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:happybday: :happybday::happybday::happybday: Happy Birthday, my friend! I hope it was blessed in every way!

It was good to hear some real facts about what people are seeing with their bands now that they are 3, 4, or 5 years into the journey. I've always wanted to know the facts. And I'm well aware that the facts won't all be good. My only objection has been the vague and discouraging comments that have appeared to claim that it's only a matter of time before we won't be seeing success, or that our success can only be attributed to this brief state of uphoria that we are experiencing. I have appreciated what Babs and Alex have shared. Once we got past the communication "speed bump" and started talking about facts, it became interesting. I appreciate learning facts from experienced people. It's the assumptions that it's all going to go downhill for us all that clouds the facts and causes some of us to become defensive. When that happens, we don't learn. So far, here's what I've learned: The journey is long - probably life long. What works for you, might not work for me. While there are basic and fundemental principles to achieving weight loss and a healthy body, there are also a vast number of varying physical and psychological inhibitors that can make it difficult for some to apply these principles in their lives. We will all encounter different stages of our journeys which will bring both joys and challenges, but we should not expect that all of us will encounter the same things. Those who are struggling in their journey can find the enthusiasm of those seeing great success quite discouraging. Likewise, those who are seeing great success can find the warnings of those who are struggling quite discouraging. It's always good to be willing to hear all sides of the discussion. Assuming that others are being intentionally hurtful causes everyone to become defensive and stops the communication that we all come here to find. We can all learn from each other. New and old, we all have different perspectives and experiences that others can benefit from. Telly has a warped sense of humor. *grins* What is offensive or hurtful to one may not have any negative affect on another. Each of us has faced struggles within ourselves that only we will ever truly understand. No matter the reason behind our obesity, we all struggle with the fear of failing to some extent. Some come right out and express that fear without hesitation, while others hide the fear behind determination. Either way, I think we all know the fear is there and we don't really need others to remind us that there's a chance that this dream will also be shattered. So please, share facts and not assumptions. Share hope and not fear. Share support and motivation, not expectations of darker days. They may be out there, but why waste the sun while it's still shining?

Motivation! It's subdivision yard sale weekend and I can already hear the car doors shutting outside as those greedy little people are hurrying to grab those great deals right out from under me! This woman is going walking!! Laters! *puff of smoke*

It's ok, Yoda. I don't think people are fighting. I think this is an emotional issue which stirs up feelings about our own journeys and gets us talking - which is a GOOD thing. Continued discussion that helps people dig deep and talk about things which they might otherwise repress and deal with alone is a GOOD thing. *hugs* Thank you to all who are responding. I appreciate hearing all sides because it helps me to understand more and enables me to be a better friend.

Wow Dave. If you get the answer to that question you'll probably be a rich man. Everyone I know that's had problems with their weight ask themselves this very same question. Prior to my being banded, my husband and I asked ourselves on a daily basis - WHY do we continue to do this to ourselves??? Then, we'd go do it again because.... ? The only thing I can tell you is that since being banded, I don't do that anymore. I can't. The band prevents me from eating myself sick. And, because I don't do it anymore, my husband has been able to change his eating habits as well. Consequently, he has lost about 66 pounds. It has been a very positive change in our lives. And, we got a two-for-one special! hehe Anyway, welcome to LBT. I hope you find some of the answers you are looking for along the way. You'll find a great bunch of bandsters here who are the most sincere and open people I've ever met. Ask lots of questions oh and speaking of questions, here are a couple of must read threads for you and your wife to read. Enjoy! Questions to ask your Dr BEFORE getting banded: http://www.lapbandtalk.com/showthread.php?t=15595 LBT success stories: http://www.lapbandtalk.com/showthread.php?t=16050 Cold hard facts about being banded: http://www.lapbandtalk.com/showthread.php?t=18533 Before and after pics of LBT members: http://www.lapbandtalk.com/showthread.php?t=4642

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you're a mile away and they have no shoes on." Thanks for the chuckle, Wheetsin!

Oh my gosh, I totally agree!! This was never meant to do that. Please folks, no fighting and breaking up into this side against that side. We are all on the same team, just trying to understand one another and get along as we travel together. This is, without a doubt, the greatest community of people I have ever seen online. Do not think that I was grouping all older bandsters into one target and taking pot shots at them. Eeep! I'll be so distressed if this is how people are taking this. *sighs* I just want us all to be aware of our words and how they effect others. That's all. Now I'm going to stress over this. I have hives! *laughs* It's true! I'm such a dink. *sighs* I love you guys. I really do - even you old bandsters. *winks with a big smile*

Oops, I forgot Letha. Hun, I have never seen you be anything less than loving and encouraging and honest. If someone claimed that your posts had insulted or discouraged anyone, I'd take fast exception with them. You're a gem, Letha. Sincerely.

DonnaB - Thank you. I really appreciated what you said. No forgiveness necessary my friend. None at all. *hugs* I loved your analogy of telling young married couples that their honeymoon phase will be coming to an end. It was right on and exactly what I was thinking as well. In response to the comments about being banded (a whole) six months... A marriage that lasts 5 years is hardly considered a long term marriage, but being banded for 5 years is considered long term. Therefore, it is reasonable to think of someone who has been banded for 6 months as someone who has put in enough time to be familiar with how to be a bandster. Comparing that to newlyweds of 6 months, when a long term marriage could be 50 years or more is hardly a reasonable comparison.

Hiya Babs, Thank you for taking the time to write about this. I'm very glad you did and I appreciate it a great deal. You made a lot of very good points in this post and even though you may not think you can change the way I feel about this, you have - in some areas. I still maintain that making the "honeymoon phase" comments can be discouraging, and that they have been used in ways that appeared to be a means of taking away the hard earned praises for those who are doing well. I'm glad to hear that you didn't intend yours in the way that it seemed. I've always found you to be a very friendly person with a lot to contribute. I think that people are misunderstanding what I've said. Contrary to what some have implied, I do not have on rose colored glasses, and I don't live in a fluffy little cloud of naivity. I struggle with depression on a daily basis. I have already experienced days of feeling like I was going to fail, even though I can see that things are going well - so far. I have faced head hunger and the temptations to fit in a bit more food than I know I should. I have already had days when I was weary of thinking about food and this damn journey. I see my friends doing 200 leg lifts and running miles and having huge successes with excercise routines, and I have quietly felt like a lazy ass wimp in comparison. But you see, I don't tell my friends that they are only doing well because they are in a honeymoon phase and soon they'll be wondering how in the hell they ended up doing nothing for six weeks and felling like crap. Now that may very well happen to them, but then again it may not. All I know is, I will not be one to toss out negative forecasts - just to be sure they don't end up disappointed down the road. What does that accomplish? Nothing except chipping away at their current good state of mind. I see nothing reassuring, educational, or supportive in it. And you're right, that might just be my perception. However, from what I'm seeing it isn't just mine. There are many who feel the same as I do when they hear comments like this. And my goal here was to make people aware of that, on behalf of those who don't speak out but rather take those words to heart and let them chip away at the hope and confidence that they have in the here and now. Now this is interesting. Honestly, I'm not being sarcastic at all. I find this very good information and I'm curious to learn more about why this occurs. Surely we don't end up with a tool that is "worn out" and not as effective, leaving us to fend for ourselves... do we? And I'd really like to know if stepping back to re-evaluate our eating habits and then regrouping wouldn't be helpful. You said that you don't notice that you're eating more... Wouldn't keeping a food journal help you be more aware of this? Measuring portions, etc. I know it can be a drag to do that all the time, and often I forget for a day or two. But I also find that if I completely stop, I mentally rationalize the bad habits I'm allowing to creep back in. So I make corrections. It's like driving along a straight road. We usually have to keep making small adjustments with the steering wheel to keep the car from drifting off the road or into an oncoming lane of traffic. I really would love to hear more about this from you. If you get time. You said for the first two years. Why did you stop? If you were seeing success in years one and two, but you have struggled in years three, four, and five, then wouldn't that suggest that you stopped doing what worked, rather than your "honeymoon phase" being over? Again, Babs. Thanks for writing. Sincerely.

I wholeheartedly agree, Alexandra. Again, this is not what I was taking exception with. I've tried very hard to explain that. I'm sorry it's not getting through.

Mo, I do have a walking buddy. Actually, three of them! But I've had my 2 1/2 yrs old grandson all day every day and I swear he's wearing me out! I also have my gym partner, Dawg, and we are just going to have to force ourselves to go after he gets home, whether we are tired or not. We are both getting down from all of this evening inactivity.

*goes to update her cards with a look of shame on her face* I really have been doing everything right - except exercise. What is my problem? I bought a bloody thousand dollar treadmill and never step on it. When I did, I was feeling great! Physically and mentally. I'm a lazy ass. That's all there is to it. I have to say, it's so stinking cool to get on here and see you all talking to each other, being friends, encouraging one another. Heather... this is exactly what we invisioned isn't it? *high fives Heather* Ok, Mo, you and Funny have both fussed at me about the exercising. I know you're both right. How do I find the energy and the motivation to get started again? Hm.. Thirty pounds to go to join the 100 pounds lost club, and only 8 pounds more after that to be in Onederland. That can take me 4 months, or it can take 2 1/2. I'm the one that's been whining to myself about this taking For-Ev-Er, so I should shut up and work my ass instead of my whining brain. Right?! Right!! Ok, that's it. I'm turning over a new leaf and I'm NOT letting the new kid show me up! *grins at Telly* Thanks pals. You all rock. PS. I weighed 237 today. That's 70 pounds! OMG! *excited laughter of disbelief*

Heyas 3Loves, I had to smile when you said you thought you'd ruffle my feathers because that's my nature. Actually, quite the opposite. I appreciated your post because I could tell you were speaking sincerely and wanting to help. The thing is, I am not feeling discouraged because of the things said to me. (And the posts I quoted aren't -that- old. That was only a couple of months ago.) What bothers me is people devaluing someone's success by off-handedly giving the credit to being in a honeymoon phase. Please know that this isn't about what was said to me. It isn't about my own feelings beyond the fact that it upsets me to see people who feel it necessary to offset another's accomplishments by attributing those accomplishments to a "phase" that will pass. Understanding the basic principles of losing weight and being healthy has nothing to do with "phases". And sharing those principles with others does not make anyone self righteous or judgmental. Whether you have been banded 10 years or 1 day... it does not change the fundemental facts about what has to be done in order to have a healthy life. And to me, poo-poo'ing someones encouragement and success based on how long they have been banded just seems wrong. Big Paul has lost 135 pounds. He has been banded for six months. That is half a year and the man is still living by the fundamental principles of weight loss and good health. THAT is why he is losing weight and feeling great. NOT because of some "phase" he's in. Comments like "You're just riding high on your rapid weight loss" are pointless really. Of course he feels good about his weight loss, but maybe... just maybe... he's feeling good about realizing that by following the guidelines of making healthy choices he's actually seeing that he's not controlled by phases. He has the freedom to make choices every day. He has made, and continues to make, choices that he knows will give him what he wants. And THAT is what I'm trying to tell everyone. It matters not how long you have been banded. Each day you face the same choices that everyone else does. What you do with those choices is up to YOU! That should be freeing, not threatening! For those of you whose "honeymoon phase" is over, I suggest you go back to square one and start putting those fundamental principles back to work for you. Perhaps you'll fall in love with your journey all over again.

Hey bug! Welcome to LBT! You know, you don't even have to get the band surgery reversed to be pregnant. There are a few bandsters here who have gone through pregnancy with their bands and did very well. In fact, there are a few who are pregnant now. You should start a thread for pregger bandsters to see how they are doing. Best of luck to you on your journey. I think you've made a wise choice to go with the band. Stay plugged in here and you'll learn lots from others in your shoes. Get your hubby to read with you. Knowledge is power, and the more you have prior to surgery, the better you'll be prepared and the better you and he will feel about it.

Wonderful NSVs Maudie! I'm really happy for ya girl! *big hugs*

Welcome to LBT, Jojo. You are among friends here. Friends who have dealt with, or are just in the middle of dealing with, the same mixture of emotions that you are having. The fear of the unknown is very powerful. But the good news is, you've found a place where many have gone before you and many are there with you now. Ask lots of questions and keep sharing your feelings. You will learn so much before you're even banded - and THAT will help lessen those fears. Congratulations on making the choice to take back control of your life! Keep us posted on the progress of your journey! :clap2:

I stand by what I said. Which, if you read it carefully, does not say that the honeymoon phase doesn't exist. It says that when the initial excitement is over (and for some it may never be - my excitement just keeps growing with each 10 pounds lost) that doesn't mean your success will stop. Telling someone that they are only doing well and seeing success because they are in a honeymoon phase IS an attempt to discourage people. There's just no way around it.

I should clarify that I do NOT mean to imply that everyone who has used the phrase "honeymoon phase" has meant it in a negative way. Nor do feel that ALL older bandsters are annoyed with newer bandsters. It is clear when the expression is used in the negative context and that's all I'm addressing here. This also isn't about never giving in to desires to have treats. This is about the jealousy or annoyance - whatever you want to call it - at those who don't give in to those desires. When I was banded about a month, someone on here posted this to me: "..and your only a month out.....lets see when you feel like some pizza or mcdonalds i say give u a few weeks" and "and like i have already said PHOTONUT you are only a month out i never ate pizza on a month afetr surgery. I wasnt hungry but it will happen at some stage." I realize that we are a large sea of different fish here on LBT, and that we are all at different stages of the journey, experiencing different victories and struggles and the emotions that come with them. For some reason we all tend to get sensItive about certain posts which seem to be screaming our names when we read them - putting the spotlight on our self-perceived failings. I think it's just very important to remember that just because someone is doing well and trying to encourage others to do equally as well, it does NOT mean they are being judgmental or self righteous. It just means they want everyone to have the enjoyment of success over this beast that has enslaved us all for such a long time. There is no need to steal their enthusiasm away. Make use of it! Let the fire spread onto you, like Kathy said - let it be a motivation not a discouragement. And I have good news - I hit the -70 pound mark today. That is incredible! Not because I'm special or claiming to be better than anyone else. Nor do I announce it to show up those who haven't lost as much. I announce it to say - IT CAN BE DONE, AND YOU CAN DO IT! Oh... and by the way... I still have not had McDonald's or Pizza. :Banane20:

Hey Carla - It's a blast losing all this weight isn't it? *grins* I'm glad I was able to help ya out, and thanks for the compliments. *big hugs*

I have seen many posts in which people who have had the band a long period of time tell bandsters who are doing well and trying to encourage others that they are just in a "honeymoon phase" and once that goes away the successful bandster will lose their motivation and get tangled up in struggles which will leave them less naive about the real nitty-gritty of being banded. (Paraphrased - not quoted) These comments are always directed at those who are working hard at making the best of their lap band experience and are trying to encourage others to do the same. This topic has worked and worked on my mind since the first time it was directed at me. I've been called a know-it-all. I've been accused of being judgmental. It's even been suggested that I haven't been banded long enough to have the right to give advice to others. But the comments that have stuck out in my mind as the cruelest are the ones that imply that, given time, I'm going to fail. And to me, the "honeymoon phase" comment does just that. It says, "Sure, you're doing well now. You're pumped up because you're succeeding with your band. But you just wait. That's going to stop soon and once you start going through the hard times, you'll see. You'll see." <O:p I have to ask, how is that helpful or encouraging to anyone? Why is it even necessary to make such a statement at someone who is doing things right and sharing their success as encouragement to others? What is the point? The only conclusions I can draw in response to those questions are both sad and troublesome. I would like to say to all of the people waiting, praying, hoping for a lap band... and to all the people who have just gotten the band... and to all of the people who have been banded less than a year... Do not let these kinds of comments shake your hope of changing your future. Those of us who have been in a few relationships are aware of that beginning stage of the relationship when emotions are high and we are giddy with new love. We are also aware that this is just a stage of building a relationship. Though it may not always be like this, a successful relationship will advance to deeper levels and grow stronger. Sadly, there are many people out there who think that "love has died" when this stage of the relationship is over. They are disappointed when they no longer feel that "high" of new love, and believing that it must not have been real love, they give up. <O:p Yes, it is very exciting when we finally see our dream come true. "I am banded!" Yes, it is thrilling to see the initial burst of rapid weight loss after surgery. "This is really going to work!" Yes, we do find ourselves wrapped up in thoughts of nutrition, exercise, bandster habits.. portions.. rules, etc. And yes, all of the newness does level out over a period of time. BUT! and this is a very big BUT! Just because the newness wears off, it does not mean the band is going to stop working. Nor does it mean that we are all going to give up and go back to making poor choices. This is NOT something that is inevitable. This is merely something that is being said by those who have slipped into old habits and found themselves frustrated. And, rather than pulling themselves up by their bootstraps and taking the sound advice of those who are achieving wonderful success with their bands, they choose to be negative... claiming that the only reason this person is having any success is because they are in the "honeymoon phase" and that eventually they will fail too.<O:p <O:p I don't know about the rest of you, but I got my band to help me overcome a lifetime of bad habits, emotional addictions, and self serving attitudes. This band will only help me restrict quantities. It will not instantly change my bad habits, rid me of emotional addictions, or change my self serving attitudes. That is up to me, and NOW is the time to take on those things in myself... while I have this little marvel inside of me, saving me from eating myself to death. This is why people like Big Paul grab us by the shoulders and shake us hard, telling us to take advantage of this time and take care of our WHOLE SELVES. For if we don't, we may end up feeling disappointed when we realize that we haven't grown, we haven't learned, we haven't changed a damn thing. We are still faced with the same self-defeating problems that brought us in search of a solution in the first place. And some may label this as the end of the "honeymoon phase". I hope this is making sense to someone out there who needed to hear it. If not, thanks for allowing me the opportunity to vent about it, because it's been eating at me for some time now. <O:p I sincerely pray that each of us will find the ability to see truth, the willingness to embrace it, and the courage to let it change us.

Tamt - I would have guessed gas. When they bloat you for surgery, it stretches the diahpram and causes it to be achy for a while. Those pains "radiate" up into the chest and shoulders, sometimes the neck. My was like a band around my lower rib cage. It hurt like crazy to breathe in very deep. Many suggest a heating pad on the area. I know that the more I was able to move around, the quicker the pain subsided. I hope it goes away quickly for you. *hugs* Carla - I think it's both amazing and wonderful that you've lost so much weight in such a short amount of time. Your advice to everyone is spot on. And please, don't let people dampen your spirits or take away any praise you deserve by claiming that this is just a "honeymoon phase" that you will eventually get over. Keep up the good work, stay committed and focused, and enjoy your success. Thanks for sharing that bit of encouragement for others. It's appreciated. *hugs*

Updates have been done for this week. Please check your stats and let me know if I need to make any corrections. We only had 19 people check in this week, so the total loss was low. Still, that's a 2.8 lb average loss in the group. Right on target! Great job everyone. Keep up the losing spirit!

I had reflux so bad I was waking up in the night, drowning in the stuff. It would go up in my sinuses and burn! It was horrible waking up unable to breathe and in so much pain. I was on Protonix too, which had stopped the reflux. The last Protonix I took was the day before my band surgery. I haven't even had a hint of heartburn since that time. It's been wonderful. As to whether or not you'll succeed with the band, well... that will be up to you for the most part. But I can tell you that I never succeeded for any real length of time either, prior to the band. Now I reach those points of getting bored, frustrated, upset, etc but there is nothing I can do about it. The band keeps me from stuffing myself like I once did. You should know that it's very easy to get sweets past the band. Icecream, chocolate... anything that melts or crumbles will most likely slip right through. The band restricts quantity and some foods like breads and pastas. Those were my downfall foods, so the band has worked out great for me. I don't typically care for icecream and chocolate, but there are many here that do and have made the decision to walk away from those foods once and for all. It's amazing what a little restriction and a $20,000 piece of plastic in your tummy will give you the strength to walk away from. Best of luck to you in your decision.

If I can achieve that, the hell yes in that pose! Um, don't tell Dawg. Oh, by the way. The biotch has blue eyes but I made them brown. It's just not fair to have it ALL! You know? LOL!