How do other people deal with this?

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My mom is pretty much in support of my having surgery. But there is a part of her that thinks if I just find the right diet, or figure what physiological factors go into my overeating, I wouldn’t need it. I’d lose all my extra weight and be just fine. The other day she made a comment about how since I had lost weight, short-term to be sure, on many plans, I had failed, not them. I don’t think she realized how that sounded. I hope not. She’s always telling me of some new diet on Oprah or the Today show, and as DH has pointed out, some of what she says contradicts what she told us we should be doing in the past.<O:p</O:p

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Or she’ll want to talk about my childhood, what mistakes she and dad might have made raising me. OK, this is probably worth my delving into, but not with her.<O:p</O:p

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She has never weighed more then 20 pounds above her high school graduation weight, and she was very slender then. She really doesn’t get how it is day to day for me. To be this big. To try, honestly try, and fail at yet another plan. She asked me what my biggest fear was, and I told her it was that I would try my very best at the band, and it won’t work. Because it’s pretty much my last hope.

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I know she loves me, and we talk about it. But she just can’t “get it”. So, do I just give up trying to get her to, and be grateful for what support she can give?

Funny how Mums tend to react in such a similar way in different parts of the world....

My mother had exactly the same reaction and even dad (he's a doctor, can you imagine that?...) reacted badly when i first mentioned what I was intending to do. But then I started thinking, my mother never had weight problems in her life, she goes everyday to gym, she's very slender and wears a size 6... how could she ever understand how miserable my life was before I had my band? maybe I was just asking the impossible from her... knowing that she loves me and that she cares for me is all i needed to know and I live happily with that.

niki

Nice to know some things are indeed constants!

Mom or no Mom people who are not addicted to food do not understand what kind of world we live in. Commercials on TV are not torture to them while on a diet, They don't wake up thinking about food, they don't go to bed thinking about food. They don't understand that EVERYTIME we eat our brains are saying "should i be eating this" If they love you no matter what they will support you with your decision. My mother is skinny but she struggles just as I do everyday. My father does not support me and has not talked about it once to me. I am leaving in his court to take the i-nish-i-tive(speeling sucks ) to find more about it.. I guess if he doesn't ask he won't know when I get it done. It sounds like your mom is just worried... she will come around.. good luck

These stories confirm that I did the right thing for me...I didn't tell her. I didn't want any opinions but mine and my DH.

These stories confirm that I did the right thing for me...I didn't tell her. I didn't want any opinions but mine and my DH.

I never even thought to not tell her, but since she lives in the same city it would be hard not to, and harder when she found out later and I hadn't told her beforehand.

DH did kind of soften the family up, they've seen his weight loss and he told/tells anyone who will listen about the surgery. So they are familiar with it at least.

LOL - here you go:

Tell your mom you've decided to have surgery in Mexico.

She'll be THRILLED to support your local surgery after that shock!

LOL

Don't freak out people - I WAS BANDED IN MEXICO and I know it can be a safe, less expensive, alternative . . . . . but I also remember MY mother's first reaction on hearing I was having surgery out of the country! lol

I am a single mom, and most of my friends are guys (who I really don't discuss weight issues with)... So that leaves me with my mom and my sister and neither one was/is supportive in any way. In fact it almost feels like they are hoping that I fail. (look at my ticker, they are getting their wish)

Kathi, I don't believe for a minute they are getting their wish. Your journey has just begun my dear. Stay on the path and the weight loss will follow.

hugs

Donna - Exactly! I have no problem at all with the choice to go out of country, but I know my momma sure would.

I am a single mom, and most of my friends are guys (who I really don't discuss weight issues with)... So that leaves me with my mom and my sister and neither one was/is supportive in any way. In fact it almost feels like they are hoping that I fail. (look at my ticker, they are getting their wish)

The ticker, the amount you lose is only one measure. I know it's the one we all care about the most deep down, but you took such a good step in getting the surgery. :clap2: From all I've read, it's not a quick fix at all, it takes time to get this tool adjusted right for us, and to figure out how to make it work. I think the cool thing is once we have the surgery, the band is there. Waiting for us to figure out how to best use it.

Lisa25,

The way I look at it is that you're a GAW (Grown Ass Woman) :confused:). If you've been dieting an exercising all this time and haven't lost and kept the weight off by now, you're probably not going to unless you suffer some long-term illness (God forbid).

Although having your mother's support would be great, if she can't give it, and you're tired of hearing the same record repeated, tell her it's an OFF-LIMITS subject. I've had to do that with my Mom a time or two in areas related to my life.

For the record, my Mom actually recommended Gastric Bypass to me many years ago. Then, pulled back her support once her own Mother got stomach cancer and had to have the majority of her stomach removed, but not rerouted. She saw her struggle and didn't want that for me.

Now, that I've decided on the band, she's not fully supportive, but she also knows that I'm a GAW who, in the end, will make the best decision for my life with or without her support. I have no doubt both your mother and mine will eventually lend their whole-hearted support.

One more thing . . . if you don't want to issue the "hush stop talking to me about that" order to your Mom, you could always allow her to become more involved and knowledgeable about the banding process to ease any concerns she may not be sharing with you.

Have a great day you GAW you!

Lisa25,

The way I look at it is that you're a GAW (Grown Ass Woman) :confused:). If you've been dieting an exercising all this time and haven't lost and kept the weight off by now, you're probably not going to unless you suffer some long-term illness (God forbid).

Have a great day you GAW you!

LOL- I love it!:high5: Thanks from one GAW to another.

This is why I haven't told my Mum about my upcoming surgery.....I'm sure she just won't understand and i don't want her making a big issue over it