Want To Be Thin

Been Big My Whole Life.  The Biggest in the Group.  All my family members know that I have always wanted to be skinny.  Have dieted since the age of 12.  Have lost and gained hundreds over the years.  I know the band is just a tool, but I for some reason cannot get it.  I know 5 people locally that had lapband and they all lost it.  Me, well I am one of those who is still FAT,FAT,FAT!!! I cannot get my mindset right.  Maybe SomeDay. I am a food addict.  I eat for all reasons.  I punish myself with food when life is going crappy.  Which is most of the time over the last year and a half since the economy failure.  Lost our beautiful home of 27 years, work went from great to nothing.  Lost grandmother, dad had 2 strokes, son went thru divorce and turned to alchol (daily now), wow do you really want to hear my story (LOL).  Just dreaming of the day when I can be thin and hear ppl say "WOW YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL, OR WOW YOU LOOK WONDERFUL, OR WOW I DID NOT RECOGNIZE YOU."  DREAMING!!