This morning I got out of bed, washed my face, got dressed, fed the cat and left for work. It wasn't until I'd gone down three flights of stairs, got to my car, started the ignition, and started to back out of my parking spot that I realized I was wearing a raspberry colored shirt with a red and black skirt. Not an attractive combination of colors. It made me realize that I never really see myself anymore. I can look in a mirror and see if my hair is standing on end or if I've got toothpaste on my face. I can see the individual parts, but I can't see *ME.* Where did I go?

I'm used to being invisible to the general public. It's so strange that the bigger you get, the less people actually see you. Now it seems that I am turning invisible to myself! It's scary. But sometimes I wonder if losing weight and becoming visible again isn't even scarier...

Are you invisible too?

I wonder the same thing all the time. It's sad, but I'm constantly thinking, "when I get thin I'll be able to look good". Why can't I look good now? I see plenty of beautiful plus sized women who obviously take great pride in who they are. But for some reason, I don't put the same effort into looking good. I guess a lot of it is my "security blanket". I really just want to blend in right now.

You can look at it this way-atleast you were wearing a skirt! I can't even get the guts to wear one of those on a thin day

No no no. I've never ever let myself do this. I spend time and money and effort on my hair, my clothes etc.

Now I'm a pretty "natural" sort of person, dont like a face full of bright make up and I like to keep my hair natural looking and not to "styled" and I dont wear high heels to the supermarket but I would never roll out of bed, pull on track pants and go out. I get my nails done and I paint my toenails, I like the solarium (naughty, naughty, it will kill my skin), I get my hair coloured, to cover the gray. I dont let myself be self conscious either - I swim, I go to the gym, I act just like a thin person would.

I think that makes me stand out less (invisible isnt the word I'd use). I dont think anybody would look at me and think "geez, what an eyesore".

You can indeed be attractive at any size, because the most unattractive thing I think is not that someone looks a certain way - what really turns me off is sloth and laziness and lack of effort. I dont mean that in the sense I'm calling you that, I hope you get what I mean, but you dont have to be classically or conventionally beautiful to be attractive and the most beautiful person can be unattractive too if they choose to act like a slob.

Well, I sort of feel invisible in Idaho, but that is because folks tend to ignore people who don't go to their church. It is weird, but I'm not invisible because of my size, I just won't let people ignore me.

Well, I guess I will admit to WANTING to be invisible because I'm so ashamed of what I have become. I live in a small town and people that have known me for a long time knew me as an outgoing, bubbly and (have been told at least!) very attractive. But as a result of a few setbacks in life, I have let myself go and now I know people are probably saying, "What the hell has she done to herself?!" and so until I can find my way back to myself I sort of want to be invisible. Does that make sense?

It's the same as confidence - you know if you act confident you will be confident. You just have to do it and not wait until this or that happens. Just act like the person you want to be and you will become that person.

Now OK, maybe tube tops and low rise pants may not be a good idea just yet, lol, but you know what I mean.

Sleepyjean, I feel this way all the time, but it is getting better. When I drop my son off at school I feel invisible. It's probably just me, but it feels like every other parent is thin and gorgeous. Some days I do indeed throw on my track pants to take him to school, lol.

At my highest, there were times when I found it mentally painful to stare at myself in the mirror long enough to put on make-up... I'm trying to get back into my old habits (doing the hair, make-up, etc). I'm looking forward to owning some clothes that cling instead of tent, lol. That's gonna be a while because I'm extremely self-conscious about my hanging stomach.

Jacqui, can you bottle some of that confidence up and sell me some? I could sure use it some days... Oh, and stop tanning young lady!! I'll make you a deal - I'll start getting dressed to take my son to school if you stop going to the tanning booth. At least, I'm assuming that's what a Solarium is...

Ok, deal (yep tanning booth is a solarium) I promise I dont do it all the time, just sometimes! Totally stupid in a country like Australia where you get skin cancer without ever tanning on purpose.

There is a WONDERFUL book called "Making It Big" by Jean DuCoffe and Sherry Cohen that changed my outlook completely. It was published in the 80s, I think, so it isn't new, but it's chock full of wonderful stuff. They talk about self confidence and making the most of yourself. I still get it out every six months or so and give myself a refresher! She talks about nothing making big women look thin, but that doesn't mean they can't look great anyway. Or like my two (college age) sons say, "There's fat and then there's ugly fat" meaning people who do take care of themselves/people who are sloppy or slobby.

I prefer to think of it as a picture and frame. The picture (what we are inside) is the most important thing, but pictures look best in a pretty frame!

But on the days when I don't feel pretty, I take comfort in the thought I read somewhere once that if we smile and are pleasant, that's what people remember...not our appearance.

Emily