Cervidae

@@Tanette I've lost another hundred pounds since then! Thank you.

solitude

well, let me know when you start this business, because I'll be the first member to sign up!

I don't know if you've seen Friends but you and me are Hand Twins! Seriously. Our hands look EXACTLY the same. XD On a serious note, you're doing so well and you'll get where you want to be. When I'm stalled or struggling, I try to remember what it felt like to be over 400 pounds and how different and amazing I feel now. It can be hard for us to look at the big picture while we struggle day by day to move forward. Sometimes during those day to day struggles we can completely forget just how far we've come and the huge successes we have already had. Hang in there! You WILL get there!

I am a little ashamed to say that I have been on both sides of this. When I was in her position, it was never a matter of wanting control or wanting to string someone along, but it was pretty much entirely about HUGE insecurity and the super attractive prospect of having someone (even someone you never actually plan on being with) that likes/loves you, finds you attractive, etc. At the time, I was young and very insecure, and it wasn't until I grew up that I realized how horribly unfair I was being with this behavior. All I could think about at the time was how I hated myself and felt no one around me valued me or cared about me, so behaving this way even with no intentions of following through made me feel wanted and special. I never actually planned on being with this person, even though he was crazy about me, but I had many of the same behaviors she has been exhibiting: constant texting, flirting, suggestive pictures/messages, etc. I liked knowing that I was only making him want me more and more because it made me feel desirable. You know her, and if you say that she is a genuinely good person, I believe you. I know I am not a bad person but I definitely did some harmful things during a time of great insecurity, doubt, and low self-esteem. Based on her history and situation with her orientation and the judgement and hiding she's doing, plus her own judgement and guilt about herself, I'm better she's doing the same thing I was doing. I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what I would do in this situation having experienced it from multiple sides: I would get out now. I know you love this woman and have a history with her and feel close to her. These are all things that are precious and hard to come by. But in the end, until she is willing to understand why she is doing this and admit to herself the underlying causes and actually WORK ON those things, nothing will change here, and you're only enabling her destructive habits. Since she's in the kind of situation where it seems she may never actually look at herself in the mirror and say "okay. I'm gay. And that's okay!" this situation is never even going to begin to change. Even if she were to do that, she would then need to do a ton of introspection and soul searching, and actually make real, concrete changes in her life. Not saying it's not possible (I did it) but it certainly is incredibly hard, and it has to start with a very painful, realistic look at yourself and desire to understand why you're doing this. Most people simply can't or won't do it. Maybe try to talk to her, but be prepared for denial, defensiveness, hurt, and anger. That's all I would have felt before I actually grew up and evolved. Also, just a side note, this guy that I was doing this to? We didn't speak for a couple years, and then we became friends again, had a looong, honest talk, and we now actually have a healthy friendship. It IS possible to reconstruct a relationship after events like this, but only if she's willing to evolve, and it sounds like she is not. I'm sorry you're in this situation because as I said in the beginning, I have been on the other side of this too, and there are few things more painful than having your heart's desire dangled in front of you and knowing, deep down, that it is not going to happen and shouldn't happen, no matter how much you love her, how much you connect. Some actions can never be taken back. She's betrayed you in more ways than one, and no matter how sweet she is or how much she changes, that betrayal happened and it can never be taken back. I may be reading into all of your words too much, but it seems to me that you already know these things and you know how this is going to end, but you love her and are trying to convince yourself things could magically get better. Unless you can turn back time and control the minds and actions of others, you're going to have to accept the things that have happened and accept the reality of who she is and what she has been doing to you for YEARS. No person who loves you would do this to you. I had to learn that the hard way. Whatever happens from here out, I truly only wish for the best for you. This is a painful and difficult place to be in. It's like having a thorn in your heart that constantly aches and poisons you, but you don't want to remove it because then you'll have a big hole in your heart. Believe me when I tell you that the hole will heal, and someday you'll look back and wonder why you kept the thorn in so very, very long. Hang in there. My inbox is always open if I can ever help you. <3

@@Sajijoma I'll be 13 months post op in 5 days. I was 450 at my highest, 387 on the day of surgery, 203 currently.

amazing! And I was the same size as you before and the same size as you now!

@@Babbs yep, that'll do it! ;P And though I love bananas I will admit they are a poor substitute for... erm, Snickers? lol

When I left school mid-semester two years ago, I weighed 450 pounds. I finally came back to school 3 weeks ago, and a few days ago I ran into one of my professors who hasn't seen me since I left. I'm nearly 250 pounds lighter than when she saw me last. She greeted me with a huge smile and a ton of excitement, but never said anything about my weight loss. She just sort of gave me this proud, happy look. She didn't want to say anything but was obviously so, so happy for me and happy to see me back. It was a really nice and uplifting moment of non-verbal communication. She managed to express how happy she was for me without making me feel uncomfortable. I really appreciated it!

@@Babbs - "Complex carbs are utterly different than simple carbs. That being said, bananas have a fair amount of carbs and sugar, and so should be consumed in moderation (ideally). Why did this discussion, like so many others, turn into a cesspool of bitchy, cranky people being mean to each other?! :/ I love this place and I love you guys but do you ever wonder if it's the newbies driving you away or you guys driving yourselves away? I get that we're all cranky from lack of chocolate (and Snickers?) but man! Lighten up! :)" that's a little more confronting than I'm normally comfortable with, so I deleted it. But since you asked...

The stall is indeed normal and necessary. Also keep in mind: if you're following your plan and eating a calorie deficit every day, no way is that fat you've gained. Much more likely that it is 2 pounds of water weight. Sometimes I gain like 5 pounds of water weight at various stages before, during, and after my period. Then is goes away and the stall breaks. Hang in there, try not to obsess about it, and focus on taking care of yourself. It will break.

*edited* sigh, never mind.

There is also a huge difference between simple and complex carbs.

INFP here! Have been since the first time I took this test over a decade ago. I even paused to really consider these questions because I have changed a lot as a person in the last couple years. Still an INFP. I would also say it is incredibly accurate. INFP (Introverted Intuitive Feeling Perceiving)As an INFP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in primarily via your intuition. INFPs, more than other Intuitive Feeling types, are focused on making the world a better place for people. Their primary goal is to find out their meaning in life. What is their purpose? How can they best serve humanity in their lives? They are idealists and perfectionists, who drive themselves hard in their Quest for achieving the goals they have identified for themselves INFPs are highly intuitive about people. They rely heavily on their intuitions to guide them, and use their discoveries to constantly search for value in life. They are on a continuous mission to find the truth and meaning underlying things. Every encounter and every piece of knowledge gained gets sifted through the INFP's value system, and is evaluated to see if it has any potential to help the INFP define or refine their own path in life. Generally thoughtful and considerate, INFPs are good listeners and put people at ease. Although they may be reserved in expressing emotion, they have a very deep well of caring and are genuinely interested in understanding people. This sincerity is sensed by others, making the INFP a valued friend and confidante. An INFP can be quite warm with people he or she knows well. INFP Strengths Idealistic – The INFP's friends and loved ones will come to admire and depend on them for their optimism. Their unshaken belief that all people are inherently good and perhaps simply misunderstood, lends itself to an incredibly resilient attitude in the face of hardship. Seek and Value Harmony – People with the INFP personality type have no interest in having power over others, and don't much care for domineering attitudes at all. They prefer a more democratic approach, and work hard to ensure that every voice and perspective is heard. Open-Minded and Flexible – A live-and-let-live attitude comes naturally to INFPs, and they dislike being constrained by rules. INFPs give the benefit of the doubt too, and so long as their principles and ideas are not being challenged, they'll support other's right to do what they think is right. Very Creative – INFPs combine their intuitive nature with their open-mindedness to allow them to see things from unconventional perspectives. Being able to connect many far-flung dots into a single theme, it's no wonder that many INFPs are celebrated poets and authors. Passionate and Energetic – When something captures the INFP's imagination and speaks to their beliefs, they go all in, dedicating their time, energy, thoughts and emotions to the project. Their shyness keeps them from the podium, but they are the first to lend a helping hand where it's needed. Dedicated and Hard-Working – While others focusing on the challenges of the moment may give up when the going gets tough, INFPs (especially assertive ones) have the benefit of their far-reaching vision to help them through. Knowing that what they are doing is meaningful gives people with this personality type a sense of purpose and even courage when it comes to accomplishing something they believe in. INFP Weaknesses Too Idealistic – INFPs often take their idealism too far, setting themselves up for disappointment as, again and again, evil things happen in the world. This is true on a personal level too, as INFPs may not just idealize their partners, but idolize them, forgetting that no one is perfect. Too Altruistic – INFPs sometimes see themselves as selfish, but only because they want to give so much more than they are able to. This becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, as they try to push themselves to commit to a chosen cause or person, forgetting to take care of the needs of others in their lives, especially themselves. Impractical – When something captures the INFP's imagination, they can neglect practical matters like day-to-day maintenance and simple pleasures. Sometimes people with the INFP personality type will take this asceticism so far as to neglect eating and drinking as they pursue their passion or cause. Dislike Dealing With Data – INFPs are often so focused on the big picture that they forget the forest is made of individual trees. INFPs are in tune with emotions and morality, and when the facts and data contradict their ideals, it can be a real challenge for them. Take Things Personally – INFPs often take challenges and criticisms personally, rather than as inspiration to reassess their positions. Avoiding conflict as much as possible, INFPs will put a great deal of time and energy into trying to align their principles and the criticisms into a middle ground that satisfies everybody. Difficult to Get to Know – INFPs are private, reserved and self-conscious. This makes them notoriously difficult to really get to know. Famous INFP'sJ.R.R. Tolkien Johnny Depp J.K. Rowling John Lennon Virginia Woolf Bjork William Blake Vincent van Gogh Career ChoicesWriters Counselors / Social Workers Teachers / Professors Psychologists Psychiatrists Musicians Clergy / Religious Workers INFP In Summary ... Idealistic, loyal to their values and to people who are important to them. Want an external life that is congruent with their values. Curious, quick to see possibilities, can be catalysts for implementing ideas. Seek to understand people and to help them fulfill their potential. Adaptable, flexible, and accepting unless a value is threatened.

It's not uncommon for people to become lactose intolerant after surgery but then for it to go away in a few months, or even as long as six months later. Your sweetener packet may have sugar alcohol which makes my tummy cramp up too. I second the fair life suggestion!

yeah, there's no way you could have gained 5 pounds of fat in a week. Watch your sodium levels, drink as much Water as humanly possible, and breathe. I understand that anxiety and frustration, believe me! I gain 5-10 pounds every freaking month around my period. It's horrible. But I soldier through because I know it's all water retention, and sure enough, I lose all of it again and get back to actual weight loss not long after. Hang in there! You're doing great. Think about how much better you feel and look and how much healthier you are now compared to when you began this process. Even if you were stuck here forever (which I highly doubt) would it really be all that bad? That's how I look at it when I get stressed about the number on the scale. I'll take 203 over 450 any day!

totally making this! sounds delish.

Girl if I could somehow manage to do this crazy thing and live this crazy life, you can too! You're ready for this, and this sounds schmutzy but I believe what you put out into the universe comes back to you. And you're putting out determination and readiness for a whole new awesome life. So be awesome.

I'm a little over a year out and I drink a premier Protein shake every day, sometimes cut with fairlife milk. I have very little appetite and in the morning I simply can't eat anything solid without feeling pretty sick. I'm perfectly healthy and doing just fine, but I know that I would not be getting enough nutrition without my daily shake.

I'm 24, and it's only in the last year or so that I have really begun to realize just how much I want kids. It's totally the worst time... I'm still in school, we're not financially stable, I'm only a year out from surgery, etc. Still, losing a ton of weight and having a somewhat normal cycle for the first time in, well, ever, brings babies to mind and I suddenly look at babies and actually want one. It's an odd feeling because during all my teenage years and early 20s I was pretty positive I would never be able to have kids anyway so I didn't even consider it. Now I can say I'm actually a little baby crazy. Gotta be careful to continue my birth control perfectly. Someday!

@@HorsecollarMinnie sorry! I cried a little while I wrote it. Hope you have a lovely rest of your day. <3

@@KristenLe I honestly think he truly did not understand how what he said was incredibly offensive and douchey. SO many people just think it's normal and okay to make comments like this. Some people even believe it's somehow helpful! It's crazy!

I say I've been working very hard (which is true) and I've made big, healthy changes to my eating and exercise habits (also true). Your life and body is not the business of anyone else unless you want it to be.

What kind of carbs did you try? I needed to do the same thing so I started eating quinoa, beans, and brown rice maybe once or twice a week. The time before that when I tried whole grain bread, I found my carb cravings returning with a vengeance! The quinoa/brown rice/beans have not done that.

Afternoon all. I wasn't quite sure where to put this post, but it seems here is the best place, as what I'm going to be talking about today is a huge part of the wls journey and I'm betting everyone here can either relate because they have experienced it, may experience it in the future, or can sympathize because, honestly, I don't know a single overweight person who has not had to deal with the pile of bullsh*t that I've been dealing with lately at some point in their lives. Last night, I posted a new selfie to Facebook. I've been updating them right along because my face is still changing so much, and I really like being able to see my progress and to quietly share it with my friends and family. I guess this particular selfie made my weight loss especially noticeable, because I woke up this morning to a message from a "friend" on Facebook that essentially said "wow! I'm so happy to see you're getting so healthy! It's so bad that you let yourself get that fat though." Upon reading this horribly cruel message, I was shocked, humiliated, and for a moment I felt myself blown right back to the place I was two years ago, a place I've worked tirelessly in therapy to climb out of: I felt that I was a worthless, hopeless human being who deserved to be treated this way. When people were cruel to me before, it devastated me because deep down, wayyyy deep down in the darkest and most painful parts of me, I agreed with the horrible things they said to and about me. I must be disgusting, gluttonous, lazy, pathetic, not even worthy of any kind of basic human kindness. After all, I led myself here, right? It's my fault that I'm super-morbidly-obese. I deserve this treatment. Now, two years later, I more or less look like a normal person. I wear a size 12/14 jeans, a large or medium shirt. I've even gotten to the point where I can sometimes look in a mirror and think "hmm. I think I may feel beautiful today." But messages like the one I got today derail me in a fantastic way, and remind me of that raw, horrible feeling that I'm still struggling with every single day to overcome. His message was almost conspiratorial; like, oh, you're not fat anymore, so we can ridicule and shame your former self together. Like I would agree with him and say "OMG you're right! Fat Me was f*cking disgusting and pathetic. I totally agree with you." Like I was not a person before and now that I am "normal", I am. I hate it more than I can even begin to describe. I hate that to many people, fat people not only deserve to be treated this way, but also need to be treated this way. There are whole (densely populated, I might add) forums scattered around the internet dedicated to posting pictures and videos of fat people for the sole purpose of shaming and hating them, and the excuse is to somehow motivate fat people into not being fat anymore. That's ludicrous, of course. The real reason is simple. It's pure hate, ignorance, and insecurity on their part. I know this. I believe this. But there is still a little part of me that feels nothing but shame and humiliation in situations like this. Will I always just be "Fat Abby" to the people around me? Am I ever going to escape her? And why should I even hate her in the first place? "Fat Abby" was incredibly sick with a severe hormone disorder, so poor I starved just as often as I gorged on cheap white Pasta and bread, and suicidally depressed. "Fat Abby" had no hope and so did the only logical thing in her mind: she tried to speed up the process of dying young by eating more. That doesn't sound like a lazy, gluttonous piece of crap to me. That sounds like a person who was suffering intensely, every moment of every day. I want to be kind and loving to that hurt former self, not look back and think "man, you were gross. Good thing you're skinny now!" I've said it before and I'll say it again many times, I'm sure, but I love where I am now. I am so, SO happy that I've made it here, and grateful to everyone and everything the led me here, including my own strong self. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. But it's also important for me now to express these things here, to people who have or will experience them. Losing hundreds of pounds is a completely incredible feat! But it's just the tiny tip of the iceberg compared to the changes your life will go through after surgery. Do these experiences somehow negate my progress or my pride and joy? Absolutely not. They are just part of the story, and part of the journey. I am not who I was. I will never be that person again. HOWEVER, being happy that I am not there anymore does not mean that I hate "Fat Abby", nor does it mean that I should be ashamed of her. Nor does it mean I deserve to be treated like an object that everyone gets to stare at and judge. Old Me, and I suspect all the Old Yous who are reading this, were just people who were doing the best they could and were suffering, and so we sought weight loss surgery to heal ourselves. We've done amazing things and changed in ways most other people have not even fathomed. Remember the Old You without the hate and stigma attached to him/her, and the shame and pain that surrounded living as an obese person in a world that absolutely despises and dehumanizes obese people. Love the Old You just as much as you love the New You, and maybe someday you'll reach a point when you see the entire You with the kind of hope, love, and clarity that will keep you healthy and happy forever. Attached is the selfie that started this. I love you all. Cervidae