So next week the family and I are heading to... the beach! This is a dreaded location for me in all my chunkidom. I'm pretty hard on myself with my weight and have noticed that after my twin monsters were born and my thyroid went on sabbatical - it has gotten even worse. I don't remember hitting 280.0 but I did. Right now I'm at 261.0. I was able to get down to 230.0 last year with the Atkins style approach which I loved tremendously, but the second u eyed that lonely little bun in all it's enriched white carb yumminess u gained 5 back. Evidently my body doesn't believe in a carb grace period and BAM up the weight elevator I went.

Anyways I just tried my "cute" swimsuit on and I use the term "cute" with regards to the outfit, not it being on me lol in my opinion and man o man. What happened? Does anyone just look in the mirror and go "What happened here? Where were u during this?" That's me now. I however felt hopeful - I got my surgery date scheduled, Sept 25 - longs ways off but my dr is booked til then. So my horrid moment of looking at myself in the mirror just now didn't cause me to break into tears. I was able to smile and tell myself that it's great I know I need to do better and I'm taking the steps in order to get there so I can be here for my girls. They are my reason for this. I want to be here longer and I don't want them growing up and mommy avoiding pictures, learning ridiculous eating habits or catching mommy in a never ending weight struggle. I don't want that to be an influence on them or to grow up watching their mother struggle through that.

Side note - was watching a Lifetime movie Stalker at 17 (such a junkie I am) they mentioned that the father was so happy and scared at the same time his sdauther was born and when asked y he replied,"Because everything I do now matters." And u know, that is some true stuff right there

Enough rambling!! ????

Enjoy your time with your children! Remember, this will be their last summer at this age and your last summer as a chunky monkey!