Kat817

Hi Fred, welcome to LBT, and congrats on the weight loss!!! I am 16 month out from surgery, and am still not wearing my original wedding rings. The way my rings are made, sizing them will be difficult as well as expensive! And to do so more than once is likely to weaken the setting. So....I am wearing a simple ring that DH bought me for our 10th, it was easy to have sized, and very inexpensive, and I wear a simple plain band with it. Not ideal, but they work. When I quit losing, I will have MY rings sized. They are a size 10 and I am now wearing a 7.5. So, I don't imagine they will get much smaller, but I'm not taking chances. As far as being bad luck, I think that is silly!!! I could have stayed as fat as I was, and been buried early with it fitting snug---or I can be without it while I get healthy, then wear it with him til we grow old together. Most have had to have rings resized, or are waiting to do so---it is often one of the first places we lose weight, it was for me!!! Here I was wanting my belly gone, and heck no, my fingers went first!!! The commitment, and the bond, and the love are all there. I love my rings, but they are nothing but a symbol to the outside world. The real connection between us is much stronger than any ring. I would rather be without it, then resize it later, than accidentally lose it forever. I vote to resize, and until then, check out Walmart, they have inexpensive wedding bands!!! Kat

Welcome Angie, to both Bandland, and to LBT. I look forward to getting to know you and hearing of your progress and experiences along the way!!! Kat

I use a bed wedge pillow, not the one you linked, but similar. I used it for years prior to banding. I had a hiatal hernia, it was fixed during my band surgery, but has since herniated again. Both of my parents suffer with them as well. The wedge I use is foam, and about 8" high...it does help. So does sleeping on my side as opposed to my back. I ordered this one from the Carol Wright catalog. I also have an inflatable one I take camping with me, we do a lot of motorcycle trips in which we camp out. I roll it up with our air mattress, and when we inflate the bed, we inflate my wedge! It is a normal part of my life now. I actually have to watch my DH, he will slide over and sleep on it as well! If he naps during the day without me---he always uses it! I have offered to order him one, he keeps saying no! I would suggest going with one of the cheaper ones, to see if it gives you any relief. Mine is not as long as the one you linked, but it helps regardless! See if it is something you will be able to use, and get relief from, if so, and then if you want the longer one, go for it! Kat

Hi Diane, nothing is wrong with you. It is a definite period of adjustment. The food you ate---and with it coming up in your throat, yes you overate, but it sounds like nice smooth textured, easy to digest food. My best advice at this point would be to take a nice walk---remain upright! Give it an hour or so, and sip--it will help move it all through. It isn't like you ate a huge steak, or raw veggies, that take serious work to digest. Just as with anything else, the longer you have the band, and work within it's boundaries the more natural it will seem. The fill is not nearly as scary as it sounds!!! I encourage you to go slow and steady with them, not to push restriction super fast. It sounds like you still have fairly good restriction with just your band in place, or your food would have just moved on through. That is a good thing!!! Hang out, read through different threads, even if you don't think they pertain to you so much, you will see similar feelings, expressed in different ways. Most of us were somewhat intimidated by this little silicon band that is supposed to change our lives. It is even in my opinion normal to occasionally step back and say wait I don't want my life changed! In reality I did want it changed, and the band did help to accomplish that. But I did not wake up from surgery and consider this band my best buddy, and never have any issues with it! I have had!!! I have had 2 total PB's---threw it up, not pleasant in any way! They did teach me to chew!!! Now, I am without a doubt one of the smiling faces, I do love my band, I love the control I now have. I love that not every waking minute is spent thinking of food. Even when I was not dieting, I was planning what goodie to eat, now I just don't worry about it. I fix something, call it supper, and off we go!!! Food is fuel---I do like it to taste good, but I no longer obssess over every savory mouthful. Relax, and learn to enjoy the feeling of not wanting to eat all the time, enjoy the weight dropping. Do your best to abide by the band rules, and soon you too will be a smiling face I predict!!! Kat

I never meant to imply describing them that way would be wrong. Isaid it might not be rioght, simply because the person I would have been describing may have felt it was wrong. I don't have any real strong feelings one way or another, with it being used as description. I feel it is obvious, as well as relevent. But in my post, mainly I wondered about it, wondering if he left it out, due to his own biracial heritage---most descriptions of biracial people are derogatory. I said I probably would not have left it out, I figured, it would have been one way in which I described who Aaron was. Good thing, bad thing, or indifferent, I felt I would not have left it out. He did. I had to wonder if he just didn't find it relevent to mention, or as I said above, whether it was due to him wondering how people describe him. This nephew is half Navajo Indian, and half white. To look at him, one would first guess he was black...if going on looks alone. This boy is so cute, he has an awakening, when he leaves this area!!! He is currently dating a girl who is of the same mix. When he was in grade school, he told everyone he was black. My niece said you should have seen the teacher when she showed up to parent teacher conference!! I agree that it feels like one thinks there is a problem, when race is totally ignored. I just did not get that feeling from him. Now, he has friends of all colors--I have seen that for myself, and Aaron may not be the only Asian, so he may have described him in other ways due only to that...I just found it interesting, when the kid showed up, that of all things to leave out, that was it! I hope in the end this comes together, I went back and added and took out comments, all while cooking dinner!!! Wonder if either one will turn out right??? Kat

As Wabb says, the infection can and does travel along the tubing--going in either direction. I have an aquaintence here in town who was banded well over a year ago. She went to Mexico for banding, and had never had any problems. 3 months ago, her gall bladder had to be removed, and she got infection. They did that surgery laprascopically as well. Her incisions were VERY red, and heated. Being a nurse herself, she knew, she dealt with it immediately. It ended up a MRSA infection, and she had a helluva time clearing it up. Her band is history---the infection took it and the port. It was another surgery to remove it, one insurance would not give a prior authorization on, but was something that had to be done regardless. Now she is catching flack from her surgeon, and the insurance, claiming it was residual problems from her Mexican banding. She is now dealing with it through an attorney---for lack of any other way to deal with it. Get another opinion, do not delay. The band is not to blame---don't take away a wonderful tool for weight loss, because a Dr. did not properly follow up. I hope you get the help you need. I do understand the financial aspect of it all---my heart goes out to you! Kat

Michelle---I hate to hear you are hurting so bad---like you say, especially when you were being so good!!! You know to stick to liquids while you are in pain. Try every little bit to sip very slowly some liquid. My suggestion at this point would be to try some pineapple juice. It is acidic enough that it tends to help break down food that is stuck. It does nothing for swelling, but it has helped me with taking too big of bites a few times. As a last resort, and only if you feel you are still stuck, you can try a shot of liquid meat tenderizer---it will usually break down things like you are stuck on. My SIL used it for a bite of steak that would not move, and she said it was very salty tasting, but not as bad as she anticipated, and she said within 30 minutes, she felt it pass, because by then she was swollen, and it moving through hurt some. She went back to liquids for about 3 days after that. Keep us posted on how you are---we do worry ya know!!! Laura--woo hoo you girlie girl you!!! I bet you look 20 pounds lighter with your upbeat mood, and clothes that really fit! DH will be glad to see you!!! Tracy---sorry restriction is being so elusive for you! Terry---you hanging in there? I am so proud of you for not smoking---I cannot even tell you! I got new cookware from my parents for my birthday (I ask for it), but now I am trying to weed out the old, and add in the new....and it is like everything else, I am having hell letting go of the old! Some of these pans I have had for almost 30 years!!! I did not use them the entire time, they were stored for several years, but still---I need someone to throw things away for me!!! Wish me luck!!! Kat

Before getting your hopes up or shot down, pick up the phone and call your insurer, and talk to them. BCBS has many states they have different coverage in, and has been pointed out, many exclusions are due to the employer package bought as opposed to the insurer themselves. The information in my BCBS of TX book was NOT the same info given to me over the phone, and that was actually required for them to cover the surgery. Now dealing with BCBS of TX was a nightmare! I was 10 1/2 months into a 12 month medically supervised diet when I was involved in a car accident. They said I missed a dietician appointment (was being done through my pcp), and his coming to see me in the hospital did not count, that was medical. So they were going to make me start the 12 months over, insisting it had to be done consecutively. There was no discussion, even with the appeal, it was very plain---do 12 months consecutively and follow the other requirements and we will pay, but not until. BUT even if I had done the next 12 months, they would not cover another sleep study for 2 years...several things would have had to be redone, and been OOP...in the end, the insurance of the car that hit me made me a cash settlement, and I went to MX to a surgeon I researched very well. I could not be happier. IF ever my DH's employer offers another insurance, we will jump ship so fast, the dang thing may capsize!!! One other thing, when you call them, take detailed notes, of who you talked to and when you talked. Note how many people you were transferred through, and how long you were on hold. And write down exactly what they tell you. Because if your experience is anything like mine, you will get a conflicting story each time you call! Being able to recall who said what when will be invaluable. It is also nice to take to your employer if it is them excluding weight loss, and let them know just how well the company they pay is working for them...or not. My SIL is an executive with United Healthcare, and she helped me walk through much of it....she says they are even worse!!! Not sure how though! Call and speak to a person, and find out whether it is employer excluded or what---that CAN be changed! Good Luck! Kat

And ya know what Chris----you will keep going too!!! I just hit the 100 pound mark too--just this month!!!! You are doing AWESOME!!!! It took me a lot longer to lose that amount! Keep up the great work. Kat

Welcome Bear---you have found an awesome site for information, as well as support as you navigate through the next several months. Feel free to ask questions, give opinions---the whole 9 yards! Glad to have you here!! Kat

Yep you have entered Bandster Hell....and hell it is! It is like buying a new car, and not having any gas for it! Will power, or won't power as some call it, is all you have at this point. Some days you will impress yourself, and others you will kick yourself in the butt, I wish I had magic answers to make them all good days---but I don't. One day I would eat so well, focus on Protein and veggies, and avoid the sweets and carbs---I thought I had it figured out, then WHAM, the very next day I was eating everything in sight, and nothing healthy, and nto eating like a bandster with small bites etc. The good news is, that eventually your fill adjustments help, and along the way the brain seems to kick in more often, and the wacked out binge days get further and further apart...and eating in a more healthy manner becomes the norm. It is not an overnight revelation. Many of us fall kicking and screaming into bandster hell---and we survived it anyway!!! It is not unusual to gain a bit of weight back during this time either, so don't freak out! What stage should you be eating in according to your particular surgeon? If we know that we may be able to help you with some ideas. You will be fine---welcome to the real world! Just kidding, it REALLY DOES get much better, and much easier!!! Kat

I believe age is all mind over matter...if you don't mind, it don't matter. It is all individual....I have a 9 year old nephew more mature than my 45 year old brother---go figure! Kat

Welcome to LBT Rae. There is a thread on here somewhere about lap banders with heart issues...if I can find the link I will post it. Hang out, read up, and ask any questions you have. This is a wonderfully informative, and supportive group of people. I am totally thrilled with my band, and could not have ask for a better experience. I started out at about your weight, and I know for a fact it CAN be done!!! I am not a die hard dieter with my band, I live a very normal life. I eat most things, just in serious moderation. I look forward to getting to know you too!!! Kat

I was a nervous wreck posting my pics the other day. I kept waiting for the responses to say things about not believing I had lost 100 pounds, because there didn't seem to be that big of a change. They didn't come! I got compliments!! Now I expected politeness, not rude comments like you might get on the street---but still cringed when I hit the post button!!! My wildest moment or comment come the other day, at a motorcycle rally---one of the vendors had all the leather halters, and this sales lady was talking to my normally built friend and I, and she said to her "You could wear this style, but the plunging halter would look awesome on you" as she held it up to me. Now ladies I am closer to 50 than 40, and leather halters are NOT in my future---but these salespeople have always just pretended I was invisible! Now they try to sell me things! I do have leather chaps we ride in, and when I first got mine, I balked, and told my husband I would look like I was wearing the whole damn cow. I had cinched them to the tightest lace in the back, and was on the last hole in the belt to hold them up, but there was not much hope for the thighs...so I bought new ones. My old chaps were XXL my new ones Medium. Another woman was there being fitted for new chaps as well, and she was very attractively built, but the medium would not zip around her thighs...mine did! I could not quit smiling. I also could not quit trying to buy XXL rally shirts!!! DH and I would laugh it off, but it is kind of disconcerting, to know one thing, but to feel another.... The other time I was given a wake up was when I went to pick up my DD, she was at the gym, and I was to take her DD to her. She was finishing up with her personal trainer, and she told him, if he wanted to see muscle tone, he should see my legs. So he I am sure thought 'potential client' and humored her, and popped me on a machine....I shocked them all, he told my DD she would be working her ass off til she was 30 to equal it! I want my DD to be toned, but I loved the feeling of this fat woman showing him, I did have muscle under the flab, and said this to my DD. She got teary and told me "Mom you are not a fat lady anymore, don't keep putting yourself down." So that is it, I am doing my best. If my DH and my DD don't see me as fat, then screw that mirror!!! Hang in there girls!!! I was by the way one of the skinny ones who got fat and was shocked by a mirror into the fat reality---so know it WILL come in time! It definitely finally sunk in I was a fat woman, so hold hope that eventually I will see a normal woman in myself! Kat

Lee---Michael Vick made terrible choices, but he made them as a man---not because he was a black man. Fighting pit bulls used to be a serious problem here---but they were not fought by black professional football players---they were fought by redneck white oil field workers. Sick minds come in all colors, shapes, and sizes! I once dated a guy, who was as described above, a redneck, and we went by his house, and he had this HUGE pit bull, out in the yard, of course I mentioned the dog, he told me not to go near him, he was training him for a fight! He had a huge logging chain on him, the dog had to drag this 50 pound chain to move. That date was OVER! I know anyone who is going to do that could be vindictive as hell, so I didn't ever say a word, but animal control, and the police dept. got called!!! I HATED myself for not standing up right then and there---but I had a small child to think of too. Vick is bringing this to light, but the incident I referred to...took place over 20 years ago! It's aabout damn time they put a stop to it! Kat

As has been said before, racism is alive and well, and working both ways, and it is a true shame. Just as you live amongst some black families who do not want their children to play ball with a mostly white team, I am sure (make that 100% sure) that there is the reverse neighborhood, where some white families do not want their children to play on a mostly black team. Some of it is a natural desire to protect our children from possibly being singled out for any reason---whether it be the color of their skin, or a big nose, or a speech impediment. But yes, a big part of that scenario is simply due to the color of their skin. It is a shame we cannot just let our kids be themsleves, they don't seem concerned with 'color' until it is made an issue. I have as I said before nephews who are biracial, the other day one of them mentioned a friend by name, Aaron, and I ask which one he was, he tells me, he is the one who drives the classic Charger, he works at Auto Zone, and had the faux hawk last year. Well a few minutes later Aaron showed up to pick him up, and Aaron was Asian---but my nephew never apparantly thought of THAT as a way to describe which one he was! He saw him simply as a friend, who had a cool car, and a memorable hair cut! Is it because he himself has been described based on his dual race identity? Who knows, but it made me smile to know he did not differentiate him that way. Would I have done the same? I seriously doubt it...would I have meant the description to be derogatory? Not in any way at all, but I still believe I would have likely used his race to describe him. Not that it is right, just being honest. Where I live there is serious issues with race, and there is often unrest over it. There have been books wrote about it, peace marches, and a boycotting of local businesses. It may not be the same combination of races that this post originated to discuss, but it is racial unrest just the same. Lee, I really think Jacki was as shocked by her reaction as anyone---and it takes a lot of nerve and willingness to be questioned for her to admit what happen. I have never been in her shoes, I cannot say I wouldn't react that way, because just as she said, she didn't think she would either! It is HARDER when it comes to your kids, than with yourself. As much as we want the world to be different, it is going to take each of us recognizing our own shortcomings, and working to change our own perceptions of other people in general. Just as with other things, recognizing a problem is the first step to changing it....she has taken that step. Kat

Morning Goils!! I refuse to say good morning, I worked my butt off the entire last week, and while I didn't always make wonderful choices, I didn't totally blow I don't believe----and I regained 2 of the pounds I had lost, putting me right back at 100 pounds lost...this last 20 something is going to be more difficult I guess!!! Dissapointing! I seriously beleive my calories burned were way higher than usual, while my eating remained in the usual range most of the days. I still have some sore muscles, so maybe I will drop it....hope so! Hi Joann---see you lurking!!! Hope all is well with you!!! Rick went back to work today---after him being home for 9 days, it seems awful quiet here!!! Even with Kinsey. She is such a crack up! She is just now getting old enough to remember dreaming, and is trying to convince me she has a Clifford dog when she sleeps! She has a pretty cut up finger---they were with the other grandparents the other night, while my DD and her bf went to the parents counseling for Lindzie. While they were gone Lindzie told Kinsey to stick her finger in the oscillating fan....and she did! Poor thing it cut her little index finger in several places, none too deep, but still! At the time the therapist had no idea of course---even without that instance, he suggested going back to the "way things were" for a period of time, to see if the jealousy at home eased. So Lindzie is going back to the other woman for after school care--thinking maybe the competition will be lessened if they are not together 24/7. The other woman who kept her, had been her day care provider since she was an infant, and they feel very comfortable with her, and her ability to deal with Lindzies recent outbursts. School started Monday, and she only has one little boy in her class from last year---and it is her boyfriend no less! She actually got in trouble in Kindergarten for kissing him! She seems happy in class. Still adamantly refuses to go to her Moms, who incidentally has not even called to request a visit. Both of the kids used to go to the other parents every other weekend, but both of the other parents are MIA! Kinsey's father has a new girlfriend, who is just 18, and he has been too busy he said. Makes me crazy---these poor kids! Tracy---tummy feeling better? TracyK---post us some pics of the haircut---I too need to do something with mine, the end is so thin, and the top getting so thick again---I don't want to go short---so am avoiding dealing with it!!! Pamela--I find myself buying clothes in spurts. Pants are still a problem....if they fit around the belly, they are big everywhere else. Speaking of....my inlaws bought me clothes for my birthday. They bought me 2 tops, one a 2X and one a 3X...and a pair of black capris---a size 8. I can get them up---but there is several inches of belly in the way of ever buttoning and zipping them...they will be going back along with both shirts! One I will simply exchange for the right size, the other looks like it is "too old" for my Mom!!! But it was nice of her to try to find something for me, I have days even I can't do that!!! Other days, I end up like you did, with way too much, but them fitting, and looking pretty good, makes me go overboard! Denise---I lose weight in my butt, and wierd areas first, my belly is the last to go--along with my boobs. Now what 2 places do I need it gone most???? You guessed it! I first notice weight loss in my face, and hands---which was irritating, here I have this fat body, and my hands lose weight! Then my butt and legs get thinner, and I look like humpty dumpty---I used to call myself an Easter egg on stilts!! Terry---not sure what I will be doing exercise wise today---Rick being back at work, I guess it will be something more "traditional" than it has been the last week! My Dad has to go to the Dr. in ABQ on the 31st so they can schedule him for carotid artery bypass surgery. Makes me very nervous. We have some concert tickets for the 1st....not sure what to do about them, whether they will send us home (surely they will) or what. I mean why put him in on Friday, when it is Labor day weekend, and they probably would not operate until Tuesday anyway. We usually attend a local rally very heavily during that weekend. Not sure how to plan for it this year. We are hoping once Dad is well again, to make a couple of desert runs before the season changes. Well I didn't mean to miss the rest of you, but Kinseys toast just landed butter side down on the floor----time to get busy!!! TTYL Kat

Ya know Terry, for the short time I was married to my 2nd husband, I simply prayed for, wished for, a normal, boring life. I began trying to gain weight back at that time, and girl I founs something I was good at!!! We passed an overweight woman in the store one day, and he told me if I ever looked like that he'd leave my ass---I bought weight gain products, I started packing it on! Pretty easy thing for me to do! Years later, I don't in any way consider my DH or our family, or life in general, boring in a negative way. But I love that there is not constant drama. We are kind to one another. We spent this last week working very hard...as I said on the other thread, but it felt good! Much of what we did was for our parents, and today he worked with my handicapped brother---he is anything but boring in my heart---but to others our lives may be just that...boring---and I love it!! I am not sure I would consider myself warm and loving all the time, but when you experience the worst, you truly do appreciate the best...at least I think I do. I appreciate the love of a good man. I appreciate the caring, supportive, friends I have in real life and on here. I have healthy children and grandchildren, and am alive to be with them. I won. It may seem childish, but I won! Kat

I too was very young and idealistic, when faced with my ex husbands cheating. Add to that, both sets of grandparents were still married to their original spouses! There was zero history of divorce in my family. I had also received serious flack from my family for wanting to marry so young, and for giving up scholarship money for school. So to admit I screwed up, was extremely difficult! I tried sticking it out because of those reasons---but cannot honestly say I tried sticking it out for the right reason. I never tried because I loved him too much to call it quits....he effectively shut down that emotion. It made the actual divorce easier, but the interim time was horrid. In hind sight, much of it was concern over how it would look to others, what my family would say or do...seems pretty petty now, but it sure didn't feel it then. I can honestly say I would still be glad even if I had never found my DH now, to not have been like your wife-in-law. I found amazing stength between dealing with him, and the evil man who followed him! Now him....he made my cheating husband seem like a dream! Ironically I chose him due to the 1st experience. He was obssessed now I see....with me. He wanted to be with me 24/7, he didn't look at other women....I loved it. Then came the fateful night that he was convinced I had looked at another man, and he beat the crap out of me. It only got worse. Hospitalized a few times. He managed to get me to stay by threatening, not me, but my family. He'd tell me he was going to pay a visit to my old grandpa...or my crippled brother. And he meant it...I have full faith he would have done it. Now I told you the first husband was worthless---here is proof. I called him and ask him to take our daughter, I wanted her to be safe, and told him everything---he refused, he laughed at me for screwing up again! Eventually he wanted to move to TX to be near his family.... unknown to me he was a wanted man there....he went on a rampage one night, I ended up in critical condition, he stabbed me 8 times. He is still in prison for my attempted murder as well as the other issues he had been wanted for...armed robbery and shooting with the intent to kill. If he ever gets out....I will face one of my worst fears. Then several years went by---keeping in mind I was still a kid pretty much then....and met up with current husband. We had been school mates since 4th grade! We talked until 4 in the morning on the phone! We dated. He moved. We dated long distance for 2 years. Finally we joined families, and I have never for a single day regretted it. This was the first time my family supported my decision---I HAVE learned to listen to them finally!!!! Boy did we HAVE to learn all this the hard way???? Kat

Hi my friends! We made it back---was a wonderful 2 days, relaxing, good company. We had good food--went out for our meals, nixxed the campfire cooking thing!!! We took some great scenic rides, got some awesome pics of HUGE bull elk, trying to attract some cow elk---incredible really! We hit the casino Saturday night, had the steak and shrimp buffet, and I won a whopping 17 bucks! I actually won 20, but spent 3 to wind it, so come out 17 ahead! Then we come home, and spent yet another day hauling wood!!! Since we finished pouring our cement before we left, it was set enough for us to begin loading our own wood in, so yesterday we hauled another 2 cords in for ourselves, we split and stacked it all. It looks like winter is coming...I am not thrilled with that. It is not coming today though, it is still almost 100 out!!! Today Rick is helping my brother build a porch, so I am cruising LBT and doing laundry!!! THANK YOU so much for all the sweet comments on my pictures! I was such a nervous nellie posting them! Y'all are the greatest!!! Beannie I am so glad you are back, and hope your new job is wonderful! Sherry, Chris & Mandy---jealousy is setting in---the closer your trip---the more jealous I get!!! Betty--glad your computer is up and going again! Darcy--take a break from flipping your house and come see us more often!!! Moving is nooooo fun in my book! Patty--school started here this week. You and the boys will be off to an exciting new year soon!!!! If ever there is any band question I can answer I would be happy to---just be aware I am no band expert!!!! Sherry---mine never got much name brand except shoes, we did buy more expensive shoes than I liked, but one DD is flat footed, and was hard to fit. The podiatrist, convinced me to spend a little on their shoes!!! They get to buy their own now!! Cindy--they contemplated uniforms one year, never even got past the school board. I didn't have real strong opinions either way! Eileenie---we are ready for your job to slow down too so we see more of you!!! Not meaning to miss anyone, I need to go change out laundry---we had enough dirty clothes to clothe a small country!!! Better go fold a load and change it out!!! Will check in with you later!!! Kat

Haydee---go to the user CP...there is a edit avatar there---click in the appropriate circle, then go to the bottom of the page, where you can browse in your documents or pictures or wherever and download the one you want for the avatar. Wow---yay us---skinny jeans and shirts!!!!! Speaking of which....Pamela---please don't take this the wrong way, but if you EVER call me a skinny bitch again, I am going to march that skinny butt right straight to CA and kiss you!!!!! I am being dissed for being skinny???? I LOVE it!!!! Kat

BJean---he was a jerk, and continues to be a jerk. He currently lives with a former friend of mine, and claims multiple girlfriends on the side. I cannot count the number of times, he has contacted me and tried to tell me what a mistake he made! He would not have changed, even if I had fallen for the line one of those times! He has so many problems!! He actually bragged to my DD when she was in High School, and had been to his house with friends of hers and her brothers (1/2 brother technically---he is just over a year younger than she is) that in High School they called him Doc, because he had every kind of drug available, and if he didn't he could get it. He bragged this up, like it was something very cool. Now I dated him from his sophmore year until he quit school as a senior---and aside from occasionally smoking some pot....he did not do drugs, let alone sell them....and to a point of being called Doc??? puhleeze! Not to mention even if it had been true---telling that to teenagers? The man is mentally unstable, he is a serious alcoholic, as is the woman he lives with now. She says she lets him stay because she knows he is faithful....says he can't get it up anymore!!! Sorry I have to laugh over it! Wonder who is fooling who? On second thought, who really cares!!! It is never fun to live through marital problems. At the time they are all consuming. I wish there was a way to help the OP get through the tough times ahead....just know we are here! And BJean, some days I do feel strong, and occasionally even mildly intelligent---others, I still question my own judgement! I went from this moron to another even worse. WAAAAY worse! Then I took a total break, quit dating, and finally turned to a life long friend---and found out what love and marriage really were all about! Kat

Our insurance wants us to do the wellness study too. They got my DH on the phone, and he agreed, now they will call him every 2 weeks, and ask him a bazillion questions! They ask him all kinds of things, that I personally did not see the revelance to his health---but he agreed...so he gets to talk to them! With the year he had health wise, they may be getting more than they bargained for with him!!!! Kat

Hope your nausea is better Tracy. This is going to sound really wierd, but was your stomach rolling, or was the gagging more from the throat? I once ate something that I thought must have been bad, because I got sick at my stomach from it, and it only eased if I slowly sipped or snacked. In the end, I think I was actually over full, and it was from the esophagus area, and I was feeling the nausea from that. When I caught the stomach virus from Kinsey the feeling was totally different, it was low in the stomach itself, and I was on the verge of vomiting before I even knew what hit me! Hope you feel much better!!! I too like Househuntress really try to get my meals is with mostly protein, followed with veggies, and only a few nibbles of the carbs, mostly for flavor enhancement! Breakfast has almost always hit me that way! I often will snack for breakfast on a leftover piece of sausage or something of that nature. My DH loves sausage, he likes it hot with breakfast, and cold for snacking, so I keep some cooked up, and it is one of the stand bys I use for breakfast or a quick snack. I don't overdo it, because I know there are tons of nitrates, and it is not the best for me! But my cholesterol is down again! Each time I donate blood now they do a cholesterol test, and I can check it online. My Dr. is going to be so happy!!! I had popped over 200 pre banding...now it is down 70 points with no drugs! My usual for breakfast is yogurt---with some granola stirred in. My days have been kinda crazy with all the work we have been doing we have been eating out a lot!!! Yesterday lets see.... BREAKFAST--yogurt--black cherry with granola I ate about 2/3 of the container with about 1/4 cup if that much granola---DH finished it for me! SNACK--a couple of bites of a nectarine while we loaded wood, it didn't feel like it wanted to go down, so I didn't push it. LUNCH--2 taquitas with salsa SNACK--handful of roasted smoked almonds. I know the sodium is out of this world---but they were good!!!! SUPPER--we went to Chilis---I had the childrens chicken crispers and loaded mashed potatoes. I ate 1 1/2 strips of chicken with ranch dressing, and about 3 bites of the potatoes. I heated the leftovers for lunch today and Kinsey and I shared them! For breakfast this morning I had a scrambled egg with green chile, and cheese. The leftovers for lunch, I snacked on half a banana, and some cubed cheddar cheese. I have a couple of rib eyes we are grilling tonight. I will cook some new potatoes, and will likely have some mushrooms to go over the steaks. I can usually avoid the potatoes, but these little new ones from my inlaws garden, may be hard to say no to!!! I also drink tons---lots of tea. I brew my own using decaffeinated tea bags, and sweeten it with sweet & low. I know it isn't the best for me either---but since it is my biggest vice at this point, I am not ready to change!!! When I don't drink enough, I don't lose a thing! I need to weigh---I have not done so in several days---will check it in the morning. I have sore muscles, in my case, that usually means, I will be up a pound or 2, from fluid retention in the muscles, and believe me I have used muscles lately I never knew I had!!! I know I told Rick next vacation we leave town!!! It sounds weird because it was tons of work, but I really enjoy working with him that way, it keeps us close. Well my laundry needs changed out, I have enough dirty clothes to cloth a small nation. But I had a NSV this morning sorting clothes, I picked up a shirt and wondered when my DD left it there, and as I turned it right side out, I realized it was my shirt---I just wore it 2 days ago! It looked so small, I never thought for a second it was mine!!! woohooo it is! And I just wore it so I know it fits me!!! LOVE it!!! TTYL Kat I usually do better, but this week is not a good example!!!

If this other woman had been satisfied being the other woman---our OP would not know, and perhaps the other woman would have helped her DH out of the mental funk he was in or whatever. BUT she come after him from the get go! She wanted him...and she had him, and is now working on keeping him. I have lived this situation out in person! I tried to get past the adultery, and felt I could get on with our lives from that point. Then come the child---the one in my life, was and is a real child, obviously his, (he and my DD look alike!) Then things changed yet again---he wanted to be involved in the childs life, the woman refused an abortion, to his delight---was my suggestion! He wanted us to adopt and raise the child, she refused. Then he finally admitted to what he really wanted, he want us both he said. Finally.....honesty. Not something I was ok with, but honesty! At one point I told him, I just didn't get it, when this girl first started working for them, he made fun of her for being dirty, and she never shaved her legs or armpits, and he was grossed out, and from that he went to being intimate with her??? His reply? That the 2 of us are like apples and oranges, very different, but he likes them both, and was not willing to say he would never want to eat oranges or apples again, he wanted a balanced diet. At the time it was devastating, now it strikes me as a bit comical!!! I looked into my future and realized this was not a one time thing, either I accepted an open marriage, and all that that could entail, or I needed to get out. We divorced...after he fought it every way possible for the next 3 years! He had 3 kids besides ours together by that time! I fully believe there is a difference in how and why men have sex outside of marriage, as there is with women. The OP's situation was just like a serious deja`vu thing!!! My DH's former wife screwed around on him with his "best friend". She actually left he and the kids to go with the guy. We were very open and honest that the cheating was something that was a deal breaker. In the end, we are very well suited to one another, have a wonderful sex life with one another, and personally I have no desire to go elsewhere, and sincerely hope he feels the same. Were he to stray---and it be a sex only thing. As an example, you see lots of movies, with the guys being drunk at a bachelor party, and landing in bed with someone. There are no whispered words--at least none he is likely to remember---let alone keep! Something of that nature I would entertain the idea of working through. Someone, he snuck around to meet, or bought things for, or shared an emotional bond with as opposed to strictly the physical bond....that I would not even consider living through again. At 20 something it was a blow to my likley oversized ego of the age---now, my ego could not take the beating. While I understand, and in theory agree with much of your post green, I know my own heart to be to fragile to take it again. At one time in my past, I found I was in fact the other woman. I had no idea he was married, we had dated for 2 months, and he took me out of town, and he kept using the pay phone rather than the room phone, and my gut went uh-oh! Sure enough, I found out he was married. I ended it, but I never EVER would have said anything to the wife. I think working through it with a therapist, not taking the other woman at her word...insisting on testing--both STD, and eventually paternity---is definitely called for. Back in the day I went through it, AIDS was just presenting itself, and Maury didn't have "Who's your Daddy?" shows on every other day. Paternity testing was an expensive, and seldom done test. In relating my experience, I did not mean to encourage the OP to divorce her DH. I just wanted to loan her some strength, and let her know one way or another she will survive this, and be stronger for it. I too appreciate knowing we can count on you for an honest, and well thought out response to any situation green. I do look forward to your posts, they often times make me think things through a little more thoroughly! Kat