ifyourstomachoffendsyou

Friday, July 24, 2009 Tell Your Story I was in a restaurant today. I didn't think I'd been experiencing much restriction but I ate bread for the first time (other than a bite or two in the past.) Pita bread with goat cheese, tomato, olive and hummus. Also had a little spanakopita. I bp'd (productive burped, not British Petroleum)into a raised flower bed facing the street (we were seated outdoors) very discreetly. Yuck, yuck, yuck. The nutritionist was right when she said bread can expand in your stomach. I was eating slowly and chewing well and still bp'd. On a good note, my husband and I chewed up the sidewalk in downtown Chicago. I was able to walk and walk and walk. (Think about the initial letters in pita bread. Now reverse them and what do they spell?) It was good to know that I still have some restriction, but not the nicest way to find out. I sat on the edge of the flower bed with my back to the restaurant and I think the only person who noticed was a motorist whose car was stopped right in front of me. I made sure not to look at her, till she was driving off. She had a very stange smile on her face. Humor is such an important part of recovery. I told two Christian counselors the name of my blog and they both burst into laughter. Humor lends perspective and keeps us from taking ourselves too seriously. If you've ever been cornered by someone with serious issues who has no sense of humor and who takes every opportunity or topic in a conversation to relate a boring, deadly serious anecdote about themselves, you know exactly what I mean. Telling our stories is also an important tool in recovery. And you have to tell the bad stuff, too, or the story's not complete and is not believable. If you can do it with a light touch, all the better. But there are some things that happen to us that are totally not funny. That's when we need to convey the emotion and the pain. I think about people I know and love who were sexually abused. There is absolutely no way to make the telling of that funny. Yet I've seen women smile as they relate the story and minimize its impact on them. Their smiles are closer to grimaces, but they don't know that. I know women who are so damaged by what was done to them (especially with severe, long-term abuse) that they'll never be able to be in a normal healthy relationship or function optimally in the workplace--even after years of counseling and drug therapy. Many women with eating disorders were sexually abused as children. That doesn't mean that all women with eating disorders were abused, nor do all women who were abused develop eating disorders. I was not abused. But a number of women who were, chose to tell me their stories. Sometimes I've been the first person they've ever told. For them, telling their stories is crucial. Each time they tell another person and are not shamed or rejected for telling, they get closer to healing. Keeping the secret has torn them apart internally. I think women have told me their stories because they sense I am a safe person to tell. All I can do is listen, and that's what I do. I don't tell others. Most of these stories cannot be for public consumption. Sometimes, after a person has told me, they'll find ways to avoid me. The fact that I know their secret is just too uncomfortable for them. But it broke the ice. It will be easier for them to tell the next person. Everybody has a story to tell. Telling it helps the teller and the listener. When we who are Christians tell our stories, we tell of God's love for us and his grace in walking through the worst experiences with us. Whatever was done to us, was done to him. Whenever we suffer, he suffers. When we laugh, he laughs with us. His is the greatest story ever told, yet he'll listen to our story and hang on every word. Tell your story.

Thursday, July 23, 2009 On-line Community and Friendship In Bandster talk onederland is when the first number of your weight drops to a one. One hundred and something instead of two hundred or three hundred. You hit onederland when you drop to 199.9 lbs. Bandsters put count-down tickers to record their weightloss on their posts to various threads. You see their starting weight, current weight and goal weight. Those who "band" together during a certain month will pick a name which they proudly display in glitter letters on every post. They celebrate various goals along their journey--onederland being one of them. They celebrate their "bandiversaries", one year, two year, etc. anniversaries of their band date. Jargon has always been a way to bind groups together. Currently, many of the June Journeys are experiencing "band hell," that time when fills have not begun or not yet begun to make a difference with food restriction. I know I was very careful the past two days and finally lost almost 2 lbs. But today I'm hungry. Actually feeling stomach growling hunger. I'm trying to stick to protein but after I eat it I'm hungry again quickly. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. My first fill is August 11 so I've got a ways to go. So far I've lost 28 lbs. I'll be halfway when I reach 35 lbs lost and goal weight will be a 70 lb weight loss. My clothes are falling off me. I need to go to the thrift store to find clothes--especially pants--that will see me through only a month or two--before they outgrow me. Pants are, of course, the hardest thing to buy at a thrift store. Its nice to know I'm not alone on this journey. Its fun to discover and participate in a whole 'nuther world that has its own language and celebrations. My 50's plus group is talking about getting together. Deciding where in the United States to do that could be a real problem because we come from all over. Some people denigrate the various internet communities like Facebook and, I'm assuming, Lapbandtalk as creating artificial intimacy. To me, it feels more like making acquainatances, checking each other out, finding common interests. and possibly establishing some unexpected friendships. There were times when I was in counseling groups and Alanon groups that I experienced some of the best sharing and friendship I've ever had. When the groups fell apart it left a hole in my life. We laughed and cried together, we went out for coffee together, we gave each other advice, but mostly we just listened. I'm thinking Lapbandtalk is a gracelet (a little piece of God's grace) that's allowing me to once again conversate and share stories with people with a common interest. Before, it was the common interest of having a relative with an addiction. Now its our own addiction. Before the summer is out I hope to find a non-judgemental, non-rule driven support group that will help me continue this lifestyle change. But in the meantime, these fellow lap band journeyers with their willingness to share their stories have become friends. I don't always know their faces, but I'm beginning to know their stories. In my life I've changed addresses, churches, husbands, interests, and jobs, and each of these changes has brought about a loss of friends. They get harder and harder to replace. I'm going to take my friendships where I can find them. And that includes the internet.

Thursday, July 23, 2009 On-line Community and Friendship In Bandster talk onederland is when the first number of your weight drops to a one. One hundred and something instead of two hundred or three hundred. You hit onederland when you drop to 199.9 lbs. Bandsters put count-down tickers to record their weightloss on their posts to various threads. You see their starting weight, current weight and goal weight. Those who "band" together during a certain month will pick a name which they proudly display in glitter letters on every post. They celebrate various goals along their journey--onederland being one of them. They celebrate their "bandiversaries", one year, two year, etc. anniversaries of their band date. Jargon has always been a way to bind groups together. Currently, many of the June Journeys are experiencing "band hell," that time when fills have not begun or not yet begun to make a difference with food restriction. I know I was very careful the past two days and finally lost almost 2 lbs. But today I'm hungry. Actually feeling stomach growling hunger. I'm trying to stick to protein but after I eat it I'm hungry again quickly. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. My first fill is August 11 so I've got a ways to go. So far I've lost 28 lbs. I'll be halfway when I reach 35 lbs lost and goal weight will be a 70 lb weight loss. My clothes are falling off me. I need to go to the thrift store to find clothes--especially pants--that will see me through only a month or two--before they outgrow me. Pants are, of course, the hardest thing to buy at a thrift store. Its nice to know I'm not alone on this journey. Its fun to discover and participate in a whole 'nuther world that has its own language and celebrations. My 50's plus group is talking about getting together. Deciding where in the United States to do that could be a real problem because we come from all over. Some people denigrate the various internet communities like Facebook and, I'm assuming, Lapbandtalk as creating artificial intimacy. To me, it feels more like making acquainatances, checking each other out, finding common interests. and possibly establishing some unexpected friendships. There were times when I was in counseling groups and Alanon groups that I experienced some of the best sharing and friendship I've ever had. When the groups fell apart it left a hole in my life. We laughed and cried together, we went out for coffee together, we gave each other advice, but mostly we just listened. I'm thinking Lapbandtalk is a gracelet (a little piece of God's grace) that's allowing me to once again conversate and share stories with people with a common interest. Before, it was the common interest of having a relative with an addiction. Now its our own addiction. Before the summer is out I hope to find a non-judgemental, non-rule driven support group that will help me continue this lifestyle change. But in the meantime, these fellow lap band journeyers with their willingness to share their stories have become friends. I don't always know their faces, but I'm beginning to know their stories. In my life I've changed addresses, churches, husbands, interests, and jobs, and each of these changes has brought about a loss of friends. They get harder and harder to replace. I'm going to take my friendships where I can find them. And that includes the internet.

Corliss, I am in total and absolute agreement with you. This addiction is different from all others in that we need to eat to live. And each time we eat we trigger our addiction. I'm not capable of becoming addicted to food plans, carb-counting, weighing and measuring, or any of those other regimens that all too often are just another form of food addiction. For me, getting the band was total surrender to God. It was admitting I am totally powerless over this disease. I'm participating in several threads on lapbandtalk that are helping me deal with the band and with food issues day to day. I'm also writing a blog that is helping me deal with the complexity of issues that contribute to food addiction. I am looking for a local OA group that is non-judgemental and spends its time talking about the steps and recovery as a whole person and not about food plans. If you're interested in my blog you can find it at IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF Some of my earlier blogs really deal with the issue of judgementalism in OA and other food recovery groups. You know the way the program is supposed to work because you've been in other 12-step groups. So have I. If you can attend without the rigidity of many of the people triggering shame in you, go for it. Being open about it and being honest about the shaming some people do in OA might actually make people stop and think before making judgemental statements.

I was in a restaurant today. I didn't think I'd been experiencing much restriction but I ate bread for the first time (other than a bite or two in the past.) Pita bread with goat cheese, tomato, olive and hummus. Also had a little spanakopita. I bp'd into a raised flower bed facing the street (we were seated outdoors) very discreetly. Yuck, yuck, yuck. The nutritionist was right when she said bread can expand in your stomach. I was eating slowly and chewing well and still bp'd. On a good note, my DH and I chewed up the sidewalk in downtown Chicago. I was able to walk and walk and walk. (Thnk about the initial letters in pita bread. Now reverse them and what do they spell?) Participating in lapbandtalk inspired me to write about on-line community and friendship in last night's blog. IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF

I was in a restaurant today. I didn't think I'd been experiencing much restriction but I ate bread for the first time (other than a bite or two in the past.) Pita bread with goat cheese, tomato, olive and hummus. Also had a little spanakopita. I bp'd into a raised flower bed facing the street (we were seated outdoors) very discreetly. Yuck, yuck, yuck. The nutritionist was right when she said bread can expand in your stomach. I was eating slowly and chewing well and still bp'd. On a good note, my DH and I chewed up the sidewalk in downtown Chicago. I was able to walk and walk and walk. (Thnk about the initial letters in pita bread. Now reverse them and what do they spell?) Participating in lapbandtalk inspired me to write about on-line community and friendship in last night's blog. IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF

--ljv52-I was also in a restaurant today. I didn't think I'd been experiencing much restriction but I ate bread for the first time (other than a bite or two in the past.) Pita bread with goat cheese, tomato, olive and hummus. Also had a little spanakopita. I bp'd into a raised flower bed facing the street (we were seated outdoors) very discreetly. Yuck, yuck, yuck. The nutritionist was right when she said bread can expand in your stomach. I was eating slowly and chewing well and still bp'd. On a good note, my DH and I chewed up the sidewalk in downtown Chicago. I was able to walk and walk and walk. --1 day and Bugs, doesn't a trip sound good? It actually inspired me to write about on-line community and friendship in last night's blog. http://ifyourstomachoffendsyoutieitoff.blogspot.com/ --Char, remember to take care of yourself and not just your husband. I'm glad he's doing so well. --Laura, stay off that scale for awhile. Do the liquid thing. It'll help you release all that water. Check your blood pressure, too, jic. Peace out girl. Guilt never helped anyone lose weight for very long. --Julie, so glad you're doing better. It is great to be able to eat a little of this and a little of that, and an occassional treat. Just be careful of pita bread. (Q. What do the first letters of pita bread, when reversed, spell?)

Wednesday, July 22, 2009 Just Write It "Life is a journey, look for the smilemarkers along the way." Man, I need to get that copywrited. That's a bumper sticker in the making. That sentence popped into my head as I was finishing my blog late last night when I could barely see to finish the post. It became the title. I really do love writing this blog. Even though I'm a pretty good writer I tend to put off writing things that I've committed to writing until the last minute. Procrastination. I've heard that procrastinators are frustrated perfectionists who put things off to the last minute in order to give themselves permission to do a less than perfect job. Personally, I find that I can't concentrate enough to write until I'm up against a deadline. In the case of this blog, I start it when its really time to go to bed. By the time I'm finished I can barely see the page. I also can't stop writing until the ideas stop coming, another reason why I may be afraid to start. I'm always amazed when I'm done to find that its relatively coherent. Often I just start with whatever pops into my head and keep going. When I'm done I re-read it and realize there's usually a theme. My brain organizes things without me even realizing it. Still trying to figure out what the theme of this blog is. Or what it has to do with food addiction and lapband surgery. Just musing on the whole writing process and the way creativity happens. Sometimes ideas pop into my head while I'm walking. Sometimes they're inspired by events of the day. Sometimes ideas that have been percolating in my subconscious for a long time finally rise to the top. Once I start writing about it I can't stop. If I'm passionate about a subject things particularly seem to flow. I'm passionate about food addiction and its effects on me and others. Having the self-imposed discipline of posting everyday has made me more mindful of the events of the day, the thoughts going through my head, what's important that I need to talk about that others might appreciate. Although each of these posts is written as a stand alone piece with some references to earlier posts, they are all connected. I'm tracing the history and issues of my addiction that come up while I record the information about where I am in my lapband journey. If I tried to write all this as a pre-planned book, it would never happen. But I've posted at least 40 times. Each post could almost be a chapter in a book. I've never believed I could ever write a book, but, in essence, that's what I'm doing. I'm also able to really be myself while I'm writing this. You pretty much know the worst about me and you read me anyway. Some of you have written me or told me that you love how I'm unselfconscious, that I've moved you to tears, that you're praying for me, that I'm funny, that I'm inspiring. Mostly, I'm trying to be honest. Life is funny and life hurts. Everybody secretly desires to by known by someone else. To have the protective outer layers peeled away and the real person emerge where they can love and receive love not just inspite of but because of their peccadillos and insecurities. Its a real risk to put yourself out there in public. Most of us aren't too successful revealing ourselves even to our families. In fact, families can be the least safe place for that kind of revelation. I hope that those of you who struggle with similar issues (and who really doesn't? Mine is the human condition.) find your own voice and safe people with whom you can use it. AA's fifth step states, "Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being (usually a sponsor) the exact nature of our wrongs," or maybe we should say admitted our exact nature. If you're one of those honored with the peeled away self-revelations of another human being, be aware. You are holding something fragile and beautiful and quite perishable. Handle with care.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009 Just Write It "Life is a journey, look for the smilemarkers along the way." Man, I need to get that copywrited. That's a bumper sticker in the making. That sentence popped into my head as I was finishing my blog late last night when I could barely see to finish the post. It became the title. I really do love writing this blog. Even though I'm a pretty good writer I tend to put off writing things that I've committed to writing until the last minute. Procrastination. I've heard that procrastinators are frustrated perfectionists who put things off to the last minute in order to give themselves permission to do a less than perfect job. Personally, I find that I can't concentrate enough to write until I'm up against a deadline. In the case of this blog, I start it when its really time to go to bed. By the time I'm finished I can barely see the page. I also can't stop writing until the ideas stop coming, another reason why I may be afraid to start. I'm always amazed when I'm done to find that its relatively coherent. Often I just start with whatever pops into my head and keep going. When I'm done I re-read it and realize there's usually a theme. My brain organizes things without me even realizing it. Still trying to figure out what the theme of this blog is. Or what it has to do with food addiction and lapband surgery. Just musing on the whole writing process and the way creativity happens. Sometimes ideas pop into my head while I'm walking. Sometimes they're inspired by events of the day. Sometimes ideas that have been percolating in my subconscious for a long time finally rise to the top. Once I start writing about it I can't stop. If I'm passionate about a subject things particularly seem to flow. I'm passionate about food addiction and its effects on me and others. Having the self-imposed discipline of posting everyday has made me more mindful of the events of the day, the thoughts going through my head, what's important that I need to talk about that others might appreciate. Although each of these posts is written as a stand alone piece with some references to earlier posts, they are all connected. I'm tracing the history and issues of my addiction that come up while I record the information about where I am in my lapband journey. If I tried to write all this as a pre-planned book, it would never happen. But I've posted at least 40 times. Each post could almost be a chapter in a book. I've never believed I could ever write a book, but, in essence, that's what I'm doing. I'm also able to really be myself while I'm writing this. You pretty much know the worst about me and you read me anyway. Some of you have written me or told me that you love how I'm unselfconscious, that I've moved you to tears, that you're praying for me, that I'm funny, that I'm inspiring. Mostly, I'm trying to be honest. Life is funny and life hurts. Everybody secretly desires to by known by someone else. To have the protective outer layers peeled away and the real person emerge where they can love and receive love not just inspite of but because of their peccadillos and insecurities. Its a real risk to put yourself out there in public. Most of us aren't too successful revealing ourselves even to our families. In fact, families can be the least safe place for that kind of revelation. I hope that those of you who struggle with similar issues (and who really doesn't? Mine is the human condition.) find your own voice and safe people with whom you can use it. AA's fifth step states, "Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being (usually a sponsor) the exact nature of our wrongs," or maybe we should say admitted our exact nature. If you're one of those honored with the peeled away self-revelations of another human being, be aware. You are holding something fragile and beautiful and quite perishable. Handle with care.

JoanneMarie that is awesome. Why, by the way, do we call it onderland. Safe trip Phyll and Janet. Have a great time. I lost over a pound despite little restriction, my clothes are falling off me after a 28 lb loss from my highest before surgery weight. 35 lbs is my half-way point. Yea for me.

Yesterday I was on another thread "I'm here to help" on lap band mentors I think. Jokes were flying back and forth and it inspired me to write last nights blog on the importance of humor--something I think we can all use. It's called Look for the Smilemarkers. check it out at IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF

Tuesday, July 21, 2009 Look for the Smilemarkers A sliver of moon was showing in the sky the other day while I was playing outside with my grandson, David (4yrs). As usual he wanted to know why. I told him the moon wanted to play with him. Later he was drinking chocolate milk on the front porch and said, "The moon is drinking chocolate milk. He has a chocolate milk mustache." I love it when a four year old can use his imagination and make a joke. I love it when a four year old accidentally amuses me. David was riding in the van with his dad when he announced, "I want my crocs (sandals)." His dad stopped the car and asked him what he was wearing on his feet. David replied in all seriousness, "Dad, I'm wearing my toes." Children and laughter go hand in hand. I love being a grandmother and not having to do much of anything when I babysit but enjoy the kids. My two year old granddaughter loves to play hide and seek in her house. She always hides in her closet and she always tells me she's going to hide in her closet. When I try to go home she frequently tells me I'm hungry and I need to eat in order to keep me there. LOL. She already knows my weakness. There's a lot of evidence that laughter is good medicine. The Reader's Digest knew that before there were studies proving it. I use a lot of silly humor when I teach. To teach the ang sound I have a picture-card of a vampire with fangs showing. I'll put on my best Transylvanian accent, make my hands into claws, and say," I vant to bite your neck; I vish to suck your blood." The kids all shriek and laugh and are more likely to remember that ang makes the sound you hear in fang. I have a game that involves tossing a soft ball back and forth between me and a group of kids while saying math facts. I love to watch for the kid who stops paying attention and I'll look at another child while throwing the ball at the daydreamer who frequently gets hit by the ball which cracks everyone up and serves notice to pay attention. Today I was on Lapbandtalk, which has become my on-line support group and one of the women told a hysterically funny dream she'd had about another member of the group. Can't repeat it here because it involved partial nudity and showing off a well-shaped body part. Jokes were still flying hours later when I checked back in. Some of the best and funniest speakers I ever heard were recovering alcoholics telling their stories at open AA meetings. Some of the things they did and the situations they got themselves into were, in retrospect, hysterically funny. Without the humor, they'd have been too painful to tell. The funniest stories I tell on myself involve my ADHD and some of the things I've done as a result. Humor makes pain palatable. I'm not talking about sarcasm or angry ranting expletive deleted humor. Frankly, I don't consider that humor because it tends to be at other's expense. I'm talking about self-deprecating humor. Humor that gently pokes fun at the human condition but doesn't denigrate others. One of the funniest stories my deceased mother-in-law told involved driving off to work with her teeth on top of the car. One of the funniest stories my son tells is what happened when he tied our 6 month old 75 lb. Chesapeake Bay Retriever to a lightweight charcoal grill in my parent's driveway. Thank God for the passing motorist who chased down the dog and stopped him before the grill chasing the dog down the street caused the dog to drop dead of a heart attack. These stories and jokes we tell each other can only happen in community. We weren't created to live in isolation. And I firmly believe that God laughs with us. We're created in his image and he loves us with all our foibles so he must have quite a sense of humor. Humor is his gift to us, a gracelet that allows us to be refreshed, renewed, re-created and ready for the next thing life throws at us. So, even though food addiction is a serious disease, I try not to take myself too seriously. Life is a journey. Look for the smilemarkers along the way.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009 Look for the Smilemarkers A sliver of moon was showing in the sky the other day while I was playing outside with my grandson, David (4yrs). As usual he wanted to know why. I told him the moon wanted to play with him. Later he was drinking chocolate milk on the front porch and said, "The moon is drinking chocolate milk. He has a chocolate milk mustache." I love it when a four year old can use his imagination and make a joke. I love it when a four year old accidentally amuses me. David was riding in the van with his dad when he announced, "I want my crocs (sandals)." His dad stopped the car and asked him what he was wearing on his feet. David replied in all seriousness, "Dad, I'm wearing my toes." Children and laughter go hand in hand. I love being a grandmother and not having to do much of anything when I babysit but enjoy the kids. My two year old granddaughter loves to play hide and seek in her house. She always hides in her closet and she always tells me she's going to hide in her closet. When I try to go home she frequently tells me I'm hungry and I need to eat in order to keep me there. LOL. She already knows my weakness. There's a lot of evidence that laughter is good medicine. The Reader's Digest knew that before there were studies proving it. I use a lot of silly humor when I teach. To teach the ang sound I have a picture-card of a vampire with fangs showing. I'll put on my best Transylvanian accent, make my hands into claws, and say," I vant to bite your neck; I vish to suck your blood." The kids all shriek and laugh and are more likely to remember that ang makes the sound you hear in fang. I have a game that involves tossing a soft ball back and forth between me and a group of kids while saying math facts. I love to watch for the kid who stops paying attention and I'll look at another child while throwing the ball at the daydreamer who frequently gets hit by the ball which cracks everyone up and serves notice to pay attention. Today I was on Lapbandtalk, which has become my on-line support group and one of the women told a hysterically funny dream she'd had about another member of the group. Can't repeat it here because it involved partial nudity and showing off a well-shaped body part. Jokes were still flying hours later when I checked back in. Some of the best and funniest speakers I ever heard were recovering alcoholics telling their stories at open AA meetings. Some of the things they did and the situations they got themselves into were, in retrospect, hysterically funny. Without the humor, they'd have been too painful to tell. The funniest stories I tell on myself involve my ADHD and some of the things I've done as a result. Humor makes pain palatable. I'm not talking about sarcasm or angry ranting expletive deleted humor. Frankly, I don't consider that humor because it tends to be at other's expense. I'm talking about self-deprecating humor. Humor that gently pokes fun at the human condition but doesn't denigrate others. One of the funniest stories my deceased mother-in-law told involved driving off to work with her teeth on top of the car. One of the funniest stories my son tells is what happened when he tied our 6 month old 75 lb. Chesapeake Bay Retriever to a lightweight charcoal grill in my parent's driveway. Thank God for the passing motorist who chased down the dog and stopped him before the grill chasing the dog down the street caused the dog to drop dead of a heart attack. These stories and jokes we tell each other can only happen in community. We weren't created to live in isolation. And I firmly believe that God laughs with us. We're created in his image and he loves us with all our foibles so he must have quite a sense of humor. Humor is his gift to us, a gracelet that allows us to be refreshed, renewed, re-created and ready for the next thing life throws at us. So, even though food addiction is a serious disease, I try not to take myself too seriously. Life is a journey. Look for the smilemarkers along the way.

Lot of fun posts today. You guys inspire me. I'd love to do something to meet you guys. I'd have to start saving my $ right away. Last night I wrote in my blog about "banding our heads." Tonight I may write about the importance of laughter in dealing with addiction. Check out my blog at: IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF Apples, thanks for the inspiration.

We are not alone. I'm so glad. We're all struggling. We're all human. Last night I wrote in my blog about, "If only we could band our heads." I couldn't do diets either. Counting calories, carbs, points, whatever. Drove me nuts--nuttier. If these things worked for us we wouldn't have gotten the band. Right now we're back on willpower, but its our combined willpower and relying on our Higher Power that will get us through this time. Check out my blog at: IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF

I'm on overwhelm from all the plastic surgery info. Hoping to not need it, couldn't afford it either. I'm glad there are ways for those who need it. That yahoo thing killed me. Phyll work the knee strengthening, stomach strengthening exercises before surgery. It made me bounce back so fast that even with double knee replacements I was out in 2 days and got rid of my walker after 1 more. Lucky 7's you're so blessed. Have 2c if my June Journeys develop that kind of closeness.

OK. LOL. LOL.LOL. THanks, I needed that. Love everyone's posts. Great pics Janet. If i weren't too lazy I'd try posting pics of my grandkids. I've got 7. IT tech. still intimidates me. I'm also 57 but I'm 5'9" and will never be described as tiny.' Have to go in to school for a while today to meet withnew principal. One of these days I'll post a video of one of my students and what he accomplished. In 4 weeks I'll be back to work. By then I'll probably be looking forward to it. I have a very demanding job teaching at-risk students at a Chrsitian school on the south side of Chicago. I teach supplementary reading and math to about 75 students a day who rotate in and out of my classroom in groups of 6-12. Many have ADHD and all struggle academically. They can drive me to eat. I'm trying to plan how I'll handle the food. Have a great day everyone.

Monday, July 20, 2009 Banding Our Heads Bandsters have a saying, "If only they could band our heads." They refer to cravings as "head hunger." Over and over they talk about how the lap band is only a tool. Instead of diets, the lap band helps us initiate a lifestyle change. Some still measure, keep food diaries and plans, count calories or carbs or proteins or points, at least during the times they're struggling. But the goal is lifestyle change. Making healthy choices. Not being ruled by food. Someday, maybe soon, they'll come up with a pill that helps with the head hunger. They're working on it. Until then, we use whatever tools work for us. The lap band is a big one. An amazing number of people are having various forms of weight loss surgery. Like me, they're desperate. Everything else has failed for them. I look at the ads Google puts on my blog page. Some of those things are legitimate. Many are quick fixes that don't work long term. Just the titles make me laugh. Hope springs eternal, so people continue to try the latest diet fad. What's ironic is that our obsession with weight and dieting is killing us. It's making us fat. It screws up our metabolisms. We end up with metabolic sydrome--insulin resistance--which leads to high blood pressure, high cholesterol and triglycerides, and diabetes. It would be a whole lot better for us if we all remained a little overweight than if we start the cycle of dieting and gaining the weight back. We weren't meant to stay teenager thin. How ironic that with women we have a cultural obsession to be thinner than women have ever been, yet obesity is reaching epidemic proportions. Forget swine flu or SARs. This is the real epidemic. And its a killer. As a country we tend to think education can cure anything. I'm sure our already over-burdened educational system is going to be expected to start teaching eating disorders prevention, or nutritional health along with drug prevention and violence prevention and self-esteem lessons. But most of us who are compulsive eaters could get jobs as nutritionists. We have tons of nutritional education yet remain addicted to food. Education is not the cure. Most of the food industry experiments with products and additives and supersizing and taste sensations just to get us to eat more so they'll profit more. Wouldn't surprise me if the same companies are also heavily invested in weight loss products. It's like the women's magazine covers. There's always a picture of someone who lost weight and a picture of a chocolate cake. What a schizophrenic society we live in. For me, the biggest resource is God. These blogs are letters to him as well as to myself and whoever else out there is reading them. Essentially, I'm looking at every aspect of my life that contributes to the addiction problem and laying it out before him. Its a way for me to work the 12 steps of any good addiction recovery program. The band is a tool to control the outward sign of this addiction. But real recovery comes with God's help, working the steps. 1. I'm admitting that I'm powerless over food and its making my life unmanageable. 2 I believe that only a power greater than myself (God) can restore me to sanity. 3. I turn my will and my life over to the care of that higher power. 4. I'm making a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself. 5. I'm admitting to God, to myself, and to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs. 6. I'm becoming entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. 7. I'm humbly asking him to remove my shortcomings. 8. I've made a list of all the people I've harmed, and am becoming willing to make amends to them all. 9. I'm making dirct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others. 10 I continue to take personal inventory and when I'm wrong promptly admit it. 11 I seek through prayer and meditation (and Bible reading) to improve my conscious contact with God and seek only knowledge of his will for me and the power to carry that out. 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, I try to carry this message to other food addicts and to practice these principles in all my affairs.

Monday, July 20, 2009 Banding Our Heads Bandsters have a saying, "If only they could band our heads." They refer to cravings as "head hunger." Over and over they talk about how the lap band is only a tool. Instead of diets, the lap band helps us initiate a lifestyle change. Some still measure, keep food diaries and plans, count calories or carbs or proteins or points, at least during the times they're struggling. But the goal is lifestyle change. Making healthy choices. Not being ruled by food. Someday, maybe soon, they'll come up with a pill that helps with the head hunger. They're working on it. Until then, we use whatever tools work for us. The lap band is a big one. An amazing number of people are having various forms of weight loss surgery. Like me, they're desperate. Everything else has failed for them. I look at the ads Google puts on my blog page. Some of those things are legitimate. Many are quick fixes that don't work long term. Just the titles make me laugh. Hope springs eternal, so people continue to try the latest diet fad. What's ironic is that our obsession with weight and dieting is killing us. It's making us fat. It screws up our metabolisms. We end up with metabolic sydrome--insulin resistance--which leads to high blood pressure, high cholesterol and triglycerides, and diabetes. It would be a whole lot better for us if we all remained a little overweight than if we start the cycle of dieting and gaining the weight back. We weren't meant to stay teenager thin. How ironic that with women we have a cultural obsession to be thinner than women have ever been, yet obesity is reaching epidemic proportions. Forget swine flu or SARs. This is the real epidemic. And its a killer. As a country we tend to think education can cure anything. I'm sure our already over-burdened educational system is going to be expected to start teaching eating disorders prevention, or nutritional health along with drug prevention and violence prevention and self-esteem lessons. But most of us who are compulsive eaters could get jobs as nutritionists. We have tons of nutritional education yet remain addicted to food. Education is not the cure. Most of the food industry experiments with products and additives and supersizing and taste sensations just to get us to eat more so they'll profit more. Wouldn't surprise me if the same companies are also heavily invested in weight loss products. It's like the women's magazine covers. There's always a picture of someone who lost weight and a picture of a chocolate cake. What a schizophrenic society we live in. For me, the biggest resource is God. These blogs are letters to him as well as to myself and whoever else out there is reading them. Essentially, I'm looking at every aspect of my life that contributes to the addiction problem and laying it out before him. Its a way for me to work the 12 steps of any good addiction recovery program. The band is a tool to control the outward sign of this addiction. But real recovery comes with God's help, working the steps. 1. I'm admitting that I'm powerless over food and its making my life unmanageable. 2 I believe that only a power greater than myself (God) can restore me to sanity. 3. I turn my will and my life over to the care of that higher power. 4. I'm making a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself. 5. I'm admitting to God, to myself, and to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs. 6. I'm becoming entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. 7. I'm humbly asking him to remove my shortcomings. 8. I've made a list of all the people I've harmed, and am becoming willing to make amends to them all. 9. I'm making dirct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others. 10 I continue to take personal inventory and when I'm wrong promptly admit it. 11 I seek through prayer and meditation (and Bible reading) to improve my conscious contact with God and seek only knowledge of his will for me and the power to carry that out. 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, I try to carry this message to other food addicts and to practice these principles in all my affairs.

Sunday, July 19, 2009 Relatives--Help or Hindrance My husband threw out all his night-time treats. Just because he loves me. Pretty cool. I let him know I was struggling with the treats he kept in the house and frequently ate in the evenings while we watched TV and played on our computers. In fact, I was just thinking about the ice cream in the freezer and, oops!, remembered Ken threw it out. Thank God. Thank you, Ken. This disease is not fair to him. It's not fair that his choices impact me way beyond what they should. He can eat ice cream and then let it sit untouched for weeks. He had a taste for yellow cupcakes with chocolate frosting and decided to make them himself, ate a couple, and let the rest sit. For him, no big deal. For me, unbearable temptation. I know they're there. Knowing makes them pop into my mind over and over. I have to reject eating them over and over and over. Taking care of myself by being honest with my husband was important for me to do. It's part of working on being less people-pleasing when its to my detriment. It is entirely to his credit that he chose to get rid of the snacks and not to eat snacks at night in front of me. He wants to be with me. It was his main reason for giving up smoking when he married me. He couldn't smoke around me and he wanted to be with me. He'll probably still keep some treats hidden and eat them when I'm not around. That's fine. Out of sight, out of mind. If I don't know its there it won't be on my mind, either. Chances are Ken'll lose some weight, too, which wouldn't be a bad thing. Night-time has always been my most difficult time. Food has always helped me wind down. Some people drink alcohol. I eat food--it puts me into a kind of carbohydrate coma. Those carbs generally come with fat attached. Perfect recipe for slowly but surely putting on the weight. So many factors in eating disorders. It's such a complex disease. Relatives can help or they can hinder. Ideally, we shouldn't need the cooperation of our relatives. We're asking them to be codependent. But we also need to take care of ourselves. There are people who would deliberately sabotage those they profess to love. There are those relatives with the same addiction who have a vested interest in keeping you the same and not letting you change. There are those who don't know addiction at all and urge you to eat--they made it special just for you, it doesn't hurt to have a little once in a while, etc. There are also those who would never humble themselves and give up their right to eat what they want when they want it and might actually insist that buy those things yourself and keep them in the house for them. With these people you need to have heavy-duty boundaries and perhaps actually keep them at a safe distance or even totally out of your life. I'm blessed that my husband is supportive. I'm blessed that he reads my blog because he wants to know me better and understand what I'm going through. He's a little angry at having to change his lifestyle to accommodate my disease and he's entitled to be. But we talk about it. We're no longer ignoring the elephant (my eating disorder not me) in the room. I may get to the point where he can go back to eating snacks in front of me and keeping my favorites in the house, but not right now. Not with the reduced restriction I'm experiencing while waiting for my first fill. Once again, weight loss surgery is a tool, not a solution. If I don't take care of myself in my relationships, it won't be as helpful.

Sunday, July 19, 2009 Relatives--Help or Hindrance My husband threw out all his night-time treats. Just because he loves me. Pretty cool. I let him know I was struggling with the treats he kept in the house and frequently ate in the evenings while we watched TV and played on our computers. In fact, I was just thinking about the ice cream in the freezer and, oops!, remembered Ken threw it out. Thank God. Thank you, Ken. This disease is not fair to him. It's not fair that his choices impact me way beyond what they should. He can eat ice cream and then let it sit untouched for weeks. He had a taste for yellow cupcakes with chocolate frosting and decided to make them himself, ate a couple, and let the rest sit. For him, no big deal. For me, unbearable temptation. I know they're there. Knowing makes them pop into my mind over and over. I have to reject eating them over and over and over. Taking care of myself by being honest with my husband was important for me to do. It's part of working on being less people-pleasing when its to my detriment. It is entirely to his credit that he chose to get rid of the snacks and not to eat snacks at night in front of me. He wants to be with me. It was his main reason for giving up smoking when he married me. He couldn't smoke around me and he wanted to be with me. He'll probably still keep some treats hidden and eat them when I'm not around. That's fine. Out of sight, out of mind. If I don't know its there it won't be on my mind, either. Chances are Ken'll lose some weight, too, which wouldn't be a bad thing. Night-time has always been my most difficult time. Food has always helped me wind down. Some people drink alcohol. I eat food--it puts me into a kind of carbohydrate coma. Those carbs generally come with fat attached. Perfect recipe for slowly but surely putting on the weight. So many factors in eating disorders. It's such a complex disease. Relatives can help or they can hinder. Ideally, we shouldn't need the cooperation of our relatives. We're asking them to be codependent. But we also need to take care of ourselves. There are people who would deliberately sabotage those they profess to love. There are those relatives with the same addiction who have a vested interest in keeping you the same and not letting you change. There are those who don't know addiction at all and urge you to eat--they made it special just for you, it doesn't hurt to have a little once in a while, etc. There are also those who would never humble themselves and give up their right to eat what they want when they want it and might actually insist that buy those things yourself and keep them in the house for them. With these people you need to have heavy-duty boundaries and perhaps actually keep them at a safe distance or even totally out of your life. I'm blessed that my husband is supportive. I'm blessed that he reads my blog because he wants to know me better and understand what I'm going through. He's a little angry at having to change his lifestyle to accommodate my disease and he's entitled to be. But we talk about it. We're no longer ignoring the elephant (my eating disorder not me) in the room. I may get to the point where he can go back to eating snacks in front of me and keeping my favorites in the house, but not right now. Not with the reduced restriction I'm experiencing while waiting for my first fill. Once again, weight loss surgery is a tool, not a solution. If I don't take care of myself in my relationships, it won't be as helpful.

Hi all. Phyll, congrats again. Apples and Joanne, glad you're both back online. Meredith, I'm with you. No restriction. First fill Aug. 11th. Man I hate willpower. Just looking to not gain till fill. My DH has agreed not to keep ice cream and frosting in the fridge and to not eat snacks in front of me while we watch TV and play on our computers at night. I'm usually on LBT or writing in my blog. Have to say, this group and the 50's group are about the best groups I've encountered on LBT. I also check the June 2009 bandsters group. A lot of the info I get for my blog on lapband stuff comes from this group. My blog is where I really work on "banding my head." Maybe I'll use that phrase in tonight's blog. If you ever want to check out my blog its: IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF Last night I wrote about Relatives: Help or Hindrance. I'm so glad my DH is a help.

Saturday, July 18, 2009 Taking Care of Myself! Just the past few days my energy has started coming back and today it roared into town. I walked for an hour and a half and then worked in the garden pulling weeds. Actually its my neighbor's garden. They generally grow weeds and their garden borders mine all the way between our long driveways. They actually have flowers buried in there this year but for years it was mostly weeds. I'd been getting in there this year to help them, they're elderly and both have severe diabetes. But I haven't done any gardening since my surgery. I didn't want to dislodge my band with all the bending over, plus digging with the shovel puts pressure on the disc in my neck. Fortunately, I did an excellent job weeding my own gardens before surgery. They're just starting to need attention, but the neighbors weeds were tree sized. Some of them were trees. I've finally got my blood pressure in the normal range--had to go back on all of my meds even after losing 27 lbs. I was holding off on going back on the magnesium and potassium gluconate ut it finally put my blood pressure back in the normal range. That means I feel safe hanging upside down on my incline board and that is really helping my neck. In fact my whole spine is decompressed and I have less trouble with my hip and lower back. That's helping me walk longer. I was also amazed at how quickly I cleaned out a mess of weeds. The loss of 27 lbs really makes a difference. Yeah! I love gardening and walking. Those are the two activities I've tried to keep doing despite the arthritis pain. Both make me feel good. Both increase my serenity and my concentration. My food is doing pretty well even though I'm no longer feeling much restriction. My first fill is on Aug. 11. I'm so glad I can garden again. It always keeps me busy and gives me serenity which in turn boosts my willpower. I was careful not to do too much. So far my neck is holding up quite well. (I think there's a pun in there.) Struggling a little with the fact that my husband has ice cream in the house and he also made cupcakes with chocolate frosting (he's never baked in his life.) I've had a few tastes but haven't pigged out. I don't know if I can handle having things in the house that trigger cravings. I know that if I ask him he won't buy it for himself anymore, but that's not necessarily fair to him. We're trying to not spend money on fast food items or things like DQ, and its cheaper to make treats or have ice cream in the house than go out for them, but I may suggest that he go out to DQ rather than have it and eat it in the house. I've let him know I'm struggling rather than keep on pretending I don't see him eating it. I need to be honest about the things I struggle with. That's healthier behavior than before. I don't want to make him responsible for my success. Hopefully, we'll reach a reasonable compromise that doesn't compromise my recovery. My husband has been tackling the dismantling of the basement preparatory to Perma-Seal coming in in October and ending our water problems. What a mess that's been. We're able to leave the studs but are removing all paneling, the insulation behind it, and ugly ceiling tiles whose grids were nailed into the paneling and unsalvageable. We're gutting the bathroom, too. Then, little by little, as my husband's social security checks come in, we'll start putting things back together. Some of the expenses have turned out to not be as bad as we thought they were going to be. That helps. We decided to repair my car. That cost around $1700 but it was a lot cheaper than buying even a cheap used car. We seem to have found a really good repair man one block from where we live. We should have been going to him for a long time. So we've fixed one short term problem and are finally making progress on the long-term one. I can't tell you how depressing the basement issue has been. I think finally doing something about my health has given me the impetus to to make the basement a priority and to refuse to spend money on anything else (except emergencies like the car.) Taking care of the basement water and mold problem, just like getting the lap band surgery, is taking care of myself. Getting my blood pressure under control, hanging from my incline board, walking, and gardening are also taking care of myself. Speaking up if I'm struggling with something, is taking care of myself. I'm no longer feeling paralized. What a relief! God is good all the time! All the time God is good!

Saturday, July 18, 2009 Taking Care of Myself! Just the past few days my energy has started coming back and today it roared into town. I walked for an hour and a half and then worked in the garden pulling weeds. Actually its my neighbor's garden. They generally grow weeds and their garden borders mine all the way between our long driveways. They actually have flowers buried in there this year but for years it was mostly weeds. I'd been getting in there this year to help them, they're elderly and both have severe diabetes. But I haven't done any gardening since my surgery. I didn't want to dislodge my band with all the bending over, plus digging with the shovel puts pressure on the disc in my neck. Fortunately, I did an excellent job weeding my own gardens before surgery. They're just starting to need attention, but the neighbors weeds were tree sized. Some of them were trees. I've finally got my blood pressure in the normal range--had to go back on all of my meds even after losing 27 lbs. I was holding off on going back on the magnesium and potassium gluconate ut it finally put my blood pressure back in the normal range. That means I feel safe hanging upside down on my incline board and that is really helping my neck. In fact my whole spine is decompressed and I have less trouble with my hip and lower back. That's helping me walk longer. I was also amazed at how quickly I cleaned out a mess of weeds. The loss of 27 lbs really makes a difference. Yeah! I love gardening and walking. Those are the two activities I've tried to keep doing despite the arthritis pain. Both make me feel good. Both increase my serenity and my concentration. My food is doing pretty well even though I'm no longer feeling much restriction. My first fill is on Aug. 11. I'm so glad I can garden again. It always keeps me busy and gives me serenity which in turn boosts my willpower. I was careful not to do too much. So far my neck is holding up quite well. (I think there's a pun in there.) Struggling a little with the fact that my husband has ice cream in the house and he also made cupcakes with chocolate frosting (he's never baked in his life.) I've had a few tastes but haven't pigged out. I don't know if I can handle having things in the house that trigger cravings. I know that if I ask him he won't buy it for himself anymore, but that's not necessarily fair to him. We're trying to not spend money on fast food items or things like DQ, and its cheaper to make treats or have ice cream in the house than go out for them, but I may suggest that he go out to DQ rather than have it and eat it in the house. I've let him know I'm struggling rather than keep on pretending I don't see him eating it. I need to be honest about the things I struggle with. That's healthier behavior than before. I don't want to make him responsible for my success. Hopefully, we'll reach a reasonable compromise that doesn't compromise my recovery. My husband has been tackling the dismantling of the basement preparatory to Perma-Seal coming in in October and ending our water problems. What a mess that's been. We're able to leave the studs but are removing all paneling, the insulation behind it, and ugly ceiling tiles whose grids were nailed into the paneling and unsalvageable. We're gutting the bathroom, too. Then, little by little, as my husband's social security checks come in, we'll start putting things back together. Some of the expenses have turned out to not be as bad as we thought they were going to be. That helps. We decided to repair my car. That cost around $1700 but it was a lot cheaper than buying even a cheap used car. We seem to have found a really good repair man one block from where we live. We should have been going to him for a long time. So we've fixed one short term problem and are finally making progress on the long-term one. I can't tell you how depressing the basement issue has been. I think finally doing something about my health has given me the impetus to to make the basement a priority and to refuse to spend money on anything else (except emergencies like the car.) Taking care of the basement water and mold problem, just like getting the lap band surgery, is taking care of myself. Getting my blood pressure under control, hanging from my incline board, walking, and gardening are also taking care of myself. Speaking up if I'm struggling with something, is taking care of myself. I'm no longer feeling paralized. What a relief! God is good all the time! All the time God is good!

What she said. Ditto.