Twilight

Hi ladies! Whew!!! Whatta day! I'll tell more about that in a few. I just wanted to talk about all your advice. Amazing, but all those answers came to me today. This morning, while I was drinking my protein and feeling fine, I was sure I was over reacting and just needed to give it time. I can drink. Then I asked dh for one bite of his muffin and pain smack dab in my chest. I need to go get something done about this. He agreed. It was crazy. I needed to be able to eat food. Then of course, it was muffin, what did I expect it to do, slide right through? So for lunch I ordered a roast beef sandwich and picked off the thin shaved beef very slowly and ate itty bitty bites and was fine. So I told myself I just wasn't eating small enough bites and following the rules. Then about an hour later I tried to drink some water and there it sat. Had some papaya and it all trickled on through. Wasn't really hungry for dinner but ate anyways because we were out with friends and I couldn't just sit there. Picked at three bites or so, had some of the tomatoes off the salad because they were soft, and was content to come home. Drank some warm stuff (okay, it was cocoa) on the way home (ducking for cover....listen to my excuse first!!!!) because the store was out of coffee and it was the ONLY warm thing they had. It went down fine as well as a Fuze (because I needed the vitamins). Had some sunflower seeds on the drive and they were no problem. Okay....so after reading your replies I think you all have valid points. I think you are all a little right. I am going to work really hard on small slow bites. I have NOT been doing that. I am going to make sure I get two protein drinks in a day to supplement for now. I will try drinking a cup of coffee or tea the half hour before I eat and see if that helps loosen up a bit. Today, sliming was as bad as it got. I kept the papaya by my side and did eat quite a few of them. The other thing that has been a Godsend is pineapple juice. I'm going to give it until after the trip. If by next Tuesday when I get home it isn't better I will drive from Williston straight to Bismarck. I have my pa's number in my phone and will call her from Minneapolis if I have to. Thank you all for your advice. I had a long day in the car today. Drove about 600 miles round trip. Left at 10am and got back at 10pm. I'm tired. However it did give me a lot of time to think about what was going on in my band world. I went over everything that I had been told, everything I had read. I thought about the slipping issue. I know in my heart that my problem is that I'm not doing this right. I am not taking fingernail size bites. I am not chewing 20 times. I am not taking a bite, letting it sit for a minute and then taking another one. I am indulging my old habits. I might be eating better food, but I'm not eating better. I have been doing other things while I eat and not paying attention to the food and what my body is telling me. I am so glad that you guys all chimed in. I hope you don't feel like I didn't listen to you. I heard every word and was so excited that I had gone through the same discussions with myself. Maybe I have learned something. There are other things I want to say about what you all said, but I'm too tired to respond now. I will quote you all tomorrow and talk to you then. I'm promising myself 1 hour tomorrow to just sit and be kind to myself...which means come here....the last three days have been way to crazy. Sweet dreams ladies. I'll talk to you all tomorrow.

OH SUGARLUMPS!!!!!! I forgot! HAPPY BANDIVERSARY PHYLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good evening ladies. It was an alright day I guess. I'm a little concerned. I think I may be too tight. Or, maybe I just don't know how to eat this tight. I'm struggling to eat anything solid. A few bites and I've got a horrible pain in my chest. I can eat a cup of fruit. I can drink. But anything solid is horrible. I've only pb'd after I've tried to drink after enough time has passed. And only the liquid comes back. I don't know. I'm not sure what to do. Part of me thinks it's just the learning curve and this is the first time I've had true restriction....part of me worries I'll get out to MofA and have a real problem. I can get liquid in so I'm not worried about dehydration. So ladies, I'm asking for advice. To get unfilled I have to drive 5 hours. Right now, even though not impossible, very poor timing. Is it that imperative or since I can drink, will I be alright? I have a needle for emergencies so I will bring that with me just in case....but I don't know.... Today I started with coffee...then a cup of fruit at church with a couple of bites of roll chewed very well. Lunch, before our ride I ate four bites of chicken salad. I should have stopped at three. A little later I tried one piece of jerky. Was alright until 45 minutes later when I tried to drink a drink of water. The water didn't go down. Had a quarter of a quessa burger at applebees. It was divine and it stayed fine. When I got home I tried a couple of bites hamburger hot dish. It's been stuck and I've been trying to get it down for an hour or so. Papaya enzyme....when you eat it, how many do you eat, how fast, how often?? Can you o.d. on it? I bought some to bring with me and to keep in all our vehicles. The bottle says take 4 at a time but not how many times a day you can take it. Okay...off for now. I'll talk to you later ladies.

All I can say is WOWZER!!!!!!!

Hi ladies. I hope you all had a good day. Sounds like a bit of a struggle for some. Phyl, I have such a hard time when I get hungry. The day is really shot when that's how it starts. So I do hear you. Janet, I don't even ask dh to go walking anymore because it drives me crazy to walk that slow anymore. It's great of you to take a partner on though. You have some good karma building. Went grocery shopping with my niece today. Walmart amazes me every time I go shopping out there. It amazes me that I can buy make-up, school supplies, shoes, pants, and groceries all in the place. Anyways. I bought one more pair of size 8's. That gives me 2 pairs of pants and a couple shirts that I can take. That should be plenty. Amazed that I fit in size 8. I can't even explain how unbelievable it is to me. And the thought that I have 25 pounds to lose still....where I'll be when that's gone, I'm amazed. Anyways, went and got a pedicure tonight. That was fun. Food today was the meat out of a beef n cheddar, 1/2 a McD's parfait, some chx salad and kashi crackers, some flax chips and salsa, and finally the top of a piece of pizza. It could have been better, but I was away from home most of the day and was eating while driving so salad wasn't an option. I did have plenty of liquid today though. Going on a bike ride tomorrow so probably won't see you all until tomorrow night. Doing a coffee hour at church in the morning....taking fruit. My partner is bringing rolls. I'm pretty excited that I'm bringing the healthy stuff. Good for me. I'll talk to you ladies tomorrow.

Karri, When we were at the mall on Monday, Herbergers was having 70% off everything on sale. Those same sales should be going on at Sears. I don't know if you guys have Herberger's out there. The bigger national chains should be having great sales right now. I can't send you anything...I'm way to big for you. I'd help if I could. Hope you get to go on your walk. It will be so cathartic for you!

Good evening ladies. Haven't been around much today. I don't know why but I was exhausted today. Niece and I went for our 4 mile trek this morning. She would only go if I promised not to run. How crazy was that? But we walked very quickly. We got finished almost as quickly as when we ran. But then the rest of the day I was pretty tired. Finally laid down with the kids when they took a nap...and I'm still very tired. I don't know what's going on. It's raining so I'm not walking tonight. Glad we walked this morning. Kathy, good for you on the exercise. You don't have to feel bad about getting a late start....any start is better than where you were this time last year. Janet. I'm hoping to get my new Laura Geller before we leave. It's an auto delivery and they were back ordered. It was supposed to be shipped yesterday and I'm trying to not look so I won't be disappointed if it's not here. But I'm really looking forward to the qvc store. I want to find sosme diamonique...but want to try it on before I buy it. I don't even know what size fingers I have. Phyl, is dd feeling alright today? I'm sure you're worried about her. Okay...going to watch a movie with hubby after we get the kiddos in bed. I'll be in and out. Have a good Friday night ladies.

OMG!!!!!! You have definetly made me laugh today!!!!!

Peaches!!!! Great news. So exciting for you! Janet, a make up party sounds like a lot of fun. I think I'd be a make up whore too but get way to impatient when nothing looks like the way the people on tv do it. Have fun today doing girly things. I always said I wasn't a girly girl but I'm getting a little more girly with every pound I lose. I think it was more, I didn't want to feel like I COULDN'T be girly when I was fat....I wanted it to be MY decision. Karri, glad it was just seeping. It would have been very disconcerting. I'm so glad your ps is so great about seeing you and emailing and talking to you. That is just beyond awesome! I hope you're feeling stronger each day. Well, going to get out and do my walk. My niece isn't up yet, but I'll see if she wants to go. Teenagers you know....hehehehee. Have a great day!!!!

Why am I NOT at the M of A today???? QVC is having a GREAT tsv today and I promised myself I wouldn't buy anything from there before our trip. It's killing me! These shoes are sooooo awesome! I have always been a shoe freak. I think it's because I could try those on even when everything looked horrible and my size was increasing every single time...they weren't on my feet. And I could find cute shoes. They were the only thing that weren't horrible. My niece came today. She leaves in three weeks for the Air Force. I'm so proud of her. I could almost burst with the pride. It's crazy. You would think she was my child. She is so beautiful...such a doll....so smart....so driven. I'm really going to miss her. She's staying through the weekend. She has promised to push me really hard while she's here. Walking in the morning....wii at noon....walking in the evening. I'm helping her get ready for basic in Texas...she's helping me get down a size for the trip. She was really impressed at my 4 miles with the running included. It was so great for her to be impressed with me. She's in phenomenal shape and she is proud of me. How awesome is that? I had a great food day. Breakfast was about 1/2 a cup of kashi and blueberry. Lunch was about a cup of chicken salad....over an hour or so. Dinner was half of a Aidelle's chicken sausage. Snack was a couple pieces of beef jerky. Did have a couple bites of son's dilly bar, but only maybe 3 tops. Am working on my last bottle of water. Exercised at lunch and walked tonight....so 2 sessions today. Janet, I hope you did something amazing for your bandiversary. Jackie, I'm so glad you are back and can't tell you how exciting I'm finding the idea that maybe you might make it up for a day with us at the mall. I hope you can make an afternoon of it. I'll keep my fingers crossed. Phyl, I hope your DD is feeling better today. This all has to be so scary. Not knowing is always distressing. I'm keeping you all in my prayers. Okay....I'd better head off. Have a great day tomorrow. I'll be on and off.

Oh dear! I remember your frustration. You have entered bandster hell. It's an ugly place to be and so disheartening. But try not to panic. For the first month or so you need to concentrate on healing. It isn't time to worry about the scale. You may have a band but it hasn't been put to work yet. It will soon enough but it is so important for the band to "seat" itself correctly. Take it easy on yourselves. You have taken an enormous first step and are well on your way. Try to take a deep breath and remember that this is going to take some adjustments. You chose a WLS that is not a one size fits all and you are still being "fitted". You will get there. Work on your eating habits...as in Protein, then veggies, then fruit, then carbs.....no drinking within 30 mins of meals....and before you eat ask yourself if you are truly "hungry". Those skills are so important if you are going to be successful. Focus on the habits and not on the scale. You are well on your way....it's just going to take a little time. Good luck!

Yesterday a lady I have known for about 10 years, but only see occasionally didn't recognize me! I walked up to her and started talking to her like I do every other time I see her and she looked at me like I was nuts and said, "I'm sorry, but I can't place you." I was so shocked. I know I've changed in the last 7 months but THAT MUCH??? It was so cool!

I saw them last night. Holy cats!!! It was amazing. I'm glad I've watched Big Medicine" though so that they weren't quite so .... shocking. Pretty amazing though. I think they are something very cool to show everyone.

How awesome is that Janet??!!! Way to go. Happy bandiversary. You are doing awesome!!! Phyl, you are amazing! 80 pounds is almost two of my 4 year olds. If I had to carry one of him around all day every day I'd cry...and you've lost almost two of him! Way to go!!!! I'm really at a restriction point. This is very different than how I've felt in the past. Before I could eat my cup of food and SOMETIMES be a little tight. Now....two or three bites is all I can eat and I'm tight. There is no way I can drink for at least 30 minutes after that. So I HAVE to follow the rules. It really is a different feeling. well, I have a bunch to do this morning. I'll be back in the afternoon. Have a great day!

Hi ladies! I don't remember if I've said anything much today. I've checked in some but don't think I peeped. Ssanka...great job! Keep up the great work. This place is so good for staying on track. Whenever I think of doing anything that I KNOW I shouldn't, I hear Janet and Karri in my head and put it down. I hope you're return has been as motivational! Kari....glad you are doing better but my word you worry us. How can you get dehydrated so fast....as Janet said, you're always on top of your liquid. I hope you take it easy tomorrow and let your body get back in check. Happy bandiversary though. Jackie....your one year pics are stupendous. You sure look so happy! Phyll, are you out there? You've got me packing in my head too. I'm trying to figure out how little I can pack so I'll have more room for shopping. DH is trying to figure out how small of a bag I can take so I don't have room to do much shopping. Karri...haven't heard anything from you today. Hope you are doing well and got some sleep. You were going to your pcp today weren't you? I sure hope they get you on some meds that make life easier for you and keep you upright. Did you get your mile in today? Okay....as for me....today was better but didn't do all liquid today so that was probably it. Still not a lot of calories because I just wasn't really hungry. I'm going to go to daily plate next and see how my cals were today. Tonight went to nephew's birthday party. I did have some ice cream cake, but shared it with my youngest and he ate most of the little piece. I ate about half the top of a piece of pizza is all. So....for the most part it was good. Things are getting so crazy that I'm not getting my exercise in though. It's very frustrating. I was planning on doing an hour while Jai was down for nap and then other things had to get done and then tonight was birthday. It is so frustrating. But did take Jai to the park and to the pool today so I did get a little movement out and about...but not a lot. Great thing happened at the pool. I saw a teacher I used to teach with 6 years ago. She was my eldest's kindergarten, first grade teacher. I've seen her at the pool a lot in the last few years. Well today I walked up to her and started talking to her and she looked at me like I had 5 heads....and says, "Um, I'm really sorry, but I can't place you." OMG!!!! We were teachers in a school of 7 teachers...we taught together for 5 years! I was astounded. So I told her who I was and she was FLOORED! It was the first time someone hasn't recognized me. How awesome is that???? I made chicken salad today. I mixed it with a little mayo, half a can of pineapple tidbits, half a package of craisins, slivered almonds, green onions, and celery...oh...and a touch of dijon mustard. It is fabulous! My sister serves it on endive boats but I bought some kashi crackers and it was sooooooo good. I eat it with a fork and no crackers but it is a great topper. I have enough to last me for a few days. It's great high protein and with the pineapple and craisins it's so sassy! Okay....I'd better go to bed. I hope you all have a great day tomorrow.

Amazing Jackie! You look fabulous! You should feel terrific about your progress in this year. Good for you!!!!

Janet, I understand what you are saying. I understand what Ruby is saying. I think you both have valid points. However, whatever we think doesn't change how Karri feels. My heart hurts for you Karri, because I want you to feel so good and you are still struggling with these demons. I know that a lot of that struggle would be relieved if you weren't sitting around healing all day every day....and if you could sleep. I wish there was something I could give you to keep your head busy so you would dive into it instead of delving into your weight loss and frustrating yourself. You need to get busy....doing something....I don't know what it would be, but you need to get deep involved in it. What about planning some new projects for your classes next fall. Design the powerpoints, and the worksheets, and the lesson plans. I would publish them on my website if you would like. You have time to do the research and dig for different resources. Even if you don't do the lessons, you could write some great ones for others. What about lessons you wish math teachers would teach the students before you get them. Use that obsessive personality to tweak them until they are perfect. I would suggest taking an online course but know that money is tight and probably not possible right now. I've been thinking but coming up blank. Karri, I think we are worried that you are so successful and we are so proud of you and in awe of your power, and yet it seems like you are still obsessing. It is very hard for us to wrap our head around. Sort of like when we were so so so heavy and a "skinny" we would be talking to would be obsessing over 5 or 10 pounds....it just didn't compute for us. We want you to be happy. I think you really are. That smile on your face last night didn't lie. You worry out loud here and I'm glad you do, because keeping it inside would be so horrible. It just is hard for us not to worry too. Hugs to you Karri. I'm sure you will do exactly what you need to do for you. You will make the right choices. Let us support you however we can. Love to you.

I failed miserably!!! I couldn't hack it. I HAD to eat. I was having serious tummy problems and nothing was helping. Finally, I ate some chicken that I was feeding Jai, and then spiraled. I then had a couple bites of her toast, and finally had to do something to "fill" the hole that seemed to appear out of nowhere so I ate a bowl of Kashi go lean oatmeal. Now I'm satisfied and don't think I could eat anything more. I guess it wasn't too bad. I made it about a day and a half instead of the two days if you count most of yesterday. I will try to do liquids one more day but tomorrow night will have another bowl of protein rich oatmeal so that I don't binge on the pizza that I know will be difficult for me. Kudos to those of you who could do the 2 full days of liquids. I just didn't have the will power! I am very disgruntled at myself, but know that being too hard on myself would be counter productive. My tummy issues seem to have cleared. I don't know if some of that is psychosomatic. I would guess it is, but the fiber couldn't have hurt. I'll talk to you all later ladies. Have a good night. Oh....btw....I think I found a background and font of my main pages that works. If any of you have any suggestions, please let me know. Or if there are any glitches. I think all links are working right now. Thanks for your help everyone.

Actually the pics that I thought said more about how far you've come are the ones of you running your marathon. Look at those legs and arms. You may have a very shapely waist now but you can't hide the muscles you have developed. Jai wants me so I had better go 4 a bit. Later ladies

Hi ladies. Frustrated with my web page. I'm trying to tweak a page from another site and things I'm doing aren't working. I think it's the program I'm trying to use. I'm going to contact one of my directors and see if they will buy me a real one. You get what you pay for, after all. I think I'll find a great background I like for my own pages and call it good for the day. It really is tough going. I didn't think it was going to be so hard for me. I'm so frustrated and then I want to eat my frustrations away. I've managed to get half the atkins shake down. I think I might try to make some sort of smoothy with some of my Protein powders I got to try. Anything's gotta be better than that. As for the pouch test, I thought about it and decided I needed to reconnect. I needed to remember what "full" feels like. I needed to remember the rules better. I figured with this I will be focussing better on the rules. I'm not sure about the food days. I want to add veggies to my chicken salad but not sure if I have to have straight protein those days and forgo it. That's what it sounds like, but then the recipes have some other stuff in them. Just not sure. There is a pumpkin Soup on there that sounds amazing. I'd never thought of eating pumpkin soup....but I might have to try it. Okay....enough wasting time. I'll talk to you all later.

Hi ladies. Hope everyone is having a great day so far. I have had an okay morning so far. Got my mess of a house picked up....at least all the public areas. They are grouting my new shower so hopefully tomorrow I can have my own bathroom back. They don't know when they will get back to get my floor done but as long as I can get out of the 3 foot by 3 foot cell that my dh calls a shower I'll be happy. I don't know how he does it. I decided to do the 5 day pouch test. So far I've had 1/2 bottle of Water and an 8 oz Protein Shake. Sitting here looking at another trying to talk myself into drinking it. It's one of my atkins ones that I have left from surgery. It makes me gag just looking at it, but I'm hungry so I'll probably bite the bullet and it won't be too bad. I'm counting today as the second half of first day since I didn't eat anything after 10am yesterday. SIL is having a birthday party tomorrow night for my nephew so I'm not sure how I'm going to handle that. Probably take some liquid and tell them I'm still on liquids from after my fill. Then I'll not be tempted to start with pizza. I didn't get on my wii this morning so I'm not changing my weight until tomorrow morning. May change my weigh in day to Wednesday too. Monday's just seem to be so crazy around here. Just got my hair cut so I'm almost ready for the trip! Having a pedicure on Saturday and then I'll be all set. Phyl, don't let other people get you too down. When we are frustrated with ourselves it is so much easier to attack someone else than take their advice. You have never treated anyone here with anything but respect and given sound advice. I've never thought of you as a "self-proclaimed" anything. I've never thought of anyone on here as anything but someone that was trying to help me be as successful as I can be. I'm sorry you felt bad. I hope it feels better today. Okay...going to go do some website work. Talk to you all later.

Ladies Ladies Ladies!!!!! I missed you today! Peaches, glad you are home. I still have laundry piled from my 3 week trip a few weeks ago so don't feel bad. You're doing better than me. Karri!!!!! OMG you look amazing. Holy Cats!!!! What a tummy! I'm soo soo sooooo sooooo jealous. The smile on your face speaks volumes. You're dh has got to be dying to get his hands on you! You are beyond hot! I just can't quit looking and saying wow wow wow wow wow!!! It looks like it was very quiet here today. I didn't see anything from Phyl. I don't remember, did she say something about not coming on today? hmmmmm..... Well....went to Minot this morning. Tired tired tired....because my darling Jai decided she wasn't going to sleep last night. Of course!!! So I was beat....but ate a bunch of sunflower seeds and made it. Went to my support group. It focussed on relapsing. That was funny since I was thinking about talking to her about the pouch test. It just all fit. She thought it was a good idea (btw, she is my NUT). She said the important thing to remember was to only do a high protein diet for less than 2 weeks and make sure to increase vitamins to compensate. Then went to my fill. I had dropped almost 10 pounds in 2 months so that wasn't too bad. Her scale said 155.8 which isn't bad since wii has said 154.2 in the morning....so I guess I can count on my wii for a scale. Nice to know. She also said she was impressed by how little extra skin I have on my belly. She said that if I concentrate on my abs for the next couple of months I may be able to forgo a tummy tuck. How amazing was that to hear? Now my most amazing news.....I bought a size 8 pair of pants!!!! They were the only 8's that fit but I bought them none the less. I didn't buy any 10's because I can make the 12's I have work until MofA trip. I didn't want to go overboard. But I did buy the 8's....I couldn't pass them up. And they were on super sale at Christopher Banks....less than $5!!!! Oh...and did you see that? Christopher Banks....not CJ Banks!!! I'm in their NORMAL store. Oh my gosh.....I had a fantastic day. Tomorrow....day 1 of the pouch test. I'll see you ladies tomorrow. Sleep well

Wow Beth!!! You look amazing! How terrific must you feel!

Forgot to mention..... Karri, maybe your blood sugar is too low when you first get out of bed in the morning. Maybe a glass of apple or orange juice before you try to get up may help. Be careful. I remember after my c-sections the worst part was getting out of bed each morning. It was very scary to get the light headedness. I was told to sit up...wait 30 second, put legs over the side of the bed....wait another 30 seconds, stand....wait 30 seconds and only then try to take a step. Be careful Peaches, it looks like an amazing place. I'm sure it's spectacular! Maybe I missed it, but when are you coming home? There was one more I wanted to say something to but now I can't remember what. You all have a good night.

Good evening ladies. I hope you all had a great day. I had a good food day, great exercise day....pretty good water day. All in all I'll have to say success. I'm nervous about my weigh in tomorrow at the dr's office. It's been two months since I've been there and I don't know how close my wii is going to be to their scale. I have been giving the 5 day pouch test a lot of thought and I think right after a fill is as good a time as any to give it a try. I really see the need to do it. I need to reconnect with the rules. I'm struggling with being home all day everyday and having the kitchen at my fingers. And with the MofA trip looming, I need something to push me into size 10's so that maybe I might make it to the size 8's before we go. Did my 4+ mile walk/run. Ran about 1/2 mile of it. I'm going to google earth it and see how far I actually ran. I'm guessing at the 1/2 mile....we'll see. Well....I won't be on tomorrow until later because I'm going to dr. We'll see what happens there. Have a great Monday ladies.