Struggling supporter needs help!

Skeptic Daughter · December 19, 2010

Okay, I am really struggling to come to terms that Sleeve surgery (that is the "one" she has picked so far) is right for my mom. She fits the requirements, but has lacked motivation to ever seriously complete a diet, and maintain. She gives up so quickly! She even said she has no motivation and feels this will motivate her. I apparently just look cold, mean, and unsupportive; although I am a person who plays devil's advocate with good intentions. Please help me convince my mom CAN do this? Sorry ahead of time if this is in the wrong spot, just joined today and a little overwhelmed.

TijuanaPlication · December 19, 2010

That's a tough one, because she will need to stick to a healthy diet post surgery. If the reason why she struggled to stick to a diet is because she was getting hungry then the surgery will definitely help with that.

I'm 3 weeks out and gave in to having a Mini Milk ice lolly (not a bad cheat @ 30 cals), so she'll just have make swaps like that. As everyone says, the surgery isn't a magic bullet, but is a big help. You wouldn't see so many success stories if it didn't help people that had failed with conventional diets... heck if conventional diets works, then nobody would get surgery!

A mixed reply I know but I hope it helps.

hugsamber · December 19, 2010

First off let me say that I think that it is great that you are trying to be supportive and researching the sleeve on your own. I have been sleeved since Monday, Dec 13th so I am not an expert by any means. I have dieted in the past and had even lost 45 pounds at once time, primarily by exercising. I had always had problems with my Portion Control, which was one of the reasons this surgery appealed to me. I felt like I was always hungry. Now I don't really feel hungry, Im not sure if it is because I am only 6 days out or if it will become a permanent thing, but it is wonderful. I eat less than 1/4 cup of pudding or yogurt and stop. I may be able to eat more but I never want to get ill from eating too much and hurting my newly healing sleeve. Every person has the choice on how they want to eat. If you choose to cheat and eat bad or too much you will be sick. If you continue to do it then you have more of an emotional problem with food and should seek help. But if you learn from your mistake or have not made one then I think that the sleeve has assisted you. Has your mom gone through the whole process yet? Pre-op diet, testing and all of that? Does she know anyone who has had the surgery? It is not an easy way out. You still have to make the right choices. This is not a reversible decision. When you talk to her make sure that she understands that you are supportive, but want to fully understand the risks and changes that will need to be made. Having postive support makes all of the difference. Sorry i just read this back to myself and I was a little all over the place...i'm still on pain meds :0) Good luck!

Lila21 · December 19, 2010

I, too, think it's great you are trying to understand this for your mother. I think a lot of her success will depend upon her ability to make changes, but this is also a powerful tool to help her in that. Whether this will help her or not is somewhat dependent on what her particular eating issues are. For example, if her main problem is that she eats a lot of sweets, this might not be the best solution for her because restriction works best on the volumes that she is eating. So, if she has a hard time sticking to a program, I think it's best to evaluate with her why she has a hard time. Also, she should be aware that many programs require you to follow strict diets both prior to and directly after surgery. For some people, this can mean as much as month of mostly liquid diets. For me, it was 2 weeks of semi-liquid diet pre-op, and 2 weeks of liquid diet post-op. You MUST be able to follow those guidelines to a 'T' if you want to use this program because they prepare your body for surgery and maintain your stitches safely post-surgery. I don't want to be discouraging AT ALL, but you want your mother to understand that there's no "cheating" on these aspects of the surgery, so she needs to have those eating habits in control BEFORE surgery. I am not trying to be a naysayer by any means, but I want her to have a healthy dose of fear in her about breaking the rules for that month long period. It's hard, and it's life-threatening if you don't follow it closely. But, I believe once she gets past these super strict periods, her smaller stomach will make it much easier to maintain smaller portions into the future. I chose this tool because I lost a total of 160 lbs on my own but gained it back. Clearly, i can diet, but I needed a tool to help me to keep it off. I hope this helps you in supporting your mom!

Skeptic Daughter · December 19, 2010

Thanks so much. My mom is an emotional eater and isn't into candy. She just went to her first smeinar, so she is in the very early stages of changing her life. I feel a little bit better about my mom's choice.

Lila21 · December 20, 2010

Thanks so much. My mom is an emotional eater and isn't into candy. She just went to her first smeinar, so she is in the very early stages of changing her life. I feel a little bit better about my mom's choice.

I think if that's your mom's issue, this surgery can do a lot to help her! She'll need to work on her issues, but this can help a lot. It takes a lot of work to make the internal changes we all have to make with this surgery, but if she's ready to make the change you'll see a lot of success stories on this site!

6kiddos · December 20, 2010

I too am an emotional eater. I do know that diet/exercise can work for me...but I cannot keep it off without being uber strict. (I have lost 110 lbs on my own before only to regain during pg and with emotional eating). I really did a lot of soul searching and decided this was another tool I needed in my tool chest. I also listened to the psych when I had my eval. She really encouraged me to find things I like to do (I really couldn't remember! I have been a sahm with little ones for 16 yrs! everything revolved around my kids!) So...I have been trying to find what I like to do and replace with those things. I am getting into sewing more (always wanted to make quilts but never took the time unless I had to).

So, now I am 6 weeks out (tomorrow). I do not feel hungry MOST of the time and when I do it is for good reason. I have to remember to eat. Once in a while I have wanted to stress eat but it hasn't been that bad. I have found this incredibly easy. =)

Your mom is very lucky to have you. Support her. She needs to have someone who cares.