ready2B

What a total jerk and an incredibly rude comment to add salt to the wound. Best of luck to you - who knows, maybe this will lead to something far greater for you. In the meantime, hopefully unemployment insurance will give you some paid time off as you adjust to your new lifestyle!

Once I lose my weight, I won't have to worry about bras. I can just take a pair of long tube socks, sew them together and add straps! ????

I have BCBS of Ohio (company is located there) and I only had to do one month of supervised weight loss plan. I also had to have a letter from my PCP, attend one support group meeting, have a pysch eval and appt with nutritionist. Just finished everything today, so hoping the rest goes smoothly and quickly.

So sorry things didn't work out, at least not for now. But good for you keeping that head up and not giving up on getting healthier. That's what really counts! Good luck to you.

I am still preop too. I think you need to find out exactly what your insurance requirements are so you don't fall below them. That would really suck if you did all this work and then got denied for losing too much! Congrats on the 14 lbs!

Bandista - LOL, I can't wait until I can say I am a delicate eater too!

Quitting smoking, fighting depression and trying to mentally and emotionally prepare for surgery is a lot to handle all at once. If he is like a lot of us, he probably uses food to self-medicate and comfort himself in times of intense stress. The good news is that he probably can't do a heck of a lot of damage in just 8 weeks. The woman who ran the support group for the weight loss hospital I am going to said she went totally "hog wild" for months before her surgery and ate everything in sight. I am sure there are a lot of people who do that. After all, most of us didn't get to this point by having strong willpower when it comes to food. So, yes, I agree not nagging or being critical would be the most helpful. Let him go through what he needs to now and just be supportive and let him know you understand (or want to, if he thinks you don't fully.) He'll get there - maybe not until after surgery, but he will be eating healthier soon. Unless it is part of his insurance or doctor's requirements, he may not have to lose weight at this time. Just knowing all the huge changes surgery will require is daunting enough, some people want to start making some of them early, some don't want to do them one minute before they have to. But if his depression is bad though, you might want to see if he will talk to someone about that. That's more of a concern than what he is eating right now.

terry1118 - I will have my appt with the nutritionist next week and she will be available for any questions for as long as I need.

Welcome Sharon! I just started the process about a month ago and will likely have my surgery sometime in Oct. My primary also suggested it to me, and though I told him I would never consider weight loss surgery, 2 days later I was calling and setting up that first appointment! Since then, it's been a real relief knowing that I can finally do something LASTING to lose weight and get healthy. I had basically given up because I was so afraid of dieting again only to lose a bunch then gain it all back and more. Just knowing that I will have a way to get back to who I really want to be has given me the most hope I've had in years. I've already committed to start a healthier lifestyle now and am thrilled to have lost 17 lbs this past month. It's the push I needed to get some momentum going. In the meantime, I've been reading, reading, reading and Googling the heck out of the internet to learn everything I can to prepare myself. I am very encouraged and so ready to begin. It's a good thing though that the process takes a while since there is so much to prepare for physically and emotionally. Best of luck to you with everything.

Hi - I think it is great you are on here asking how to be supportive! I am still pre-op and it hits me every now and then that there will be some of my favorite foods I likely won't be able to ever eat again like onion rings, carrot cake, etc. I've heard some people say that it's like mourning a loss. Right now though, I am on prescription diet pills that reduce my appetite and I've been using this waiting time to lose whatever weight I can. I try to remind myself daily that every pound I lose before the surgery will make my life just that much easier later. But I know if I wasn't on the pills, I might be having two months worth of "last meals!" Edited to add: when I sat down to tell my husband of my decision to have weight loss surgery, he told me honestly how scared he was for my health because of my weight and all the effects of it. That truly moved me to tears - I had no idea that it frightened him that much. Maybe a good heart-to-heart with your partner might be helpful. Just share honestly your concerns, with lots of respect and without judgement. That's all you can really do, the rest is up to him how he needs to work through things.

Yikes! I have my psych eval this coming Monday and these stories have me scared. But then again, I guess it's a bit of a warning to me to be careful about what I say and how it could be misconstrued. I don't think I've ever binged, though of course I've overeaten (is there anyone in America who hasn't?). And I've eaten times when I wasn't hungry but stressed or bored, etc. What do they consider "normal enough" to have surgery? Surely they don't think we got to this point having a perfectly healthy relationship with food!

I wanted to add that my husband has not always been so supportive. In the past when I have worked very hard to lose weight through numerous methods, I got a lot of teasing (some downright insults), sabotaging, complaining about the lighter foods I prepared, etc. So this is a huge change and I think part of the reason is because he was finally seeing how horribly my weight was affecting me. It was also affecting him since I was no longer able to do the things with him that he wanted to do. I couldn't travel with him, couldn't go places that would require much walking or any other things that we used to enjoy together. He said he even began to fear that I would end up in a wheelchair soon! When I told my husband that I wanted to do this, instead of rolling his eyes, he had such a look of relief on his face that it made me cry! The responses I've read so far to this question have been overwhelmingly positive - quite a contrast to the answers I saw to the same sort of question to the WeightWatchers forum. I think here, we've all reached such a point where our weight loss is really critical for our health and quality of life.

Ava 324 - that's amazing!! It's like your husband got a virtual sleeve! I am still awaiting surgery, but very shortly after I announced to my family what my plans were, my husband and daughter quit smoking! Neither had ever even tried before and had no desire to quit. They are both doing great and I am thrilled with that wonderful surprise and commitment on their part to live healthier. My husband seems to be more conscientious about what he eats now, smaller portions, less junk. My other daughter who is overweight has started exercising. So - even though I haven't even really started yet, the whole family is showing their support in very tangible ways.

Not fun!! Hope they figure it out and you feel a lot better.

Hi - I had my pre-op endoscopy today and the doctor said I had a "significantly large hiatal hernia". What does that mean for my upcoming surgery? My surgeon had said I could do either the sleeve or the bypass (though I want to have bypass). Does this prevent me from having one or the other? Or both? (God, I hope not!!) I thought I had read some people had it fixed at the same time, but I don't remember which surgery they had or any of the details. Anyone here have one and what impact did it have?

I've raised two daughters and went through some serious surgeries when they were younger and it is hard on them too. Even at 16, they still want to be taken care of and they don't want to acknowledge that Moms are mortal. It's very scary for them. But they do grow out of that. Mine are adults now and even have volunteered to take off work to come help out when I have my surgery! I think you are on the right track about leaning on others who are in the same boat instead. Kids can't carry adult burdens and it's easy to make that mistake when you have a really great relationship. They aren't our peers, at least not for a while longer. Let her just be a kid for a few more years and save your obsessions and fears with those who can not only handle it, but have been there before and can provide some strong support for you. I am trying to do the same with my husband, he's just not good at "all that emotional stuff' (his words).

I didn't enjoy the sleep study, just because I have a hard enough time sleeping without all the wires, the different bed, etc. But they were all very nice and did their best to make me comfortable, and I knew it was really important to do. Turns out I stopped breathing 251 times in just 3 hours! I don't mind the CPAP at all, in fact I actually love it since I sleep better now than I have for years. It's become something very comforting, if that makes sense. I certainly won't be sad to not need it any more after surgery though!

Thanks for some real world answers! I do want to eat healthy foods and obviously something loaded with fat & sugar isn't healthy, but something packed with chemicals or that tastes like cardboard isn't going to work well for me either. I guess it's all about balance and finding what my new system can handle, what helps keep my weight off and what is healthy for my body overall. That's a lot to juggle! LumpySpacePrincess - the nutrition packet they gave us does list some fat-free/sugar-free diet stuff that I wouldn't call real food at al, such as sugar-free Jello & popsicles, diet juice and fat-free cheese, but I guess I can see how there's benefit for those first few weeks in getting in the liquids & Protein with those when you can't tolerate much else. After that time, I don't see why I would waste my tiny tummy-space with that sort of thing. mamafine23 - how do you add someone to MFP?

Thanks everyone! une nouvelle vie - I just checked and he packet they gave me is really the guidelines for the first couple of months, not the rest of my life! So, that helps. I guess I can see how that might be good at first. macman - I have started using MyFitnessPal already and what a great tool that is! I imagine they will give me the daily amounts I should aim for?

Hi - I am still pre-op but trying to understand all the changes I will need to go thru after having bypass. One of the things that confuses me is in the packet of info given to us by the WLS nutritionist, it repeatedly lists only sugar-free stuff, fat-free stuff, etc. I've been a life-long dieter, and have probably lost & gained over 1000 lbs over the years, but one of the things I learned finally was that "diet" foods don't really help you lose weight, often because they aren't as satisfying and you tend to eat more. Also, I am a bit worried about all the chemicals in the "fake" food. Some of it I don't mind, like I love Crystal Light, but some of the fake sugar-free/fat-free versions of food are really really awful. So, what's the deal? Do we have to eat the diet sugar-free/fat-free versions of everything for the rest of lives? Is the reasoning behind this the lower calories or is it to avoid dumping? Are you allowed any real sugar or fat in small quantities - such as flavored coffee creamer in your coffee - or never at all? I'll do whatever is required, because I don't want to ever end up back where I am today. Just trying to understand what are the rules are and why.

As I am getting all my ducks in a row before I have surgery, I am also trying to prepare myself emotionally. One of the things that bothered me the most in the past when I lost a lot of weight was all the attention that brings. It was nice at first having people comment on how good I looked, but after a while of every single encounter with people being so focused on my appearance, it became very uncomfortable! People would stop whatever they were talking about, every head would turn towards me and for the rest of that time, my outward appearance was the topic of discussion. By the time I got to my goal, I wanted to hide any time anyone mentioned how much weight I'd lost. Or I wanted to scream "there is so much more about me than how I look!" (And of course I felt like I was under constant scrutiny as I gained it all back even though everyone became suddenly silent about my appearance then.) Since this time, after I have WLS, it will be more weight and even faster, I know I will have to deal with that all over again. I am sure it will be a shocking change. You know, I just realized as I was writing this, why it may have bothered me so much. My "normal" healthy weight body is how I see myself all the time - I mean that is who I consider the "real me" inside too. When I am this much overweight, there is a huge disconnect between what I see in the mirror and who I think I am as a person. We just moved here 18 months ago, so none of my new friends have ever known me as that person. They only know me as the fattest person in the room, the one who struggles to squeeze into the booth when we go out to eat, or who has to decline going to the movies because the seats hurt my back & hips so much because I am too big. They only know the person who doesn't bother much at all with hair, makeup or nice clothes because it seems futile to me to try. Most the time, I try very hard not to think about all that when I am with people. I try to completely ignore the shame I feel and in a way it is like an out of body experience. I disconnect completely from what I look like or I'd never leave the house. I have to pretend no one really sees how I actually look, and I've had to do this for a long long time. When they comment, it means they DO see! So, no wonder it is so incredibly uncomfortable! Before when I’d lost almost 100 lbs I had no idea about the attention it would bring, but this time I know to expect it and I want to be better prepared. I’d love to hear from those of you who have already had surgery and had a similar experience, how you have handled this, outwardly and inwardly.

Oh, wow, Krissy! What a horrible thing for your mom to say to your daughter! And very uninformed. I am glad your daughter sees through that and is supportive. Can you imagine how awful it would be for her if she didn't understand how things work and thought you were going to have to "live with" something terrible the rest of your life? What a cruel fear to try to plant in a child's head. That's exactly the sort of ignorant statements I want to avoid. In my family, because we've all been very obese, there's a weird dynamic of competition when anyone does lose weight. I had lost a bunch a few years ago and my sister wrote me a nasty email saying she was really upset that she wouldn't be the smallest one at family gatherings anymore! (She wasn't anyway, but whatever!) Although they can all say very derogatory things about each others' weight, they also don't like it when someone is successful in losing because it highlights their own weight problem more. One of those "misery loves company" things or "if you want to feel thinner, make everyone around you fatter." Is it any wonder my family is all obese with that sort of dysfunction? It's really crazy and I am so done playing that game with them!

Thanks for saying this LipstickLady! It's a huge pet peeve of mine too. I run into that "we ALL do/believe/feel/think/want/pray" kinds of statements in lots of places in my social circles, family, community & online and I very much want to stand up, wave my hands and shout "EXCUSE ME, NOT EVERYONE!" But then, in some cases, I know it is someone with good intentions trying encourage or comfort someone and I don't want to take away from that or start a big political/religious or other sort of debate by pointing out my differences. But, I am happy for your rant because it validates that I am not the only one who absolutely cringes when I hear this sort of thing! Thanks for making me not always feel like the odd one out. :-)

I am so bummed! Found out that once my insurance is approved (probably the first week in Sept) that the surgeons here are scheduling 6-8 weeks out! So that means I will likely have my surgery closer to NOVEMBER! Ugh - I am so ready to do this NOW. I had no idea it would take that long once I did my part. Now what do I do? I had everything ready, my protein shakes, my vitamins, my blender, my head wrapped around all of this, support lined up, I'm all psyched ... now having to put all my emotions on hold just seems like torture!

First of all - good luck with your surgery! By how many replies there are so far, you can tell mothers are a really hot button for a lot of us! My mom was kinda the opposite - always had a weight problem, my sisters too. Everyone in my family is way overweight. Part of it is probably genes, part bad eating habits and part is all the crazy relationship issues! At any rate, you would think she would be understanding of other people's weight struggles but instead has always been critical. The first comment out of her mouth to me if she sees one of my sisters is about their weight ("OMG, she's gotten HUGE!") so I know she says the same sort of thing about me. My mom had lap band surgery about 8 years ago, had lots of complications and really never lost much weight. She still vomits up most of her meals (she doesn't chew, eats way too fast) but cheats badly with high calories liquid foods like an extra large full fat milkshake from Sonic every day. But, that doesn't stop her from thinking she's a world class expert! She also can't keep her mouth shut about anything personal I share with her - she would be on the phone in minutes calling her "prayer chain" (aka gossip hotline) to tell the world every detail. So, I've chosen not to tell her, because it would open a big fat can of worms that I just don't want to deal with. Deciding to take such a drastic step that will forever change my life was a deeply personal and difficult decision. I'm going to need support, not criticism or a bunch of unsolicited & useless advice, even from those I love.