beckygensel

Where to begin?  I was overweight most of my life.  I was slender for a little bit in Junior High (b/c of how I loved basketball until a teacher killed the joy in it).  Then, when I turned 29, I worked with a personal trainer & lost 75#s... until he became inconsistent & I hadn't really placed any habits in my life... I seemed to attach the reason to stay focused to disappointing my trainer... so, once I started dating my now-husband & then we got married & I got pregnant immediately thereafter, I gained all that weight back & then some.  So, fast-forward to now... my amazing daughter is 3 1/2 yrs old, my weight had hit an all-time (known) high of 338 and I had no idea how to handle any of it.  My heart was broken just thinking about trying to lose the weight again and I was overwhelmed at every turn.  I began researching weight loss surgery about 1.5 yrs ago & I finally applied to the program in January 2015.  I went through all the tests & the multidisciplinary team requirements to help build the healthy habits & finally, on 10/5/15, I was able to have my surgery!!! 
 
I'm still pretty new at this whole thing.  I definitely struggle with my emotions as I try to learn how to cope with things without food, but I'm doing well overall.  My healing post-op has been ideal so far (according to all the medical folks I've seen).  Mostly, I'm finding my way through the muddy waters of unrealistic expectations from others (which shouldn't matter, but they still add pressure), my own emotions & feelings & responses, and my own expectations that I should be better (at this or that) by now.  I'm sure, once I get a better handle on this stuff, I will be SO excited that I had the surgery, but right now I feel like a hormonal pregnant woman... just without the sweet tender face of a newborn to hold onto.  :)  lol!  Post-operatively, I can better see the concept of non-scale victories... because the scale feels too heavy to think about just yet.  (I have lost 33 pounds in just a few weeks, but there are so many mental battles that can outweigh that at this point... my main focus is health... mentally, emotionally, & physically... still learning, but trying to keep the main thing the main thing.)   :)