iamparadise

I'm going to apologize in advance for the babbling and rambling stream of consciousness that is to come. I have a tendency to write to empty my thoughts, rather than to make things easy for someone to read.

For as long as I can remember "FAT" has been a four-letter word. It's not like I wasn't aware of my reality, but having lived with the weight struggle all of my life it had become a part of me. The moment when I was able to utter the word and not cringe was, I believe, the instance that I began to take control of my life. I've been taken to/sent to doctors and nutritionists and weight-loss specialists since childhood - like really, really early childhood (5yrs-ish) and I can't really remember a time when I didn't feel self-conscious or ashamed of my size/weight/body. However, despite my feelings I swore that I would never, ever, ever go the WLS route because it would indicate failure and an inability to 'make things work'.

A really shady breakup with a guy who my friends now call "the one who shall never be named" helped strengthen my resolve to make the change. When we first started dating he would talk about how much he loved my body, etc., but as our relationship progressed I began to realise that what he really 'loved' was fulfilling his fetishism. After all the struggles that I'd experienced with my weight and not feeling accepted, or pretty, or wanted, his perversion of 'love' helped me realise that I deserve more for myself.

Initially I wanted to get the LapBand because I wanted the freedom of still eating 'normally' but getting the assistance of a tool. In 2010 I discussed things with my aunt (a gastroenterologist) before mentioning it to anyone else, and she arranged for me to meet a former colleague who she knew was doing the procedure. However, when I first met him was quite rude/abrasive and dismissive, and basically disregarded any of my input. He essentially informed me that he would prefer to go with the bypass and he'd be happy to 'squeeze me in on Thursday' if I'd agree. :blink: When I was insistent upon the band - and the fact that I wouldn't be going under the knife less than a week after my first visit - he decided that he'd be willing to offer the sleeve if I was really that concerned. That was my cue that it wasn't my time.

Fast forward to 2012. I was just completing a course at GWU and arranged to meet with Dr. Brody at MFA of GWUHospital. While my meeting was very informative and much better than my previous experience I was pretty devastated to learn that Dr. Brody was no longer performing the Lap Band procedure. As I broke down the nurse practitioner was adamant that it wasn't the best thing particularly because they were more frequently carrying out band revisions and removals than anything else. Sooooo, after much prayer, research and reflection I decided that I'd go with the VSG. Now, as the time is fast approaching, I'm really glad that I've decided to go this route. I'm nervous, but excited by the possibilities of what life holds for me & my future.

So sorry for the dissertation...it probably doesn't make a lick of sense either, but it's a story nonetheless... I'll get better with time... ;)