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Johnny99's Blog

A blog by Johnny99 in General

  • Entries

    28

  • Comments

    38

  • Views

    12,737

About this blog

Lap Band Journey

Entries in this blog

Slow News Day

Hello all. I haven't been back to ya'll for a while because, well, I really haven't got much to report. A couple weeks ago I announced to the world that I was 10 paltry pounds away from my original goal of 169. However, I have had a little movement. After plateauing yet again, I sit here today down another 1-1/2 pounds. That puts me 8-1/2 pounds away kids. Painfully close ... yet so far away. These last few pounds are falling off at a glacial pace. Which means really, really slow! I had hoped

We Need to Talk ...

It's me again, Your friendly fellow flabster. I was going to wait a while before I posted again. But I keep reading posts about our weigh of life that continue to disturb me.   I think we all need to have a serious chat. I guess I am asking you to have a real "heart to heart" with your one and only true best friend. The only person on earth that knows everything about. Your greatest joys. Your darkest secrets. I am, of course, referring to YOU. You need to sit down and really talk to yourself

T Minus 10 and Counting

Hellooo fellow fat fighters! Welcome back to my warped world of wobble. It's true I don't see things the way the most people do. Some call it weird. Some call it inappropriate. Some like it. Some don't. But I call it the way I see it. Through my own pair of kaleidoscopic glasses. If you're a liker, read on for more of my magical mushroom musings. If you're a hater, stick around anyway. I might publicly embarrass myself. Again.   Anyhoo .... Let's start with a few facts for newer readers. This

Did I "Go Off the Wagon" on Vacation?

Hi all!   I'm back from my 8 day retreat in the valley of the sun! After suffering through a BRUTAL Chicago winter, I was excited and relieved to get out of town for a LOT of rest and relation. Notice I did not say a little r & r. Nope. Other than checking with the office a few times during the week, I focused on nuthin' but sun, golf and partying.   I was freaking out about my weight before I left on this trip. I had tried like heck to break the 180 barrier before I got on the plane. Th

Clothes Woes

Welcome back! It's time for more girthy grins from your formerly portly preacher. So let's get right into it and see what's happening in the world of Johnny. Frankly, I'm dealing with another debacle. Last week, I finally got around to finally moving my old suits into storage. Did I say finally? I have been slowly paring my old wardrobe from my closet. It has not been easy. It's not the actual moving of clothes that's hard, it's the sorting of the clothes that's the killer. What to throw away

A Goal in Sight

Hey there ... Quick update on a few things. I got on my fancy FitBit scale this morning. I have officially lost the alcohol induced weight gain from my Florida trip plus a little bit more. As a matter of fact, my integrated FitBit app tells me I have 14.7 more pounds to lose to hit my goal of 169. A couple thoughts on that 169. First, I must tell you that the weight is falling off at glacial speed. Which means very, very slow. I am still really trying to stick to the plan that has brought m

A Big Dog and a Sixth Grade Boy

Hello world. I'm back again with another update. I hope this post's title didn't confuse you. I promise it will make perfect sense by the end of this enthralling read. So you're just gonna have to wait a bit. And of course, read today's entire rant. First... Next week will be one year since I wrote my first blog entry. Today's column will be my 54th attempt at keeping you updated on my weight loss journey. That's about once a week. I hope it's enough for you. I know it is for me! In the past

Fighting Fat While Flying

Whew! I just got back from my third road trip in the past few weeks. I know I haven't been keeping you in the loop. I've been busy! I told you I was going to be gallivanting around the country. So I hope you'll forgive my tardiness. I have certainly felt the wrath of some of our more ardent followers. Believe it or not, there are few fatty fans out there who just can't live without this blathering blog. One or two are even a bit stalk-ish.   (Note to FeelingFatInFinland: Yes, I got your e-mail

Wanna lose weight? Read this first

We are already in to week three of the year. How many of you made a resolution to lose weight? Did you promise yourself you were going to lose a few unsightly pounds, or are you thinking about losing the weight of a small Volkswagen? Well, I'm here to tell you that regardless of how much you want to lose, to be successful you've got to get right in the head first. There is a huge chasm between thinking about it and doing it.   The first thing you need to do is ask yourself: "Self ... am I re

Year End Review

A hearty hello to all our fat fanatics worldwide! As another year comes to an end, I thought this would be an opportune time to do a little self reflecting. After all, it has been an interesting year for me to say the least. But first, I realize I have been derelict in getting you timely updates on my current status. Quite frankly, I was reluctant to keep posting because I was afraid of what the holidays and my short vacation were going to do to me. Well, I have good news to report. I am do

No News Is Bad New Is Good News

HI ALL! I missed you while the site was down. Catch up on my trip to Vegas and other antics on my blog:   www.Thedecontructionofjohnny.blogspot.com   In the meantime, here's my latest post.   Hello again everybody! It's time for your favorite periodic pudgy press conference. I did alert all of the major media outlets. But it seems they had more pressing obligations. Go figure. I'm flabbergasted that they don't think this is breaking news. I bet if I got a pit bull to bite me in the ass

The Right Side of 2

Greetings and salutations my friends and fat followers! I am contacting you today from the other side. No, I am not dead and this is not a creepy seance. I'm talking about the other side of 200 pounds. That's right baby. I finally cracked the elusive 200 number. Mark the date and time fat fans, for this is the first time since the mid 80's that I have had a 1 in front of my weight. This is BIG news indeed. I finally feel like I am accomplishing something.   You may ask "What The H, Johnny. You

Prickly Plateau

Yup. I'm stuck. Not the lap band "I need to toss my cookies" stuck. Weight stuck. I have reached a weight number that I cannot seem to bust through. If you look this phenonenom up in the FatAss World Dictionary, Volume 17, Second Edition, you will find that this is called a plateau.   A plateau for the over active metabolism crowd, is a nice place. The top of a mountain perhaps. Where you can gaze at beautiful vistas and see for miles. A plateau for the overly girthed is quite another matter.

F. A.

Hi ya'll!     I'm fresh off a 4 day weekend and wanted to get you the up to the minute Johnny news. C'mon, be honest.... how many of you just can't wait for your fanatical fat fix? I thought so. This blog is like an auto race. Most of the spectators just come for the crashes. At the very least, I am a cheap version of a reality show. Your own personal rendition of Biggest Loser. Or Survivor. Hey, I got an idea ... What if we combine both of those shows? Let's strand a bunch of fat asses in

Nifty Fifty

It's official!       I saw Dr. X on Monday for my monthly follow up. I have hit the the 50 pound loss mark. If you really think about it ... that's a whole big bucket of blubber. Fifty pounds is definitely life changing. Just about every aspect of my life has changed. My complete wardrobe (all three levels) are obsolete. My sleep habits have changed ... no more snoring. My exercise went from zero to above moderate. My eating habits have greatly changed for the better. My overall activity lev

A Brief on Briefs

What's new you ask?   Quick answer.... underwear! Yup. I had to replenish my entire supply of unmentionables, even the new ones I got last Christmas. They just weren't doing the job anymore. The always dependable waist bands were stretched beyond repair and my incredible shrinking ass left the backsides saggy and mis-shaped. Not to mention, all security for the family jewels had completely evaporated. I was dealing with an uncomfortable jail break every hour or so. This caused more than a fe

4-1/2 months of calorie counting. Let's look at the numbers

Welcome back all you fat ass fanatics!     The blog is picking up a little steam. We have over 7,000 visitors from points across the globe. Invite your family and friends to join in this fat ass fun fair! We have room for all. Also, if you know of anybody currently struggling with fat-ass-i-tit-is or considering weight loss surgery, have them stop by as well. I'm proud to say that my story so far, wacky as it may be, has actually motivated others to start their own flab fight. Hey, if I c

Halfway to Thindom

It is said that a journey of 1000 miles begins with the first step. I began my journey on April 9, 2013. That's the day it finally hit me. I was sitting on a plane. I was an Oreo away from the ultra-embarrassing plea for the belt extender. I could barely fit in the last of my emergency wardrobe. I was tired. Tired of trying to accommodate my fat life style. Because that's what you do. You accommodate your fatness. I just couldn't go on like this. I was ready for a change. I was already through

Gold Star / Rock Star!

Thursday, July 31, 2013   Hello readers from all across the globe! It's great to see that we have fat fans growing in numbers by the week! Folks from China, Russia, Latvia, Netherlands, Canada, the UK, France and a few other far away countries have stopped by the blog to catch up on my fight against flab. When it comes to the battle of the bulge, it seems the world shares in our morbid obsession with thinness. We all speak the same language ... Fat-lish.   On to the news of the week. I wen

The BIG 4-0 !

Yep, the Big 4-0! As much as I wish that was my current age, alas it is not. That ship sailed many moons ago, some where around George Bush 1 (The old guy). But it is the number of unsightly pounds that I have shredded since I began this journey on April 9th. My deconstruction has been in full swing for 15 weeks. If we look back to my first appointment in January, I have been fully encompassed with this project for 7 plus months, over half a year. Time does fly.   Let's talk about what 40 po

Simple Math for a Simple Mind

I need to get ya'll up to date. I have been a bit behind my updates due to a busy schedule. Last week's busy-ness included another 3 day golf event and a lengthy visit from Al. C. Hall. As always, there is good and bad news to report. On the bright side, I really made good food choices and my personal technology says I walked 21.36 miles and burned 9711 calories during this 3 day period. However, I did enjoy more than several adult beverages and succumbed to a few bar snacks. Unfortunately, I

NSV's

Monday, July 15, 2013 Welcome back! Are you ready for your weekly beefy brief from your pudgy pundit? Ready or not, here comes another rant for the rotund. Let's start with a recap of the just past 4th of July holiday weekend. I will say it was a definite challenge! The old Johnny would have gained at least 5 pounds by feasting on ribs, burgers, fatty salads and sugary desserts during this fat-a-topia. I would have also had my Jimmy Buffet margarita maker working ov

When Did You Know?

Happy Independence Day to all my American followers! Ah, another holiday brimming with awesome BBQs, cold beer and delectable desserts. A regular fat ass nightmare. And it's on a Thursday. Which means 4 days of ducking and dodging hot dogs, hamburgers, fries and ice cream. Not to mention Al. C. Hall. (That's alcohol for you new readers.) He's always the first to be invited to every party. After all, a party without Al is really more of a church meeting. I will have to be extra cautious this wee

6 weeks post-op. Who said this was easy?

It's been 6 weeks since the insertion of the miracle flab fighter in my mid-section. My loyal readers know that the procedure and recuperation were a piece of cake ... oops, make that a sugar free pudding. The journey so far has been eventful and very successful. But it hasn't been easy.     I find myself a bit taken aback when I hear some high metabolism individual comment on how people that elect do to the Lap-Band are taking the "easy way out". I really started noticing it when the news of

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Whew! It was truly a whirlwind weekend. Since last Thursday morning, I've crammed in 4-1/2 rounds of golf, 2 parties, 1 dinner in the city and Game 5 of the Stanley Cup playoffs. From a normal guy's perspective I would say this would be in the running for the ultimate weekend competition if there was such a thing. From a fat ass dieter's eye view, this was a weekend full of challenges and temptations. The Devil and his sinister sidekick Al C. Hall were lurking around every corner waiting to

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