willbefine

God has blessed me with two wonderful, healthy daughters (4 and 2 years old) and has met every need that we have had over the past year. In November of 2008 I was layed off. Shortly after that, I seperated from my husband. I have remained unemployed all of 2009. But...you know what? I have been able to pay my mortgage, we have not skipped any meals (though I probably could've). My utilities haven't been turned off, my children have nice, warm clothes (I LOVE RESALE SHOPS. My daughter's Christmas dress was a $4 Ralph Lauren dress). Most importantly, they are happy and content. To 123Crod, I too am struggling with depression. It gets worse when I haven't been studying my Bible and remaining in prayer. I'm thinking about talking to my Dr. this week to make sure that it isn't chemical. One of God's promises that I stand on, and forgive me for not remembering the exact Psalm, but I believe that it was David that said, " I would have lost hope, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the Land of the living." Anyway, I will pray for you.

It is so comforting to know that I am not the only one this has happened to. I was banded in April of 2008. It was pretty slow going for the first three months. I only lost 10 lbs. Finally, in July I had my third fill which gave me proper restriction. I lost 45lbs by December of that year, and I felt great. I finally wasn't consumed by thoughts of eating. In January of 2009 I got sick. My pouch was stretched. With only three pounds to go to reach my half way mark, and only 3 lbs to go until I weighed less than 200lbs ( that hadn't happened for at least 10 years) I had to have a total unfill. Because I lost my insurance (and was having a field day at the chinese buffets) I wasn't able to get a fill until 4 months later. Although the first time around it took me only 3 fills to get to my sweetspot of 6.7, for some reason, almost a year later it has taken 5 fills just to get back up to 6.0 cc. I have restriction mainly in the morning, but not much in the evening. I am a food addict to the highest degree and this has been very hard. I still work out HARD 4 to 6 days a week, but I have still put on 28 of the 45lbs that I have lost. Some days I eat band friendly, some days I don't. I know that when I was successful I was probably relying too much on the band. But I just can't seem to get back on the wagon. I feel just at controlled by food as I did pre-band, and it is horrible. It is almost like I was in prison all of my life. Then somebody let me out for a few minutes last year and I finally felt the sun on my face when I finally had some success with this weight thing. Then suddenly I feel like I'm back in solitary confinement and I am desperately trying to win my freedom again. Food has once again become a source of comfort for me,. When I had full restriction I couldnt eat comfort foods for the most part. This year has been very stressful (seperated from husband, became single mother with two small, wonderful children ages 4 and 2, and also was layed off ) I am considering getting another fill, but I really want to try to fix the "head" stuff first. But then, again, while I don that I am scared that I might gain back the few pounds that now seperates me from my pre-band weight. I dunno.

Today, when I got out of the shower, the bath towel fit all the way around me. I don't mean, just the top part that I tuck under my arms, I mean the whole towel. Yipeeee! Did I mention that it was a normal sized bath towel and not a BEACH towel!!

New word for the day....ASSCLOWN. To use it in a sentence...skinny2beme's husband and sister are ASSCLOWNS! (hope that made you smile) But serously, my marriage is in serious trouble. So much so that I had to ask my husband to move out for a while today.(we too have a 3yr old and a 10 month old) Yes, my band has seriously tightened recently, so much so that I had to go have a slight unfill. But life IS stressful. I may as well be losing weight while I'm stressed out. I'd rather be skinny and stressed, than obese and stressed. I would go ahead and have it done, be careful and listen to your body. Another precaution that I would give is...if you use food to mask or ease your pain, be sure you are ready to stop USING food as a crutch no matter how much tougher things get. I will most surely keep you and your kids in my prayers

Yeah! You look Great! (I'm sure you even feel better on the inside having accomplished your goal). I was just sitting here at my desk trying to find a good enough excuse to not go to the gym today. NEVERMIND....I'M GOIN'....IM GOIN'!!! You've re-inspired me!

I too am a slow loser. But, if there is one piece of information that has help me more than I can say is to TRACK YOUR FOOD. I resisted this for years...it was just too painful to see what I was actually eating because any mistakes would cause me to go into this really DARK place where I judged myself and just couldn't seem to get back up. But then, one day, somebody on this site suggested that I use the webside thedailyplate.com. IT HAS MADE ALLTHE DIFFERENCE. I had my surgery on April 11th, 2008. By July 21st, I had only lost 10 pounds. I started using this site to track on July the 22nd, since then, I have lost almost 15 POUNDS....TOTAL OF 25POUNDS SINCE SURGERY. I didn't want to see it, and although my quantity of food had decreased with 3 fills, the food was still so high in calories, I just wasn't losing. For example, the first day I tracked (honestly tracked) on the site, I had almost 2400 calories for the day. If you had asked me, I would've probably thought I had around 1600 that day. It has made an amazing difference. 15 pounds in a little over 6 weeks, whereas without the site it took me over 3 months to lose only 10 (most of which came off right after surgery anyway).

This week I not only hit my 20lb mark, but my status has changed regarding my BMI. I typed in my number in the BMI calculator and to my surprise...I am NO LONGER MORBIDLY OBESE!!!. Now, I'm just plain ole' regular obese! The next step....the "over weight" classification. My husband( who doesn't understand AT ALL) couldn't understand why I was so happy, that I am now just "clincally" obese....but I'm sure my lapbandtalk friends know where I'm coming from!!! By the way...for those of you who are slow losers like myself...I cant give you a better piece of advice than to use thedailyplate.com food and exercise tracker. I finally did it. I had only lost 10 lbs betweem ,my surgery date (april 11th) and July 21st. I lost 10 of my 20 lbs in one month after I got serious about tracking my food.

Summer 08, I totally agree. We do tend to be an undiciplined crew. Besides statistically being 10 times safer than RNY, after approx 7 years after having weight loss surgery, my surgeon said that banders and RNY people have basically the same success rate(they lose much, much faster...hit a low weight and may gain a little back....then maintain. We tend to do the same)I chose lap-band because I was willing to work a little harder...lose slower...but be safer. Now..regarding your so-called modest weight loss. I THINK YOU ARE DOING FANTASTIC!!!!. I had my surgery on April the 11th, and I have lost the same amount of weight you have. I am trying very hard to not get discouraged. Someone at this site once said that " the band is not around our heads...its around our stomachs". I wish could give you themagic piece of advice to bring you out of you "bandster hell", but I can't. I WILL SAY THIS..in my 37 years of living, just before I found success in any area in which I was struggling, the stuggle was the most intense right before I found success. I know without a shadow of a doubt that my struggle with compulsive overeating only seems to be getting harder because I am about to have a break-through. All I have to do, is my part and believe in Christ for my healing and daily restoration. One thing that has really helped me is the website thedailyplate.com. Another person posting to this site suggested it to me and it HAS HELPED ME TREMENDOUSLY in determining the things that I can do better. For example, I only THOUGHT I was eating a high Protein diet. When I began keeping a more accurate record through this site, I discovered that I was only getting between45 and 50 grams, rather than the suggested minimum of 60. My carbs were also waaay to high. Most importantly, the site is so much easier to use than a pen and pad.

Thank you Angelasma, I think you are right. After almost 30 years of medicating myself, I cant seem to get it through my head that I wont be able to stop this craziness (medicating myself with food)overnight. Earlier I asked"what does surrendering this go God look like." I heard a sermon a few days ago that said that surrender is wanting what God wants for me(healthy foods and lifestyle) more than what I want(the EASE of comforting myself with my favorite binge foods as a way of coping with life)I've got to come to a point where I am willing to trust God to take care of whatever feelings I am left with, after I stop using my food to medicate myself. Its like I've been afraid of cutting myself, because I think that God will let me bleed to death. Im still getting use to the idea of not using BAND-AIDS (favorite binge foods) just in case. Wow, that was hard to write. Perhaps something better written in a journal, but I've found that I am much less likely to lie to myself when I post on this site. Anyway, Angelasma, I will take your suggestion re: the 12 steps. 3 years ago I was very active in OA, but found that the program was too much like a "diet". I couldn't accept that there were things that I could "NEVER" have again (i.e. sugar). I think I WILL re-visit OA online. BUT, on a lighter note, I have an appointment to take a free martial arts KICKBOXING class tonight. I'm really excited. Pray that I don't accidentally hit myself in the chin like I did in my first Taebo class P.S. ANEWME, I too was afraid of something happening to me on the operating table. I kept having nightmares about what effects my semi-crazy mother-in-law would have on my children without me being around. Statistcally, the chances of our obesity taking us from your babies is far greater than the risks we face during surgery. I prayed for months about it.. and like you didn't hear anything, other than knowing that God would be with me no matter what. I stuggled with the thought that my decision to have the surgery, was actually a decision to "give up on God" helping me with this. As you can tell by my previous posts, I am still as dependant as ever...and that's how it should be.

Thank you for all of your suggestions. And no, Reellady,there was nothing that you said that I would even remotely consider a criticisim. You've really helped me. Believe it or not, I really don't mind going to the kickboxing aerobics class. It actually is the ONLY exercise that I do look forward to. The truth is, when I say I have to drag myself, I'm usually dragging because my life is crazy hectic right now. I work full-time and we have a 3 year old and a 7 month old baby. I pretty much drag myself EVERYWHERE. But, the class is only taught twice a week and the other days of the week I'm stuck on the treadmill WHICH I TRULY DO HATE and HAVE TO DRAG MYSELF TO GET ON. I'd rather walk at the park, but I usually have to take my babies with me when I exercise(the gym has daycare) and the Texas heat is tooo much. Besides, I agree with you comment about walking seemingly taking FOREVER. I think I will take your suggestion and find something that I love that I can do EVERYDAY. Because I do enjoy the kickboxing AEROBICS class, I think I'm going to look into taking a REAL kickboxing or boxing class. I REALLY like the punching and kicking motions that we do in the class. The trouble is.... I can only kick somebody's butt if there is music playing when Im attacked :tongue_smilie: (giggle) Once again, thank you all for your suggestion, your support and encouragement.

Thank you Phyllser, livin4jesus, and Tink for your kind and encouraging replies. Your words were just the encouragement (reminders) that I needed to hear at this particular juction. To answer your question Phyllser, regarding my fills, I just had my third one last Thursday. Until then I didn't have really good restriction (more some days than others)Even now, I don't think i have the restriction that was promised, but i think I can work with this. My biggest struggle lately is not drinking with my food. Since my last fill, I feel great after 3-4 oz of protein, but then I go and mess it up by chugging 16oz of water down, then I'm hungry an hour later(old habit, plus its been hotter than heck in Texas this week). I had another question for everyone. Does anybody fast...I mean for spiritual reasons. I've heard three Pastors speak on the subject in the past few months. In each message the speaker emphasized how fasting is used to break "strongholds" in our lives that we've not been able to break (mine being, of course, an addiction to food).Among other things, they also mentioned it as being a powerful tool when praying for the salvation of loved ones who don't know Christ. Any thoughts on the subject...experiences???

Im having trouble, and I hope that somebody can help. I was banded about 2 1/2 months ago and am having trouble losing weight. I'm down 12 pounds, but I know that I can do better. The problem is that,truthfully, and it is so hard to type this...I still rely on food as my God sometimes. For example, anxiety, stress, and hurt feelings are often my triggers to eat. When I feel that sometimes seemingly uncontrollable urge to "eat over " these feelings, often I will stop and offer up a prayer. Sometimes this works, often it doesn't. Although I know that prayer changes/fixes things/lives PERMANANTELY...chocolate makes me feel better within 5-10 minutes. Long story short, food is still a huge addiction for me. I know that this burden will only be removed by God. How can I surrender this to God, while also taking personal responsibility to do allof the things necessary to be successful. For example, I can push myself for days, or maybe weeks on end to exercise...but when I reach the end of myself and feel like I can't go to one more aerobics class, what does surrendering this to God look like. I'm still the one who has to physically drag myself to the gym. Does what I'm asking make sense to anybody? I

I was banded 3 months ago. As of yet, I have not yet found that the band solves my head-hunger problem. This...to me, really sucks. The good news is, that IF and WHEN I am able to let the band do its job, it does. Say, for in instance, now...it is 1:52 in the morning and my ass-clown of a husband has made me mad. The pre-band me would've already downed a few ice-cream sandwiches to calm down and would be sleeping peacfully. The post-band me is trying to work through my feelings rather than eat through them. Because of the band I am still somewhat full from dinner and it has given me JUST ENOUGH PAUSE, to not try to eat through my emotions. Instead, I decided to get online for a little encouragement, and the craving is starting to seem somewhat manageable. PRAYER IS ALSO A BIG MUST FOR ME. Before, the band, eating was an almost instant and subconcious reaction to being upset. Don't get me wrong, sometimes it still is. But if this week I only emotionally eat 10 times, and next week I only yield to it 8 times, and the next week, I only do it 4 times, etc....I'll be wearing a thong by next summer (p.S., I know they make size 22 thongs, but that would mean a wedgy so big that well, I'm just not willing to experience!)

Does anybody know of a place/office that does fills on the weekend in the Dallas/Fort Worth, TX area. I started a new job and it has been hard getting time off.

Thank all of you guys so much for your support. Right now, encouragement means EVERYTHING to me. My husband provides encouragement when he can( or when he feels like it) but I know that there is no way for him(or anybody from my close support team) to really understand, without going actually going through this. Thanks again everbody.