refocus

I've been considering weight loss surgery for the last year...but chickened out last year. I'm a smoker so I know that I need to quit smoking before the surgery and for good anyway. I'm researching surgeons in my area and just trying to wrap my mind around the whole process. I'm not scared about the pain, although I would be happy to skip the pain but my real concern is post surgery, how will I handle it mentally. I'm terrified that I will have a breakdown because I cant eat. I didn't get to 275lbs without a horrible relationship with food...I'm afraid I will feel abandoned, out of control, and trapped from what I love so much, even though it isnt good for me. I know that I will need to find someone to talk with and would start going weekly months before the surgery. I'm ashamed of how I look and I carry that shame with me everyday but I still feel like food is a life line for me and I don't know how I will react without it.
I'm looking forward to hearing others stories and starting my journey.