CowgirlJane

You haven't gained that much. Baby weight gain is a pretty normal thing...many women gain more like 30, not 10 so it seems you have done well. I guess like most of us you would need to take some sort of action to get back to the 145. I don't really know where you are post op, but in general, going back to basics like eating Protein first, not snacking, avoiding eating late, etc etc are the ways to knock off 10 pounds. I currently weigh 155, still under my goal, but i too want to get back to 145. I am holding steady right now, but come January I plan to tackle it by modifying my eating and exercise.

Your description matches my experience as well. I would put it slightly differently - food and obesity both NUMBED me to the extent that I was able to live day to day in a relationship with someone I loved, but who really wasn't "present" and loving to me. After I got to goal, I tried hard to get him to join me in a new and better life (or lets be honest, ANY life together) and he just wasn't interested. He has his own "stuff" and it is complicated story, but bottom life we were not living a good quality life together. Frankly, even though I ended the relationship, it was more like we had been "broken up" for quite some time,i was just the last one to wake up and realize it. I regret that it happened because he is a good man and I loved him very much. However, sometimes things are just what they are... and I don't regret finally having the mojo to make the changes that needed to happen. I feel like I finally have a chance at a full life. I may wind up being single for this next phase of life, but that is less lonely than being in a "relationship" and feeling so alone. We are still friends, we still talk about the kids, the dog etc. It was coming for years but I had to get out of my food stupor to take action. It's the most difficult thing I've ever done.

Alex, i forgot to mention the previously reported "bugs" when posting from a Kindle (and I think some other devices too) that would be really great to have fixed. when I am posting a new thread, I can't see what I am typing. So what I have to do is open the thread with just a comment like "hi" and then reply to my own post....

Florinda - did you wear a nose tube for 10 days? How did THAT work dating etc??? I am still under goal, but 10# over where I want to be - would love to drop 10# but that looks pretty wild. I don't understand why this method has a better maintenance profile... sounds like it is basically a protein drink diet, only through a tube? I had a fun weekend... but very very tired today.... ass is draggin'

I don't think you should feel like you "should" date. I mean, if you are happy and content wihtout it - who needs the drama and hassle? I have found dating to be challenging at times, for lots of different reasons. I do it because I missed out on dating in my youth - I basically had two long term relationships of nearly 15 years each. When the last one ended, and here I am looking attractive enough, I felt like I wanted to do this. I have had some fun going out and about, but i discovered that I don't really enjoy the "first dates" where you meet a complete (or nearly complete) stranger and try to get to know him. It isn't my cup a tea - the 100 first dates that seem to come with online dating. I am also not ready to dive into another 15 year relationship with just anyone... so at the moment i am in a happy middle ground of dating one man and getting to know him. So, honestly, i wouldn't kiss on the first date. I don't mean to sound like a prude, but other than a good night peck, I am not ready to kiss someone I just met because normally I feel like I don't even know them at this point. when you get to the point of seriously making out/deep kissing hopefully you know someone well enough to verbalize what you like and don't like. It isn't cool to feel "manhandled" into a pysical situation you don't enjoy and you can't really blame the guy if he doesn't know. I don't know how old you are, but I think dating is a bit harder as people are older. Lots of reasons for this, but it is tough. I think you just need to keep carefully looking, know your own mind and your own boundaries and you will find someone you like. When I first started seeing the guy I am dating I felt like he texted me too much... well, more than I was used to. As I have gotten to know him over the months we have found a comfortable middle ground. I think his previous girlfriend really wanted lots of contact so he was actually just trying to please me - when in reality it was a bit much for me. This is what I mean by it is great when you get to know someone, you can gently give feedback and find a middle ground that is pleasing to all. Good luck, as was said before, dating is hard!

Welcome Lynda - so glad you joined us! Still looking to hear from some silent friends - Wanda, are you still around? Denise - glad to hear you are on the mend. And I think you should be zero tolerance on the controlling thing. Who needs that. Bill sounds like a good guy, but I guess we "let" people treat us certain ways and we have to set boundaries Sarah, Cabo area is beautiful. I visited that area in March. I have been dreaming of sunny beaches lately! I am curious what you say about plastics being an emotional recovery. It was for me too, lots of dimensions, but one of them was that I lost alot of physical strength and fitness. I felt vulnerable. I do dream of having a long term loving relationship but i don't really believe in it - like it is a fantasy - and so whenever I get a bit panicked feeling I just remind myself that I am having a fear reaction, not a rational one. It helps. He and I talk alot so we are in sync. I have been having a good time, and it shows up in that I weigh about 10 more pounds than I want to.... but i am just trying to hang on through December and will hit it more seriously in January. Monday morning and I am tired!

You are 5 months post op, I can't fathom how consuming gummy Vitamins would damage your sleeve. The real issue is adequate nutrition and fully leveraging the tool (sleeve). I have struggled with pills and so I can't take any of the vitamins that are "preferred". i was told to do double dose of gummies but you should ask your nutritionalist. I am now doing a liquid Vitamin called Eco Drink i get at costco. My nutritional panels have been off the hook excellent SO FAR (I am 3 years out) but I eat very healthy too. I think the straw thing is intended to keep people from sucking air in when they drink which could overfill the tummy? Again, does not seem that important the further out you are. I don't generally drink with a straw, but if I happen to have one I don't freak out either - but I am well into maintenance too. Low carb - well, I was pretty moderate carb to lose the first 120 or so pounds. To get that last 40 or so off I had to go very low carb. I say do what is working as long as you are eating healthy. My general advice though is if you are not getting the results you want - to go back and really look at if you are fully leveraging the tool you have chosen and "following the rules". what none of us want is disappointing results or regain - and right now, this first year is the time to establish great habits. I really benefited from an excellent NUT who helped me make the "rules" my own and work them into my life while still being successful.

I am pretty sure they will NOT laser on "internal" skin so there is a limit. I am thinking going to a small area. BTW, my pubic hair is not dense... took me awhile to figure out that because the hair covered skin was stretched that the hair density is low. Weird.

Okay, it is a weird consequence of being super morbidly obese, skin stretched, then plastic surgery to remove excess skin... that my pubic hair zone is larger than it should be. I ignored it for a long time. Recently, I started shaving to make a more "normal sized" pubic zone and I get the horrible bumps. so, I did a consult for laser hair removal. Turns out they will charge me the same price - i get to choose how much they remove. I know I want them to make the triangle smaller, clean up the edge on my upper thighs too. What I am undecided about is if I should go for making it quite small... landing strip. That is very popular right now, but i am not sure. What would you do?

If you start out heavier, the "slow losing" is less likely to apply. I lost at a good rate, and was a revision but I was over 300# at the time of my revision. However, you do really need to get over any bad habits you might have learned as a bandster. I made a conscious decision to really avoid sliders, to be aware of that "no longer hungry" feeling etc. This was a topic of discussion with my nutritionalist.

You know that there are good hotdogs that are only 45 calories? Wrap that baby in a hunk of lettuce, or just eat with a knife and fork and a bit of mustard. Great little snacky!

I was "healthy fat" until I wasn't. It hit me like a ton of bricks and the co-mordbidities started piling up. Arthritis, a knee that went hinky but they wouldn't work on it due to my weight, sleep apnea, borderline blood pressure. No diabetes, but my fasting blood sugar was creeping into the upper 90s... I have some regret that I would have been a better, more energetic, happier, better socially adjusted mom if I had been somewhere near normal size during their childhood. I have more than some regret, I actually feel some guilt. My kids are young adults. I show them my before pics from time to time and it makes them both sad. I see it in their eyes. They remember the embarrassment, the mom who couldn't/didn't want to do many activities even though i tried. They both tell me that they don't remember me like that - like it was a stranger in that photo. If your obesity isn't hurting you, isn't impacting your life in a negative way, I am guessing WLS isn't really the right thing at this time. It is a HUGE committment. You are very unlikely to die from it, but you are VERY likely to find aspects of it very difficult. It is my belief that a person should be pretty much sure this is their last resort so they are motivated to make it work. Lets be serious here... they remove part of your stomach! This is no small little thing in terms of lifetime impact. However, you are very unlikely to die from this and it is a mistake to let a child's fears drive your decision as there are many dimensions to this.

I was told to really focus on protein before and after plastics. My hunger went through the roof while recovery but I had alot done at once. I agree that 5:2 can wait... I am not successfully fasting right now, but this approach really works. Makes it so I can go out on Friday or Sat and not worry too much as the fast days balance things. I used 5:2 to work off a small regain, get well under goal and then maintain. I am back into the 150s again and need to restart 5:2 to get back to 140ish.

I wondered why my center didn't ask me. Not so common for a band to sleeve revision to go from over 50to 23 BMI. Anyway my situation and results are apparently not typical. They used to be a band "mill" ...did alot of them. I suspect they prefer to leave that subject alone. But congrats Kim, must feel good to be asked. Okay I am getting ready to do laser hair removal. LBL caused a larger hair zone and shaving is not satisfactory. I just want a pubic zone that resembles normal. Oh, for no extra cost they will laser as much"external" hair as I want. What would you do, go for just a normal pubic hair zone or go for a pretty small "landing strip"? Denise my approach has been to be honest and let him decide. I am not sure"anyone" is "the one" for me. I am not in love. In fact it surprises me when people talk about being in love with someone they hardly know. I did that as a teen, but I am much m ore guarded these days. I am pleased to be seeing him, he is turning out to be a good guy, lots of attraction between us. He isn't into horses but likes that I have them because of lifestyle implications. Horse girls are busy, active and a little tough. I prefer"exclusive" and I haven't been dating or any thing with others. We had dinner last night but didn't talk about all this. I need to hear what his idea of exclusive is....but I think we are on a similar"hesitant" page. Like no big commitments other than exclusive. I feel very fat even though under goal still. I am just hanging'on but come January I am totally kicking this extra 10# to the curb.

Medline studies are a good place to start research.

Do your research.... the single biggest long term "risk" with the sleeveis chronic GERD. I would NOT do this surgery if you already have a problem. I never had reflux until I was banded. Removing the band cured it and I am now happily sleeved.

Sarah, you asked if Kevin knows about my "hesitation" and the answer is yes. Yesterday we talked on the phone along time - we are going out for dinner tonight and he let me know he wants to have the "exclusive" talk and what that actually means to both of us. I am glad he warned me as it gives me a bit of time to digest it. I have not in fact been dating anyone else, haven't been fooling around with Steven or anything - but actually declaring exclusive is something else as it goes beyond sexual behavior. I think I would summarize it by saying that I am not afraid of committment, I actually prefer that - a real relationship. What I am keenly aware of is that it is just hell for me to get over someone once I am really attached. I am pretty sure part of my depression this spring was the realization that I had to let go of Steven. That wasn't the whole story, but it contributed. I am feel this thing inside me - just scared I can't take a heartbreak. Keven gets it. He has been divorced a very long time and has been in a couple of fairly serious relationships lasting say 2-5 years each. Heartbreaking - I can't even imagine doing that, you know? Anyway, to his credit he has thought alot about why those didn't last. Most recent one, she was crazy and he couldn't take her jealous rages anymore. Okay, so that made him gunshy about who to pick next, but I have apparently passed the "she isn't too crazy" screen. He admitted to really messing up letting someone go that he really loved over conflict they had when she worked for him (he owned a biz at the time). Anyway, I think he has reached a phase where he wants love and wants it to work. That is a good start. Hope I am there, but I am not really sure yet.

Thank you for all your efforts. I think making access to profiles or stats via mobile devices would be very useful. So many people access via their phones and they can't tell the "stats" of other members in any way. I also found that the private message boards were just too hard for many to navigate. I tried to set one up to talk about dating life as a single woman and none of the members could ever work out how to access it - again, mostly from their phones.

Ann I liked how you label the years. I am 3 years post op, so here is what I have named mine, in hindsight: My surgery was Dec 2011 so 2012: Year of losing - wow, I felt so focused, so great. Lots of focus on food and exerciese 2013: Year of hitting goal, maintaining and exploring life, getting plastics, lots of emotional and life changes - the year of a little "crazy". still lots of focus on food and exercise. 2014: I call this year "stabilize". I am referring to way more than weight but rather to finding a lifestyle, a foundation of a new way of life. I had specific (not weight related) goals for this year and I am ALMOST there. More focus on "activity", while still exercising (working around some injuries) 2015: I haven't found my word yet, but I see it as a year of really taking off and leveraging everything that came before. Of building toward a life that is real and genuine for this next phase of my life. I started seeing a counselor in 2013 and throughout much of 2014. I am cutting way back on that now as I am finding my path.

Cathy - oh, what a bummer! Reminder that only possessions were hurt, so that is a good thing. Denise - glad you are feeling better! Invite Lynda in! Kelly - you are/were a hairdresser? say what?

Let's admit Lynda and just look for future people as they come along. I do not support Lisa joining. I am trying to be supportive but she is hostile to most input frankly.

Protein and zinc and good luck are the 3 things that most minimize hair loss. I have uber curly fine hair- Caucasian but doubtful that has much impact. Words of encouragement. .. a little hairloss was a minor hassle compared to obesity. It is SO worth it.

You are a beautiful woman..in spirit and looks. Love yourself, keep on keeping on. Offer still stands to talk about specific habit because I too became a coffee junky.

We can all relate. I am under goal but feel big compared to where I was. Now is the time to fix it but don't be all negative like "I am huge". We have spent a lot of years beating ourselves up over weight and food. I say it us time to stop that emotional punishment and just "git er done"

Went to "christmas story" the musical on Saturday night. I had bought 4 tickets - for me, my two son's and oldest son's long term girlfriend. well, they broke up and oldest spend the weekend in portland so it was me, my youngest son, one of my girlpals and Kevin. Yes, bold move, Kevin met one of the kiddos. We had a great time. It was a very well done musical at the beautiful 5th Avenue theater. I had some ups and downs, my weight is up but still under goal. Have had a bit of emotions over some stuff which I am recognizing as "unexamined inner life" or feelings things. It is all good though. Things are going great with Kevin. We are a bit smitten with each other which is fun... but i am starting to have that ...gulp... feeling like "don't get too attached". I have been thinking about why I feel that way and realize that was such a huge appeal of my friend Steven. He never wanted a damn thing from me, and when you start moving into relationship mode with normal people... they expect and want things from you. I have spent a lifetime giving and doing things for other people and it is something I gravitate to and want to do, but i think I have a certain fear about it too. Like "here we go again". BTW, Kevin is a very reasonable person - I just mean he like wants to spend time with me, meet my people - you know normal stuff. He wants to find someone to love; like most of us. It scares me alittle because going out and having fun is one thing.... but this relationship stuff has been crushing to me in the past. I don't love quickly and I surely don't let go easily so getting enmeshed emotionally is something I have some hesitation about. Oh, and just for funs I went to a comedy competition with Theo on Friday. We were in contact a few weeks ago - just as buddies since we really did enjoy time together even though we are NOT dating. OMG, we laughed, laughed, laughed. It was like laugh therapy. One thing I can say about Theo is he really is good at picking out fun stuff to do!