Boo

Eva!!! Yeah! You are baaaaack! So good to hear about your cry and new start. We all need that from time to time. Tracy, you look amazing in your picture. Are you getting loads of compliments? I hope so. I don't know how you can cook a zillion batches of fudge and still be okay, but you did. Great will power. Julie, how are you able to run so soon? That is amazing. I love how you go out for a LEISURELY 6.5 MILE run! hahaha! It is a bit intimidating. I ran 8 miles last night for the FIRST time! For the first 4 I was able to keep a 10 min/mile pace, then I slowed way down. At the end I sprinted for two blocks and even felt that I could go further. There is hope! I'm going to concentrate on extending the distance without worrying about time. I do want to really push for a faster mile also. I'm so bummed about my 6-7 pound gain that I'm not so psyched about watching the food intake. I need a decent fill and maybe it is time for Zoloft again. Things just don't feel right....not bad, just not "right."

All I can say is you are GORGEOUS!!!

Oh Boy!! I'm so sorry I have been gone from here!! There has been very difficult family drama going on. Unfortunately, my role is always the "calm" one who can handle anything. So, I suffer inside for what everyone around me is going through. This time it has nearly pulled me down. I'm sure this is part of my problem. I would rather suffer than see anyone I love hurt. When I do that, it doesn't matter what I eat, or if I sleep, or if I run. Well, friends, your voices were all in my head, telling me to run. So I did. It is the only thing that has kept me alive. I ran my fastest first two miles this week. Though I have not checked in, each one of you has been in my thoughts every day. Betty, you are such a wonderful woman. You are warm, fun, loving, brilliant, and have created such a beautiful home and life for everyone to enjoy. Seriously, you would be worth moving to Portland to be near. When I saw you, I thought that you should at your weight. It was helpful for me to eat out with you. It was a first time that I had ever eaten with another bandster. At this stage, we might be taking leave of the rules a bit. I need to review what my doctor specifically ordered regarding portion sizes, food choices, and fork breaks. I know you can do this. We are not immune to holiday eating or food vices just because we are banded. Thank you for your honesty. It has really helped me to look at my own wayward actions. Dawn, you are like the mailman. It does not matter what the weather or hardship, you are determined to be disciplined. Your steady improvements in speed and distance inspire me to play the "Rocky" song and push myself further. YOU really do give me a push out the door when I would rather watch "Project Runway" instead. I think I can feel completely satisfied and proud to brag of my 6 mile runs. But I have not yet arrived at my destination. You and Julie have shown that there are higher heights to which I can reach. Thank you for that inspiration! Julie, what can I say? You are so completely honest in this journey, sharing your pics and highs and lows (mainly low BMI!!) You have no idea how many women you have helped to succeed because you have put a face, mind and heart on this procedure and experience. (Oh yeah, and great legs, stomach, arms and b**bs, too!) People can relate to you because of your honesty. When you have slightly fallen, or encountered obstacles, you have stopped to reflect, renew your commitment, but then have moved forward. This has been a great help to so many of us. You also give excellent advice in the kindest way. Thank you! Now my turn. There are so many ways in which I long to improve. First is in my honesty about my problems. Here I am a ghost, scared to reveal myself to the world on this site. My friends don't even know. I had a close friend ask me if I had any weight loss surgery. I didn't even respond, because I won't lie, but I was actually offended that she asked!??! How is that for honesty? I am the least honest with myself. I have issues with food that have been in my life since I was a little girl. Even though I have passed for very thin my entire life, the food demons finally caught up with me about ten years ago. I tried to think that mirrors didn't matter and that numbers on the scale could easily be reversed. It was just too hard to believe that my worst nightmare had become my life. Even now, after a good weight loss, it is hard to face the reality. I want to think I am at a good weight, immune to temptation. But I will never be immune and need to be on alert every day. Ohh.... sorry for such a long post. I am just feeling quite thankful for all of you. ANd for the others that have come and gone. Let's see where this next year takes us all! By the way, I am weighing in at 166. The 7 pound gain came in 2-3 weeks after my unfill in September. I've maintained since then. Even with a slight fill, the weight has only maintained. There are at least 20 pounds to shave off, so that is what I want to do!!

Hey, I like the new "headshot", Julie! I ran 7 miles last night. Going out the door in an hour to run again. Betty, do you have any restriction?

Wow! Julie, you look amazing! Thank you for posting the pictures. It brings a reality to what you have gone through. I'm SO thrilled for you that I could cry! You are gorgeous and should always wear RED! As for the tape, hooray for passing out!!! That will teach him! If you can push through the pain of a marathon, then he better pay better attention to your complaints in the future.

:clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2:I couldn't find a great dancing banana, so you get a standing ovation. Yeah, JULIE!!!

WOW!! That is awesome! Congrats on the weight loss, too!

PS will be done December 20??!!! That is wonderful! You are gonna be HOT! Yeah, I've been to an ortho guy, but am getting a referral to see someone else. It is hard to work through the pain. It makes me MAD!

I have been going out for 6 mile runs, followed by four mile runs. It sounds so piddly squat next to our marathoners! Something is wrong cause I'm not even posting my workouts. I need to be careful that I not err on the side of overdoing it, nor err on the side of underdoing it! Mostly I just need to DO it!!!!!!!!!! AND not feel bad about what I do. Betty, I can SO relate! I have a lousy fill given to me by a rookie. I knew 1.0 cc could not satisfy my stomach. The fill amount is critical. If it is too much it is dangerous and if it is not enough the fear grabs hold again. I hope this works for you!!! I'm not sure when I can get a bit more for myself, but I'm anxious to get losing again. My weight is up 6 pounds. I thought I would be in the 40's by now. Or at least still in the 50's. Patience can only last so long, then resolve and determination must win out! Hey Julie, what do you think your final weight will be?? Dawn, I was hoping there was a Disneyland half that you were planning on, cause I am selfish. I think it happens Labor Day weekend. Take care everyone. Keep it up!

Please forgive this quoted post. It is for my benefit to re-commit!!! (Hugs, Betty!)

Cool, Julie. Here you are in major pain and you ask about all of us. I read your post about the race. 10:00 average/mile for 26 miles is just unreal!!! And the entire experience sounds like the thrill and achievement of a lifetime. Our battle scars will keep us humble and remind us from where we have come and of what we have conquered. I got a tiny fill this week (1.0 cc). I don't feel much change, but am going to work with it for now so that I can take my medicine. The fall was stupid and wrenched my existing herniated disc. But I'm going to start running again this weekend. Yes, I AM!!! Mind over matter, right? No pain, no gain? Strangely, running never bothered it before, so I'm counting on being okay. Dawn, is the run at Disneyland or Disney World? I've been checking on half-marathons. I heard the Disney one is crazy, but that was just from one person. I gotta get into training mode again instead of the recreational hiking I've been doing. (It is pretty steep, just not the same...)

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Very funny! Hey Julie, I hope you are feeling good right now. In a few days it will be great to hear all about your run and the surgery. Positive thoughts are being sent your way!

Oh Good!!! I'm a dancer, huh? Okay, I'll keep that in mind. The problem is that I like to run so much that I'll just start running any old time to get from point A to point B. Although I manage in the dark in running shoes, indoor surfaces in heels or slick flats are a BAD idea. I just can't get over Julie's time in the marathon!! That is an achievement of a lifetime! (Dawn, you are the next one.) Julie's legs should be bronzed before the surgery for what they have accomplished! So Julie, I hope you are feeling okay after the surgery. Thoughts are coming your way today. This is another "milestone" in your journey here. You are all doing great, and are ALL inspiring me to move ahead. Keep it up, dear friends!

Oh, I just read the article about the Olympic athlete at the trials today....what a tragedy! In my heart I would like to run next week in his honor. Julie, I am getting butterflies thinking about you running!! Dawn, I hate to be a snot, but I had to turn on my air conditioning today. Betty!! I'm planning on going for a fill on Tuesday. Yippee! It feels like I'm healed enough to give this another try. I'll make sure he is not too aggressive. It is just hard to get it perfect. Have you found out anything yet??? Group HUGS are definitely needed!! And a big cheer for all of you!

I'm so sorry. I have been "absent" too much. I fell at work (completely unexpected!!) They had just put a high gloss wax finish on the floor and there was water sitting on it. I wore a new pair of flats that were a bit slick underneath and went flying. I did the splits then fell. There were even skid marks!! So my booty and back have been sore. Also, the fires here have been terrible. Running is not an option for a while until the air is safe. We opened our house to evacuees last week. Surprisingly, I'm not so depressed, even though I'm stalled on exercise and my weight is up. (Betty, I completely understand because I am unfilled.) What a let down it is to suddenly be hungry all the time! I try to pretend I am filled, but forget and eat one bite after another. It is kind of nice to eat an entire salad with any vegetable and not have a problem. Very soon I HAVE to get a fill!! I'm afraid I could gain it all back in a year if I don't....YIKES! Betty, your new baby is a very lucky girl! Dawn, I admire you for sticking with the plan even though you have such long meetings. Julie, here it comes!!! It is an exciting time!

You will be okay. I know it hurts now, but in the "long run" (forgive the pun) you will be grateful. Not because he is some terrible person, but because you are on a new journey. There is someone out there waiting for you. By the way, it is not your fault. BIG hugs!!!

Betty, I'm so sorry. Someday they will find a cure. Too many friends have been lost. Hugs:girl_hug: Julie...Ohhhh dearrr! Let's hope against a stress fracture. I thought I had one, until I found out it was shinsplints (a few years ago). That is one reason why I don't feel comfortable with the super long distances. I want to be in the 40's before I attempt anything longer than 10 miles. But I don't think I'll get to the 40's until I up the distance. So these are the reasons I am NOT a marathon runner (YET): 1. Time 2. Pain 3. Desire We'll see, my mind is not completely against the idea. 10K feels really good to me.

Sorry, I haven't been reporting much about my running for a few reasons. One is that I have discovered a very treacherous hike in the hills above my house. There is a breathtaking view of Los Angeles and even the ocean from up there. It is an activity that I can do with a friend. The other reason is that I have not been running more than twice a week. Since getting hurt, I have been healing between runs. And now I'm really in denial about gaining some weight and being unfilled. All the more reason to run more frequently and push harder. It is time for me to really move ahead, but I'm a bit out of the groove. I need to either hire a trainer or find a friend to run with. (I will do it on my own, but I am at a point where I am getting bored of myself.) The friends that I have run with are all slower than me and it is fun, but not motivating. (They get motivated, but I have to slow way down and walk frequently.) I don't mean to be a snob because any exercise is better than nothing. And I am no MARATHON RUNNER! Hahaha! (Not yet, that is) Anyway, you are free to get on my case to get my rear in gear!

Hey, maintenance is not so bad. The thrill of seeing the pounds fly off is not there, but the compliments continue. Also, your body is going to adjust and move things around, so people think you are still losing. UGH!!! I will get these extra pounds off. It is weird that the biggest change has been my chest. Now that bought all new bras, I'm billowing out of them. (I don't like it) Thanks for the hugs and pep talks!!!!!!! I needed that.:cry Being unfilled is good and bad. I've been able to eat loads of vegetables and salads. The real fibrous foods go right on down. So for feeling a bit deprived, I now feel that I am building up my storehouse of nutrients. And I'm able to eat things that I have only dreamed of eating. The bad is that just from eating full meals, I feel like I could pack it all back on in a year. I feel like if I take too full of a breath, I'll gain weight. (So much for thinking that my willpower could prevail over stomach hunger ):faint: I'll be checking my calendar for a fill appointment!!! :help: Boo

It sounds like you are doing a bit better, Julie. It is tough when the surgeon is a relative. (for both of you) Don't read too much into his reactions. This is about what you want and what you are willing to go through. You have already proved that you totally go after what you want, regardless of the pain or sacrifice (marathons, weight-loss, law school, ps...) I have complete faith in you and your amazing body's ability to heal. You will be so thrilled in a few weeks. I weighed myself this morning and was shocked...in a bad way. I have gained 5 pounds since I was unfilled. Just that little bit of extra/normal meals packed on really fast. It has only been two weeks. Well, I will have to get serious fast, or I'll be adding a bit of a fill. It is a tough call. I need my medication, yet I need to be filled. This insatiable hungry feeling is just a nuisance!

Julie, you are a beautiful woman with so much to be proud of. The only "what could have been" thoughts of yours should be realistic remembrances of what was. When I feel discouraged from looking at my various sags and stretch marks, I just force myself to imagine where I could be now if I had NOT been banded and worked out these past eighteen months. PLEASE don't be hard on yourself, or fearful. You are an inspiration to so many of us. Your body is strong and will heal. If you were to change your mind and NOT get the lift, you are ALREADY gorgeous enough. I ran 6 miles tonight, very strongly.....it felt GREAT.

Wow...there is SO much to be thankful for! I am thankful for my family, friends, faith, and life. I am so very thankful for a future that I can look forward to rather than dread. I am thankful to have choices. If I don't feel like running or dieting, I can hike, or bike or walk and just be careful. There IS always tomorrow to be more strict. I am thankful for all of the support and inspiration you have given to my life. We are all slightly different, yet we are all succeeding. Do we ever get to lay back, quit working out, watch loads of TV, and cry over what "could have been"? No! This lifestyle is what is now required of us to live in our healthy bodies. But what we all agree on is that it is FUN to be active. Happy Thanksgiving, Dawn, Julie, Betty, Eva, Amourette, Kat, and ALL the April '06ers!! :canada::canada::canada::canada::canada::canada::canada::canada: p.s. Julie...there is only 1 MONTH UNTIL YOU HAVE NEW THIGHS!!!!

Kat, that is adorable!! You look great!

It is definitely a victory to be given a medium-sized shirt! I don't EVER want to look at anything with an 'X' on it again. Sometimes I have to try a 'L' because of the chest, but I just LOVE knowing I am medium/normal! The unfill is definitely a challenge. Growling stomach pains were something I forgot about. I'm working with it. We'll see. I've been patient for so many months of plateau that I should be able to be patient with myself through this transition. I agree with Dawn and Betty! The calories in=calories out idea has not served me well. There is a much more sophisticated thermostat inside of us that regulates our bodies and prevents us from dying of starvation. We just can't imagine how many other people can eat the way they do and then stay thin. Ours is a daily fight for our lives.

Betty, I am so sorry. It is good you want to be there for the grandkids! We are ALL at a vulnerable age! Life is full of surprises. But you and Alan make the most of each day. You love each other and your kids. Your lives are full of wonder. And you are taking every 'step' possible to ensure good health. When are you going to Sacramento? I will be there Thursday and Friday of this week. As far as the idea of being "thin enough" goes, in April I saw a plastic surgeon to cunsult about getting rid of the flap on my belly. He told me I most likely would not lose any more weight. Well, that made me mad. So I lost ten pounds. I know that I have been stuck here, but I don't think I am finished. I am not hating on myself, though. Life is much more comfortable being normal. The things that are bothering me are my stomach, and my leg. I got an unfill on Wednesday and am VERY discouraged. (I was not able to tolerate any medications and had an inflamed esophagus from sinus trouble.) I forgot what it feels like to be hungry and craving all day long. Even though I have not succumbed to any binge or full-size plate of food, my weight has shot up three pounds. This happens every time I have been unfilled. That nervousness of gaining is back. When I thought I had done all of this work and conquered my demons, again, I am reminded that it is the BAND that has afforded me the freedoms which I enjoy. Though I want to run back to the center and get a fill, I really want to try to regulate my eating and learn to be stronger and more disciplined. Can I do it, or am I completely dependent on the band? I don't know, but am going to try it. So right now, my stomach is just too demanding! But at least I can try to take allergy meds and maybe some Zoloft for a while. Now for the leg...there is a severe tightness and knotting from my hip to my knee. I've been running with it from the beginning, but it has gotten worse. Supposedly it is caused by a herniated disc in my back. I just don't know and need to see another doctor. But the ankle is good to go! Yesterday I went on a 3-hour hike up to the top of the mountain/hill behind my home. (Mountain compared to the Ozarks, hill compared to the Rockies) There was a breathtakingly beautiful view at the top! I have found the additional activity I have been looking for! I won't give up running, but just need something else to get excited about. Sorry I have not checked in as regularly. Things are crazy here until November! Let's kick some butt in October!!! Dawn, that is a great time on your 5K! (No more throwing up, though.) Wow! Julie, I'm excited about NY!