gowalking

I ran into a woman this morning who I got friendly with a couple of years ago. She and I are on the same train alot so we got to talking and have become pretty close. So today she tells me after we're talking for a while that she wants me to write a book and she'll be the first one in line to buy it. I know she means that I'm so much more positive now so I agreed with that part of it and then she said something that literally brought me to tears. She said that I always was full of warmth and affection and care for others but the weight loss and less pain/better mobiity has taken me out of my prison and now I shine. No one ever said that to me before and I was overcome by that. I really liked how she put the change in the way I look on the back burner so to speak and just told me how the weight loss just brought out what was always there, but hidden. I think alot of us are like that. We hide behind our large bodies and only after we shed the excess, can we become who we always were meant to be. All I knew was that I wasn't embarrased by her praise because she was talking about the inner me...and not the outer me. I guess I have to really focus on that girl instead of the one I see in my head or my mirror.

I sure will. And thanks for the comments everyone. Obviously I'm not alone in the body dysmorphia. I figured as usual that if I was experiencing something, so were others.

Congratulations!! Welcome to the other side. Yes...I stayed overnight as well and I agree..the nurses at NYU are terrific. I didn't have too much discomfort but I do know that if you have issues with the gas they pumped into you, you need to walk to help dislodge it. Take your meds if you need them, but remember that pain meds are very constipating so make sure you take something to avoid a 'backup'. I wish I could give you a glimpse of what your life will be like a year from now. It will be so much improved that you won't believe it. Just think about that if you are struggling with post op stuff. You can't see your future, but I can and it's a good one. Keep us posted, and of course feel free to PM me if you need anything.

All you have to say is that losing the weight is not the problem and it never has. The problem is keeping it off and the surgery is my best shot at it. It's alot more than that of course, but it will answer your detractors. Hang in there and keep your eye on the prize...and don't let anyone derail you.

Welcome! Congrats on making the decision to be healthier.

I just read a post about how long it takes to see what others see and I thought this was a good topic to bring up on the forum. Most of the time, we ask this question in terms of seeing the newer, smaller versions of ourselves but this is really about what we see or don't see whether we're bigger or smaller. For me..I never really saw how large I was when I looked in the mirror. Then I would be shocked and mortified when I'd see a picture of myself because there was no doubt I was a very fat woman. What is it about folks like us who cannot see what is obvious? I don't know that answer, but it's an interesting question. So...what happens when we lose the weight? For me, and many others, I had a terrible moment a few weeks after hip replacement surgery, and about ten months out of band surgery. I was about 170 lbs. at that time and down about 90 lbs. from my heaviest. My hair was thin and looked terrible...my face was saggy and I saw an old woman staring back at me when I looked in the mirror. It was so bad that I found myself in therapy shortly thereafter. I needed to get help to recognize myself. Thank goodness I was seeing a professional because once I went back to work after being on disability for two months, no one recognized me in the office...because I looked so much thinner and was not on the cane much anymore. If not for my therapist, I might have gone crackers during this time. So while she has helped me, I am even nearly a year later, still struggling with what I see versus what everyone else sees. I am surely getting used to the way I look now and my head tells me I am thin...pictures bear this out, and I do find that I can recognize myself when I look at my reflection. What I still struggle with is that I feel like I'm still a fat girl who has managed to figure out a way to fake it. Because I look thin, people think I've always been this way and have no idea what it's like to be thinking about staying in control all the time when it comes to food. Just yesterday, I was in an all day training going out of my mind. I found myself nibbling much of the day. A little bit here, a little bit there. I even had two Cookies after lunch and I never do that. What I was thinking though was that if I was still fat, I'd be embarrased to go for those cookies knowing that everyone would be wondering why I was eating them considering how big I was. But because I'm not big anymore, no one paid attention. The problem was....those cookies were as deadly for me yesterday as they would have been 145 lbs. ago. I have my therapist tonight and I'm going to talk about this. I want to do everything I can to not put weight back on and that includes high calorie crap that gets past the band with ease. I may have lost all this weight, but I am still very much a work in progress and still need this site for the help and support you all give me. Sorry for the length of this post...but would welcome your thoughts and comments.

I have an elevated white count as well. If you can get it documented, you should be OK. That's what my PCP did.

I bet it feels good to have made a decision so you can move the process forward. Good luck to you and keep us posted.

Hang in there....you're almost done. Let us know when you've made it to the other side. Good luck!

My comment is more about the disappointment behind the food that you feel rather than the man. It's obvious that your relationship is not worth hanging on to so I'm sure you will do what you need to do. But regarding your focus on how you will no longer be able to enjoy the things you used to...the Italian food, Red Lobster, cake, etc. just understand that you will be able to eat some if not all of this food again. What you will notice is that the food is not that important anymore. It becomes part of your world but you are not obsessed with it. Once in a while, I wish I could eat like I used to but it goes away as soon as I look at the woman I've become. I am smaller than I've been since I was a teenager and able to move and dress like someone years younger than I used to look/move. That's better than any food out there. Good luck!

Mazel Tov!! (means congratulations)

Just more examples of 'weight hate'. This is the only discrimination that's still socially acceptable. I guess it's fine to buy deep fryers as long as you don't look like you cook with one.

This is so funny! You're cracking me up watchme.

It's not a pipe dream Bella. You'll get there. I tracked everything I put in my mouth and also realized only with MFP, how bad some foods were both in terms of calories, and especially sodium. I tracked for about a year and haven't bothered since because I know fairly well, what foods are OK and which ones to avoid. You can do the same in time. Good luck!

Spectacular. You rock!!

We used to meet once a season but we're really trying to make it once a month. It's hard because everyone is so busy. But I often meet up one on one with other NYC folks. If you ever want to meet for coffee or some such thing, let me know and I'll be happy to make plans with you. I've done it with others from this site and have met some terrific people.

Here's the view from my apartment. The parade was a blast and my party went great. I threw away the potato chips and open bottles of soda. I'm bringing the leftover candy to work on Monday. I'm OK with it in the house for a couple of days...sweets are not my drug of choice. I underestimated how much food I needed...I was worried I'd have too much left over so I didn't buy quite enough. No one left hungry but I used to never run out of food before. I also have sort of forgotten how much food most people eat. I've gotten used to my portions.... So for me, I had some raw veggies with a bit of dip, a couple of mini meatballs, one Hershey kiss, and a few pretzels/chips. Was a little hungry when I finally finished cleaning up so I had a laughing cow low fat cheese wedge and a 100 calorie ice cream and that did the trick. Enjoy the picture I attached. Oh, and we got a good look at Whoopie. She was on a huge float and waving to the crowds.

Great advice! Hang in there Harley...this is a learning experience and it will take time to really know how to work with your band.

Hello all. So sorry to do this but we've decided to cancel tomorrow's NYC/LI meeting as the weather forecast is saying we will have rain, wind, and cold. While it's not much of an issue for those like me who are very close to the venue, we feel it will be too challenging for those having to come from further distances. We will likely hold another meeting closer to Thanksgiving and will keep you posted. Happy Halloween and enjoy the holiday! Oh, and I already had a Hershey's kiss and feeling no guilt. It's not about doing without...it's about living balanced lives.

Hello all. So sorry to do this but we've decided to cancel tomorrow's NYC/LI meeting as the weather forecast is saying we will have rain, wind, and cold. While it's not much of an issue for those like me who are very close to the venue, we feel it will be too challenging for those having to come from further distances. We will likely hold another meeting closer to Thanksgiving and will keep you posted. Happy Halloween and enjoy the holiday! Oh, and I already had a Hershey's kiss and feeling no guilt. It's not about doing without...it's about living balanced lives.

Hello all. So sorry to do this but we've decided to cancel tomorrow's meeting as the weather forecast is saying we will have rain, wind, and cold. While it's not much of an issue for those like me who are very close to the venue, we feel it will be too challenging for those having to come from further distances. We will likely hold another meeting closer to Thanksgiving and will keep you posted. Happy Halloween and enjoy the holiday! Oh, and I already had a Hershey's kiss and feeling no guilt. It's not about doing without...it's about living balanced lives.

We've actually decided to cancel tomorrow what with the weather prediction of rain and wind. We'll reschedule for closer to Thanksgiving most likely.

Happy Halloween everyone. I'm preparing for my party tonight. The Village Halloween Parade is a sight to be seen for sure and I'm on the parade route so I'm having people over to watch from my apartment. Whoopie Goldberg is the Grand Marshall. If I can, I'll try to get some pictures. Have a fun time trick or treating tonight everyone!

Oh...OK. We're gonna go there huh? Well...how about needing a special device to get an MRI of my knee? Yup. my leg was too large for it to fit in the leg rest that goes in the machine. They had to put a different rest on the table for my leg to sit on. And the last mammogram I had before WLS, I had to wear two gowns...one with the opening in the back and another with the opening in the front because nothing fit well enough to keep me covered. Oh god...the humiliation. Just thinking about that now makes me cringe. Hang in there all you pre-op folks. I have no issues anymore...not after losing 145 lbs. It will happen for you as well.

Congrats Elizabeth. If you are interested, we are having our face to face support group meeting on Saturday in midtown. All are welcome...those who are pre and post surgery. If you want details, feel free to PM me. Oh...by the way, Dr. Ren is awesome.