I'm in the process of dismantiling my life in Idaho. *heavy sigh*

I still don't have any test resutls back from a week and a half ago. I don't know when I'll get the results. I was told by the nurse to not call and ask for the results. They will be mailed out when they are mailed out.

I spent an hour crying tonight in frustration.

I'm not here very much right now. I'll be doing a bit of lurking, but I just don't have anything encouraging to say. I feel angry, and petty and pissed off in general. I'm not dealing well with the rabbits or the winded wabbits either. Not well at all.

I just feel like I can't be supportive of anyone here right now, so I'm just going to concentrate on packing up my apartment right now.

I have my confirmed appointment to spend a week near Portland, at the OHSU. I'll be there for a week mid-May. They will be doing everything from taking an MRI to a CT to test after test after test to determine the best treatment course for me.

So I feel like I'm closer to an answer, yet I'm still in limbo. I feel like I can't move forward, like I'm stuck.

I hate waiting for things. I hate waiting for my life. I watched my mother wait for something else to happen, waited for someone else to take action before she felt like she could get one with her life. When I was 18 I decided that I was never going to wait to live my life, but now I feel I have no choice but to wait.

I cannot register for classes, I cannot look for a job. I must sit at home waiting for others. I never made a good stay at home mother.

My steroid level feels really high, I have been picking fights with my son. I NEVER do this, and yet here I am doing it. I don't know how many of you hve bever been on steroids, but the way I'm feeling is after several days at a high dose, and there is no hope for me to get off them, since it is my body producing the steroids, not a pill from the pharmacy.

But the thing that is keeping me going right now is that i have a doctor who really understands, who really believes what's going on with me is real.

I think i need a prescription for valium until I can be seen in May. Yikes!

Okay, I just got a phone call from OHSU, and they've moved my appointment up to 4/24! Woot!

I also was thinking about how much I hate to wait for my life, so today I decided that I wasn't going to wait. I just sent an IM to one of my old bosses and basically told him to schedule a job interview for me. I'll see him next week.

...was thinking about how much I hate to wait for my life, so today I decided that I wasn't going to wait

I love this post, especially this line!

Sounds like Crystal may be coming around?! **MEGA HUGS**

Wow, Crystal! I just caught up on all this... sounds like you've been through it! I'm glad you're home & that the men are being, well, normal men... and that you've got a good doctor... and that you're not waiting, you're GRABBING LIFE BY THE HORNS!!!

Go get 'em girl! :scared: You're my hero!