Wheetsin

Best wishes TOM!

I don't know what shows you're watching or newspapers you're reading, but most crime is intraracial not interracial. Take homicide as an example. Current through 2004: 86% of white victims were killed by whites 94% of black victims were killed by blacks (From the US Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics.)

I feel drinks going down. They don't pinch me, but I can feel the temperature change from cold or warm drinks. You're still healing, which could be why you're twinging.

:clap2: :clap2: :clap2: Growing up I was the only one of my friends whose parents were still married. DH and I talked about the kids thing before we were married. Even though we didn't want them at the time, we agreed that IF we ever did, we would not have them right away. We both believe it's very important to establish yourselves as a couple and to know your husband and wife identity before you have to bring in the new identity of mother and father. That's part of why, even though we knew we eventually wanted to have a child a handful of years ago, we haven't done it yet. Part of it (my obesity was another part). I know everyone says "there's no perfect time to have kids, you can never wait until you're ready" but I never believed that, and it wasn't true for us. In a way I now wish I had done everything sooner - but the regret is weak because I KNOW that I wasn't ready to have a child before. There's no way DH and I were mature enough, or responsible enough. Jobs, careers, income, etc. aside, mentally - and in our relationsip - we weren't mature enough. It's amazing how much things can change in a year.

As stated, it's a logical fallacy. Ice cream sales go up in summer. Crime goes up in summer. Ice cream causes crime. Then again, a pint of Chubby Hubby could probably drive me to crime. :heh: :heh:

The only thing papya does for me is taste bad, and make my PB orange.

Woah woah... slow down for a sec. My cursed objectivity, perhaps, but I see lots of "divorce" and "use him to get your surgery, then leave him" being thrown around. But you haven't indicated any ongoing relationship problems. Everything you've mentioned is around his threatening to remove you from his policy. Are there more problems? Or is it possible that you're not seeing some turmoil that he's going through? (power, insecurities, uncertainties, etc.) My husband was a little Jerky before I had my surgery because he was afraid something would go wrong and he would lose me. He didn't know wha to do with those fears, and they ended up coming out in less-than-desirable behavior. Do you guys really think that "when he gets mad he threatens to remove me from his coverage" really warrants ending a marriage, or compromising integrity and happiness in order to use someone for a surgery? Obviously we don't know much about your situation, but I think that him threatening to remove you from his policy is FAR from reason to end the marriage, or use him just to get the surgery and dump him afterwards. Surgery can be a very emotionally charged situation. Especially weightloss surgery and all the hype around risks and complications, and fear of future changes. Will she leave me once she loses the weight? Will I have more "competition" and need to worry about things? Will I still be attractive to her if she loses weight and I haven't? Etc. And if it happens around more than the surgery, then its his way of feeling in control. A lot of people refue to go to counseling. It doesn't mean they don't care. Especially in the case of insecure men, they fear being told "it's your fault". You know how guys sometimes won't go to the doctor even though they know something is wrong, because they don't want to "officially" hear what the problem is? This is the same kind of situation. Girls, too - for sure - but guys in particular are really finicky about this kind of stuff. Maybe just take a step back and consider his situation and see if you can identify anything that would be causing him distress. Marriage is a two-way street. If he's just a jerk, then that's fine. But if this is atypical behavior (and I have the sense that it is, , you need to open up some communication and talk about fears and concerns, what's eating him, and how he's manifesting those emotions. Ok, that's my advice, worth exactly what you paid for it.

Carlene - that sounds familiar! Not the delivery aspect, but one of "his jobs" (we've pretty much split household responsibilities based on what we absolutely can't stand, don't mind, and enjoy) is to pick up the mail. Any "urgent - open immediately!" messages are brought straight to me, because he's afraid it's a late bill. Why? Because ONE TIME we had one bill that was 9 days late. :faint: I have everything set up on automated payments through our online banking. I don't actually have a manual process of paying bills. Once I came across one of those "get our card and save 30% off and get free delivery" deals, so I did it. And paid it off right there, but - I don't remember the details of what happened - somehow I ended up owing exactly $3 more than what I paid. So the combination of being spoiled by auto bill pay, and not expecting to get a bill from this place anyway, resulted in -- well, completely forgetting about it. So when they did send the bill, I assumed it was junk and trashed it w/o opening. And then they sent a late notice and I trashed it also - more junk mail. Then we got the courtesy call and uh-oh, better go pay our $3! DH freaked. He only has a loose idea of how most things here work (remebner - he's from another country). So he heard the voice message that our payment was late and truly believed our credit rating was instantly trashed and we would never be able to qualify for a loan again. I explained it to him, but he still has this sort of worrisome fear about it. So anytime mail comes in that's "urgent", or if an envelope contains a colored piece of paper (the late notice I trashed had green paper instead of white) he tends to overreact.

Is that really how you would reason or explain the why here? Some woud say that a rural area (aka out of the way, sparsely populated, more chances that someone knows someone, etc.) should expect low crime, by virtue of being a rural area, not by virtue of people owning guns.

If someone leads our relationship it's me, but that's only by virtue of having the stronger personality, as Green has said. We still discuss major decisions and we still compromise, and see each other as equal contributors. For the most part, there are just lots of things DH doesn't care about, or prefers not to deal with. If he had his druthers I wouldn't work, but I do and he enjoys that I do. We both enjoy the extra income, he enjoys that I excel at what I do - even though he doesn't really understand what I do. And he would never pressure me to stay at home, but he has made it known that if it's ever my desire, I will have his support. Before we were married he said up front that he wanted me to handle all things money, so I do. We have a joint account, our checks are deposited, and unless I ask him to go look, or he asks me, he couldn't tell you what's in the account at any given point in time. He doesn't know what bills we have (other than the obvious), and has never yet bothered to memorize the login info for our banking. For the most part he doesn't care how much money I spend or what I'm spending it on - in his words, "As long as there's a roof over our head, food on our table, and clothes on our backs - I don't care." I drive most decisions with house things, with his input - when he has any. Meaning decorating, what to do with this space, landscaping, etc. He sees the house as "my" territory, just as I see electronics "his". When we bought a new TV, for the most part he picked out what he wanted, then showed it to me for thumbs up or down. Superficial example, I know, but we recognize each other has strengths and knowledge, and that sometimes things are better if we keep our noses out of them. On the surface we have very little in common. Movies, books, shows, activities with friends -- we're like night and day. But when it comes to the core issues that can really make or break a relationship, we're virtually identical. That works for us, and has left us with very few things we truly disagree on. The only one I can think of in the past year has been where to place lattice around the deck stairs. :faint:

Laurend - seen as immoral by most Christian standards and beliefs

So why the heck didn't you move to Australia?!? J/K My husband is from Sweden. We had several long talks over who would be moving where. Fortunately no one thinks I'm nuts. :heh:

Fills get you to restriction, but a fill in and of itself isn't going to do anything for your appetite. As Jachut said, it may take several fills before you get there.

I have this idea of what it will be like to be banded. Mostly, in my imagination, I'll eat a few bites and will feel stuffed. It may take more than a few bites, but yeah - that's pretty much it. Does the "full" or satiation sensation happen now if it didn't before? Or is it just that distended-gut-holy-crap-I-ate-a-lot feeling happening more quickly? For me, it didn't just come. I had to learn to "listen" to my body, and recognize the difference between no longer hungry and full. Before surgery full had no meaning to me, because for the most part I was either hungry or so full I was miserable. Having been able to recognize that state, I've felt "gut-busting full" maybe twice since surgery, always a result of Protein Drinks. In the beginning I listened for this no longer hungry state because I was afraid that going over it would mean having to bring the extra back up. Now it happens without conscious thought. So - woohoo - I'm unconsciously competent! Is stomach hunger less intense or more manageable after the band? Well - I felt extraordinarily hungry right after the band, but had no appetite. Sounds weird, huh? He's how I explained it at the time: it feels like I have two stomachs, a top stomach and a bottom stomach. The bottom stomach is growling and growling, and as much as I know that means "feed me", I'm not hungry and have no desire to eat. I was one of the lucky ones (subject to POV) because I lost my appetite on the pre-op diet and it still, nearly a year later, hasn't really returned. I rarely feel true hunger, and when I do I either eat or ignore it because I have no interest in eating. I mean, how much to you guys eat in a meal? I'm having trouble imagining what portions sizes look like on the band... Would one of those little McDonalds Cheeseburgers be a big (if unhealthy) portion size? Quantity-wise I could eat a cheeseburger. If I go to McD's I get the "Fruit n' yogurt parfait" and don't finish it. Once, about a month post-op, I got a chicken nugget happy meal and one nugget in I was stuffed. Part of what you'll realize is that you eat different amounts on different days, because as much as it doesn't make sense what you can eat and the amount is almost constantly changing (though there certainly are some consistents). And I have days where it's just hard to eat anything, no matter how easy it normally is. But back to quantiites... do you ever go to Chipotle? One of my most frequent "grab something on the way home" is a Chipotle bol, no rice, extra black Beans, chicken. I will get at least two meals out of that and most often three. For lunch yesterday I had one of the small Lunchables (I think it's 8 crackers, 8 meats and 8 cheeses) and couldn't finish it, but Sunday I ate a full piece of quiche. I do have direct experience with cravings/head hunger and weight loss. After a few months of Atkins, I didn't ever want to see or eat potatoes ever again- nasty. Only whole grain breads and Pasta tasted right- white bread and normal pasta seemed flavorless. I had the same experience. Wheat flour products began to be the only ones that tasted "right". (I followed induction for over a year, then branched out into the different rungs) But my chocolate addiction was in full-force, perhaps even stronger! LOL. The darker the better, sugar content/sweetness was irrelevant. I was even trying to score real cocoa beans to brew into a coffee-like death-drink! LOL. So I'm ready for that to happen all over again, but maybe the band is different? Did your tastes change drastically as the weight came off? Not a whole lot, but in some areas. I crave completely different foods now. And while my tastes haven't necessarily changed, I've found it very, very easy to give up certain foods for band-related reasons. One of these is red meat. I haven't had a piece of red meat in nearly a year, because for me, by the time I'm done chewing it enough that I feel comfortable swallowing it, it's a tasteless wad of muck in my mouth. And with meats like hamburger, realizing how impossible it is to chew it thoroughly made it that much less appetizing. (With the weight back on and my insulin resistance back up? Potatoes, white bread and pasta started tasting good again... *sigh*) Do you plan to also watch your carb intake in addition to eating the bandster size meals? I watch mine. Just because I feel better when I do, and it does help my weightloss. Weird. I don't watch them like a hawk the way I did on Atkins, but I try to maintain an awareness.

Do you think he would have actually removed you from his policy, or do you think - since he knows how badly you want this - that it has become a power source for him... a way to have control when he needs it? Sounds 95% like a power struggle to me. And his own insecurities can be fueling that as much as any other factor. Think of a newlywed couple (not saying you are, just making an analogy) where the man has professed his love & worship for the female, so the female - knowing this man has essentially no limits in what he will tolerate - uses, "If you do this/that, our relationship is over" as a way to force him into submission over even the most trivial of situations.

I didn't have a test, just therapy type sessions. Part of what the psychologist should do is identify your eating triggers (behavioral, emotional, etc.) and help you identify ways to cope with them. Also to determine your expectations for the surgery, and how you will respond if those expectations are/aren't met. Also to determine any eating disorders that may be present. Just be honest. Any help and advice you get will only benefit you. And don't be nervous.

I showered the morning after surgery. I didn't have steristrips, I had staples covered with a super sticky clear "tape" type stuff, that was pretty much worn off by the time I went to have the staples removed 7 days later. While there they put on steristrips and said leave them for a week, but 3 days in they started falling off.

Pre-op I used to crave McDonald's (plain doube cheeseburger or a McChicken), and Reese's, bacon... the stuffed & fried jalapeno peppers...and a few other things that aren't coming to mind. Now my main craving is for chocolate chip Cookies, which I don't care much for chocolate and I was never a cookie eater before surgery. But now it's all about the warm & melty chocolate chippers. I also crave fruits, just because I don't eat them very often. And oddly enough, most of my "cravings" are still there, but I now crave foods that are part of my typical diet. Oh I also crave (and eat on occasion) the wheat honey pretzel braids. I love the combination of sweet honey with the salt. Kind of the way I love the salty pretzels and sweet ice cream combination of Chubby Hubby, but we won't go there.

On a good day before I gained weight I was a C, and on a good day once the weight was gained I was a C, and I'm still a C. My boobs have to be the only place I never did gain weight, they just sort of disappeared as my stomach began to take them over. Let me clarify. My actual boobs haven't changed cup size, although I've had to get smaller bras. My "side boobs" or "boobs 3 & 4" as I sometimes call them have all but disappeared. They were pretty close to a C too. :faint:

Anything that doesn't hurt you is an OK position. From behind, on top, legs on the wall, etc. were all fine. Anything related to missionary position hurt me, especially with my legs up over his shoulders. MAJOR no-no, even to date. Hurts my port way too much.

Sorry Ron, but I left my crystal ball at home -- and can't "just know" that you're talking tongue in cheek. Maybe at some point people will be able to move beyond whether or not they personally agree with a life that isn't even theirs, and just "be". But no, I'm not a dreamer.

Maybe not, because I never said people should change their views. I said that we have laws being created based on christian principles.

I think I was between week 1 and 2. Too sore before then. But we had to use positions that kept him from contacting my abdomen (woof!). To date there are some positions that are just too sore because it puts uncomfortable pressure on the port or makes be bend in a way that just fells "band bad"... can't really describe it. But that's ok. For every "fat" position I had to give up, I've gained 6 or 7 "still fat but not as much" ones to replace it. :confused:

That's the rub. Christian principles are driving the development and implementation of laws that non-christians have to abide by. Seems like it would be a much nicer place if - say - gays could marry just as heteros could, and enjoy equal rights, and the people who are against it... well, they're probably not going to be marrying anyone who's gay, so no skin off their back.

DH and I are talking about starting to try and get pregnant in a few months (surgeon's guidelines stated 12 months). I'm not where I want to be physically, but feel that I have to balance that against my age. My biggest fear - and I'm sure this is quote normal, is that I will be a bad parent. My second biggest fear is that I will regret it. Maybe this makes me sound like I will be a horrible parent, and if that's the case so be it, but part of why I'd only want one is that I wouldn't want to be in the position of having two and favoring or preferring one over the other. I'll open up a little chapter of my life, so if truly personal stories bother you, don't read on. 5 years ago, between urging DH to get snipped, I too was looking for a surgeon willing to tie my tubes. DH really has that whole "manly" connection to his ejaculate, so I figured the burden was going to rest on me. I couldn't find a surgeon to do it. I'm forgetting the exact criteria set forth by the surgeons I spoke with, but it was something like: Over the age of 30 with no children and husband's consent (yeah, seriously) Over the age of 28 with at least one child Over the age of 24 with 2+ children. What it boiled down to was that the surgeon's were scared of future consequences, e.g. they tie my tubes, 8 years later I want children and this leads to a lawsuit or complications. And I couldn't find anyone to do me. And DH wasn't jumping at the gun to get snipped. Anyway, so you can see that I was serious about not wanting children. Not a lick of maternal instinct in me. I'm annoyed by others' kids, I bailed on every family event I could to avoid being around my young cousins. On the rare occasion that someone coerced me into holding their baby it would start to cry the minute I took it. I say that and it may sound facetious, but I'm being completely honest. I just absolutely lack tolerance when it comes to children. As some of you have probably read before, I lost my grandfather about 4 years ago. Maybe it was 3. I'm not great at remembering things like that. My grandfather was an awesome man. Absolutely awesome. I was in the room when he died, I watched him take his last breath, and I closed his eyes after he was pronounced dead. I'm not an emotional person, and absolutely not an outwardly emotional person. I stayed strong for my parents, and had my moment later that night after I got home. The next morning I got up, got in the shower, was in the middle of washing my hair and *bam* it hit me. I wanted to have a baby. Not right then, but in my life. It hit me so strongly that, again, I broke down bawling in the shower. What did it? I had a picture pop into my head, of my husband sitting down holding a baby - up over the shoulder like when you're trying to comfort it - and this reality struck of... I'm not going to word this correctly... but no child I could have would ever be able to meet my grandafther and know what an incredible man he was, and how sad for them to have been robbed from their ability to know someone who would make their lives better. And I was absolutely flooded with emotion, and realized that a lot of my not wanting children was stemming from my own fears of failure, and did I really want to miss all of the good moments and learning and dimension because of my own fears? Hadn't they already stopped me enough? And all I could do was stand there in the shower, sobbing, because something I had known so concretely for my entire life had just changed in the blink of an eye, and what the hell do you do with that? So we were scheduled to drive back to my parents that day so that I could help making the funeral arrangements and stuff, and on the drive there I told DH about this "moment" I had, and how unlike me it was, and how powerful it was. I wasn't sure how he would respond because he had never wanted children either. I wasn't sure what this would mean for our relationship, and it was a little scary. But he really surprised me. He said he did want children, thought not right then (which I didn't either), but that he always went along with me when I said I didn't because he never wanted me to feel pressured to have children for his sake. I cried the entire drive/conversation. Sobbed. And when we go out and there's a bratty kid, it's still annoying. And I still feel akward holding babies and make them cry. And I still dread family functions because I know there will be kids running around. I expect that will never change. But it doesn't matter.