1day at a time

I know what you and Janet say out true but the day he did it was the morning of our NYE party I almost did not go because of that but I did go which made me feel good but then looking at the FB pics I was like ughh look what I did to myself. I am waiting for the diabetes Educator to call me back and find out if I can get on a weekly appt. I guess I just feel out of control with everything my job ( I am only working PT because that is all they will higher), money ( I can't control), Health Insurance (It is either cobra or nothing and the increase in cobra is killing us it just went up another 350 dollars.) We might have to cancel our insurance and see if we can get our meds switched to some of the $4 or $5 equivalents) I guess lack of sleep last night and my emotions running high since TOM starting soon I feel crappy. I go seen my LB Dr tomorrow at 4 so he will have some things to say. Well I am about to go to work I will post more tonight when I get home. Love you all and thanks so much for caring about me, It helps so much. Jewel - I just watched your You tube blog - You go girl!!! I am so proud of you.

Apples - I have not been on the Cpap for a while since I dropped the weight but however since I have gained back 50 pounds since my lowest. I have totally forgot about it and I guess no one knew I was snoring until my hubby was up with my son last night. Well my DH took my son to urgent care they think it is food posining not the stomach bug. They had to give him a bag of fluids since he was dehydrated and could not keep liquids down also they gave him some more Zofran to help with the Nausea he should be better by tomorrow. He goes back to school tomorrow so we will see what happens. I called my diabetes Educator and left her a message about what is going on with me and how I have not been checking my sugar numbers but have been taking my meds. My Dh has been all over me about what I am eating and how I could die. (I suggested he stop bringing in my trigger foods or move them to a different hiding place because I found the first one. And then we got on the subject of AA and NA people and there addictions) We kind of had a talk about me dying if my sugar is high and how being overweight could make my bengin tumor I have in my liver grow which in turn could cause me to need more liver surgery. Not sure if that was true I do not remember the Dr ever saying that. Short story I had the left lobe of my liver removed because I had several Focal nodular hyperplasia lesions and one took over my left lobe and was expanding my liver capsule so they had to remove it or it could have ruptured; this happen before I was even a candidate for the LB. I had to come off of the BC pills and since they would not let me have anymore kids due to the more hormones I have in my body the more the three tumors that are left would grow (the 3 left are to close to my vena cava and could be a very risky surgery to remove so that is why they did not touch them the first time). The last scan and blood work I had showed they are not growing but I need to lose weight. I am so tired of hearing that. Sorry guys I am feeling hopless today I have been on meds for a while for anxiety and depression but some days I feel terrible and today is one of them. Oh and my husband started talking about money and the fact we pay so much in cobra which makes me anxious and then he complained because I can't get insurance at work until 12/01/11 or if I become full time it could be a couple months from then. But they don't need full time people in any departments right now so I can only do what I can right. I go to work at 3 so I am just hanging out. Okay sorry for the long post and the rambling

So my DH was up with my son last night he has the 24hr stomach bug that is going around. What fun. My DH was upset cause with my med I take for my back I slept through most of it and then I snored alot. He said I need to go back to my Cpap machine tonight so I will stop snoring. Anyways I weighed myself today I am now 261.5 pounds ugghhhh I gained so much with out much in my band and of course my head hunger. Okay I go to the Dr tomorrow at 4pm I will go get some bowls that some people suggested and items needed to have liquids then mushies and then real food. I go to work at 3:00pm today till 8:30pm new start right ladies and gentlemen a new start.

Tina - Please post you do not have to quit posting in fear of "junking up the thread" We only say that in jest. I think in started back at the begining when you only saw posts in green (apples) on blue (Janet). And since they changed LBT some peoples posts end up on thread multiple times. Someone correct me if I am right in our defintion in junking up the thread Tina besides if you can't get out of the house with out her being the driver than you can't meet new people and can't go to meetings so please keep talking to us we are all here and do not mind multiple posts or multiple questions. Keep your chin up you can do this and don't worry about what will happen in your relationship if you are still meant to be together you will be if not you will be healthier and more independent and can meet someone new, Okay everyone good night and I will chat more when I get off work tomorrow

Janet - I feel that way as well. Oh an we have roughly the same happen on our thread some pop in once in a blue moon then nothing. Oh well they are missing sime great support. Eva - to answer your question. RIGHT!!!! That was too funny we should ask for a bulk discount LOL "I have to share a text I got last night from my DS. Sorry if it offends any of you, but at least I know he was paying attention when momma was giving him the talk. I about wet myself laughing when I read it this morning. So here it is: "remember wrap it before you let him tap it" It's crude but cracked me up, I guess I'm warpped." Laura K - That was too funny I am warped as well cause I was laughing so hard I thought I might have wet myself as well

You and the others are always on my brain. I love our support group. I just wish the little voice in my head that pushes me to eat the bad stuff was not so loud so I can here all of you guys cheering me on. But I am working on that. I could not believe I got Christmas cards this year it made this Christmas very special to know people in many different states care about me.

Kimaly - I totally understand the price jacking. One of my husband's meds is think 350 without the insurance that why we are trying to keep the cobra but I think it is a lost cause. We are looking into alot of different options before we cut the insurance. We will just have to play it by ear. Lots of love sent your way as well and yes 2011 will be the year.

Janet - I have kept your number in my cell phone since we talked along time ago. I wanted you to know I was at the party and to wish you an early Happy New Year's since of the time difference I figured I wouls be the first to text. Arlene - It is like no one is on that thread except for like one or to people. I still like to check in though. I don't want to see our thread go away.

You are right about Oprah and the other Gurus LOL. I was just thinking I never eat enough veggies or fruit and was thinking it would help. Except i guess it is a liquid and would go straight through the band though. Oh on the Greek yogurt I like it cause it has a higher Protein content and very thick and I usually like it for Breakfast. Arlene - Oops I read the wrong part LOL

Hi Everyone - I got home at 3am I had a great time. I drank some wicked Margarita's it was so good. My husband had one drink and then drank soda the rest of the night, so I could drink. I was so tired I fell asleep in the car on the back home from the party. I had a wonderful time thanks to all for pushing me to go. I got up at 9am could not sleep no headache either yeah for me!!! I will be pushing my Water and crystal light today. Thanks to everyones suggestions on the little bowels and where to get them. I should be looking for 1/2 cup serving sizes correct? Janet - I actually already had little baby spoons. But I have never bought baby forks do you use those as well? So can I have greek yogurt? I mean I see my Dr for a fill on the 4th and will be back on the Protein train and trying to get all the junk out of my system. I forgot who suggested it but I pick up the magazine with Dr Oz on the front it talks about his green drink. It actually sounds pretty good. Do any of you do a detoxing green drink?

Kimaly - Sorry I didn't see this post. This happen to me,first I was told by my Dr office not to eat 2 hours before going to bed. You could also try Gavascon liquid if you wake up with it again it helps push the acid back down and has a numbing agent. However for me it got so bad I needed to have an unfill ( My Dr also put me on Prilosec for 2 months since my stonach was swollen) which I am so struggling right now since my Dr took out half of my fluid. Not to scare you but I was not prepared mentally and have gain some weight back. I have gone two months with only 3.5cc and it has sucked but I go back the 4th for a fill and to do this right. Remember I am paying for cobra insurance which is 1300 a month but now it has jump to almost 1700 for the new year. We will most likely have to let this go which scares me because of the meds we take and what if something happens. I will not be offered insurance until Dec 2010 if they keep me as a part timer. I home they will need full timers soon cause then I will get insurance in Sept. Which is still to far away. I am diabetic and have HBP which got better when I lost the weight. Sorry to ramble I just feel terrible about gaining the weight. I feel ashamed. But I am trying to deal with it and fake it till I make. Try the gavscon and not eating 2 hrs before bed and also try to sleep elevated a little this should help so you won't have to go nack to the Drs office. (Oh I pay 100 to see my Dr each visit so I do not go that often. I am sorry if I depressed you. That was not my intention. Love you girl keep strong. I hope you have a wonderful and Happy New Year's 2011 will be our year.

Cheri - I 2nd this motion. Okay on to me so I did get a nice shirt for tonight. I have to work 10-6 today then my DH will pick me up I will get ready and we will go to the party. I found out we are not actually spending the night (yeah). However my son with be at my parents for the night. So yesterday was my DH friend's 30 birthday. We met her whole family and some friends at a resturant i got a little panic when I realized I had not seen one girl since my wedding 10 years ago and I remembered I was much smaller then. But then as Apples says " I put on my big girl panties" and had a good time. Last night when we went to Walmart to find a shirt for me I found some waterproof shoes for my job (my feet get soaked everytime I clean the chicken room) I struggled to tie the shoes I felt so bad on the inside. I can't help but to feel fat and ugly but I am going to see the Dr on the 4th and get my much needed feel. I will get better I know it "1 Day at a time right, 1 hour at a time 1 minute at a time. Do what it takes. I am saying it but don't feel it. I am going to fake it till I make it. New question who eats out of small little cup size or smaller bowls or plates. I currently eat on a small salad plate or a small coffee cup but I think I need smaller bowls like kiddie size (correct portion sizes for my LB journey) any suggestions what do you guys use. I saw Alrene mentioned kiddie bowls. In case I can't get back on today I hope everyone has a safe and Happy New Year's

Cheri - Happy Birthday and love the quote Meredith - I am so glad the dog was found Thank you to everyone for the responses on the party. To answer questions the party is for my DH friend so he wants to go. I will know alot of people there and everyone is right I am hiding out cause of my weight. I will go and have a great time. So my DH car is in the show so we are sharing my car. I chose to walk home from work instead of waiting for an hour until he could come get me. It only took 23mins which is pretty good.

Okay I need some help making a decision I am going to a friends Bday dinner tonight no big deal. However we were invited my my DH friends to a big NYE party. Friends, food, Pictures taken against a NYC back drop a really big event. My question is should I go? I feel like crap from gaining all this weight don't want my picture taken, it will take an hour and a half to get there, we have to spend the night, taking my son to my parents which is in a different direction and then have my aunt's surprise 60th party the next day. Oh and I have to get something to where. What whould you do? On my way to work I will check back in later I would love any response

My Dr use some kind of numbing wipe and then sticks the needle right in. It has never hurt me I have only needed a bandaid once.

Tina - I am sorry you are having to deal with this. Just do it for yourself and don't worry what she says. She will eat her words. Some people have spouses that were not supportive in the begining but then became supportive when they saw the changes in there mate. Phyl - sorry that your friend passed from a stroke. Joyce - Take it easy on that knee! Lori - Keep us updated on your DD. Hugs and Prayers going your way. Tx - Why two needles or were you messing with your son?

Tina - This is how I got started on my journey. I did beat myself up before I had my LB. My highest was 283. My I had it moment was when I went to CA. for a vaca and went to an animal park with my Mom. You had to walk everywhere and it was long hilly walks. I had to get a ride back to the front of the park from a guy with a golf cart because I could not walk anymore I felt so ashamed. And I was sweating so much I felt like a pig. Also I was with my sister and my mom and they kept saying I kept them up from snoring so much at night and that was caused by my weight. I came back home and started the process for the LB. I originally wanted to have bypass like my Mom however I had Liver surgery in the past and due to the adhesions it was safer for me to have the LB. I got my band on 07/03/2008 and followed my Drs plans to a T and my lowest weight was 211. Then I guess I got cocky and also got my band to tight and started gaining weight due to me not following my Drs rules. So right now by my posts you can see I am struggling because my Dr took out alot of Fluid out of my band. He did this because I was to tight and had problems with reflux. So I am very open right now and I am having trouble staying on the plan cause I can eat anything I want. So Janet, Apples, Cheri, Charlene and the others are helping me get back on the band wagon.

I am so proud of you and your hard work I love seeing your blog on You Tube. You have come along way from a tough time to start to look at you now WTG Girl!!!

Tina - I don't mind saying. When I started this journey I was 283 the lowest I got was 211 so far. I started to get cocky and my head got in the way. I asked for another fill thinking that would prevent my bad choices (which it did not it only made me tighter and gave me more problems). I also was laid off of work twice within my LB journey and I am an emotional eater so I was eating foods I was not supposed to which as anyone knows makes you feel good for like a second and then you feel horrible. I also got acid reflux from eating too late and eating the wrong things and worst of all being too tight. I tried to deal with it on my own and with the help of my friends here but it got to the point I had to go back to the Dr (just a note my surgeon is an hour and half away and I pay $100 for each visit due to the fact my insurance did not pay for the LB I had too) When I finally saw the Dr he took about half of my saline out (due to he was afraid I might get a slip and he knew my stomach was irratated and swollen) which basically put me back to the begining with the band. Now I can pretty much eat anything including things I could not eat for along time because I was too tight like cold drinks, fruit and salads. So the weight gain is all my fault and not following my surgeons directions. So please follow your surgeons directions. I go back on 01/04/10 to see my Dr and get a fill I hope. I try to do this my self but there is no restriction I am in what they call banster hell. Like what Janet said she mentally could eat more but doesn't. What hurts the most right now is my hubby and son have notice the weight gain and it makes me feel so bad I say I want to get to onderland but my actions have not changed. I actually do take meds for anxiety which help but my head is stuck in a rut. I am trying to force my head to get back in the swing of things by changing my job to a more physical type job which my back is freaking out about. I could walk to work which is 3.2 miles driving distance but my hubby and son are afraid things might happen to me walking not sure why it is not in a bad area and there are sidewalks. Okay I am just gabbing away I hope this answers your questions. Tina you are right I will do this. I just have to get out of the hole I created for myself with all this sugar and carbs I have been eating. Also I have tried to give my problems over to GOD but I have problems letting go. My Best Friend is helping me with my journey towards giving things to GOD I am a work in progress with that.

Tina - Janet is right except I am still working on the I WILL. Okay practice I will take control of my weight and deal with my head issues

Jessica - I am so happy for you. Congratulations on Onederland. I am so proud of you. Like someone else said you shuld read your old posts and see how far you came. You are doing awesome keep it up. WTG!!!! :success1: :waytogo: As for me woke up and my back was acting up but now I am better. I guess it is just being stiff in the morning. Oh and this back thing happen from a car accident a long long time ago but forgot all about it since I sat all day and now I being very physical at work plus I out alot of weight back on, so when that comes off I should be doing better. Janet - I am glad I am still a baby to ya. :iloveuall: :huggie:

Meredith - they used to call Mono the Kissing disease I got it when I was a baby and my Mom was like who have I been kissing LOL Arlene - 2 pounds Yeah !!! Keep up the good work Linda - you are so right So my back feels much better the Dr actually wrote my muscle relaxer script to take up to 4 times a day I did not do it cause I was afraid it was going to make me sleepy. But since I was in so much pain this morning (And my husband was driving me to work since his car is being worked on) I have been taken the muscle relaxer through out the day. I also did not lift anything heavy. Since I am off the next two days I will try and take it easy. I also bought some Soup and Protein drinks to get back on the Protein train. Choo Choo !!!! Tina - by the way I am 34 for a couple more weeks so according to Janet I am a baby as well. I am glad someone still thinks I am a baby LOL

Tina - I can do it again I know it. I just have to keep at it. Eva - When I get in to work I am going to ask for a brace. I pray I can make it through today I have to be there for 5 hours then two days off.

"Remember all those resolutions you made in the past? It's time to recommit to them. All signs indicate that you need to take better care of yourself. You've been so busy working that exercising has begun to feel like a luxury you can't afford. Actually, exercise and proper nutrition are luxuries you can't afford to ignore. You're burning the candle at both ends. Stop before you burn out completely!" This was my Capricorn Horoscope for the day I think it says alot about what some of us are going through right now.