After two months of set-backs, I'm finally going to the required educational seminar tomorrow for Dr. Pinson. I'm terrified, and it's just a class!

I think the fear is because this is really showing my family that I'm serious about this surgery and they don't like it (I'm 23), even though they know that it is almost 100% impossible for me to lose more weight on my own. They would rather me stay this size than to get 85% of my stomach cut out.

Now I'm just hoping his self-pay isn't too high! Any more mentions of going to MX for the surgery may send my family over the edge.

Just got out of the seminar, the cash pay is 12,500. I'm kinda okay with that, as I would like to be close to home incase of problems and follow-ups.

But as soon as my father realized I was serious, he asked me why I don't get on my elliptical more often. Sure, that'll solve everything! Forget that I've been calorie counting for three years and exercising and my weight has come to a complete stand still for the last year!

I was encouraged because I was thinking about getting online and searching for medical loans, but now I'm almost in tears. If someone I've lived in a house with that has SEEN my weight struggles thinks I'm taking the easy way out, what will my friends and co-workers think?

All my excitement is flying away now..