MBird

I think online dating is very difficult. I've met many guys and gals online in person and had four online relationships turn real life. I can honestly say that one is not connecting online with people as they would in real life. Online the connections are short, too easy to sever, and it's too easy to lie or fantasize online. Most people at online dating sites are looking for an easy lay. Even if you click with someone online, once meeting them happens a person is no longer able to fill in the blanks with what they assumed about a person. This is why it's better to meet someone right away. E-Harmony is a great place to meet people but you must be very clear about what you want. Also very honest. It can happen, but you've got to wade through thousands of rocks just to find one diamond. I think you're better off meeting someone at a meet up, the local library, or some place where you have an interest - this way you meet someone who already has that common interest from the get go. For some it's church or a class they take revolving around a hobby. I'm sorry you've met so many creeps, sadly most guys just aren't that deep sometimes. They all want the sex. lol. I wish you the absolute best.

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and well wishes/prayers. My father is now off life support. They took out his entire left lung. He's in so much pain and cried about it. He never cries. It breaks my heart. But I've hope, too. He has to learn to breathe and do day to day things all over again. Just a week and a half for me to go before surgery. I feel alone in this but hopeful he will live. And maybe live well. Your prayers have helped, I've faith in that, so thank you very much. [emoji173]️[emoji254][emoji1317]

Thank you. 57.3 here. So I understand.

bluebonz36, I wanted to share my experience with you. A few years ago I decided to do an imitation sleeve. I had just come out of a very harrowing relationship and moved back to the USA, was setting myself up for a new start. I couldn't afford weight loss surgery at that time, but thought I could eat the portion size sleevers eat and see what happens. I lost 119 pounds. I was at the gym everyday, spent two and a half hours there. I felt physically good. People started talking to me, especially nice looking men who wanted work out buddies. I had such a hard time with it because it started to become apparent how I was treated when overweight versus when I lost the weight. People were kinder. My family seemed less ashamed of me, even my mother whose so critical was kinder. It upset me, angered me. Then depressed me. I struggled with hormonal imbalances, adjusting to life back in the states, a new relationship, and I questioned everything. The weight loss didn't negate any of those things. That was the worst disappointment, I did all this work but felt just as lost as I always had, maybe even worse. I wondered if people were into me for my mind or looks. My boyfriend and I fought often, I chose an incompatible guy because I wasn't in the head space to start a relationship, I needed to find myself first. I felt malaise, and also fear about my future. I was so depressed I started to shut down and isolate. It was akin to feeling paralyzed. This static state in my life lasted a while, a few years with each month passing becoming worse. I met someone who was a professional counselor but he wasn't my counselor. He was a friend. I guess talking got me through so much of it. Just being around someone compassionate and kind helped a lot. I was very blessed because most people cannot relate to that sort of depression and isolation, fear. This person did and I feel I owe them my life. I think what I realized is I had to deal with myself, figure it out, work hard to get to the bottom of it. This meant change. If it meant I had to start over, that I had to move on from certain people, then that's what it meant for a more positive and productive life. Because I knew I was going to have to reinforce a lot of behavioral change, not just dream about it. I knew finding myself was going to take a while and be intense. I gained my weight back over several years, but finally was approved for surgery, which I'm having in two weeks. I think this time I understand what matters most is I'm prepared. It's important I know this is about me and I'm not alone, just as you are not alone. Some days are still a struggle, life is a struggle, but being my own cheerleader and honest with myself, and not feeling shame for it helps to build a positive and grounding frame of mind for me to work with. Knowing that down times are transitory also helps. Getting out of my head by keeping busy with exercise and reading, my work, these all help as well - its work but practice makes perfect and it feels so worth it in the end for me. I'm wishing you nothing but the very best.

Because many doctors are not shrinks, that's why their suggestion to take pills is not always good. Stop yelling. If you're really a trained nurse with experience in this, then you know the flip side is true. I can understand being biased based off your situation, but a pill isn't the end all be all. I don't care what you do for a living, there are many trained psychiatrists, myself included, who disagree with you. I'm here to help the OP out, not high jack her thread by arguing. Have a nice day.

I'm extremely dubious of any anti depressant. Meds don't help most peoples situation because it doesn't fix the issue, just buries it. You're talking about Buptopian, which comes with a myriad of side affects, including delusional thinking, confusion, hallucinations, paranoia, seizures - and while those side affects and symptoms can be reduced by lowering the dosage, and while it's great to help with not smoking, why the hell would a person want to take something that is potentially dangerous if they don't smoke? And while I agree that Welbutrin is a safer choice for very short term use, as it's a less harmless anti depressant, many people start of taking it and don't fix their issues, then graduate to harder SSRI meds. Therapy is a better way of dealing with issues. I disagree with just handing out pills. I've known many mentally unstable people in my line of work, many having had taken anti depressants and very few of them were helped by them, but by changing their lifestyles.

I'm so sorry you are going through this, my hope is you can come out the other end better, and I feel you will. Do not take medication, and steer clear of people who tell you to, also doctors who tell you to. They don't help in the long run, and actually cause much, much more harm to your brain's chemical balance. I've a degree in brain health, and one thing that is very clear is that when you take meds, or any antidepressant, the natural serotonin level brain produces lowers itself to compensate for the fake serotonin that come in the form of medications. This is why psychiatrists will caution against going off them all at once. If a person quits their antidepressants suddenly, the brain cannot compensate and depression becomes worse, leading to suicide in many cases. And sometimes, some people can never go off them, even when they try to slowly ween themselves from the drugs. Some doctors will suggest a patient stay on them for this reason. An even worse doctor will suggest them at all. Medications should only be used for the most severely mentally disordered patients. What you are better off doing is finding a psychotherapist you connect with. Not all therapists will connect with their patients, so be aware it sometimes takes a few to finally find one you mesh with. Once you do, you can begin to unravel and reveal what is in your thought process. In the meantime, there are many things you can do to relax your mind and take the edge off. Meditation, yoga, listening to positive music, reading books about mental health and whatever you feel your troubled issues are, a healthy diet full of omegas (fish) and veggies, I suggest the Mediterranean Diet. Exercise and also hand writing in a journal. Try meet-ups and meet knew people to spend time with, go slow. If you do it just once, at least you gave it a shot and tried. Comfort yourself with things that make you feel good: baths, scenic walks, anything that you personally find joyful. You can also search out a bariatric support group and feel if they tackle any of these issues, but do those in person. Stay offline as much as you can, or use social media less - sometimes it can worsen depression as the connections are not very deep most times. Whatever you do, be gentle on you and don't berate yourself. It's natural to go through changes about ourselves and our lives, whether it's related to bariatric surgery or not. I'm hoping all the best for you.

It won't be an issue. Just a small amount. The sugar is natural, not processed. What teacup said is great advice.

I was told two weeks, as the nurse claimed many with sleep apnea they could sleep without it a few weeks after surgery. I'm certain this number is dependent upon the individual apnea severity.

Hi SoCal, I'm sorry you're having issues, and you already answered your own dilemma! You're eating the wrong foods. Surgeons have done study after study and find the pouch does not stretch over time, but what happens is the hormones change, signaling your brain you can eat more. It's normal to feel you can eat more, and very expected. You did nothing wrong, and did not stretch out your pouch. A revision is possible but any doctor will let you know that a revision won't help you in the long run, but changing your habits will. You need to eat many more veggies and fruit, legumes and nuts. Steer clear of beef, beef has fat hormones. Chicken a tough on digestion. Eat fish, it's high in protein and gentle on the tummy. The Mediterranean Diet, basically. Don't regress back to the diet you were on initially (liquid)- that will harm your metabolism. If you cannot kick your bad habits, I suggest a support group for food addiction or a therapist, which may help you alleviate some of your issues with eating the foods you seem drawn to eating/or are addicted to by addressing the reason why you eat those. The surgery is a one time deal, really, to address those issues before hand and try to curb the tendencies that helped us put on on weight in the first place. Many people find themselves in your predicament and are hard on themselves, when really the solution is to simply change your eating and exercise habits to what they need to be for the rest of your life. I also suggest working out. The best exercises are some you can do outside a gym and in your home, push ups, squats, anything you use your own body weight. These reduce injury and burn a lot as you get cardio and weight in simultaneously. Wishing you absolute success! I think you can do this!

May 23, started my pre-op liquid diet on May 1st and am 13 pounds down. Not having a hard time with it, just not energetic. [emoji4]

Wishing you the best. It sounds like a bumpy ride for you currently, but I think this surgery will make you feel better in the long run. Keeping you in my thoughts. You got this!

But I'll add, it's kicking my ass. I'm tired!

@luvinbeachlife, I switch it up, I do skim milk with biochem powder in it mornings on some days, and Trader Joe's chicken broth with bio chem powder powder other days. I tend to eat a small price of fruit. I made sugar free jell-o. I drink tons of water. Tonight I'll do carbonated water to give me a little joy lol. We'll see what that does. Tomorrow I have a meal. Then Sunday right back to it. I tend to drop weight fast, like a guy lol. So the meal will help once a week. I have several weeks to go until the 23. I will have one more meal the second Saturday, a salad with vinegar dressing. Then just back to preop and clear liquids two days before. I'm very ready! You can do it, hang in there!

Hey everybody, thanks! I'm now on day five and have dropped 13 pounds all together [emoji254]

Thank you - they took him off life support yesterday slowly. He had his entire left lung taken out. We are all trying to remain positive and hopeful he can fight through it. He's a gentle soul.

On pre-op diet [emoji4] Coasting through it [emoji18]

Wishing you the very best

The way I see it, food cravings can be like addiction for some people and was for me. If it is an issue for whatever reason, the key is to find out why and put a cap on it so you can be successful. I'm on a pre-op diet now, which isn't required, but I feel strongly it will prepare me to curb cravings and get me prepared for what is in store. My stomach will be smaller so I look at it as I'll eat less and not want to push myself to feeling that "stuffed" feeling from eating junk. The pleasure I get from eating sweets and fried foods is fleeting, so I remember that and I cling to wanting to feel light and active, to wanting to move without pain. I've been journaling and recording my food a lot again lately and it helps me reinforce how great I'm doing. I realize it's a lifestyle now, not just something I have to do to lose weight but something I have to do to maintain good health in the long run for the rest of my life. It's hard because food is something we need to survive and it's something that just about every social event is centered around - but for me I just made up my mind I don't want to be in pain, short of breath, suffer physical illness or have a poor quality of existing because I can't control the desire for my cravings. There will be times down the road when I reach my goal or even on the journey toward it where I can allow myself a bite once a month or a few times a year at social events, and that will be okay if I'm working out hard and eating healthy the rest of the time. There is no reason for me to binge or break out the foods I'm addicted to. I disregard those things. I allowed myself a celebratory dinner when my date was moved up and as I ate it realized I hated how I feel. I'm done focusing on the foods I love and feel more excited each day to think about all the healthy things I've never cooked or tried. Ask yourself if you can change eating habits to be successful in the long run, and try to eliminate those foods you crave little by little - have fun coming up with healthy things and think about things you can do that don't include eating. Be strong, you can do it.

I've told my mother, father, partner, and one or two people outside of that. Made the mistake of telling an acquaintance and she tried to talk me out of it. Be careful! lol

Thank you so much for this. [emoji1317]

Thank you for your kind words.

I was excited a few days ago hearing my surgery date was moved up to May 23. A few days ago my father went into the hospital to have a lobectomy. He is now in ICU on life support. They filmed him just out of surgery, barely unable to speak but he smiled and mentioned my surgery. I live out of state but hope he is still there on Wednesday when Im able to visit. I'm so sad wondering if he will be around, concerned if he is suffering, right now they medicated him so he cannot move. He's up and down. It feels like a lot on my plate. I feel heart heavy, that my personal happiness is also mixed with one of the most heartbreaking hurdles in my life. Thinking of my father, praying for his health, hoping for the best. He would want me to be healthy. I love you dad.

The kids will live, and surely will understand down the road. Maybe you can talk to them about it one day without painting him as a monster. You have to take care of you now. Staying in a bad relationship for kids is never a viable solution. I know it's hard but you deserve to feel rich with love and hope inside yourself, life is precious and meant to be filled with good and some bad so we grow. When the bad outstays it's welcome, we move forward. So you move forward. I know you will find your way through this, you're a seriously strong woman, I can tell. You'll be in my prayers too, that you can be sure. Sending you hugs and warmth. [emoji4]

It's healthy to want the things you want. What you desire is healthy. The problem is when we are unhealthy for whatever reason emotionally, we choose unhealthy partners. I'm going to go out on a little limb here and may be way off base. What I think from all you say is that early on you both had issues. I suspect he was really the charmer when you initially met as young adults. I also suspect that the mask fell off very fast, and you've been dealing with a lot. I also suspect he's a bit Narcissistic. I don't like labels but the comment regarding you being crazy as you implore him to not treat you as he does by asking WHY he does, kind of stood out like a huge red flag. Whatever is happening with him is bad. There is a poster on here who suggested a book for you and described her own abuse. She hit the nail on the head. And you did too when you talked about the fat you gained being so tied to your childhood issues once you were married and realized the status quo of your bad marriage. The weight gain is like insulation, comfort when hurt. I think your best recourse is to get counseling on your own. I even suggest a therapist, because if he is a Narcissist, or has some other mental issue, he's probably nearly broken your spirit. I can almost imagine the emotional roller coaster you've been on. The label doesn't even matter, what matters is he's being utterly selfish and cruel. And I'll tell you something, I was with an abusive guy too. Spent 14 years trying to get away, once I did, wow. I felt better. I learned a lot. What we don't know is how stumped our own self growth is when we stay in relationships that negate us from who we really are. I think counseling as you break away will help you, this way if things get ugly you're not completely without someone to lean on. Also one last piece of unwarranted advice, please. Don't engage him about the weight issue. Don't bring it up. If he brings up your weight, just listen and say you understand his views and let it go. Be kind and pleasant but don't engage arguments or rude comments. Be like a strong object, feel little, react even less. Otherwise he just takes more pot shots and you give him more fuel to fire. You'll be in my prayers and thoughts. If you feel you need to message for any reason, please do.