Scared to go back to work

[Shanny 70]

I still have 2 more weeks before I have to go back to work, but I'm already scared to death about going back. I only told a handful of people why I was going out. I told my boss a partical truth about my surgery. I told her that I had to have stomach surgery and that I had to have an ulcer removed. It's not a total lie. I did have stomach surgery and the part of my stomach that an ulcer in it was removed during the sleeve procedure but, I just didn't tell her that I was also having weight loss reduction surgery. She's in her 80s and I really don't think she'd understand or would have given me the time off. Granted, she liked to make little quips, like, "You need the exercise, take this upstairs for me." But that's another story for another time. So anyway, I wanted my time off to be low key, but she sent an email to entire place telling everyone that I would be out for 2 weeks for a medical procedure and recovery which made everyone ask me what was going on. I told them that I had my ulcer taken care of. I know, omitting the truth is a lie, and I have never considered myself a liar until this point. But, now, the truth is going to come out. I'm scared to death about it! What am I supposed to say?

Legally I don't have to say anything. But in the closeknit community that we work in I have to say something. Should I just say that I had stomach surgery and had my ulcer taken care of? Should I just fess up? If I do that then I'm going to have to tell my boss the whole thing. I'm already having nightmares about this. Since I can't eat, in the last 2 days I've started smoking again. I only have 2 coping mechanisms, food, and smoking. I only go to therapy once a week, so the other 6 days I'm on my own. I don't know what to do or why what other people think is so scary to me. Maybe it's because I've spent so much time trying to be invisible, that now that I'm changing and they can see me, I don't know what to do.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

What a dilemma! I think telling them you had part of your stomach removed to get rid of an ulcer might be fine since you really did have an ulcer...you can even say that your Doc said he could make the surgery VSG at the same time to help you with your weight and you said yes. I know, this is a lie too... but will get you to the same end of telling about your surgery in a round about way... just brainstorming here..... or and eve more truthful way of saying it would be..."They removed my ulcer and preformed VSG at the same time" That is true.

[Shanny 70]

What a dilemma! I think telling them you had part of your stomach removed to get rid of an ulcer might be fine since you really did have an ulcer...you can even say that your Doc said he could make the surgery VSG at the same time to help you with your weight and you said yes. I know, this is a lie too... but will get you to the same end of telling about your surgery in a round about way... just brainstorming here..... or and eve more truthful way of saying it would be..."They removed my ulcer and preformed VSG at the same time" That is true.

Yeah, I'm thinking that I'll eventually disclose the entire thing. I just don't want anyone to know yet. It's pretty noticable though, so I have to say something.

[doggz109 41]

You don't have to tell your boss a damn thing. It's truly none of her business why you were out - other than you had a medical condition....here is your doctors note....so be it. If she doesn't understand that....have her talk to HR or your lawyer.

She actually violated your rights by sending out an email to everyone saying you were having a medical procedure done. That was between you, her, and HR.

[klus263 9]

From my understanding with ulcers you have to change your eating habits. You can say that due to the ulcer and surgery, you have to follow a strict diet plan and with that you are experiencing weight loss. And say what a great side effect that you get.. Unless you are willling to share, just leave it at that. Good Luck

[Shanny 70]

From my understanding with ulcers you have to change your eating habits. You can say that due to the ulcer and surgery, you have to follow a strict diet plan and with that you are experiencing weight loss. And say what a great side effect that you get.. Unless you are willling to share, just leave it at that. Good Luck

That's a good one, too!

[Shanny 70]

You don't have to tell your boss a damn thing. It's truly none of her business why you were out - other than you had a medical condition....here is your doctors note....so be it. If she doesn't understand that....have her talk to HR or your lawyer.

She actually violated your rights by sending out an email to everyone saying you were having a medical procedure done. That was between you, her, and HR.

Can I tell you how pissed I was to see the email and then have everyone come to my office to ask me what was going on and if I was okay. I honestly didn't want anyone except for the 2 people that needed to know and the 4 people I wanted to know to know anything about it. I'm going to take these two weeks to get me together and let the chips fall where they may. Thanks for the advice!

[swizzly 901]

There's no such thing as a lie of omission (or comission, frankly) when it comes to one's personal issues and the workplace. NO ONE at work has any need to know about ANYTHING to do with your personal life. You took legitimate medical leave for a legitimate and necessary medical procedure. They don't need to know jack about it, frankly. If they ask even more nosy and inappropriate questions after you go back, you are under ZERO obligation to say a thing. However, to get along and not be perceived as pissy, then tell them exactly whatever story you want to tell them. Yeah, you had surgery to remove an ulcer -- if you even want to tell them that much. People also tend to lose weight and have special diets after gall bladder surgery. You could use that too, if you want.

For the most part, I prefer finessing things by giving the least amount of info possible and then smoothly changing the subject to the other person. Most people like to talk about themselves, so it's pretty easy to do.

Good luck -- I hope you kick the ciggies again!