Thinking about changing my goal
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So, when I started this whole process I was 247 pounds and 5'2". When I talked to my doctor he told me not to pay attention to the BMI chart because with my bone structure, if I was between 98-110 pounds I would look horribly sick. I have thick bones - I'm short but not a thin body structure. I was fine with that. We settled on 135-140. Well, at 170, I'm pretty happy with the way I look now.If I change my goal, I'm only 20 pounds away from it.
I want to see what my surgeon thinks. At our last visit he said he wasn't going to hold me too strictly to the goal we set way back when because it's about what I'm comfortable with and my body will start to slow down when I'm around my natural weight. I think I'm close to it because getting to the 170s was a breeze, getting out of them has been a struggle. I would love to lose 20 more pounds - get my stomach flatter. I think I'm probably going to have to have a tummy tuck because after a C-section, 4 GYN surgeries, and a hystertectomy, all done between my navel and waist, I'm pretty sure my internal gurdle is shot to pieces. I have NO muscle tone in the bottom portion of my stomach; it's all above the navel. But even if it never gets flat, I can live with that. I can love 150. It's not 247!
I don't go back to the doctor until July, but I seriously want to talk about reevalutating my ulimate goal.Granted at 150, I'd still be considered overweight, but I really don't care what the chart says. I feel fantastic! My clothes fit. I'm between a 10 and 12 now (I'd love to be an 8 - in about 15 more pounds I will be). Besides my butt disappearing, I'm very comfortable with the way I look and feel. I don't look like a freak to the point where people can tell I had surgery (like Starr Jones). It looks natural. It's about the size I was when I got pregnant 14 years ago.
As far as my health goes, all of doctors agree that the only health issue I have is smoking. The rest is perfect, so I'm not continuing to lose for health reasons. If I went down to 135 that's just vanity. Hell 135 is still over what the chart says I'm supposed to weigh for my height. My surgery is a success - I've lost 75 pounds, I feel great, I have no health issues, I enjoy shopping again, my self esteem has increased - what more could I ask for? I've never wanted to be "skinny", just on the slimmer side. If I'm being completely honest I love being thick. It's what's considered attractive in the black culture.
I just don't want to seem like I'm giving up so close to the 135 goal. I'm not. But, somedays I feel like I'm getting too small and I'm not liking the way it looks. I hate that my legs are getting so skinny. I hate having such a small butt now. If I lost 36 more pounds will I go from happy to miserable because I hate the way the new "skinny" me looks?
Advice?