AEdoesRnY

Firstly, thank you for being a supportive and understanding mom to your daughter! This is an organization in Minnesota that focuses on LGBTQ youth and how their identities intersect with mental health needs. They have an extensive resources page, some of the things on there are national or have chapters nationally (e.g. have you connected with PFLAG in your area?). I second the suggestion to look for providers who have experience working in the LGBTQ field - they will be most able to help her talk through that part of what's going on without feeling like it's the ONLY thing to talk about/work through. The other thing is the food component. I grew up with a mother who constantly made me feel ashamed and bad about my relationship with food and about my body. Not because she was mean-spirited, but because she sensed a sadness and wanted to help. It's a hard line to walk when she's voicing her disappointment with herself, but I would say that from my experience affirmation and kindness and lifting her up is so much more needed than help with dieting/choices. If she asks, help her make more time for meal prep or invite her to cook with you or something like that, but make sure those kinds of initiatives are driven by her. I agree with others who've said that it's important to work through the mental health/identity side of things before focusing on the food side. I'm sorry for being prescriptive in terms of food, but I just know how much pain and long-lasting shame around food and my body were caused by my mom's well-intentioned attempts to help me lose weight....

Best of luck and I can't wait to hear how you're doing/feeling afterwards! I admit to lots of anxiety up until surgery BUT have not had a single regret since...which is really stunning because anxiety and second guessing is like 90% of my day usually!

I second the binge watching suggestion - I watched all of UNREAL seasons 1-3 (SO trashy but SO good) the week or two before my surgery, and I've been binge re-watching Parks and Rec since...and watching a lot of the Queer Eye reboot (SO SO GOOD and sweet, especially season two!). Also, I found mindfulness really helpful in that week or two of mind spiraling in doubts and worries before my surgery. Finding ways to practice acknowledging the feelings, understanding them, and letting them go. For me journaling has always been my go-to tool for this, but if you google mindfulness for anxiety I'm sure you'll find lots of really great ideas too! When I was journaling I also wrote and thought a lot about why I had made the decision to take this step. Voicing my doubts or second-guessing but answering them with reminders of why I felt this was the path I needed to go on. I wrote also about what I hoped to accomplish/try/do over the six months/year after surgery. That was really useful in quieting some of those voices too!

I tried searching but did not see anything on here for this question - I sincerely apologize if I'm repeating!! I have an incision that's just about ON my bra line. As a result, I have not yet worn a bra post-surgery...but I'm only on day 6 and have managed to stay at home/backyard where no one would see my girls bouncing around freely. As much as I'd love to be someone who's comfortable just letting them "fly free" in public, I know that it'd make me feel really self-conscious and would make it hard for me to go out anywhere. So, my questions are - How long did you wait post-surgery to wear a bra? Any suggestions on finding a bra that will not hurt incisions too much? Any luck finding camisoles with built-in bra for D/DD? Thanks in advance!!

Wow, congratulations on your weight loss so far! What an absolutely amazing accomplishment! I am just about one week out from surgery, so I can't really comment on what the first few months will look like, but I can answer in terms of the nerves as you approach surgery! It was really tough approaching the date because something that had been theoretical for so long was all of a sudden becoming practical. I found it useful to sit down and do some journaling - about my reasons for making this choice, about what my doubts or worries were and processing/writing through them, about what I hoped to accomplish or try over the first six months or year of surgery, etc. I know not everyone is a journaler, but if you have someone to talk through the same kinds of questions with I'd recommend it! Or any kind of mindfulness practices where you fully acknowledge the feelings of nervousness or doubt, process why it's happening, and process them!

Sorry, I realize that I took a bit of a turn and my response was more about my own s***! I so agree though about others tendency to think it's appropriate to comment on and make judgments on other's bodies - it's kind of like when someone is pregnant and everybody just starts touching your tummy and starts feeling like it's their place to give you all sorts of baby advice and the usual boundaries just go out the window (I don't have personal experience with that but I have several friends who have shared stories about it). It's almost like choosing this path requires us to sign off on our bodies and medical choices being up for discussion for others which is THOROUGHLY unfair and uncomfortable. CONGRATULATIONS on earning your masters! I finally finished mine last year too - it's SO much work and energy and time so GOOD FOR YOU!

I 100% feel you on this one. I get very prickly very fast when family members start going in on how "proud" they are of me, or too much of the "good for you", or my dad's "you're a hero". Especially when my parents do it, whose attempts to shame my fatness and "fix" it started when I was like 3 years old. My mom has gotten better, and she's been really great at acknowledging that this was a hard choice, that I've always been fit even at my highest weights, and if she becomes complimentary it's usually about how thoughtful and thorough I was in making this hard decision. I've been surprised but grateful at her response. One of my sisters responsed "OMG you so DESERVE it!" when I told her, which just made me PISSED. Such an obvious thin person being unable to even imagine a fat person who doesn't yearn to be thin like them. Who can't imagine a fat person who, when given the opportunity, wouldn't just leap excitedly for a chance to not be fat. Obviously, this was the choice I made. I wish it wasn't a choice I had to make, but there are so many things in this world that made my size inconvenient and made my size an obstacle for me. There's a big part of me that's sad about the prospect of losing my "fat" identity, and I have a lot of frustration toward a society and individuals who are so apt to praise and get behind a weightloss story while ignoring things that matter as much/more.

I got a versa a month or so ago, I really love it! I'm going from a Charge 2 to a Versa, so it's definitely a BIG step up from that, not as sure about how it compares to the Blaze. However, I did buy a blaze a few years ago but had to return it because it was too huge and clunky feeling on my wrist, whereas the versa fits perfectly and feels like a comfortable size! Lots of cool apps for fitness and tracking on the versa too, and interesting clock faces!

Hi! I'm late to this party but if you have a fitbit challenge group I would LOVE to be added! I had a charge 2 for a couple years and got myself a versa a month or so ago as a gift for myself for teaching summer school and as a "pre-surgery" boost...I've been using fitbit for a long time but don't have many people on there for challenges and things like that. I'd love to have WLS specific people to connect with on there! My fitbit email is aelewine@gmail.com

If you give me your fitbit username I'll add you!

I feel like right now I'm somewhere between every day and every hour, thanks for all of your answers! I like to weigh myself every morning/every other morning naked before getting in the shower, but my surgeon was pretty adamant about only weighing in once per week so I wanted to ask. I have a fitbit scale that automatically tracks my weight each time I step on it, otherwise I really like the idea of letting myself weigh in as frequently as I'd like but only "counting" once a week to get the trend rather than all the fluctuation. It's reassuring to know that weighing as regularly as I'd like to hasn't created anxiety and stress for you all! I'm leaning toward continuing with my habit and just taking a step back if I do find myself overly fixated!

My surgeon recommended once per week, and for my sanity it sounds like a good suggestion - a good way to try to focus on weekly trends rather than obsessing about every small fluctuation. I’m closing in on one week post-op, so the temptation to constantly weigh myself is DEFINITELY there! I’m wondering how often you weigh yourself, what helps you resist the urge to get on the scale daily or if you’ve found benefits from weighing in daily what are they? Thanks in advance!

Haha I’ve ordered a BUNCH of stuff off amazon this week too!

Also I was taking the softeners twice a day (docusate) and took two doses of milk of magnesia on post-op day 3. DEFINITELY wish I’d done a colon cleanse at the end of my two week pre-op diet...

Haha I needed this post today! I was backed up at the end of my pre-op diet and then add surgery day plus four post-op days and it was both terrible and amazing. And one of those things where even though painful once floodgates has opened I was not getting off that toilet until my bowels decided it was time. Glad to know it’s a memorable experience of mixed emotions for others as well!!

I’m sorry, I didn’t read through your restrictions carefully enough! But I’d suggest asking about broths and sugar free/calorie free popsicles at your appointment!

It was definitely hardest the first few days, but also the BIG bowl of broth helped me feel a bit more satisfied. I added spices like a taco seasoning mix to mine and it was actually pretty tasty! Once I got into the habit of it though and as long as I had lots of sugar free liquid snack options (popsicles, crystal light, jello pudding, etc) it became a lot easier. Also, seeing the weight loss was pretty cool - I was down 12 by the end of my pre-op!

It really depends on the clinic, I think...I had bypass this past Monday. I was told to do one week of clear liquids only, two weeks of full liquid diet, then two weeks of pureed foods, then at last solid foods five weeks in...

This looks SO good, I may have just ordered a stack of the cali'flour crusts even though I'm 4 weeks away from being able to eat real foods. Pizza is my #1 craving/food I miss, and it doesn't help that there are SO MANY COMMERCIALS for all sorts of pizza when I watch tv! Can't wait to be able to try these out!!

Omg this post is TMI but for others who can understand: I FINALLY had a BM on day 4 postop. I had to strain a little which made me nervous but I feel like 10 pounds lighter and so much less uncomfortable!! Phewwwwwww!!

I have some of the same concerns! I have a few incisions that look a little puffy and swollen around them, and I have that feeling of pain/tightness when trying to cough or breathe deeply. I am so nervous about accidentally jarring or like you said popping something inside that I shy away from the breathing exercises I know I should be doing... I feel the same fear of rupturing something inside when I try to have a BM, nothing yet on day three. Took a dose of milk of magnesia around 11am and another right before bed, hoping that will finally get things going...I feel so blocked up!

I’m day three postop and I would say my most prominent feeling is actually impatience. Not for eating real food again but for being healed and starting to live this new life I’m going to be living. I have moments of disbelief like “did I actually just do this?!?!” and sometimes I need to do some reminders for myself of why I made this choice and what I’m looking forward to, which brings me back to that feeling of impatience...

also I feel like I would react VERY differently to another fat person approaching me and commenting on it vs. a skinny person, knowing that they’re coming at it from potentially a similar place/with empathy/etc.

I’m curious what others on this site use to help them keep up with their activity, eating, progress, etc., after WLS. What apps do you use most? Any devices that you now swear by? Favorite kitchen or gym gadgets?

In my experience (losing weight on other occasions, not this time around because I’m only three days postop) even when people notice they don’t always feel comfortable saying anything...they worry that commenting on it implies that they think you needed to lose weight or acknowledges fatness (former or continued) that usually they fastidiously pretend not to notice, etc. I would say that people are noticing, even if they’re not “able to put their finger on” what’s changed or just feel unsure about mentioning weight... I found that if I got a haircut or a new outfit that gave people an outlet to tell me I looked great without them having to worry about the whole weight/fat minefield....