I understand where you are coming from and I hope some of this helps.
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!! Have you looked at yourself in a positive way because it doesn’t matter if you weigh 130 or 350 lbs. Being comfortable with yourself comes from the inside. Sometimes we need to forgive ourselves when we are in a place that we didn’t want to be in. A therapist may help also. Love will find a way to you but first try to love yourself. Make a list of all the good traits you have. keep the list and keep adding more and more good things as days pass, repeat them to yourself when you are feeling blue.
I send you good luck and lots of love your way ❤️