I decided I just need to put my story out there and see what advice anyone can offer. I am pre-op and I'm going back and forth trying to decide if surgery is the right decision for me. My brother had the sleeve done 2 years ago and he loves it, no complications, etc. I'm really worried that I will have complications (or worse - die from surgery) and I have 2 small children to think about.

My story: I am 35 years old and I weigh between 235 and 237 depending on the day. I have steadily gained weight since I was 18 and never have lost more than 10 pounds with any diet. Part of that is mental, I think. Of course I know what to do to lose, but after much soul searching, I think I'm scared to lose weight after being overweight for so long. I think the weight is a protection, if that makes sense. Not to get too far into it, but I am a victim of abuse (as a child and teenager) and part of me likes the "invisibility" of being big. I don't have to worry about unwanted attention. There is a downside to that - the negative attention, name-calling, and discrimination of being overweight.

Soooo, back to WLS. I want the sleeve for the reasons everyone else does: I want to lose weight and be healthy, especially for my kids sake. I know it is a tool, and I will have do the work involved. I am researching therapists because with or without surgery, I need to deal with the reasons I eat. The surgery will keep me from overeating, while I work on the emotional/mental side of why I do it. But part of me wonders if I could do this without surgery. Go to therapy, nutritionist and go on a healthy diet without the added risk of surgery.

The other side of the coin is that I don't know if I qualify for the surgery yet. I went for my 1st appointment and my BMI is 39,7 (they measured me 1/2 inch taller than I thought I was). The only health issues I have are rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyasia and GERD, and I don't know that they count as comorbidities for insurance. So, I'm in limbo. I can gain a couple pounds to ensure that I qualify for the surgery (counter productive) or I can see if they approve me as is, or I can ditch the surgery. I don't know what to do!!!

Cowgirl - that makes a lot of sense.

I've been on a journey of self discovery (what I like to call it - lol) over the last year or so, trying to figure out what is "wrong" with me that I just can't lose weight. I know that the emotional eating is a big component for me. I've had so much trama in my life and I've always turned to food for comfort. But I am realizing that there is the physical aspect too because I really am never full. Or I get full and an hour later I'm looking to eat something again. And then I wonder Can I even tell the difference between head hunger and physical hunger anymore?

I decided I just need to put my story out there and see what advice anyone can offer. I am pre-op and I'm going back and forth trying to decide if surgery is the right decision for me. My brother had the sleeve done 2 years ago and he loves it' date=' no complications, etc. I'm really worried that I will have complications (or worse - die from surgery) and I have 2 small children to think about.

My story: I am 35 years old and I weigh between 235 and 237 depending on the day. I have steadily gained weight since I was 18 and never have lost more than 10 pounds with any diet. Part of that is mental, I think. Of course I know what to do to lose, but after much soul searching, I think I'm scared to lose weight after being overweight for so long. I think the weight is a protection, if that makes sense. Not to get too far into it, but I am a victim of abuse (as a child and teenager) and part of me likes the "invisibility" of being big. I don't have to worry about unwanted attention. There is a downside to that - the negative attention, name-calling, and discrimination of being overweight.

Soooo, back to WLS. I want the sleeve for the reasons everyone else does: I want to lose weight and be healthy, especially for my kids sake. I know it is a tool, and I will have do the work involved. I am researching therapists because with or without surgery, I need to deal with the reasons I eat. The surgery will keep me from overeating, while I work on the emotional/mental side of why I do it. But part of me wonders if I could do this without surgery. Go to therapy, nutritionist and go on a healthy diet without the added risk of surgery.

The other side of the coin is that I don't know if I qualify for the surgery yet. I went for my 1st appointment and my BMI is 39,7 (they measured me 1/2 inch taller than I thought I was). The only health issues I have are rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyasia and GERD, and I don't know that they count as comorbidities for insurance. So, I'm in limbo. I can gain a couple pounds to ensure that I qualify for the surgery (counter productive) or I can see if they approve me as is, or I can ditch the surgery. I don't know what to do!!![/quote']

I understand. I too am a child abuse overcomer. I'm also a emotional eater overcomer. It took me over a year to decide that I am going to have surgery. I too use my weight as a shield, I decided I'm almost 40 and I can't let the past dictate my future! It's time fit a new beginning without all the guilt and shame. Send me a private message you like and we can talk more. God be with you throughout your healing process.

Thank you all for you're support and words of wisdom. I've decided to go ahead with the surgery. I'm still going to see a therapist because that can only help me be successful in the long run. As much as I would love to lose the weight without surgery, I don't think that's going to happen. I would have done it already. Now I just have to wait and see if the insurance approves it.

I'm just letting my nerves get the best of me as far as being afraid of the surgery. I've done all the research, I've talked to others who've been sleeved and I know in my heart this is the right decision. I just want to blink and be post-op and on my way to being healthy already. I know I will be on here a lot along the way.

You all are the best. Thanks again!!

I completely understand your comments. I lost a ton of weight in college and then had some bad experiences. I put the weight back on as "protection" and used it to push others away.

Twenty years later, I am ready to tear down that wall.