Twilight

Hi guys. I am around. I've been reading but nothing much to say. I had a very emotional couple of days. I told my sup that I wasn't coming back next year....and then yesterday told all of my students. It was tough and thank God for my little yellow pills because I would have been a blithering idiot without them. It is a little sad to know that I only have a month and a half of teaching left. Those kids mean so much to me. With only having 35 students all day, you really get attached. And I start them all in 7th grade and follow them all the way through. I am seeing my first 7th graders at this school graduate in May. I really thought I would see the 7th graders this year through to graduation too. My new life starts in May. I am really excited, but it is bitter sweet. Today I woke up with a tooth ache and it just keeps getting worse. Tylenol didn't touch it. I do still have some darvocet from a prior surgery and a little bit of my liquid gold they gave me with the band. I'm thinking it might take that. I can hardly think right now. The problem is that it sends me to lala land for awhile and I really want to spend the weekend with the family. But...if I'm in this type of pain the kids get on my last raw nerve and no one has a good time. It's really a catch 22. I was not good with food yesterday. I think there was just too much heartache to care. I'm back on track today and avoiding the pity party and the emotional eating. I've planned a healthy lunch and a healthy dinner. Yesterday it was hard salami and rice for lunch and pizza top for dinner. Not to mention the junk snacks. But today it is chow mein for lunch and chicken and veggies for dinner. Going to stay away from the snacks and drown my sorrows in water. Much better I think. I will be around now and again this weekend...it will depend on the tooth whether I'm up to posting or just reading. Have a great Saturday.

I had surgery on a Thursday and was back full days on Monday. I was tired by the end of the day and sore, but not incapable of doing my job. I teach and did spend more time sitting than usual that first week, but there is no way I would have needed two weeks. In fact, they said the reason they do the surgery on Thursdays is to limit the amount of time you have to take off work. They suggested that I return on the Monday. I did tell the secretary that I would call her if I didn't think I could make it on Monday. I know we are all different and your surgeon probably had logical reasons he wants you to take off two weeks. Talk to him and see if he can explain it to you so that you feel better about it or give you options.

I'm staying on plan today because I do not want my good friend TOM to make the scale go UP this time. I want to conquer THAT too. If I indulge my cravings right now there is NO WAY to win this one.

I just watched this last night and I have got to agree! Their whining is driving me up a wall. And the yoga for a last chance workout while the girls were getting their @$$'s kicked on the beach??? Now I know yoga is tough, but for a last chance workout? It almost seemed like Bob wanted one of the guys to go home. Almost rigged it seemed. I loved the challenge though....and that Kelly wasn't last for most of it. I really relate with her. I would have keeled over after the swimming let alone the stairs! It had to feel good to know that you were ahead of Roger for almost all of it. And it really seemed like a better show without the brotherhood of the blue team. It was more like a group who really wanted everyone to succeed. They were more like a family like we have here in a lot of ways. I want to see Kelly, Ali, and Mark in the finals. Roger just seems too arrogant to me. Maybe it's the football player in him, but he doesn't seem real in a lot of ways.....but that's just MHO

Okay...back.....damned tests!!! Phyll -- travel safe. I hope all is going wonderfully and you stay out of the wind. Karri -- You sound a little more in control of your teaching emotions lately. I hope the kids are behaving. It's spring and I know how crazy that can get. Spring break can come at a better time in my opinion. I hope you got to sleep in a bit. You spend so much time at that school sometimes I think you're crazy to go home at all :wink_smile:) I'm sorry you are still feeling too tight. I can't describe how much happier I am now that I'm not daily "cudding up". I hope it loosens for you soon. Janet -- can I tag along in your purse to Trace?? I am in love. That voice, that tall, that skinny.....twitterpation at it's finest!! I hate "The Apprentice" but watched it all season so I could see Trace. I was crushed he didn't win. The choice was obvious and I understood it, but still disappointed. I've even shared with dh that if Trace came a knockin, it would be over! heheheee. If nothing else, I hope you bring pictures to M of Amer. Speaking of that trip, did we decide on a place to stay? I need to call and make a reservation. I think DH might come with me but promises to stay out of my way while shopping. I am trying to talk to him about his weight issues and maybe this will be a good time for him to see that there can be success at large! Well....7 more minutes and I'm done testing for today! Will talk to you all later.

You are over half way there and only 3 months in!!!! How awesome is that! You should be very excited. I know it is hard to set a goal and not reach it, but compared to the 6-8 pound average loss, you are surpassing that EVERY MONTH!!! I am going to bow down to your feet and say you are my idol. I would love to lose like that! Keep up the amazing work!

Good morning all! I am back testing yet again. I don't know why it is MY classes that get put on the burner. They don't tests history or business or art or band, but math gets put on hold so that I can administer. Maybe they think I just dodn't do anything anyways so why shouldn't I get sosmething done? GRRRRRRR. I think I'm a little ugly today. I will explain that in a bit. Got on the scale this morning and it still looks like a downward trend. Not a ton but enough that I was satisfied. I need to get a digital so that I can really keep an eye on the numbers instead of just guessing. But on my scale I broke the 170 barrier. I know that the dr. scale is at least 6 pounds heavier than that so I'm not getting too excited....as well as the impending visit from TOM. But if I can lose another couple of pounds in the next week I'll be satisfied. I will have lost from last appointment even though then I was completely dehydrated as well as them taking 1cc out. I think that is a major victory. I went to my PCP yesterday to talk about my meds and how I've been feeling and I mentioned that I was frustrated because I didn't seem able to get sad or angry when appropriate and that I wasn't feeling truly happy ever either. She suggested cutting the dose of the meds in half but after further discussion we decided to hold here for another couple of weeks to see if it levels out any. Then last night I went home and sat down with dh and had a long talk about a lot of emotional things and just bawled like a baby. And then got frustrated with my kids. So, I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad one. I'm going to ride it out through the weekend and then call PCP to see what she suggests. I feel like I just went to my mechanic and said my car was making a ka-ching ka-ching noise and he looked at it and it didn't do it...and then I went home ka-ching-ing the entire way! Frustrating. Last night dh and I decided that it is best for me to take at least a year, if not 5, off from teaching. While my kids are so crazy and my little one is a baby, I need to be mom all the time, not just when I'm not needed at school. I've been trying to come to a decision about it for about a month but couldn't commit to either way. Last night, I made the commitment...hence the boo hooing. Boss is gone today so I'm not able to talk to him about it. I will set up a meeting tomorrow. I'm going to be a raving lunatic tomorrow obviously! I've also caught a cold. Yesterday it was just a runny nose and I figured allergy season was approaching but today it is exhaustion, sore throat, itchy eyes, AND a head the size of Montana. so.....cold. Just what I DON"T need right now. The only thing that could make this any more frustrating would be for TOM to visit a week or so early and show up today or tomorrow. I probably just jinxed myself!!! Glad the site is up and running again. I was lost yesterday without it. I really wanted to talk to you all yesterday. I have more to say but this is crazy long enough for now...and I've got two more hours of testing so I can post it more later. Pacing myself might make the time go by quicker!!!! Have a great day all!!!!

:thumbup:Chris!!! I'm so happy for you. It takes all of us something to get there. I think for each of us, it is different. I hope I get there soon. Maybe my dr. will get me on the right meds and I'll get there. Good for you for getting back in the routine. You can do this! I was going to pm you today and see how you're doing! Great things are in store for that cruise! I have no doubt.:puke::thumbup:

How awesome is that!!!! I have to say, congratulations. That is an amazing victory!!

Peaches!!!!! How exciting. I've been thinking about you all day hoping that all went well. Now you can get back on board. It has got to be relief to know it is all good now. And no real pain??? How wonderful is that? I'm so excited for you.

I thought the same thing about surgery, but I guess I just based that on the year after the tat thing. I lumped it all together. I don't know if you CAN....but I know if my dr. suggested I DIDN'T then I wouldn't. I know it's a great thing to do, but going against medical advice doesn't make much sense. You'ld hate to be the one needing your blood because of it, wouldn't you? Maybe some people haven't had a problem...but why ask your dr. if you aren't going to follow his advice? Seems like I would take the advice of my dr. over perfect strangers on the internet....who has your better interest at heart?

good day everyone! I hope you are all enjoying your Friday! I know I am. Stepped on the scale this morning and the downward trend is back. See Stephanie, if you work the plan, the plan will work!!! I am going out to dinner with friends tonight and I'm a little worried. Everytime I have eaten in a group setting like that, I have gotten stuck. I'm going to have fish so it should be alright. At least that is my hope. Son has Saturday school for skipping a couple of weeks ago and dh is going on a 4wheeler poker run. That leaves me a fun day with the little ones tomorrow. MIL wants me to play cards with her tomorrow night so I will probably do that. And Sunday is church and then probably family dinner....so a very busy weekend for me. Talk to you guys later. Happy weekend if I'm not on.

Karri!! Congrats on it all! You LOOK awesome. You got good news from nut. Wonderful to know you don't have to WHAM! go into maintenance. And she sees the figure, not the number on the scale. And then you are getting married!!!! What a fantastic spring break you had!!! Peaches, good luck tomorrow. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Everyone, thanks for the great thoughts you all sent my way. I am dealing with the diagnosis. I don't know how I feel. I'm a little perplexed at my lack of emotion in some ways but know it is probably from the zoloft. That sort of frightens me. I know I should be more emotional (for me) over this and it can be a little disconcerting. Dealing with his bipolar and my depression is very overwhelming. However, he was laughing and joking with me last night after I went home. He smiled....a real smile...for the first time in a long time. He played with his brother and there was no screaming. It was truly amazing. If it only gets better from here I'll be ecstatic. I'm sure there will be downsides, but right now focusing on the positive is keeping me sane. I found a great snack alternative. Today there wasn't really anything filling for lunch and I was starving. Well, last week when I fed the kids for testing I bought these granolaish bars. I looked and they are about 200 calories which is a little high, but considering I had about a cup of veggies for lunch...they are called nature valley roasted nut crunch peanut crunch bars. They are roasted peanuts and sunflower seeds with a sweet syrup holding them together (but very little of that). They have 7 grams of protein! Probably more fat than I need, but for a sweet fix and meal supplement they are awesome. I will keep them handy for the days that lunch is sooooo bad here. I am staying strong food wise. I need to drink more Water, but other than that, things are going well. I'm keeping positive and haven't been snitching anything bad for me from my son's Easter basket. Not even thinking about it! Well, back to work all. Have a great rest of the day!

Phyl!! Great hair! I know how hard it is to find a style you like and then to go somewhere else and have someone else interpret it. Good luck when you go home. Make sure you take that picture in when you go. It will be easier to see what you want that way! It looks terrific though! Bee-You-Tee-Full!!!!!!

Annie, I just wanted to add my cheering to the rest. You are worth this and you CAN do it. The hell you are going through is temporary. I know that doesn't make it any less hellish, but it does, somehow, make it more doable. If right now you are having a tough time saying no to the bad stuff, do like an above poster said, and allow it AFTER you have done the rest. By not saying NO to the fries, but eating the Protein and veggies first, maybe when you get to the fries, one is all it takes. Don't tell yourself that you CAN'T ever have that stuff again. It only makes it more tempting. Here are my hints....how I made it through....and not perfectly by any means... 1. don't put yourself in the position of choosing those bad things. They seemed to happen to me mostly if I was stuck somewhere without a plan....especially fast food. 2. When I wanted to eat something sinfully tempting I made myself drink a bottle of Water first. If after the water and the 30 minute waiting period I still wanted it, I let myself have it....but only a few bites of it. 3. Don't sit and eat at the same time as everyone else. I couldn't sit and eat with the family and deprive myself of the good stuff. So while they ate, I did the dishes or folded laundry. I ate after they did. I stayed close so we still had family dinners, I just didn't eat then. When they weren't sitting there and I wasn't enjoying the family I didn't eat nearly as much and it was much easier to put the fork down. Remember, it is only for a few weeks. It took us a long time to put this weight on and it is going to take a long time to break the habits that got us there. And when all hope seems lost, come here and be rejuvenated. This place is great for inspiration and asking for help. Don't go it alone! Good luck!

It has been a while since I have checked in with my fellow bandsters. Things are going. I don't want to say well or badly, they just are going. The stress of every day life can really get me down most days but up until Easter I was doing well. My slight unfill has left me hungrier than I was before. I am eating much more than I should. On the plus side, I have only had one slight stuck incident since that has happened. I don't know which I want more. Great restriction or not being stuck....maybe somewhere in the middle. I'm having a lot of psychological struggles since being banded. All the stuff I covered up with food is now coming out. There are days that I really wonder if this was a good idea, but deep down I know that now I am not only physically healthier, but also gaining ground mentally. On the plus side, I am mostly all in a 16 bottom. I'm really hoping to be in 12's and 14's by the time I go see my family at the end of May. I haven't been there in probably 15 years. It will take some rededication, but it is entirely possible. Hope everyone is doing well. I have no advice on the drinking thing. I just don't do it. I don't order anything at restaurants and if they bring me Water, when the food comes I push it to the far side of the table. If I think I need a drink to wash something down, I stop, talk to my dining companions for a couple of minutes and it passes. It had really been mind over matter for me. I wish I had better advice. Sorry.

You all are awesome! Thanks for the kind words. I do vow today to be a better eater. I got up today, had my protein and nothing of the yummies I've been having the last few days. I am going to be strong. I talked to myself all the way to school. I cloaked it in the guise of talking to my deceased father, but it was talking to myself. Let's be honest. I will get through this. I am strong. I am a good person, mother, wife. What is important now is my son's health. I will be strong for him. Today I vow to make wise choices. It is much easier when I am busy all day. That I do know. And since it is grade time I will be busy until at least 7pm! I will be super strong!!! I hope everyone is having a positive day. Again, thanks for the kind words. I've got a lot of research to do on bipolar so I may be asking for advice on that front. Thanks for your offer.

Well...it's been a few days. I can't even say when the last time I posted was. Wow...it must have been awhile. Stress level has been through the roof. I have been reading on and off....just nothing to say that would have been in the least bit productive. Phyl, I was thinking of riding the train out too! I was thinking DH maybe might want to tag along but wasn't sure, he also would have to entertain himself....because shopping is NOT his thing. Maybe we'll meet on the train! Karri, so good to hear you are feeling better....and so what if the doc thinks you shouldn't have lost so much. Doesn't it make you feel good? You will be able to do maintenance when it's time...and last few weeks was NOT time. For crying out loud, how did he think you were going to maintain when you couldn't eat anything but popcorn??? I'm sure you're feeling good. Well...family stuff is crazy. Took eldest son, 13yo, to the dr today because we have had so much insanity with him lately. Stealing, lying, skipping school....one right after another....and I was worried he was getting depressed. Well...after talking to us for about an hour, she starts asking some pretty tough questions about my mental state and my mom's and my grandmom's....let's just say the answers didn't leave me all warm and fuzzy inside. Well...she's pretty sure he's bipolar and now we're going to start on a new regime of meds....while cutting out his adhd meds. I'm just a basket case. He NEEDS those meds to be semi controlled. And she's cutting them in half. She promises as we gain in the other meds, they will counterbalance the lack in the other. It was a very draining 2 hours. I thank God we have such a great ped in the area though. What other doc would take that kind of time? I just hope she's right. Then she talked to me about my issues and wow some of the stuff she said hit home. I go see my doc next Tuesday for a med check and to discuss the progress from the last couple of weeks....but now we have other stuff to talk about. So, my food has been up and down. Easter sucked food wise. Candy was my drug of choice. It is all gone now....thanks to DS....so that won't be an issue. Besides I'm back at work and my routine will leave little time for munching. Weight hasn't changed through all of this....so I'll count that as a victory of sorts. Normally after the week I've had, it would be up 5 pounds. I'm starting to feel my unfill this last week or so. I definitely can eat more than I should. I'm working really hard on bandster rules and water intake (when I wasn't filling the void with chocolate) and I'm much more alert now that I'm hydrated. Well, it's off to bed. I just didn't want you all to think I had fallen off the face of the earth. I'm here and I'm refocussed.

Janet -- glad you are back. Head colds suck! It was pretty quiet around here yesterday without you. We miss you when you are gone. Has being sick tightened up your band? Mine seems to be didfferent depending upon how I am feeling that day. Haven't had a cold yet so I was wondering if it effects it. Kari -- Yeah! conference was cancelled. Now you can get feeling better sooner. I feel horrible that you are so miserable. I think maybe why I was doing all I was doing last month was because I was too tight. I was trying to eat things that just wouldn't go and I didn't realize it was a tightness problem and thought it more psychological. I haven't had a bit of trouble since I was unfilled a bit on the 10th. I am hungrier now but I'm doing much better eating wise. Maybe somewhere in the middle is where I need to be. As for support groups....I find a lot of people think support means someone to whine with. They don't see positive role models as supportive. They don't think suggestions on improving is supportive. For so many, being supportive means affirming their actions. I think that's why you find it hard to be there. I know I would. Same reason I find it hard on my home board. And about the other lady, she doesn't need that support group either. If all she hears are other people struggling, she just feels justified in her lack of success. It gives her a reason to continue what she is doing. Doing what you are doing is as much as you can do. It will all work out for the best. My fills are all done blindly. My dr. puts in the needle, draws out any fill in and then pushes it back in as well as more. She then pulls out the needle and has me drink a small dixie cup of water. It is all done in about 5 minutes as long as there is nothing to discuss. I'd love to do one under flouro so that I could see what was actually happening. I think it would be a good learning experience. Well...testing continues and my craziness ensues. I hate testing week. I'm aggrivated that my subject is tested and yet I'm the one who has to give up 4 days to test it. Why can't they give up career ed for this? grrrrrrr. At least they all seem to be trying. I can't ask for more than that I guess.

You guys are all doing well. I know it is frustrating to not see the scale move. Just stay positive. It WILL happen. I'm not dropping as fast as I want and today I saw my double chin again. I thought it was gone for good! Concentrate on making good choices and getting your Water in. I wasn't doing either of those things and decided that it wasn't the foods fault that I wasn't losing. I'm making sure I have enough liquid and chewing the hell out of my food. I'm making sure that I feel it, smell it, taste it, and have gotten everything out of it before I swallow....because why eat it otherwise. I don't know if it will help but it can't hurt, can it? I step on the scale to make sure it hasn't gone up from my last appointment and after that I don't even look at the number. I refuse to let that number control me. I went shopping and bought new underwear and bras. I haven't worn this size unders since high school. My bras are a little snug but 2 inches and 1 cup size smaller....so the differences are there. I bought pants in a 16 thinking I'd wear them in a couple of weeks maybe and they are fitting perfectly now. I was going from a 20 to a 22 at time of surgery. I bought a size 16w swim suit. My scale may not show a HUGE loss like some, but the results are piling up. Stay positive guys. We can do this....and really, 3 months, in the grand scheme of things, is a blink of an eye. It takes a baby that long to figure out how to roll over....and that's the only thing it's working on. It's going to take us some time to perfect this new living....we've got a ton of other stuff to occupy us. Hope this wasn't too preachy....most of it was for my benefit so I won't give up either.

Janet-- so sorry you are feeling icky. I get horrible headaches. I call them migranes but don't know for sure if that's what they are. All I do know is hat they are horrible and knock me down for at least two days. Back on track after a horrible weekend. I say horrible but considering how I ate BB (before band) it wasn't all that bad. I didn't have soda, I didn't gorge myself, and I didn't eat so much I pb'd....so...I had a few cookies and a candy bar. I indulged and shouldn't have but also didn't lose my cool with my son like I would have 2 weeks ago. I had a family weekend and not once yelled at anyone. I laughed, joked, and carried on with my kids like I would have never done 2 weeks ago. And only once did it cross my mind what other people were thinking about me. On the pb issue, I have not done so since I was defilled 1cc. I'm hungry now but I'm not getting sick. Maybe I was just too tight. I have been eating the 1 c that I'm supposed to. I've been getting in my liquids. I worry that I'm eating too much and not losing the weight but I'm not obsessing about it right now. We'll see where I end up in a month, and if I'm losing and can eat without pb'ing then I'm going to stay here. I'm testing this week and I always bring something in for the kids to eat so that if they didn't have breakfast, they aren't starving. In the past it has been donuts and candy bars. Today it is trail mix, bananas, and water. So see Kari, I feed my kids too. I don't know what I'll do to change it up the rest of the week, but this works for me. Carpenter comes today to start tearing out my closet and baby room to make my bathroom bigger. I'm so excited! I can hardly wait. I know in 3 weeks I'll be crazy cranky about the mess but it's a great thing today! I'd better get something done. Keep your fingers crossed for my kids. They need to do well. I hope I've done enough!

Oh...and I watched some of the "I can make you thin" show last night. It was interesting....and I think I'm going to take some things from it, but some of it was like, "Yeah...right!" Interesting though.

Hi all! Happy St. Pats to everyone. I'm back from a long weekend. It was busy busy and traveling with three kids is always a treat! I did really well on food and drink until yesterday. I caved and I know I shouldn't have but after some trouble with eldest I just lost my entire mind. I was crushed and all I wanted was chocolate. I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to scream. I didn't want to do anything. I just wanted chocolate to sooth myself. I bought a candy bar and ate it. I can't even really say I loved it because I can hardly remember eating it. But I did what I did and there is nothing else to really say. I also ate a few (3 I think) chocolate chip cookies. Something in me needed those comfort things and I just gave up fighting. I'm okay with it and I know that I am moving on today. I'm on a much more even keel and feel better. Just a melt down moment I guess. I did pick out a tub, fixtures, and a new kitchen sink for my house. That was exciting! I am getting really excited about the remodel work that's going to start tomorrow. I have a ton of things to do tonight to get ready though. Moved baby into toddlers room last night and will finish moving her stuff tonight. I'm hoping that the topsy turvy won't throw me into another tailspin but I don't think it's too big of a problem. Well....back to the students. Have a great day!

Hi all....crazy night so I didn't get on here. Between my dysfunctional family and all the crazieness that goes with life, it was 11 before we crawled into bed. I won't bore you with all of that and hopefully I can share of few things later....but....wanted you all to know that I didn't fall off the face of the planet. We are taking the family to Minot tonight to stay at a motel that has a water park...very cool....and then go onto Bismarck to shop for my new bathroom stuff that they are going to start NEXT WEEK!!!! I'm actually looking forward to the water park because I got lasik last year and can see....and I'm not afraid of getting into the tubes!!! I'm going to really enjoy it. And climbing all those stairs!!! They don't even worry me. I have no doubt that I'll be up and down all night. Zoloft seems to be having some strange effects. I'm exhausted in the evenings like usual but the minute I lay down in a dark room I'm wide awake. So...Im not sleeping well. However, big blow up last night at home and I didn't even ever raise my voice. I don't even think my blood pressure went out of control. That was nice. However, today the super came to talk to me and he was upset and my ears started ringing. It was almost like lightheadedness. I don't know. I like how much calmer I am but some of the other stuff...I'm not sure. I'm still not eating a ton so that might have something to do with it. Oh....and when I yawn, it makes me gag....like my tongue is too thick in the back or something....I can't explain. But I'm blaming it all on the zoloft because it all started when I started taking it. I know it has to build up in my system but dr. said that since I was so sick and dehydrated and my system was going to be trying to right itself, it may not take the week to seven days that it normally does. Anyways....gotta go. For anyone who knows what I'm talking about..... Happy pi day!!!!!

Karri -- feeding your students....shame shame!!! Just kidding. Mine come in and ask if I have anything to eat and I always offer them the Protein bars I keep in my desk drawer. They never take me up on them....imagine that! I've been working on problem solving all day and now....I've got problems. I am so discouraged. But instead of going to the kitchen for peach cobbler last period, I went and got myself a glass of Water. Just as good and drowning my sorrows! Okay...going home after a long day but will talk later. I'm sure I'll pop up with something positive....it's there...I just have to think about it a bit.