pointbeach

Leigh, half the battle is loving yourself no matter what. Last night my negative voice was going and I ended eating something that was not planned. Not teribble but it shows me how I beat myself up verbally leads to the food. I have had the band for years and have gained back the 15 I lost so can you imagine the shame I have. But I am hear and starting over and I am going to be committed this time so dont beat yourself up it doesnt help.

I am feeling better today I really appreciate the support. I started doing liquids today and my stomach feels better and I am going for an upper GI on Monday.Yesterday at the meeting I did not speak about my failure ISomeone asked me how much weight I lost and I did not answer or tell them I had the band for two years. I did speak thought about what I am doing now to succeed, like going on this website every night so Thanks again. Maybe next week when I go I will say something, because I know by this website I am n ot alone.

Thank you this is great

I blogged for the first time last night. that I hve had the band for two years and I have failed my band, I just thought it was going to magically take away my weight with me not haveing to do anything. My life got real real crazy for a year,now things have calmed down and I am focused on myself and restarting eating right, slowly and all the things we are suppose to do. Anyway I went to a lapbnd support group my surgeon has been having and I felt like such loser. I am the only person who not only did not lose weight I gained back the weight I lost right before surgery. Most people there had lost 25 or more pds and they have had the band less then me. I left there felling like such a loser and wanting to eat.But I didnt. Iwish I didnt beat myself up so bad but I do. My whole life I have failed at weight loss nd now I cant believe I have filed at this too.I ws not like this last night I was in such better place I dont know why seeing people who have lost weight vs blogging people has had such a bd reaction to me. Anyway thanks for letting me share this. My stomache has been hurting alot too my Dr keeps saying its not the band but he finally said I can get an upper GI. thanks for letting me vent

I could not have gotten better from my bulimia without OA. I lived in New york city at the time and there was a great therapist I went to and alot of OA meetings that were great. They now have a group called Anorexics and bulimics annonymous,it is on line and has phone meeting s every day, alot of binge eater do that too. I will say that I live in New Jersey now and oA out here is different. Alot of people weigh and measure and have rigid rules of no wheat no flour. I dont do that, if you told me not to eat it I will definitley binge on it. So what I do and this goes along with the diet head too, is I say I choose not to eat these foods for today because they will lead me to a binge. So it is not a diet it is becoming sane with food.I know what to eat all overweight people do because we have been on so many diets.But when I am stressed, tired,angry I use certain food to deal with my feelings. It is like a drink, it gets me numb, some say it is about control, I cannot control my life situation so I am going to control my food by eating what I want. I am finding journaling a great tool, and the OA meetings I go to are step meetings.I am no expert I am just sharing my experience.

Thank you for sharing I think we all have eating disorders which is why we are hear. Anyway my story is I was bulimis in college and after years of therapy and 12 step programs OA included I was Bulimia free for 18 years. But I still binged ate, or was a compulsive overeater. So I gained alot of weight after my third child and thought the band was the answer to my prayer. I thought it was the magic switch that was going to take away my desire to binge also at night. What I found out is if I oerate certain foods I threw up, and this freaks me out because I didnt want to go back to that life again.I also found out tht Alot of my binge foods went down easy Ice cream is number one. So now after a very hectic year with alot of drama I am once again taking care of myself. I am back in therapy,I go to OA meetings there alot on the phone, and I am recommitted to work with this band the right way. I have listed foods that trigger me to binge, most I shouldnot eat with the band anyway, and I pray or do the 3rd step every day to stay away from those food which trigger my disease. I am also journaling alot, and going on this website that really is helping me alot realizing what I did wrong the first time around. I hope taht helps. You are not alone. Just remember if you are binging and or purging after there is something else really bothering you. It is all about our feelings and what we do not to feel them Mary PS the biggest thing I am trying to do also is eat slow real hard for a compulsive person but it really help prevent the vomiting

I never have blogged before. This site is great. I have been going to threads,I am still learning the difference, and alot of good threads are not active anymore. I have had the band for two years. I lost 15lbs right away but then stopped losing weight.I really thought the band was going to be a magic switch that was going to just take away my desire to binge or eat foods that put the pounds on.Anyway I never committed to the band and the rules for making it work.I just thought having it was enough.Also and this is a big also My life got really stressful after I got the band my husband got really really ill and I was mother father and evrything else. No time for me. So now things are much calmer my kids are more independant and I have time for me. I saw my doctor today for the first time in over a year. And I am going to see the nutitionist next week for a whole new beginning. I know I can do this if I work it the way it is suppose to be worked. I love reading your blogs and wish me luck Mary

Hi Ive eaten california roll with no problem. Just eat real slow and chew good. Everyone is different

Hi everyone I have not been on this thread for so long. But I want to tell you all what I found. I got banded in June 2008 and have had 2 fills and barley lost 15 pds. I was so disgusted I too could still binge on ice cream and cookies and soft foods. Ironically I could not binge on chicken because it would come back up in me. Anyway I was really down onmyself. A friend of mine told me abouta new group, like OA but it is called anorexic and bulimics annonoumous. Also 12 step but very intense they call it sober with food not abstinant which I thought was cool. I go on phone meetings and it is really helping. There is a entire section on binge eating and how it is a disease too. I needed more then just OA I needed something that talked about the control, and the feelings around food. I have been doing much better. I threw away my scale. If I think I am on a diet I want to binge.More later Mary

I was wondering if we could talk a little about how are people working their AO recovery,I missed my meeting Tuesday because one of my kids was sick. I get lost in my Mom world, if I dont stay connected,I forget I have a disease and think I can do it on my own. I thought if I started this thread it could help other people. What are people doing to stay abstinant.or working their program. Mary

Hi everyone,I am so glad I found this thread so glad. I have been in OA for years on and off. I was bulimic years ago also. OA really helped me, but after my 3rd child and we moved to NJ out of NY I stopped going to meetings on a regular basis. I finally had the lap band in Juneof 08, thinking this was the magic bullit after hitting my highest weight this year. At first the band was graet I couldnt eat much at all lost 18 pds right away and felt great. But then my disease took over, I found the food I could eat with no problem,ice cream being number one and soft carbs. Ironically the healthy foods like chicken and salads were harder to get down. I have had 2 fills each time thinking this was the magic that was going to take my weight away. Of course it has not taken the obsession away,and I can still eat bowls of cereal and ice cream if I get in that mind set. So last week I started going tback to OA, I have not told anyone yet except my sponsor that I have had the band.Not because of any other reason but because I cant believe I have had this surgery and am still having a such a hard time. I have been having SOOO much SHAME because I feel I am the only one in the world who had lap band and cannot lose weight because I can still eat.I know I need OA because it is a support group like this web site is,I have alot of problems that make me angry and thats why I eat,but it is just keeping the shame going.and hurting me. Thanks so much for letting me share with you all MARY

I will tell you why I am voting for McCain, but first I have to say I am a life lonfg Democrat and proud of it,I believe in gun control,a womans right to choose.And in general I think Geaorge Bush and especially Dick Cheny belong in jail. NOT only for starting a war with false information but carrying out the war so incompetantly that lives were lost. And Yes our economy is screwed up because of this war.Cheny told us on Meet the Press or one of those shows the oil was going to help pay the War. But because so few troops were sent into Iraq, thanks to Rumsfield the insurgency took off and they blew up the pipe lines,. SOOOOOOO with that said why would I vote for Mccain because one word EXPERIENCE McCain is a really good person I have followed his career for years. And people seem to forget we are in a war we need a man who has the Militaries respect and is not going to learn on the job. The country is so wrapped up in the economy and what Sarah Palin is wearing that people forget about Bin LAden. Another reason what other politician has fought for causes agaist his own party. Why do you think right wingers like Rush Limbough and company never liked McCain? Because he always did the right thing weather his own Party liked it or not. I believe the country is caught up in some sort of hysteria because Obama is black and cool,But what has he done. That is the scarey thing a 2 year senator is going to run the country? Are you kidding me? Thats scarey. and his economy package is crazy.I work my butt off your not going to tax me to give to another that is not Democracy. I never prayed for an election but God help us if Obama wins

PS moving is huge, it kicks up all sorts of fears and anxiety, cut yourself some slack go do some loving things for yourself, like getting your nails done,and the jean thing is huge that ahs not happened to me yet, thanks for the inspirationMary

Hi friends thanks so much for all your answers. I know I need a fill so bad but my doctor was wanting for me to get my behavior in controll first, I was still eating way to fast and things were coming up too often. So we were waiting on the fill. I want to share that on Monday night my doctor has a support group for us who have had surger, once a month. I shared that I was stuck in my old behaviors taking care of everyone else and not myself. The group said to me if you had a disease like cancer or diabetes would you stop and take your insulin or chemo? Obesity is a disease they said I need to treat it as such. Now none of this is new to me, I have been in and out of OA for years BUT for some reason on this day by these people it clicked. So all day for the last two days I have been saying in my head I have a disease, I have a disease,and for some reason it is slowly working. I am eating slower,which is huge for me, and also saying I cannot just pick up and eat anything because I have a disease, it is helping for today.But I am not perfect I still ahd ice cream last night after work because it is my comfort food, the GREAT news is I did not finish it YEA

I hope that more people respond it helps me to see waht people eat for dinner especially,thats where I have so much trouble

Hi June Bandsters, I am Mary I am trying to be apart of your support group. I really need it. I got banded in June2nd lost alot at first then stopped. Got filled once in August and did not lose any.I struggle with eating to fast and then the food comes back up. I am doing better with that because I am not eating any pasta or Chicken. But Ican still eat my carbs easy if I get in one of those moods where I just want to eat. The body is one issue but the head is still in to overeating. know I am due for another fill. So thats ir for now Mary

I agree with the rest you need to call th doctor and let him know how you feel.

It really helps to talk on this board, I dont feel alone. But the point that this is a Head game more then a Hunger game is an understatement.but it helps to talk about it

Hi June Bandsters, I was banded on June and also and would like to hear how you all are doing. I started off great, but this past week I was overeating again. I dont feel the restiction anymore, probable because the swelling is down. I have had alot of incredible stress latley and I started eating because of it.Anyway I need support from those who are at the same level of time as me. Please letme know how people are doing and what they are eating aand dealing with the head games. Mary C

I really like what losing it in me said, I took an on-line course called Bodyway, the Aliveness Experience and it is tought by Jane Latinier. The course teaches you alot about journaling and getting centered with your inner self, real holistic stuff. My problem then and now is I am a nuse and have 3 kids one with Aspergers and my timeis so limited. By the night when they are all asleep I am so tired Ican not do anything but watch TV.The food is my drug I reach for it when I am tired and stressed, to get numb. But I know if this is to work I HAVE to do things like journaling and go back to OA meetings to get support.My body is changed it is just my mind has to now catch up.

My name is Mary and I got my lap band June 2nd, I did really well at first but the last week due to an incredible amount of stress in my life I started picking up the food again. At first it was not much but I dont fill the fullness like I use to Probable because the swelling is down. But I have eaten some inappropriate things also and feel like I have failed also. But I have read on these websites that it takes a couple of fills after surgery before you really feel the restriction. But its a bitch isnt it?

My name is Mary and I had Lap Band on June 2, I was very surprised by all the gas pain I had am I am still having. My doctor said if your hurting then usually you ate something wrong or to fast. I also was using a straw which cause gas. So my doctor put me back on clear liquids for a couple of days which helped. I also was taking mylicon and or mallox for the pain. And if was real bad I took my pain medicine because the gas was pressing on my incision. Walking really helps too. Hope all gets better

Mandi Thank you so much for saying what you did. I am having surgery on Monday and am nervous and scaredbecause I feel like this is not going to work, probable because I have failed at so many weight loss attempts before,meds theapy diets ect. I thought I was the only one who felt like this. Thanks again. Mary O