I am so upset my husband got in a fight over our computer keeps shutting down so he thinks its from e-mails and this lap band site why who knows then he has to put in his two cents your always on that site and it didn't work anyways I was so upset okay I am not where I want to be yet but I have lost 54 pounds in 8 months with some problems with re-operation of my port it flipped so why is it other people notice and he can't give me credit oh just had to let off steam

So.. hang on a minute.. are you all telling me that Dawg and I really aren't weird like some on here have said? Are you saying that it's normal for a husband and wife to enjoy being online at the same time and talking with other people.. together??! OMG :faint:

*nudges Dawg* We're not weird honey!

*just grins*

I want to join the "My Husband Hates LBT" club! He loathed it until the saw some of the naughty humor threads. He was afraid I was having conversations that he could not relate to. He appreciates dirty humor. Now he just fumes in his little jealousy cloud. He doesn't like that I choose to spend time with online ghosts instead of with him. He says that he wishes that he could be more of a support for me post-op and resents that I need outside help.

So... He makes it difficult for me to get to the computer.

He interrupts my typing to ask me to find things for him.

He keeps track of each minute I spend online.

He gives me the 'silent treatment' for what feels like days at a time.

I am almost ready to give you guys up.

Here I go, playing the devil's advocate again..

Brenda, I think it's very cool that your hubby loves you so much and wants to be a bigger part of your journey. I know how hard it would be for me to be without LBT, so I can just imagine how you and all the other wives in this predicament are feeling. But I have to say, I was once married to a man who got so lost in the television that he rarely remembered I was in the house. I felt so rejected and alone that one night I took the scissors and cut the power cord while he was watching tv. It didn't help, he fixed it and continued. Then the computers came out and I never even got to see him in the livingroom. He disappeared into his office and that was the end of it. Literally.

Now, I know how much time a day I spend here so I realize that saying this next part is like telling one of us to only eat one Hershey's Kiss when we have the entire bag in our hands... but, maybe compromise is the key here. Set a limit of time to be online when your husband is home with you and then explain that, while the knowledge and support that other bandsters have is very helpful to you, you aslo value time with him and will promise to limit your time online. And during that time you would really appreciate no distractions so you can finish your reading and spend time with him afterwards. Perhaps he just needs to feel more important to you than complete strangers.

Then, when he's asleep - sneak out and get your butt back here with us! LOL *grins*

How about an hour? That is how much time I am allowed while he is home. It's not like I spend 4 hours each day... I check in for 10-15 minutes at a time, several times each day.

I love him, but it is a huge double standard because he eBays for several hours at a time several times per week. We have discussed it, but he thinks it should be a perk for being the bread-winner. My two year old is even stingier with my time. I love them and make those allowances willingly, even if it pinches sometimes.

I really didn't want to drag this all out, but I thought as a devil's advocate you should know. I was trying to be diplomatic earlier.

Lots of love y'all and I am not mad at 'cha.

Sorry for the hijack Flower...

How about an hour? That is how much time I am allowed while he is home. It's not like I spend 4 hours each day... I check in for 10-15 minutes at a time, several times each day.

I love him, but it is a huge double standard because he eBays for several hours at a time several times per week. We have discussed it, but he thinks it should be a perk for being the bread-winner. My two year old is even stingier with my time. I love them and make those allowances willingly, even if it pinches sometimes.

I really didn't want to drag this all out, but I thought as a devil's advocate you should know. I was trying to be diplomatic earlier.

Lots of love y'all and I am not mad at 'cha.

Yikes! How much time you're allowed? Perk for being the bread-winner? Morsaille, maybe you should do some price-checking on the cost for daycare for kids, maid service for housecleaning, and meals on wheels for food service. I'm not even going to mention laundry, concierge or that all-important 'quality time'. Maybe it's time to present him with a bill for services rendered.

Sorry, I'm not trying to criticize you at all. I'm trying to point out to you how much you're contributing to your family - how much you're really worth. You're certainly entitled to spend some time on yourself, even if it's just sitting in a support chat room.

How can he resent you needing 'outside' help? If you didn't need outside help you wouldn't have needed the band, right?

Sorry for hijacking the hijack.

Hey Flower ~ Do we have you convinced? Have you checked the paper for a used computer yet? :typing:

This thread is really starting to crack me up. :laugh I sure have enjoyed reading about all your husbands.

Morsaille ~ I do feel bad of you and I don't know how or what to offer for a solution. :phanvan It's difficult to convince some men that wives/mommies do need some time for themselves. Maybe you could put a huge sign above the computer that says:

If mama ain't happy....ain't nobody happy!!

No really, it is healthy for a relationship for each person to have an outlet....you already know that....it's just convincing him. He knows that too b/c he loves E-Bay. I can relate to the 2 yr old thing b/c my boys are right here wanting me to help them with game on daddies computer while I'm on LBT. I tell them to go get their daddy. :heh:

My husband never touches the computer, so I don't have to worry about it. He doesn't mind my being on though, he understand how much this site has helped me. Although sometimes he's asking who I'm talking to and why so long. Jealous maybe?

Im coming back to add more (God help us)...

Lastnight Mike and I were talking about this tread over a dinner date.

This is what we've realized...

Because of this site, I NEVER talk on the phone any more. My need for phone visits with friends are over. I like this LBT side-effect - because my kids are loud, and I dont have to leave the room now, just to have a phone conversation.

I may spend alot of time logged into this place, but when someone needs - I can get away quick! No "call me back later" commitment. No "hang on a minute" thing. Just a simple click on the X - and Im done.

And you know how some days you just arent in the mood to visit? Well, thats something that LBT understands.

So, you see? Guys have hunting, fishing, music gigs, monster truck, cars, video games, raceing, computer stuff, wrestling, the list goes onand on.

And WE have LBT. *big smile*

Everybody NEEDS something that allows them to unwind.

Let him think about that Morsaille!!!

Hi,

I have my computer, he has his computer and we have another one that guests use. We seldom use one anothers computer....

As far as time spent on LBT. It did bother him in the beginning, but now I try not to stay on to long and I discuss things that are going on so he feels "conneted". During March Madness, I could be in the bedroom having an affair and he wouldn't notice. LOL

When he comes in the bedroom or calls me I now know that I have been on long enough and I just exit out. Just like Paula said... no "hang on" "i'll call you back" or "don't feel like talking".

I think communication is the key....

Morsaille - Sounds to me like your man needs some retraining! Best of luck to you hun. *hugs*

If mama ain't happy....ain't nobody happy!!

Amen!!

I am so upset my husband got in a fight over our computer keeps shutting down so he thinks its from e-mails and this lap band site why who knows then he has to put in his two cents your always on that site and it didn't work anyways I was so upset okay I am not where I want to be yet but I have lost 54 pounds in 8 months with some problems with re-operation of my port it flipped so why is it other people notice and he can't give me credit oh just had to let off steam

Let me get this straight, He's online gamming 90% of the time, tons of data traveling back and forth (Trust me on that one I'm a developer), and the computer is broke cause your getting support from a Lap Band forum? My guess is this sounds like a perfect excuse for the remaining 10% of computer time to game more. but I could be wrong.

Thanks Ladies! I am working on him. He may an a$$ much of the time, but he is a hard worker and loving father. I trust that he will never cheat and he is unable to lie. He is annoying and manipulative because he is absolutely CLUELESS socially. We know that our marriage may not take permanently, but have dedicated five years to making it work. So I am doing my part. I make sure he tries too. Now if I could just get him to stop bringing home junk food!

I appreciate all of you so much and think it is incredible that I have a comforting place to take a time-out even if it is the corner of my own living room. You all make my life easier and can make me smile even in the middle of one of those days. Thank You

Oh and Flower? I agree with DayByDay. Your hubby could use a reality check too.

Thanks all you guys for the support words can hurt. "It didn't work anyways" I over the years have taken alot of crap because I think I am not worthy but I am trying to better myself and I am determined the lap band will help me thank all of you and I love this site and am staying everyone have a good day.

Hey Flower

Two computers is a great thing - IF you have high speed internet. If you do, then you can get your own computer - even a new one - for less than $300 and it will get you to LBT and back.

If you don't have High Speed - it will still be an issue. At my house, we have not yet upgraded to high speed - but DH has lots of things he does in his office while I am using the internet in mine. We have a fairly Enlightened relationship - and because I am the bread winner - nobody whines about perks...

Get another computer and visit us often.

:]