote']

Thanks and I am trying to make sure o dot my I's and cross my t's like I talked with my son today about it. My husband I dont know if he thinks I dont need it or what but I did invite him to come to my appointment with me so he can hear what's going on medical wise. I need to know how is it after you get it done like that day and the next day. I know you will be out of work for 3 weeks minimal but I was thinking I could go for a day or 2 the second week. After reading some stuff I no longer know about that now. I have lots and lots of questions but no one to really answer them right now : (

I will definitely keep you updated. I've been talking to a woman who had her surgery on Thursday at the same hospital as me and its really calming my nerves. Lol. I'm having the RNY done. My surgeon said not to waste my time with Lapband and the sleeve seemed a little extreme. RNY has been the most performed surgery out if the three for a reason. It works. I'm so excited!!

I will definitely keep you updated. I've been talking to a woman who had her surgery on Thursday at the same hospital as me and its really calming my nerves. Lol. I'm having the RNY done. My surgeon said not to waste my time with Lapband and the sleeve seemed a little extreme. RNY has been the most performed surgery out if the three for a reason. It works. I'm so excited!!

I know you are I am excited for you. Congrats again and post pics of your progress.